


Masks and Pasts

by GreenPhoenix3



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Beast Beast Boy, Death, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I'm Sorry, Mind Mirror!, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-10-01 04:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 30
Words: 97,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10180352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenPhoenix3/pseuds/GreenPhoenix3
Summary: Everyone has a mask. Even the goofy comic relief. Although, Beast Boy was good at hiding the fact that he had a mask, until now. Something in Beast Boy is tearing him apart on the inside and out. This thing threatens to expose all of Beast Boy's secrets to his team or worse, kill them. But when Beast Boy loses his memory, reverting back to his 11 year old mind, he has no control. The Titans have to help Beast Boy gain control of his inner demons, before they control him. But how can the Titans do that when they don't even know of the demons themselves? And is there a more sinister plot behind all of this?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta and might contain mistakes. Sorry about that! This story is also why I don't own Teen Titans. Kudos, Comment, and Enjoy!

A smile here, a joke there, and a great deal of fake idiocy. This was Beast Boy's mask. Beast Boy knew that wearing one was wrong but everyone had one. Robin literally hid behind a mask all the time. Starfire's naïve knowledge about Earth's ways hide her knowledge about the brutal worlds beyond Earth. Cyborg also hides behind jokes and laughs, which was why him and Beast Boy were so close. Although, Cyborg is braver than Beast Boy, Cyborg could be more expressive about his true feelings. Then there was Raven. She hides behind her excuse of "can't control my powers if I feel.” But Beast Boy saw through all of their masks. He sees their pain and fears that weigh on them. He tries to make it better but the only time he does that successfully is when he makes a fool of himself. Which wasn't bad, it was so easy to do and it created a perfect mask. But it had become him. The masked Beast Boy was a version of himself that he liked and enjoyed being sometimes, but recently he began to hate it. It was tiring to hold up a mask when Beast Boy could barely hold himself together. Plus a lot of people didn't like the masked Beast Boy, or they were extremely annoyed with it. Either way, people believed the mask and that was all that mattered. Yet, his mask had a lot of cracks- his primal side showed his capability to be an animal, or to some extent a monster. Terra was a another crack. Then Trigon and Malchior stealing his Raven, Brain's attempt to destroy the Titans, those events pushed the cracks wider. Recently, he began remembering a lot of painful memories that caused the cracks in his mask to become more noticeable.

Beast Boy had also been changing into his primal side involuntary but he knew it didn't do anything harmful. If anything it seemed to prevent a more dangerous thing inside of Beast Boy from coming out. Something he hid long ago. Even now, he didn't want to face it. There was another matter he was not willing to face: he was falling- no, he is in love with Raven. But, his mask couldn't have that love, or Raven. With the mask, they are polar opposites. Plus she did not like the mask; she might not even like the real Beast Boy/Garfield if he was still there. He needed this trip to fix and separate his mask. It was becoming suffocating and was mixing with the real him. If there is a real him anymore. The cool, vast starry night was soothing for Beast Boy. It almost reminded him of the good times with his real parents. The Titans are his family now but he missed the times when he was a happy human child with amazing parents. Now he is just a half-human/animal thing that tries, and fails, to make others happy. Beast Boy ignores the ache of failure in his chest. Sometimes he wished he could forget the pain or have the courage to tell someone about it. Then he would remember that people could leave him if he did the wrong thing. Beast Boy did not want to risk his new home and family for his own sob story. Suddenly, Beast Boy caught a whiff of lavender and old parchment.

"It's not like you to be out here alone, especially on our first vacation trip." Raven said in her normal monotone voice. Although, Beast Boy could hear a hint of concern and surprise in her voice. She always has perfect timing. Beast Boy thought as he saw her come into the light of the moon. He couldn't help it when he began admiring how angelic she looked.

"I wanted to make sure I got the full relaxing effect of Japan." Beast Boy said with a grin, hoping his façade didn't crack. He loved Raven but he prayed that her curiosity wouldn't poke around. He couldn't take off his mask now. He was still afraid to show her what was underneath the mask. He barely knew what lay under the mask. A tiny part of him wanted to tell her everything but his fear was stronger.

"Are you sure that's all?" Raven asked. She looked at him with concern. That's when he remembered that Raven was an empath. She probably felt his pain. That's the only reason she would come outside. He knew that he could barely stand it; it must be suffocating for her. So he put his mask on shielding and hiding his pain from her.

"Of course! Why else would I be out here? I mean all the comic book and video game stores are closed, duh!" Beast Boy said with his usual dumb act hoping, praying, she would buy it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RAVEN'S POV

_ Italics-Thoughts _

 

"What about you, Rae?" Beast Boy asked with his stupid grin.

"One my name is not Rae. Two, that's none of your business, liar," Raven snapped. Rage was growling at the lie, making Raven express it a little more than she wanted. She was positive that she followed the feeling of sorrow here. It was so strong a second ago. The sorrow was intense and suffocating, making feel like both her body and heart were breaking. She felt the sorrow in small bearable doses before. Though a little while after their fight with the Brain it was becoming more unbearable. She knew it was someone else's pain and that it was one of her friends. She felt the sorrow start at the hotel and thought that she could talk to whoever was feeling it. Raven knew she wasn't the best person to console someone, but if it was one of her friends, the least she could do is try or give them a listening ear. She was surprised to find Beast Boy outside. Although, it was more surprising to her that the pain seemed to come from him but it quickly disappeared when she appeared. Raven knew Starfire, Cyborg, and especially Robin had deep pains but Beast Boy did not seem to have any. He was always the one smiling and making bad jokes. She knew he felt pain but, could he have deeper scars than he appeared to show?

"Me, a liar. Come on Raven, you know I can never lie to you," he said innocently.

"You just did," Raven said with a matter-of-fact tone. "If you don't want to tell me the truth then I'll be leaving." Raven knew he would not let her walk away. The only times he let her walk away was when she was  really mad.

But as she turned around all she heard was "Good night Raven." She turned back around to see Beast Boy somberly looking up at the stars.

"That's it!" Raven yelled in frustration.

"Uhhh, what else am I supposed to say?" Beast Boy asked as he looked at her with confused curiosity.

"You never let me walk away, never. Now I know something is bothering you. So what's going on?" Raven stated as she turned to him and crossed her arms. She was not leaving till she got answers. Beast Boy looked down. Raven knew he was contemplating on telling her the truth. She wanted to smirk at her victory ( _ Cut it out Bravery!) _ but she kept her usual indifferent face.

"Like they say Rae, there's a first time for everything. We should get some rest anyway. We're going home tomorrow, I can't wait! I'll miss the girls from Japan but Jump City's pizza is way better!" Beast Boy said with his dumb ( _You know it's cute!_ _Not right now Passion._ ) grin. Raven stared at him. Not only was he going to let her walk away, he was trying to avoid the subject too. Raven began to feel a little more irritated.

"Do you think I'm an idiot? I came out here because I was feeling someone's sorrow and it was nearly suffocating me. Then I find you out here and then the pain is gone. Now, you're letting me walk away and changing the subject. I'll only ask you this one more time, what's going on with you? If you don't answer truthfully I'm not going to care about your stupid problem anymore!" Maybe she was a little more than irritated. She mentally scowled at her emotions and herself for getting so worked up. It was just Beast Boy. The Beast Boy who claimed that they were friends and they could confided in each other multiple times. The Beast Boy that always tried to make her laugh. The Beast Boy that claimed to dislike secrets. Now he wanted to lie to her. She was not going to stand for his double-standards on friendship.

"Raven you shouldn't worry about me, I'm fine and you should get some rest. Or meditate, your emotions might be telling you something. Well, goodnight." Beast Boy said with a smile and a hint of concern in his eyes. He got up and started walking toward the hotel. Not even giving her a chance to respond.

"Fine then. Night" Raven was done playing Beast Boy's stupid game. Though, she could not help wondering if the one holding that much sorrow was walking away from her. Was it right to let him walk away, even if he did not admit the truth? She began to fly ahead of Beast Boy, not sparing him a glance until she was past the hotel door. He called out to her.

"Hey Rae, um thanks for checking up on me." Beast Boy said softly as he entered the hotel and left to his room. Raven could not see his face but she knew that out of all the things he said that night, that was sincere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also have this story on my FF.net account.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First part is a dream. And this chapter is heavy Angst and may be a little OC for Beast Boy.
> 
> BEAST BOY'S POV

" _Why didn't you save us, Garfield?" the brown eyed brunette woman asked._

" _I'm so sorry mom. I was trying to be a good boy! Please don't leave me!" the little blonde boy cried as he saw her be consumed by water. The water turned blood red in a matter of seconds._

" _You never follow orders Beast Boy!" the boy turned around to see a man in a purple and black jumpsuit and a huge purple helmet._

" _I was trying to save them!" The little boy's blue eyes filled with salty tears._

" _You couldn't save them you worthless freak! You're a stupid chore that gets thrown around! The only good thing is the money I get. But no matter what you do you'll still be a pathetic, worthless, green freak!" A big man with a crooked nose and jaw screamed at the little boy._

" _That's not true!" The little boy shook his head vigorously._

" _It's not? Then why don't you take a look for yourself!" the average sized man dragged the little boy to a shard of glass that he would be able to see his face. It was true the little boy now had green skin, green eyes, elfish ears, and a fang was poking out of his bottom lip. He was hideous._

" _He may be ugly but he'll be perfect for science," crooned a thin man with a bird nose. He had an evil smile on as he came toward the little boy with a needle._

" _You might as well kill him doc. No one will love a monster freak like him anyway. Not even his new friends," said a man with brown hair and hard cold brown eyes._

" _You're all lying! Stop, stop, STOP!" the little boy screamed. But they didn't. They kept coming toward him, calling him a freak, monster, worthless, and pathetic. He held in his tears, refusing to let them see him as weak. But deep down the boy knew that they were right. No matter what he did he'll always be something unwanted: a green freak, a monster._

"Beast Boy!" Beast Boy woke up, gasping for air. That was the same dream that has been keeping him up for the past few nights. His only relief had been turning into the Beast. Lately he has been having dreams like that. Dreams that would remind him of the failures and the words of his past. What was worse was how the dreams began to seep into his present and future. The dreams showed that he would let the Titans down. He would destroy this home too. It was becoming more difficult to say they were not true. Although, those dreams were better than the dreams where he was a monster. A monster who only saw red, blood red. A cool hand pressed against his shoulder gently. He looked over to see Raven staring at him indifferently but with a tinge of concern in her striking violet eyes.

"Our plane is boarding now," Raven said, gripping Beast Boy's thoughts away from his nightmares.

"What?" He asked dumbly. It was not on purpose he just had a hard time adjusting back to the present.

"I said our plane is boarding, idiot," Raven huffed. Beast Boy knew she was probably still mad at him about last night.

"I'm not an idiot," he said childishly. He had to keep his mask up or she would stick her nose in his business. He saw that Raven was looking at him curiously. "Why are you staring at me, Rae? Do you need your daily dose of vitamin BB?" Beast Boy joked as he wiggled his eyebrows at her.

"Let's just get on the plane, moron." Raven said. Beast Boy did his signature stupid salute and nodded. She turned away and lead them to the airplane. As they were boarding Raven turned around to face him. He could see the frustration in her eyes, knowing it was something about him frustrating her.

"Look Beast Boy, we're sitting next to each other. So I don't want you to bother me, at all." Raven ordered.

"Jeez, Rae. Why are you blaming me? I wouldn't do that, if the ride wasn't so boring!" Beast Boy whined. He knew she would ask him that but he retaliated anyway. He did like messing with her. The worst she ever did was throw him out of a window, but it was emotion so he didn't complain. All she would do now is tell him to stop and be quiet. It was their messed up dance that kept going round and round. But then he saw Raven’s little smirk on her lips. It did make her look sexy but he knew that meant that she had something up her sleeve.

"Then let's talk." Raven said with her smirk.

"Talk? What do you mean by talk?" Beast boy asked nervously while he rubbed the back of his neck. He prayed that it wasn't about his dream or last night but he knew that was probably the only thing Raven wanted to talk about. Raven opened her mouth when the intercom came on telling them to buckle up and the safety guidelines. He used this time to prepare for his next conversation with Raven. The stewardess and intercom finished, then the plane took off. Personally he didn't like flying in a plane when he could do it himself. The plane was too crowded and it reminded him of a cage. Plus he was trapped with the ever curious Raven.

"Now let's talk," Raven ordered. "What did you dream?" she asked before he could open his mouth. Beast Boy knew his façade would be ruined if he told her his dream but if he didn't tell her the truth their relationship would be on the line. But maybe he could change the subject using his attraction to her.

"I was dreaming of you my sweet angel." _If that is the first thing I came up as a dream pick up line, I need to stop hanging around Kid Flash._ He saw that Raven wasn't even phased by his little line.

"I would be oh so flattered but it sounded like you were having a nightmare," Raven said. Raven looked into his eyes and challenged him to prove her wrong. He knew he couldn't prove her wrong but he could annoy her till she forgot about his problems.

"What dream, or nightmare, are you talking about?" he asked with a grin. He could see the flicker of anger in her eyes.

"The nightmare you had in the lounge of the airport," she said. Beast Boy contemplated his options. The truth would lead to a change in their relationship, whether it would be bad or good was unknown. That honestly scared Beast Boy. Lying would just make her mad at him but he could get over that and she would too, hopefully. He didn't like lying to her but he had to.

"Ohhh, that nightmare. Let me see, I think it was, ummmm, I got it! It was about how my favorite TV show, Planet Wars, got cancelled and I had to read a book. Horrible dream, right?" he asked with a goofy grin. Raven stared into his eyes. Raven's beautiful violet eyes were ablaze with anger and doubt. There was a tiny bit of hurt in her eyes too. Beast Boy laughed nervously but Raven turned around, breaking eye contact with him.

"Fine, sorry I asked," Raven mumbled. Beast Boy knew he irritated her enough but he wanted her to believe the mask. If she didn't believe the mask he might lose her as a friend and the chance to see her smile at him. He needed to fix his lies the best he could.

"Raven, I'm sorry if I made you angry but I really did tell you the truth, both times. I'm still your friend right?" Beast Boy put as much sincerity in those words as he could. Then he felt it, her anger turned to fury.

"No Beast Boy we're not friends. I can't be friends with someone I can't trust," she spat.

"You can trust me! I told you the truth what more do you want?" Beast Boy said almost yelling. He was still trying to control the Beast from last night. It had begged to come out to release him from the nightmare but he couldn't. Now it had his and Raven's anger to feed on. Maybe it wasn't even the Beast but that other thing. Whatever it was, it reacted to anger with a feral anger.

"I told you that I'm not stupid. I know you're lying Beast Boy so don't call me your friend if you can't trust me with your feelings." Raven said her eyes staring him down. Beast Boy tried to stay calm but there were so many roars in his head, all of his predatory instincts were riled up ready to fight. Beast Boy clenched his hands.

"You never show your feelings, so SHUT UP!" Now Beast Boy was yelling. He knew he was yelling at Raven and that he was just saying rude things he would never mean, but he was just so angry.

"Excuse me sir, could you please calm down," a stewardess said in a frightful voice. It just made Beast Boy angrier.

"Stay out of this," he growled. The stewardess ran away in fear. He looked back at Raven who was still angry. _Can't she just leave things alone?_ He thought.

"Now you're taking out your anger on an innocent woman. Maybe I don't know you Beast Boy. I don't even know how I trusted you with my life," Raven said with a trace of hurt. This would've calm Beast Boy down but the thing was angry about everything and it wanted to fight, to hurt, to kill. The Beast was somehow stronger and it pushed the aggressive instincts back but it came forward as well. The Beast's only other defense mechanism to anger besides physical altercation were Beast Boy's words.

"You trusted me with your life! I found everything about your life by hacking into the stupid database! Then I had to fight for your life from your stupid demon father! That's how I learned about YOUR life. So I apologize for keeping a few secrets about my life, but at least I won't destroy the world!" Beast Boy screamed. He was on his feet panting. He felt warm liquid coming down his hand but he didn't care. The Beast was trying to express his anger and it felt good. He saw Raven shrink into her seat. Her face showed the hurt and fear she felt. Then her eyes examined him.

"You should calm down before you hurt someone besides yourself," Raven said in a small voice, almost a whisper. He heard her because of the rise in his senses. He saw that she was looking at his hands. They were dripping blood and when he opened his hands his claws ripped the top of his gloves and pierced his skin. Then he could actually feel his fangs growing. He calmed down enough to look up at everyone. He saw their fear, shock, and curiosity towards him. His friends' faces were among the faces of fear and shock. He could hear their thoughts – _What's wrong with him?, Freak!, Monster!, Why?_ He couldn't take their staring faces, so he ran. He ran into a stewardess but when he looked up at her and open his mouth, he saw the fear that ruled her face. Her reaction made him run into one of the plane’s tiny bathrooms. When he locked the door he looked at his reflection. His irises were thin were long and thin, like a cat’s. He opened his mouth and saw that his teeth were as sharp as knives, so were his claws. He looked like an animal. He saw a patch of red on his neck and something told him that the red was a bad sign. But Beast Boy wondered who to tell. Who wouldn't see him as a monster? _I really am a monster._ He thought. The pain of him turning into the Beast brought him back to reality.

"Beast Boy, it's Robin. Are you okay?" Robin asked with concern. Beast Boy started to nod his head but remembered that Robin couldn't see him.

"I'm fine. Just…leave..me, alone," Beast boy gasped. It was so hard for him to not howl in pain from holding the Beast in. He slid down the wall as he waited for Robin to respond. Soon, Beast Boy heard Robin leave. Beast Boy was finally alone, silently suffering. The Beast wanted to come out and express itself, to fight the blaring red in his mind, but Beast Boy knew that he hurt enough people today. Raven was one too many. He kept the Beast inside as it screamed in fury and desperation to be released. Holding it in was excruciating. He felt like that for hours but he knew it was only minutes. After a while it stopped roaring and the pain lessened, but he couldn't go out of the bathroom. All of the passengers' faces, especially his teams' and Raven's, faces were frozen in his mind. They reminded him that he truly was a freak, on the verge of becoming a monster. _I've always have been,_ Beast Boy thought as he fell asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has 2 POVs of the same situation. Robin's and Beast Boy's!  
> Italics- Thoughts/Dreams
> 
> First Up:
> 
> ROBIN'S POV

"Beast Boy. Beast Boy!" Robin yelled through the airplane's little bathroom door. The team was home and Beast Boy still hadn't come out of the bathroom. He knew Beast Boy needed time alone. When he asked if he was okay Beast Boy responded in pain, but insisted in his tone that he wanted to be alone. So Robin left him alone. Now the changeling seemed to refuse to come out of the bathroom. He saw a stewardess checking the plane and decided to ask her for help. "Excuse me miss, is there a way to unlock the bathroom from the outside. My friend doesn't want to come out even though we landed," he said with a charming little laugh and smile that he saved for the ladies as Dick Grayson.

"Ah, of course!" the woman stammered as she stared at Robin. A dark red blush appeared on her cheeks as she came over with the bathroom key. Her eyes were always looking somewhere but his face. He knew that she was new and would probably be easier to deal with. She opened the door and they saw Beast Boy sleeping on the floor of the bathroom shivering and whimpering.

"Thank you so much mam! I'm terribly sorry to bother you," Robin said with a more nervous charming smile. The woman still stared at Beast Boy as he kept whimpering and shivering. Part of him was embarrassed of how they found Beast Boy, but mostly he was concerned for Beast Boy. Robin cleared his throat to get the woman's attention.

"Oh, of course! I'll just go…." The woman looked at Robin nervously and then back at Beast Boy. She looked at Beast Boy with pity. Robin knew that if Beast Boy was awake he would be mad that someone pitied him. He always had a great dislike for pity and Robin didn't know why. Actually, out of all his teammates Robin knew less about Beast Boy than he did anyone else. Of course he knew Beast Boy's personality but not his past. While Robin was in his thoughts the woman left leaving Beast Boy and Robin alone. Robin didn't know how to wake Beast Boy but the shivering and whimpering worsened. Robin knew he had to wake Beast Boy up.

"Beast Boy!" Robin yelled in his leader voice.

"I didn't do it!" Beast Boy jumped up and leaned into the wall, his eyes anxiously scanning his surroundings. Robin leaned back a bit in surprise. He didn't expect Beast Boy to react like that. Robin’s detective side took over. He began to notice Beast Boy’s ticks, his eyes looking at every possible escape route except the one in front of him, his hands shaking, his bottom half ready to jump, yet his body was curled in, and he avoided looking at any reflective surface. Robin realized that Beast Boy was acting on adrenaline from fear, but he was also ashamed and full of guilt. Robin knew that Best Boy was a boy with no shame, so whatever made Beast Boy ashamed of himself, it must be horrible. Beast Boy finally began to blink rapidly and slowly look back at Robin.

"Didn't do what?" Robin asked when he saw that Beast Boy's attention was on him.

"I uhhhh, didn't put tofu in Cyborg's suitcase," Beast Boy laughed nervously, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. His eyes never meeting Robin's. Beast Boy just looked at the floor like a dog being reprimanded. Robin knew that Beast Boy was all about fun and games. But lately Beast Boy had been going slightly overboard with all the jokes and pranks. His jokes were cheesier, his pranks were happening more than twice a week, and now he wanted a vacation trip, not to say that it wasn't needed.

"Beast Boy, are you okay?" Robin asked with concern.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Beast Boy asked with surprise. Robin knew he acted like the all-mighty leader most of the time but he was his teammates' friend as well. So it kind of hurt when Beast Boy questioned his motives of asking about him.

"You just seem a little…. funnier than usual," Robin said cautiously, forgetting his temporary pain. Beast Boy looked at Robin for a second in confusion, then an ear-to-ear grin came on his face.

"You think I'm funny! Yes!" Beast Boy yelled enthusiastically. He did a stupid looking victory dance, which only made Robin angrier.

"You know, that's not what I meant," Robin snarled. Beast Boy stopped his dance and looked at Robin, Beast Boy's grin faltering slightly.

"You're right I do, but you're always right anyway. Right Robin?" Beast Boy asked in mock sarcasm. This infuriated Robin. Beast Boy was throwing his concern back at him and Robin could read between the lines: "stay out of my business.” If Beast Boy wanted Robin out of his business then Robin was out.

"Yeah that's right. Now let's go we've been waiting for you to go home. If you're not ready in two minutes, we're leaving you here." Robin ordered.

"Yes sir," Beast Boy replied with a stupid grin. Robin turned around mumbling about how stupid and selfish green people were. If Beast Boy wanted to act like everything was fine, then Robin would do the same.

****

**Beast Boy's POV**

_"Freak!" Garfield flinched as he heard the big man's voice. Carl was a large man with dense muscles, a crooked nose and a little bit of a beer gut. He had brown hair and cold brown eyes. He liked to drink a lot and he was an angry drunk. Max would watch as Carl "toughened up" Garfield a bit then calm Carl down so he wouldn't hurt Garfield too much. But today Max was out with his girlfriend, leaving Carl and Garfield alone together. "Freak, you better come out here right now before I come and get you myself!" Carl snarled as he came down the stairs to Garfield's "room." His "room" was the basement teeming with things that Carl and Max forced Beast Boy to steal. But Garfield's space was in the back of the basement on the right side. It had a cage (which he had to be in at all times), two doggy bowls, and a blanket. Garfield hid further in his cage. If Carl didn't find him right away the pain would start later. He was so wrong._

_Carl came in front of Garfield's cage and sneered at him. "Come here freak!" Carl grabbed Garfield's collar and dragged him out of the cage. Carl threw Garfield at the wall. "Where the heck is my beer, freak?!" Carl roared. Garfield trembled not being able to answer in pure fear of the man, but this just made Carl angrier._

_"If you don't tell me where my beer is freak I'll make you pay!" Carl screamed each word at Garfield as Carl kicked him. A kick or two for each word. Garfield tried to protect himself, but what can an 8 year old do against someone that's 30 something. So he opened his mouth and screamed…_

"I didn't do it!" Garfield jumped up. He leaned towards the wall, trying to make himself a smaller target but he was ready to fight for survival. He looked around waiting to see where Carl was going to strike. Then Garfield noticed that he wasn't in the basement. He breathed deeply trying to recall his surroundings and calm down his instincts. He saw the weird looking toilet and remembered that he was in the bathroom of the airplane. He remembered seeing a traffic light in front of him. When he looked it was Robin, eyeing him suspiciously, bringing Garfield into the present, as Beast Boy.

"Didn't do what?" Robin asked with suspicion when Beast Boy looked at him.

"I uhhhh, didn't put tofu in Cyborg's suitcase." That was the first thing that came into Beast Boy's mind that sounded like something he would normally say.

"Beast Boy, are you okay?" Robin asked with concern. This surprised Beast Boy. He knew Robin cared for them as friends but what would tick off Robin that he wasn't okay. Granted, Beast Boy knew he really wasn't okay, but the others didn't need to worry about him. They have enough problems themselves.

"I'm fine. Why do you ask?" Beast Boy replied.

"You just seem a little…. funnier than usual," Robin said cautiously. _That's what ticked him off_ , Beast Boy thought. Beast Boy knew he might have went a little overboard with assuring his role as the clown of the group after the Brain battle, but he had to do it. It reassured him that despite everything changing there was a normal, him being an annoying clown, his mask. He needed a constant in his life. The mask was the first thing he thought of.

"You think I'm funny! Yes!" Beast Boy yelled enthusiastically. He did a stupid looking victory dance, which only made Robin angrier. Beast Boy knew this made Robin angry but he definitely wasn't ready to tell Robin, his leader, the truth.

"You know, that's not what I meant," Robin snarled. Beast Boy stopped dancing. When Robin snarled it usually meant that he was infuriated, which scared Beast Boy. Not just because he could feel the Beast want to run but he could see the determination in Robin's eyes to find out what was wrong with him. Robin became determined in a way that was obsessive, aggressive, and downright terrifying.

"You're right I do, but you're always right anyway. Right, Robin?" Beast Boy knew the only way to get Robin off his back was to get him angrier, with disrespect. Of course Beast Boy didn't disrespect Robin, Robin just got too nosy. Beast Boy saw that the comment did its job, Robin was furious.

"Yeah that's right. Now let's go we've been waiting for you to go home. If you're not ready in two minutes, we're leaving you here." Robin ordered sternly.

"Yes sir," Beast Boy replied with a stupid grin, which enraged Robin more. Robin turned around mumbling about how stupid and selfish green people were.

"You forgot one thing Robin, I'm pathetic too," Beast Boy whispered knowing that no one would be able to hear him. Nobody usual did. Beast Boy walked off the plane mask ready and on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 POVs again! Beast Boy and Raven! 
> 
> 3 Days Later
> 
>  
> 
> BEAST BOY'S POV

"BB you're gonna eat my dust!" Cyborg shouted at Beast Boy.

"Not today tin man!" Beast Boy retorted. Of all the things he did in his mask, hanging out with Cyborg was one of the things he loved to do. It reminded him that he was still a kid and it also reminded him that the mask wasn't just for him; it was for his friends too. Beast Boy let Cyborg's screen car pass him. He really enjoyed seeing Cyborg's playful smirk when he won.

"Booyah!" Cyborg screamed his usual victory chant.

"Dude you cheated! This is a stupid game!" Beast Boy whined. He didn't see Raven's eyebrows rise up in surprise.

"Don't hate the game, hate the player. Best two out of three?" Cyborg said with a smug smirk.

"Oh yeah!" Crime had been slow and the only thing that worried Beast Boy was Slade making a surprise appearance again. But besides that it was a free day for the Titans. Raven was reading a collection of stories from Edgar Allen Poe, Robin was in the kitchen with Starfire teaching each other how to cook (mostly Robin teaching Star), and Cyborg and Beast Boy were playing video games.

Beast Boy didn't really want to play video games though. He had a really rough night. He had another dream, but this one was a memory about Dr. Lucas. He was putting some drug in him that made his mind produce pain receptors or something like that and making him feel excruciating pain till he woke up. The dream caused the Beast to come out and it tore his room apart. Beast Boy didn't really mind that the Beast trashing his room, as long as he stayed there, he didn't have the chance to hurt anyone else. When Beast Boy woke up, around 3 A.M., he had to clean the mess as quietly as he could. That lasted till about 9 A.M. He could have gotten a little more sleep, but he felt if he went back to sleep he might have another horrible dream or relive another memory. Beast Boy was so caught up about last night, that he didn't realize that he forgot to let Cyborg win.

"What the heck happened?! How did you do that?!" Cyborg screamed dragging Beast Boy out of his thoughts.

"Do what?" Beast Boy asked in confusion. Cyborg looked like he was going to have a seizure.

"Y-Y-Y-YOU….. WON!" Cyborg screamed as he pointed at the T.V. Beast Boy looked at the screen which showed his car doing a victory lap. When he looked around everyone was either looking at him or at the screen, even Raven took a peek from her book.

"Oh yeah, I guess I did," Beast Boy said nonchalantly. Winning didn't seem unusual to him. It was weirder to him if someone lost all the time. Everyone was now staring at Beast Boy like they expected him to explode or something. Then he remembered that he would normally be jumping for joy and bragging around like he was king. But he didn't feel like doing any of those things. Instead, he decided to do his favorite ‘normal’ thing, mess with Raven.

"Hey Rae, wanna learn how to play with the master?" Beast Boy asked while he wiggled his eyebrows. The egotistical comment and gesture would annoy Raven just enough to distract her and maybe the rest of the team.

"It's Raven not Rae and no," Raven said with her monotone voice. He loved her voice and it had been three days since he heard her voice say more than one or two words to him. He figured she was still mad about their conversation in Tokyo. No one else noticed because he always made her angry. but he needed to hear her voice. It kept him grounded to the present. He thought he could make things more normal by getting her more riled up.

"Oh come on Rae…ven, it'll be fun. This is an American classic. It helps teenagers express themselves with virtual adrenaline and cars!" Beast Boy lectured enthusiastically. He twirled the game around in his hands and raised it in the air, fake crying in awe. “It's a masterpiece.” Beast Boy went back to normal and looked at Cyborg. “Tell her the amazingness that is Racer 3000, Cyborg.”

"I'm not in this man," Cyborg said with his arms in the surrendering gesture.

"It doesn't matter what Cyborg or America says I'm still not playing your stupid game," Raven said with a growl. Beast Boy smiled at this. She was showing him emotion and he loved it, even if it was negative. It was a sign that he could still make her smile.

"His opinion doesn't even count because he's the loser!" Beast Boy waved frantically. Cyborg glared at Beast Boy.

"BB I don't think-"Cyborg tried to warn Beast Boy because he saw Raven's, and his own anger rising, but Beast Boy kept talking.

"Come on Raven! Let go of the gloom and doom act and play with us! I bet it would be better than dreary Edgar Allan Poe," Beast Boy said with another eyebrow wiggle. He felt he was getting good at those wiggles. Then he realized that he messed up. Normally, he wasn't supposed to care or notice what Raven read. He wasn't supposed to like books. He wasn't supposed to let everyone see how much he cared about Raven. Raven's eyes flashed with surprise but then they were filled with rage.

"Beast Boy, I said no. I don't want to play your stupid game! I don't even want to spend time with you! You are just as stupid, pathetic, deceiving, and idiotic as that game! So just, LEAVE. ME. ALONE!" Raven yelled with fury. Everyone now stared at her in shock, except for Beast Boy. His head was down in shame. He flinched at every word she screamed at him, like she punched or slapped him in the face. He knew every word she said was true. He could see the recognition of what she jsaid pass her mind. She was about to apologize but he wouldn't let her because she was right.

"Jeez Raven, if you wanted me to leave you alone all you had to do was ask." Beast Boy lifted his head and put a smile back on his face. His mask could hide the pain he felt. "Plus, I'm done anyway. I need a book from the comic book store." Beast Boy turned around, put the controller on the couch, and headed for the door. He could see everyone's taken aback faces but he didn't care. He was hurt and angry. He needed to go to a forest to release some tension. The Beast might come out so he didn't want to do it in the tower, especially since Raven was in the tower. He was almost at the door when the alarm sounded.

"Titans Trouble!" Robin yelled, taking himself and the others out of their stupors.

Fighting crime always helped Beast Boy release some of his anger. He was glad that Mumbo chose today to do something stupid. Plus, Mumbo would distract everyone from this morning's events. He was robbing some bank downtown. Robin was going over the battle plan with the team as Beast Boy flew. Beast Boy would secure the citizens, while Cyborg and Starfire would fight off any side distractions, and Robin and Raven would take care of Mumbo.

"But if any of you guys can, get Mumbo's wand!" Robin ordered before they hit the scene. Mumbo was making pipes fend off the cops and was about to do the same to their cars. "Show's over Mumbo," Robin smirked as he threw an exploding bird-a-rang at Mumbo. It didn't hurt Mumbo but it distracted him from the cops.

"Well, Well, if it isn't the Teen Troublemakers! Sorry kiddos, this show is for adults only!" Mumbo made the cop cars alive and they came after the Titans.

"Titans Go!" Robin yelled his famous battle cry and the rest of the Titans went into battle. Beast Boy turned into a rhino smashing the pipes he landed on. He charged at a group of pipes trying to get over the police's barricade. Some more pipes came out of the ground and tackled him. They held him down, tightening as he struggled. He turned into a mouse to escape. As he escaped he saw that the other Titans were occupied with other inmate objects. Starfire was shooting starbolts at mailboxes, Cyborg was fighting the cars with his sonic cannon, and Robin was fighting street lamps with his Bo-staff. Raven on the other hand got to Mumbo. While Beast Boy was distracted, a pipe hit him in the back of the head, bringing him back to his fight. He changed to a gorilla and grabbed the pipe that hit him and swung it at the other pipes. He kept doing that, and smashing other pipes with his other hands and feet, until they were all gone. He was about to go help one of the others but then he noticed that Raven was gone. He turned to a wolf and found her scent. Her scent was mixed with Mumbo’s and something else that made his head hurt. Even so, Beast Boy followed the scent to make sure she was all right. As he was running, he began to feel vibrations under his paws and he ran faster. Raven was going to be, or already was, in trouble. He didn't want to think about the worse options. He wasn't going to lose someone else he cared about. He could not lose her.

****

**Raven's POV**

Raven was angry, first she catches Beast Boy being un-Beast Boy like. He let Cyborg win the video game, he actually knew who Edgar Allen Poe was, and he lied to her about his feelings, again. Now, she has to deal with Mumbo. Raven knew that the others were busy fighting off Mumbo's stupid spells and she was the only one that was familiar with magic. So that left her to chase him, great. Unfortunately for Raven, Mumbo took off his hat and a bunch of doves flew into her face, giving Mumbo a head start. After Raven dealt with the killer doves she began tracking his aura. She caught up with him as he turned into an alleyway. The alleyway was between the construction of a new medical building and an empty parking lot. The alley was a dead end.

"It's over Mumbo," Raven stated.

"Oh Raven darling I still have a few tricks up my sleeve!" Mumbo pulled some kind of cheesy bomb clock out of his sleeve. He threw it at Raven but she grabbed it in mid-air and threw it towards the construction. The bomb exploded, releasing some chemical into the air and making the beams and bricks on the unfinished roof fall into the alleyway. Raven put a shield over herself but Mumbo wasn't so lucky. A brick fell on him knocking him out. After the bricks stopped falling Raven went to check up on Mumbo. He was knocked out cold.

"Magic comes with a price, idiot," Raven said as she took his wand and lifted him off the ground. She heard a sliding noise that made her look up but she didn't see anything.

"Raven!" Beast Boy called to her from the front of the alley in panic. "Raven we need to go, NOW!" he yelled.

"Well, it would be helpful if you helped me get this idiot." Raven mumbled and she tried to focus on lifting Mumbo up. Then she heard the sliding noise again. When she looked up this time, metal beams started falling towards her. She was overcome by fear. For a second it seemed that the world slowed down and was coming toward her, with her immediate death. At that time something pulled her out of the way of the falling construction. She landed on the street just as the construction fell to the ground with an earth shaking crash.

"Friend Raven!" Raven opened her eyes at Starfire’s cry. Raven rubbed her aching temples as she slowly stood up. Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire were coming towards her with concern on each of their faces.

"Raven are you ok?" Robin asked in his leader tone.

"Where is BB?" Cyborg asked in panic. Raven closed her eyes again. Her memories were fuzzy and her headache was pounding.

"I'm fine. I had caught Mumbo here-" Raven began slowly explaining but Starfire cut in.

"Oh, friend Raven it is wonderful that you are ok and have succeeded in catching Mumbo!" Starfire gave Raven a bone-crushing hug.

"Starfire," Raven warned.

"Sorry, friend Raven it was just so joyful that you were not harmed," Starfire said apologetically. Raven nodded her head in response.

"Robin,” Raven looked to see that Robin and Cyborg were focusing on Cyborg’s GPS tracker. Robin glanced at Raven.”Here's Mumbo’s wand," Raven tossed the wand to Robin. He caught it and looked back at Cyborg's tracker grid with extreme worry.

"Good I'll give this to the police. Raven look for Beast Boy with Starfire and Cyborg," Robin ordered. Starfire and Raven looked at him questioningly.

"Why would we need to look for friend Beast Boy?"

"What do you mean look for him? He was outside the alley way last time I saw him," Raven said skeptically. She pointed to where he was and looked around. He wasn't anywhere near the outside of the alley.

"Robin go handle the police I got this." Cyborg put a reassuring hand on Robin’s shoulder. Robin nodded tersely. He grabbed Mumbo and took off.

"Okay Cyborg, what's going on?" Raven asked with a demanding tone, her mind finally clearing up. Cyborg sighed in sorrow. Raven felt worry and panic roll off him in tsunami sized waves.

"Look Raven, Beast Boy's tracker was in the alley right before the crash. Now I can't even find it," Cyborg said sadly. Both Raven and Starfire gasped. Raven remembered that she was pulled out of the way. Beast Boy came in the alley and saved her. This realization caused her emotions to go haywire but she knew Beast Boy needed her now, so she could not freak out now. They needed to find him and then she had to heal him.

"Starfire, blow the top of the debris off. After that, all three of us will get this stuff off of Beast Boy," Raven ordered in a stern voice. Everyone moved after she gave the orders. Cyborg and Raven moved out of Starfire's way as she shot the top of the debris off. Afterward all three of them started to move the construction. It felt like an eternity for Raven. Every second that passed she felt like she was losing Beast Boy. She feared that they would never find him, or that when they did find him he would be dead. Finally she saw a little bit of pale green among the lifeless grays and browns of the debris. "Guys! I found him!" Raven tried her best to not show the drowning relief that washed over her. Cyborg and Starfire were by her in seconds. They lifted the debris off of Beast Boy. What they saw scared all of them. Beast Boy was a mix of purple, black, green, and red, a lot of red. They could see the blood oozing out of his head and body, while most of it just dripped on the stone. His face looked like he had been hit with a bat, except the bat was a metal 100lb. beam. His body was starting to turn dark blue and black sporadically over his body. His uniform was in shreds and his body looked as fragile as glass. The only thing going through Raven's mind was, _Oh God, please not yet. Not yet. Not him. Not Beast Boy._


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RAVEN'S POV

Raven stared at Beast Boy in horror. Her face showed no signs of her inner panic.

"Cybrog, is everything okay?" Robin called from his communicator, bringing everyone out of their horror filled trance.

"No, you need to meet us at the tower's med bay," Cyborg said in a solemn tone.

"I'll be there. Robin off."

"Raven can you teleport us to the med bay?" Cyborg looked at Raven with a determined look in his eyes. She knew he wouldn't let Beast Boy die.

"Yes, I'm ready when you are," Raven stated with a composed voice. She was vexed about Beast Boy but he needed her to be calm, so she could use her powers.

"Let's go." Raven covered everyone in a dark raven aura that swallowed them whole. Starfire and Cyborg shivered a bit when they landed in the med bay but Raven just walked off and started getting the monitors and IVs ready for Beast Boy. "I'll clean him up and bring him back for you to heal him, got it Rae?" Raven nodded not bothering to scold Cyborg's nickname for her. Cyborg went into the bathroom to get Beast Boy clean, leaving Starfire and Raven alone. Raven went into a corner and started to meditate. She wanted to be at full strength when she healed Beast Boy. But every time she closed her eyes, the image of Beast Boy's bloody and bruised body consumed her mind. Guilt washed over her. Some of her emotions fought this off (Rage, Bravery, Rude, Happy, and Knowledge), while some felt it was necessary (mainly Timid, who had a loud voice in this issue). Her mind was restless.

"Friend Raven, will friend Beast Boy be okay?" Raven opened her eyes and looked at Starfire. She was looking out of the window of the med bay with a cheerless expression on her face. Raven realized that this was the first time she heard Starfire speak since they found Beast Boy.

"He'll be just fine Starfire. I mean this is the boy that I could throw out the window 100 times and he'll still bother me," Raven said as encouragingly as she could. Starfire looked at her and gave a sad smile. But just as fast as it reappeared it was gone, replaced with a look of confusion.

"Friend Raven, most of the time I understand most of the fights you and friend Beast Boy have, but this morning's was a little different. It was filled with more, passion. Why?" Starfire asked with pure curiosity. Raven's eyes widened. She almost forgot about the fight this morning. How angry she was at Beast Boy. His stubbornness about keeping up his act. She was right to be angry, but she still felt guilty. She looked away from Starfire. Raven wanted to tell her what happened between her and Beast Boy at Tokyo but she wasn't even sure what was going on. That was her problem, she didn't know what was wrong with her own teammate. Raven was about to explain what happened when Robin came in the med bay.

"What happened?" He asked in a worried tone. Raven felt it pouring out of him, as well as guilt. She knew Robin cared about his team more than he lets on, and when one of them gets hurt he usually blames himself. Although, it usually never is.

"Oh, boyfriend Robin it's just terrible. The left over construction fell on Beast Boy and when we found him he was covered in blood and bruises!" Starfire sobbed in Robin's shoulder, hugging him tightly. Robin hugged her back after his initial shock was over. Cyborg came out of the bathroom with Beast Boy cleaned, in shorts, and wrapped in bandages. Raven could see the surprised look on his face, but she felt something deeper, like sorrow.

"Cyborg, can you tell us what's wrong?" Robin asked as Cyborg hooked Beast Boy to all the IVs and monitors. He was still in deep thought about something. "Cyborg!"

"Huh?" Cyborg looked at Robin with a confused look on his face. Beast Boy was hooked up to all the monitors and equipment but this just made him look more helpless in Raven's mind.

"What's wrong with Beast Boy?" Robin asked with irritation in his voice. Cyborg looked down at Beast Boy then at Raven.

"Raven, can you heal him real quick? You might be able to see what's wrong with him besides blood loss better than I can. I can tell you guys that a beam hit his head head-on," Cyborg said. Raven went over to Beast Boy, healing him as she listened to Cyborg not really paying him any attention. She was completely focused on her healing powers. So far, he had a minor break in his left leg, two cracked ribs, one broken rib, and his shoulder was dislocated. She could heal these till they were either fixed or quicken the healing process. His head made her anxious. It really did look like a metal beam hit him head-on. Raven put her glowing blue hands on his head. Beast Boy had a lot of little cracks on his skull, then she felt the enormous break on his skull. She panicked a little more but controlled herself enough to go deeper into the break. His brain looked bruised but there was no bleeding. He may just wake up with an extremely bad headache or be retarded. She hoped it was the first option. Raven healed the break on his head till it was just a big crack. She stepped back to look at her work. Beast Boy finally looked more like Beast Boy but there was something wrong. Raven looked closer. On Beast Boy's arms and lower legs there were old scars and burns everywhere. There was even a burn that looked like someone used him as an ashtray multiple times on the crook of his elbows. His stomach had a scar from what looked like he had been stabbed in the middle of his stomach. A similar scar was near his chest. His hands, which were ungloved, showed more scars, burns, and a bar code tattoo. There was a small patch skin around his neck was a dark, almost black, green from an electric burn. Raven looked at the other's just to make sure she wasn't dreaming. Starfire's face was in middle of a silent gasp and her eyes showed pure horror. Robin just stared, his eyes getting a little bigger with each passing second. Cyborg's eye was narrowed in anger and shock. Raven knew her face also betrayed the shock she felt.

"He-he has a couple of scratches, broken bones, and cracked ribs that I healed with ease, but his head had a huge break on the side of it so he might wake up with either a major headache or be a retard. But the latter is unlikely. The, the, the scars were healed for too long," Raven stammered trying to get everyone's mind, and her own, off of the horrible scenarios that could have gave Beast Boy his scars.

"You sure there's nothing wrong with his brain?" Robin asked still looking at Beast Boy. Except now, his eyes were narrow.

"No, we won't know for sure till he wakes up." Raven sighed in frustration. She knew Raven heard a groan coming from under her. She knew everyone else heard it too, because they surrounded the bed in less then a second.

"Beast Boy can you hear me?" Robin asked with concern. Beast Boy groaned again but his eyes fluttered open. His eyes were normal until all of the sudden they were wide as saucers. Raven felt fear consume him a second before he screamed.

"AHHHHHHHH!" Beast Boy jumped out of the bed and ran, more like fell, into a corner. Everyone watched him as he scrambled into a corner and covered his face. "P-p-p-please, don't hurt me," Beast Boy sobbed.

"Beast Boy no one's going to hurt you. You're with us, the Titans, your friends," Robin said soothingly approaching Beast Boy with caution. Raven felt Beast Boy's fear, pain, and a suffocating sorrow. The one she felt in Tokyo. _I knew he was lying._

"Wh-wh-who's beast boy?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last Line is Beast Boy. Just in case you didn't know.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RAVEN'S POV

"Wh-wh-who's beast boy?" Raven stared at Beast Boy in bewilderment. She could feel his fear that consumed him making what the question implied true. Beast Boy didn't know who he was.

"Friend Beast Boy there is no need to fear. You are safe and with friends." Starfire went and encouragingly tried to put a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder.

"I don't know this Beast Boy guy, so please just stay away from me," Beast Boy cried. This tugged at Raven's heart. He looked so little and fragile, like a porcelain doll.

"Your Beast Boy, BB. And you can trust us, we won't hurt you," Cyborg said calmly. He slowly approached Beast Boy as he talked but when he was an arm's length away from him Beast Boy looked up at Cyborg, his eyes full of anger and fear. He stood and slid past all of them and into the other corner like a cat that was being chased.

"That's what everyone says. I know you guys are just like the rest. You're going to kill me or try to use me so that Galtry can pay you guys," Beast Boy spat. Raven could tell that his new found confidence was an act. She could feel that he was still terrified but she also felt his determination. He wouldn't go down without a fight. He never did. Raven always did admire his fighting spirit.

"Beast Boy, we're superheroes. We won't hurt you," Robin told him in a reasoning voice. Beast Boy looked angry all of the sudden.

"I'm not a beast! I have a name! It's Garfield!" he screamed. Raven stepped back in shock. He was really hurt that they were calling him Beast Boy. _But he choose that name._

"Okay, Garfield, I'm going to ask you to calm down because we have to run medical tests on you okay?" Rabin asked in a reassuring voice. The whole team stepped towards him a little. Raven stayed in her spot frozen by everyone's fear and confusion. Then she felt Beast Boy's fear intensify as the other's approached him so he couldn't run.

"Please, no more tests. I'll be a good boy. I'll do what Dr. Lucas says. Anything, just no more tests, please," Beast Boy bawled. Everyone froze at his sudden outburst. They had never seen Beast Boy really cry. It was heartbreaking and unnerving to watch. Beast Boy crouched on the ground and covered himself like he was preparing to get hit. Raven couldn't take it  anymore.

"Bea-Garfield," she called for his attention. He looked up at her and gasped. His eyes got wide and he trembled even more. "It's okay to be scared Garfield, but you don't have to be anymore. You're with friends who would go to the ends of the Earth for you," Raven almost cringed at her own voice. It had a sweet endearing tone. But, it was a weird situation so she could be a little weird too. She sensed that Robin had left, but she knew he went to go figure things out. She would talk with him later. She focused on Beast Boy, trying to comfort him with her eyes. He tried to back away from her as she stared in his huge woeful eyes. It hurt her a bit to see him backing away in fear, but she kept staring.

"Are you an angel?" Beast Boy asked with all seriousness. It made him seem more innocent than his broken eyes. A blush grew across Raven's cheeks. This caused Beast Boy to gaze at her in wonder. She was about to reply but he spoke first. "You look like and sound like an angel but I thought bad boys didn't deserve angels." Beast Boy gazed at Raven desperately. A part of Raven grew angry at the people who would tell Beast Boy this but another part of her just wanted to comfort Beast Boy as much as she could. She wanted to be his angel.

"That's not true Garfield." Raven said with her monotone voice. She hoped that her old tone would either bring back memories or make him believe what she said was true.

"But Dr. Lucas, Carl, Max, and Galtry said so. Plus mommy and daddy are dead because of me. I'm a bad, stupid, worthless, freak," Beast Boy cried. Raven stared in shock at Beast Boy. She could feel the anger, the guilt, and the sadness of a broken boy emanate from him. He continued to cry in his arms as she, and the others, stared at him. Then Raven grabbed his chin softly so he could look at her. He flinched and but he kept his eyes on Raven.

"Garfield, they were wrong. You are not any of those things to me, and to the people behind me. But right now I need to ask you something," Raven said in a soft voice. He looked at her and nodded his head slightly. "Garfield, how old are you?"

"I'm 11," he answered. Raven stared at him in shock. "Is there something wrong miss angel?" he asked innocently. He looked up at her with a childlike hope in his eyes.

"No, nothing's wrong Garfield I just need to go talk to one of my friends," Raven finally replied after her shock subdued. She stood up and faced the others who were all in absolute shock. All of the sudden Beast Boy jumped up and grabbed her around the waist.

"Please don't leave me miss angel! I'll be a good boy! Don't leave me alone please! I don't want you to leave me! You're my only hope!" Beast Boy wailed. Raven turned around and looked at Beast Boy. His head was buried in her cloak as he knelt on the ground. She could feel his desperation and it pulled her heart.

"Garfield, I have to do this. But don't worry you won't be alone. My friends,” Raven pointed to Cyborg and Starfire, “will be with you." He let her go and looked at her with sad but trusting eyes. Raven turned to an awestruck Cyborg and teary eyed Starfire. "You two need to be careful with him. Cyborg please redress his wounds as best as you can." They nodded, still looking at Beast Boy. Raven looked back at Beast Boy one last time before she left. She quickly wished she hadn't. His eyes pleaded for her to stay but instead she turned around and left, knowing he probably felt scared, lonely, and betrayed.

"Do not worry friend Beast Boy we will take care of you" Raven heard Starfire’s encouraging voice, giving her hope that everything would be alright.

"Everyone leaves." Raven barely heard Beast Boy's comment from behind the door. It almost brought tears in her eyes, but she had business to deal with. She forced herself away from the door and went to the common room, knowing that was where Robin was.

"Have you found anything?" Raven asked. Robin glanced back at Raven and nodded.

"The building that bomb blew up was a medical facility specializing in medicines like Benzodiazepines.” Raven raised an eyebrow at Robin. She was smart, but she wasn't a pharmacist. Robin got the hint. “It's a drug for anxiety treatments, it's also used in chemicals that induce amnesia or sedatives.” Raven nodded. It made sense. She remembered feeling nauseous and her head being fuzzy when she regained consciousness. It also explained why Beast Boy had amnesia. With the chemicals and the hit to the head, it's surprising that he didn't forget everything. But Raven didn't understand who the criminals on the screen was.

“Who is he?” Raven pointed to the screen. Robin’s eyes narrowed. Robin chose the man with the bird nose first.

“This is Dr. Lucas. He was arrested for illegal experimentation by the Doom Patrol five years ago.” Raven’s eyes widened. That was when Beast Boy was 11. Everything Beast Boy said and did now made sense to Raven. He thought he was with the doctor. “He escaped Bellevue a few months ago.” Raven tensed.

_If he escaped, could he be after Beast Boy?_  Raven clenched her hand in fear. She looked at Robin. His hands gripped the side of the controls tightly. That gave Raven the hint that he was thinking the same thing she was. Robin gulped and brought the picture of the other criminal up.

“This man was also arrested a few days after for providing the doctor with patients. Galtry Logan was Garfield Mark Logan's guardian till he was arrested for aiding and abetting. Also on attempted murder but it doesn't say who. The Doom Patrol also took custody of him," Robin said as he stared at the screen. "What about you?"

"Well you can add two more names: Carl and Max no last names. Beast Boy mentioned them when you left and Galtry too. Beast Boy also seems to be stuck in the mindset of an 11 year old. Our best bet in helping him is to find out however much we can about his past so we can guide him through it." Robin nodded and hummed in agreement. She could see that he was thinking of the solution to everything. Raven knew what might it might be. They needed to know more about Beast Boy's past. His past seemed to be what consumed him right now. If they didn't figure out his past they would be just as lost in it as he is. His old family must know something about it.

"We'll call the Doom Patrol."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RAVEN'S POV

"Are you sure that, that is the best thing to do?" she asked coolly. Robin turned around and stared at her. He was looking for the real reason behind her question but her face and eyes betrayed nothing but her regular indifference.

"You said that his past might be a big part in this. They would know more than we do." Robin sighed. Raven felt Robin’s feeling of failure.

“None of us knew.” Raven said as an attempt to comfort him. Instead, Robin looked at Raven knowingly.

“I don't think so. I've notice how angry you've been around Beast Boy lately and I know it has nothing to do with the regular aspects of your guys' relationship." Raven hid her surprise at Robin's discernment but he still had the same cocky smirk he had when he was right about things. Raven looked away but nodded.

"You're right. I've confronted him about those feelings but he didn't accept my help," Raven said nonchalantly. In reality she was still mad about that. She knew something bad would happen if he kept bottling his feelings up. She just wished it wasn't this situation. Robin looked down the floor and rubbed his chin in a thinking matter.

"I tried too. He seemed afraid of his past. I know it would be a risk to call the Doom Patrol but it seems to me that Beast Boy may not even remember them. If he does, maybe he'll be a little more cooperative with us," Robin lectured on but Raven tuned him out. After being his teammate for about 3 years and searching in his mind Raven knew that Robin tend to babble when he was really nervous. He also gets dead serious when he's worried. The situation with Beast Boy seemed to make him both. "And I'll have to warn-"

"Robin, are you okay?" Raven asked a little irritated.

"I'm fine. Why?" Robin looked a little annoyed that she interrupted him but Raven ignored it.

"This situation seems to make you feel overwhelmed," Raven stated. Robin opened his mouth to protest but Raven glared back at him. Challenging him to say that the empath was wrong about what he was feeling. Their stare down lasted about a minute until Robin sighed in defeat.

"Why wouldn't he tell us about his past? Doesn't he trust us enough to know that we'll accept him no matter what? But this shouldn't have even happened. Why did I let this happen? I'm supposed to be the leader but I let one of my team-no friends, get hurt. Then what can I do about it now? When we were all in there and I was talking to him he looked at me like I was going to hurt him. There wasn't  any recognition in his eyes. All I saw was fear and pain. You know I talked to him on the plane from Tokyo. I should've pressed harder. If I did maybe we wouldn't be in this mess." Robin looked sad and worn out by the time he was done talking. He walked to a chair and slumped into it. Raven stared as he put his head in his hands. They stayed like that for a couple of minutes, enjoying the silence even though it was suffocating.

"All leaders fall. What makes them great is when they get back up," Raven said breaking the silence. Robin looked up at her in surprise. She wasn't one for encouragement but it was needed right now. Plus, Raven was only stating what she saw as fact. "Beast Boy didn't want our help for his own personal reasons. But now, he needs us. Whether he wants it or not. The explosion may have caused the memory loss, we don't know. But I know that this team will need a leader to encourage them, not to forget them." Raven observed Robin as she was talking. He seemed surprised at first but by the end of her speech he was eyeing her with respect and understanding.

"Thanks Raven." Robin walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. He smiled at her and she stared back with a ghost of a smile on her face. Then the common doors opened. Cyborg and Starfire walked in wearing solemn expressions on their faces. Starfire looked like she had bawled her eyes out. "Star, what's wrong?" Robin automatically went into boyfriend mode when he saw Starfire's eyes. He strode over to her and hugged her. She began to sob in Robin's shoulder.

"What happened?" Raven flew over to Cyborg and observed him as he grabbed a soda from the fridge. He seemed to be weighed down and sadness consumed him. Raven was a little affected by both his and Starfire's emotions of sadness but she could meditate later. Her team needed her now. Cyborg turned around and gazed at her. He looked at Robin and Starfire, who were still holding each other.

"Let's go talk in the garage, miss angel," Cyborg said with a sad attempt at a smirk. Raven just glared at him showing no change in her emotion, even though she was still blushing at the new nickname. He shook his head and headed for the garage, Raven followed him.

The garage was Cyborg's sanctuary. Raven was allowed in it to talk with him or help him with his baby, the T-car. Cyborg cleared two chairs for them to sit in. When Raven was sure that Cyborg sat down and was ready to talk she began questioning him.

"What happened while I was gone and why is Starfire crying?"

"Why do you think Beast Boy called you miss angel Raven?" Cyborg stared at the ground as he asked the question. Raven was glad that he did because she stepped back in surprise at the question. She didn't have time to think about that and she really didn't want to. Cyborg looked up at her waiting for an answer.

"It was just coincidence," Raven said, deciding that that was the best answer. Cyborg began to shake his head and gave a small chuckle.

"That is definitely not a coincidence. When I first met him he told me that you were probably the most beautiful girl in the world. I told him he was just a crazy little kid and he responded by saying that he was crazy, about you." Raven gawked at Cyborg in disbelief. She just couldn't hide her astonishment at the statement.

"Wh-what about Terra?" she stuttered.

"He never talked to me about her like that. He did like her and he cared very deeply for her. He would always tell me how cool she was, how pretty she was, and how he hoped to date her. But never did he say she was beautiful." Cyborg said. His eyes were focused on the ground.

"What does this have to do with what happened while I was gone and why Starfire is crying?" Raven asked in irritation. She was tired and uncomfortable with this subject. Cyborg finally looked up at her but his gaze was clouded with tears.

"When you left he started crying silently and he mumbled something but I didn't catch it. Then I went towards him with bandages to see what he reopened. But as I came close he turned around and stared at me in fear. He started to whimper, so me and Star tried to calm him down but he just continued to whimper. He looked like he was going to hyperventilate so I told him I was your friend. He seemed to calm down after I said that but he didn't trust me or Star still. As I was checking up on him, Star started asking about what he remembered. She started with small things like pranks, jokes, and things like that. Then she went to bigger things like battles, situations… and people. He just kept replying no. Then he interrupted Star and said," Cyborg paused like he couldn't go any further. His human eye shed a tear as he stared at the ground. Raven gazed at him in slight wonder. All the time she knew Cyborg he never cried and barely shed a tear about anything. After a while she opened her mouth to get him talking again but he already started again with a shaky voice. "He said that it was probably good that he forget such a weird person and that he could never be BB. He said we should forget BB too. Star stared at him a bit then yelled at him. Saying that he couldn't talk about himself like that and she could never forget her little brother. Unfortunately, BB got scared again and turned to a mouse and ran. We chased him into a corner and Star apologized but he stayed as a mouse in the corner. He just kept looking at Star like he was waiting for her to hit him. Star noticed this and backed away. So I told her to get me some more bandages and get a bed ready for him. She went away with her head down. It was just me and BB then. So I coaxed him out of the corner. It took a while but I got him out but he was still a mouse. I took him to the bed Star got ready but she wasn't in the room. I was still thinking about what he said so I asked him why did he _,_ Garfield, think of BB like that. He told me that a person like BB would be an annoying pain but he was too smart to be Beast Boy. I asked why. He said that he knew how Independence Day came to be and more common knowledge. He likes books and comic books. That he never played a videogame before and hasn't seen T.V. in years. He said that BB should've known about Terra and he trusts no one. Plus the fact that BB can smile everyday was an impossible trait that he couldn't have because he didn't have a family or a home. He told me that BB was lucky to be a freak and have what he never could. I must've looked pretty hurt because when he looked at me he immediately tried to tell me that he did like something about BB. He liked how BB would always try to get people to smile. He told me that he wanted to do that with miss angel and hoped he could succeed in what BB couldn't, the love of a beautiful woman. But then he laughed and said that it would take a miracle for anyone, 'especially miss angel' to love either freak, especially him. After a while he fell asleep, but I could tell he was faking it. So I turned around to leave but I saw that Star had the bathroom door open and was sobbing at what BB said. She asked me what would make BB think like that but I didn't- don't know. I'm his best friend yet I can't figure out what makes him think such ridiculously depressing thoughts! What kind of friend am I?" Cyborg looked defeated. Raven was speechless. Cyborg had seem to given up and that's something she thought he would never do. She usually knew what to say but there was so many things she could say but none of them seemed right. She just watched as Cyborg drowned in his own self-pity. Then something came to her mind.

"If you're so sorry then why don't you go help him? You would just be a worse friend than you are now if you just drowned in your own self-pity. Beast Boy doesn't need this and you don't either. We weren't there for him before but I'm determined to be there for him now. What about you?" Cyborg gazed at Raven in surprise. Which was twice in one day she surprised someone. She really needed to meditate if she was that unusual. Then he smiled at her.

"Thanks Rae. I needed that."

"I know and it's Raven."

"It could be Miss Angel if you liked," Cyborg laughed as Raven developed a little blush on her cheeks at his little tease.

"Call me that ever again and I'll make sure that Bee knows about your little crush on her," Raven smirked as Cyborg threw up his hands in surrender.

"Alright, you win," Cyborg laughed. Raven felt more at ease when his sadness left him. "You should talk to Star though. She really needs it. Robin may be her boyfriend but you're her best friend," Cyborg advised.

"I know. I'm on my way right now," Raven replied as she flew to Starfire's room preparing for the onslaught of Starfire's emotions.

Starfire was in her room just like Raven predicted. She was sobbing too. Raven knew that Robin tried to help her but sometimes if Starfire was really hurt she went to her room to be left alone and no one could help her except Raven, but it was usually too much emotion for her. She sighed as she knocked on Starfire's door.

"Star, open up, it's me, Raven. Cyborg told me what happened," Raven stated. She heard that Starfire stopped crying and was coming to the door. When Starfire opened the door Raven saw how hard and long she had been crying. Her hair was really frazzled and her eyes were a brown-green all over and with a little red outlining her eyes. Starfire stared at Raven in sadness. Then Starfire engulfed her in a bone-crushing hug and sobbed in Raven's shoulder. Raven was caught by surprise but she reacted quickly by patting Starfire on the back in a comforting way. Starfire loosened her hold on Raven and slumped to the floor. Raven followed in the embrace and continued to pat her back. They were like that for a few minutes until Starfire's sobs calmed down. "Are you okay, Starfire?" Raven asked.

"I just don't understand friend Raven. Why would friend Beast Boy hide all that pain and not tell us? Were we not his family?" Starfire stared at Raven innocently waiting for an answer.

"I don't really know why Beast Boy hid his past from us Starfire," Raven answered that question for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She was really getting tired of saying that she didn't know Beast Boy.

"But how can he think like that and not tell us? How can he look at us with such fear?" Starfire was about to start sobbing again, so Raven answered her with a question of her own.

"Starfire why are crying so much?"

"Well is it not obvious friend Raven, one of our friends has lost their memories of us and now he is doing the talking down of oneself as if he has always done it. And he fears me like I am a monster," Starfire yelled. Raven knew Starfire wasn't angry but frustrated and sad. She felt, like a hammer to her head.

"So how do we help him Starfire?' Raven asked in her monotone voice.

"I do not know Raven," Starfire said hopelessly.

"So now that you don't know what to do you're just going to cry until he gets better or worse?" Raven scrutinized Starfire making sure that she got the full meaning of her question. Starfire stared at Raven, pouting a bit, till her eyes lit up with passion.

"I-I-I will not cry for friend Beast Boy. I will fight for him!" Starfire looked at Raven with a determined look. Raven nodded glad that Starfire was back.

"I wouldn't expect anything else, Star," Raven said with a ghost of a smile. Starfire wrapped Raven in another bone-crushing hug.

"Oh, thank you friend Raven!" Starfire squealed.

"Star- I- can't- breathe."

"Oh, sorry," Starfire sheepishly apologized and let Raven go. Raven gained her composure and looked at Starfire. She had a confusing look on her face.

"What's wrong Starfire?" Raven asked curiously.

"How do you feel about this situation friend Raven?" Starfire asked innocently. Raven took a step back in surprise. She hadn't really thought about how she felt about Beast Boy's situation. It was a surprise to her but besides that- then it hit her. The hurt and panic she was trying so hard to control came rushing back at her. The hurt she thought that everyone felt, was mostly hers. She looked and saw that Starfire was still waiting for an answer.

"I'm fine Starfire," Raven answered coolly.

"Are you sure friend Raven?" Starfire asked again.

"Yeah," Raven lied. She turned around said goodnight to Starfire and headed to her room. When she got to her room she saw that it was midnight. She had time to meditate before she went to bed but when she started to meditate Starfire's question and her answer swarmed in her head. She knew she lied but she couldn't admit the truth yet.  _ But if you don't admit the truth you're going to make another haunted house, and you said we weren't going to have another one, _ a little voice said in her head. It sounded a lot like Beast Boy. Which irritated her more, but she knew that the voice was right. Then Starfire's question kept replaying in her mind over and over again. She knew it wouldn't stop until she admitted the truth. She looked over to her clock and saw that it was already one o'clock in the morning. She needed sleep. So, finally she told the truth.

"I-I-I'm hurt that he would never tell me something like this when he knew everything about me. But I fear that I might lose him to the past that consumes him now. But I can't show these feelings because they're so strong that they might consume me, so I don't feel them." Raven felt a tear come down her face as she admitted this. But there was no one around to hear, so she cried herself to sleep. As she fell asleep, Raven failed to notice the little green fly on her drawer whose eyes were filled with tears because of the guilt he felt.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Beast comes in! The Beast is UNDERLINED text.
> 
> GARFIELD'S POV

" _ Garfield." Garfield turned around a voice called to him through the darkness that he was surrounded in. _

" _ Wh-who's there?" Garfield asked. For a while he heard nothing. Then he heard something take deep heavy breaths. _

" _ You," the voice replied in a deep scratchy voice. The thing came into view. It was a giant monster- no, beast. It was all green like Garfield but his eyes were pure white. Garfield jumped back in fear of the beast. "Listen to me Garfield." _

" _ Who-what are you?" Garfield trembled. Sadness and hurt flashed through the Beast's eyes. But it was gone just as quickly as it had came. _

" _ I'm a side of you that can protect the ones closest to you," the beast explained roughly. Garfield did feel a sense of respect for it but the beast's voice seemed a little too passionate about protecting the ones closest to him. Garfield contemplated what the beast said. _

" _ So you're like a backup for Beast Boy? Then why are you talking to me? I'm not Beast Boy," Garfield said in a confused voice. The beast shook his head at Garfield and growled in annoyance. _

" _Garfield, if you are not willing to face the truth you will hurt the people around you. I can not_ _ let that happen," the beast said in a deep growl. The somewhat threat scared Garfield so much that he fell to the floor as the Beast came toward him. "You must decide who I am and who you are. If you choose this path that you are on Garfield I will hurt you, so become Beast Boy and fast," The beast threaten again as he approached Garfield, standing over him. The beast's eyes were boring into Garfield's fearful ones. Garfield felt himself disappear as the beast continued to breathe heavily and stare at Garfield. "Remember Garfield, you may not care about Beast Boy but his friends do." The beast advised right before Garfield left the dark place. _

Garfield fluttered his eyes open. He looked around the white room frantically thinking that Dr. Lucas must've put some hallucinogenic drug in him. Then one of the many computers had a swirling T on it reminding Garfield that he wasn't in some lab. He was in what the occupants of this building called a med bay. After the robot man and the warrior lady left he focused on turning into a fly and looked for miss angel. Miss angel was the first one that he felt comfortable around in this weird group. The man who looked like a traffic light tried to comfort him but Garfield felt like he was a difficult and conflicting man. He also threw off some alpha aura. The robot man made Garfield feel small and weak. He was huge, but he did have a kind personality. The warrior lady made Garfield feel guilty. Her eyes would beg him to remember- no be this Beast Boy but Garfield just couldn't do that. This Beast Boy everyone wanted him to be wasn't him. Garfield didn't know a lot about his current situation but he  knew that this Beast Boy wasn't him. But his friends were a different story. Garfield had a connection with them but he didn't know them. He felt like a failure. They were supposed to be smiling or at least they weren't supposed to cry. He felt like that was his job, to make this team happy and remind them that they're just teenagers.

Garfield looked at one of the digital clocks near his bed. It was 3 A.M. Garfield wanted to be surprised but something told him that this was normal. His body was sore from whatever happened to him before he woke up in this strange place. The last thing Garfield remembered was that Galtry and Dr. Lucas had him chained to a wall and they were testing him for healing abilities. Then Garfield remembered something, when he said he was eleven everyone looked at him with surprise. Garfield didn't know why though. He remembered that Galtry gave him a cigarette burn on his forearm because he turned 11, which was last month.  _ I need to see myself, _ Garfield finally decided. He sat up and moved his legs over the bed, onto the floor. He was surprised to not feel an overwhelming pain, but soreness and pain in only a few areas. He limped to the bathroom, saw the mirror over the sink, and undressed till all he had on were boxers. He took a deep breath and looked into the mirror. The person staring back at Garfield was Garfield and wasn't him either. The person in the mirror was green everywhere like Garfield, the person had the same ugly elf ears and fang as him but the person had the ugliest scars that Garfield had ever seen. Garfield noticed some scar as past beatings and there were some unknown scars as well. Garfield realized that the person in the mirror could be him just a few years aged. Garfield knew that he was ugly but this person with scars littered over his body yet a childish scar-free face was really ugly. This person was Garfield.

Garfield ran out of the bathroom and the med bay. He didn't know where he was going but he just had to get away from that mirror. He ran down a dark hallway and didn't stop till he reached the end of the hallway. Garfield took deep breaths and leaned toward the wall in pain and exhaustion. Garfield knew he was overreacting about his looks. Everyone he met thought he was ugly, but if he was Beast Boy how did Beast Boy's friends stand to look at him. He stood up against the wall and noticed that the "wall" was sunk into the actual wall. He turned toward the "wall" and saw that it was actually a door with the name "Beast Boy" on it. Garfield stepped away from the door beholding it as it gave him an ominous feeling. Garfield didn't know if he wanted to go into Beast Boy's room or not. It would give Garfield answers but something told Garfield that if he went into the room he wouldn't like what he found.  _ The only way to know is to find out.  _ Garfield stepped towards the door and pushed it. It didn't open and Garfield looked at the door confusingly. Usual doors opened if you walked up to them or if you pushed them. He pushed it harder but it wouldn't budge.

"Come on, you stupid, door," Garfield huffed as he pushed the door. He did this for five more minutes until he slumped down the door in pain. Then he saw the keypad next to the door and sighed. "I'm such an idiot." Garfield picked himself off the wall and put the first number code that came in his head in the key pad. The door swished open. "Maybe I am Beast Boy- no that's a lie I'm not him." Garfield took a step into the room knowing that he was making a life shattering mistake.

The first thing Garfield notice was a stench that could put tears in anyone's eyes but Garfield just reveled in the smell. It reminded him of a real teenager. The room had green walls, a bunk bed, and a drawer. There was also a window with a view of the city he was in. It was simple and not complicated. There wasn't anything personal showing. Garfield liked it but it was too dirty. Although, something told him that it was probably to hide the personal things Beast Boy kept. The clock on the drawer said it was 4 A.M. He felt horrible and tired but if he fell asleep nightmares would haunt him like they always did. So Garfield decided to clean the room. He cleaned the room for two hours. He used garbage bags to throw all the trash and put everything in his room in its respected place. He even found a hamper to put all the dirty jumpsuits he found, in. In those two hours Garfield also found a clean jumpsuit and gloves to change into. He noticed that the suit and gloves covered the ugly scars. Garfield breathed a sigh of relief at the new wardrobe.

At the end of two hours Garfield could see the floor and the top of the dresser. He just needed to clean the bed and the closet. He decided to do the bed first (the bed was closer and seemed easier to clean). As he was cleaning the bed he felt something hard under one of the pillows on the bottom bunk. Garfield moved the pillow, it revealed a hardcover book. The book was filled with writing that dated back to 2004. The last one proved to be April 1, 2007- Garfield's birthday. He looked at the back at the front cover. It said Beast Boy in big bold letters.  _ This is his journal _ . The beast's threat came back into Garfield's mind. Maybe the journal could help him be this Beast Boy the people in the building (and his angel) were hoping he was and seem to need. He opened it and started reading the first entry.

**_August 4, 2004_ **

**_I found this old notebook in Mr. Steve's office. So many things are going to happen. I can feel it. The Doom Patrol is training me but they seem to need someone to make them smile. Mom always said that I was good at making people smile, but I haven't done that in so long I wonder if I can make anyone smile anymore. I'm just a little freak. Maybe that will be my superhero codename- Little Freak. Nah, that doesn't sound scary enough. Plus, I want to leave the past in the past. Animal Man sounds good but I'm not a man yet. I also don't like to be called animal. My mom always did like the story Beauty and the Beast. Maybe I can be Beast Boy. Yeah, Beast Boy is perfect. And I may be a boy but I can still make people smile because my mom (and especially my dad) would want that. I hope I can make you guys happy, too._ **

**_\- Garfield Mark Logan, now Beast Boy_ **

Garfield (now Beast Boy) was so engrossed in reading the first entry over and over again that he didn't hear someone calling him or knocking at his door. So when Raven phased through the door it took him completely by surprise.

"Be-Garfield! What are you doing out of the med bay?" His angel demanded an answer. Beast Boy quickly hid the journal and looked at her in confusion and fear but then he realized who she was. Although he fumbled out of the bed a bit. She still glared at him demanding an answer.

"I saw something that I didn't like in the med bay, so I ran," Beast Boy replied shamefully. Raven's glare softened but her questions didn't stop.

"When did this happen and what were you running from?" Beast Boy looked up at his angel and saw that she wasn't going to judge him. She just wanted answers.

"I-I-I woke up at 3 and I was running away from the mirror." Beast Boy stuttered a bit. The truth felt like some foreign language coming out of his mouth- weird and it just didn't sound right. A look of shock passed on the angel's face, as Beast Boy he should really get her name. Then the indifference was back.

"Why were you up by three?" his angel asked. He didn't know how to answer that question. He did have a nightmare but that was a habit for Garfield but it also seemed that Beast Boy always woke up around that time as well. He didn't want to deceive his angel because there was something that tugged at his heart every time he looked into her beautifully stunning violet eyes. That tug begged him to not lie to her, so he didn't.

"I usually have nightmares and it seems that Beast- I wake up this early by habit." Beast Boy's hand started to rub his neck nervously as he stared at the ground. Garfield could feel miss angel's eyes look at him quizzically. "What about you, miss angel?" Beast Boy asked her to end her questioning gaze at him. She looked up at him and her eyes narrowed a bit.

"My name is Raven not angel and  I always get up this early. Do you finally remember who you are and what do you mean that you always get nightmares and wake up this early?" Raven questioned Beast Boy slowly but he still stepped back in fear. For some reason he started to feel like he was suffocating. Raven was getting too close to him. She must've noticed his reaction because she stepped back and mumbled an apology. She still looked indifferent, maybe even a little annoyed, but something told Beast Boy that she was hurt.

"Do-don't apologize. I'm not use to people finding things like this out about me. To be totally honest,  I can't answer because I don't know the answers myself. Please forgive me miss an- I mean miss Raven," Beast Boy told Raven shamefully. Something in him wanted to tell her everything he felt but he didn't know why or how to do that. Raven looked back at Beast Boy in surprise and opened her mouth but then closed it. "Is something wrong Miss Raven?"

"Nothing's wrong, it's just that you never explained anything to me, like that before," Raven said in a monotone voice but there was a hint of surprise in it. This made Beast Boy heat up. How different was he compared to the old Beast Boy. "And don't call me miss. You're only two years younger than me," Raven said as she gained her composure. Beast Boy's eyes widen. "You're thirteen!"

"No, I'm 16 and you're 14 turning 15," Raven huffed. Beast Boy realized that Raven made a mistake.

"Um, I'm already 15 Mis- Raven." Raven looked at Beast Boy with irritation.

"No you're 14 turning 15. Your birthday is August 4. You finally told us last month, when we realized that we've never celebrated your birthday before," Raven explained in an exasperated voice. This confused Beast Boy even more. Why would he lie about his birth-  _ that day is cursed, _ a voice in his mind told him. Now Beast Boy remembered that the most horrible life-changing moments for him happened around his actual birthday. But why was August 4 his new birthday?

"Actually Raven, I'm sure I lied then too, but I don't know why. My actual birthday is April 1 but I've never liked that date anyway, so I guess August 4 is fine." Beast Boy smiled up at Raven but she didn't smile back. She just stared at him with an open mouth. Beast Boy could see all the angry, hurt, and guilty thoughts swim through her mind. So he decided to tell her a joke. "Hey Raven, what has pale fair skin and a white heart?"

"What?" Raven asked starting to get out of her shock.

"You, my pretty angel," Beast Boy said as he wiggled his eyebrows. Something in him knew the gesture would either make Raven smile or annoy her. But he didn't know why. Raven was surprised first, then a hint of red brushed her cheeks and narrowed her eyes at Beast Boy. _Note:_ _the eyebrow gesture makes Raven mad._

"One- I'm not an angel, and two- where is your proof that your birthday is April 1?" Raven asked in a cold monotone voice. Beast Boy took a step back but Raven just kept coming towards him.

"M-m-m-my birth certificate is right here," Beast Boy stammered as he went over to the drawer. He found a lot of his personal things under the piles of mess. His drawer was too big for his clothes, so he put the personal things in the drawer. He grabbed the copy of his birth certificate out of the top drawer and handed it to Raven. She took it from him and examined it. While she examined his birth certificate Beast Boy couldn't help but observe Raven's beauty. She had the perfect figure for him- wide hips with a tiny waist, long legs and an average sized chest. Any guy would drool at the sight of her. Her face was like a cherry on top of a sundae. Raven's face was small and heart shaped. Her short and layered hairstyle fit her well but Beast Boy did wonder what it would look like long. Her eyes were huge and violet. Her lips just looked so kissable to him and he wondered what the old Beast Boy's relationship was with Raven. "Where we, ummm, dating? That's what you would call it right? A couple who goes out, right?" Beast Boy looked at Raven curiously. She looked up from the certificate and her huge eyes widen. Then a cute dark red blush appeared on her cheeks making her really look like an angel. Beast Boy would have smiled at her appearance but he really did want to know if they were dating. She started fidgeting around with the certificate trying to avoid his eyes. She opened her mouth to say something but Beast Boy remembered something. "Oh my gosh! I'm sorry for embarrassing you like that. I'm such an idiot! Of course we weren't dating! The warrior lady told me that I was always the 'thorn of your side' and it seemed that my mission in life was to get you to smile but I was pretty bad at it. I guess I failed, huh?" Beast Boy was surprised that Raven was right in front of him when he looked up. He must have been pacing as he said everything. He was sure that he had put his hand through his hair so his hair stood up too. Raven shook her head and let out a small chuckle. Beast Boy heard her chuckle and that put the biggest smile on his face since he woke up yesterday. "Hey what's so- oww!" Beast Boy yelled in pain as he felt a jolt of pain coming up his side. He was in pain before Raven came to his room but when Beast Boy saw her all the pain disappeared. He had taken a step towards her when he was going to ask her what was funny but his body seem to give out on him. Raven flew over to him and held him up.

"This is why we don't leave the med bay early, idiot." Raven said with a sarcastic tone but her eyes were filled with concern.

"Well I can do stupid things since I have an angel looking after me." Beast Boy smiled up at Raven but she just shook her head in annoyance.

"Let's take you to the med bay and fix you up. You're going to get visitors soon," Raven replied in her monotone voice. Beast Boy just gazed at her in bliss. Garfield may not like Beast Boy but he did like what he did have and Garfield knew it was worth protecting and finishing Beast Boy's mission- to make Raven smile at him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doom Patrol! At the end though.
> 
> RAVEN'S POV

Raven was floating Beast Boy to the med bay with her magic. She looked back at him, to see him giving her a small smile. She turned back around, her eyes searching for the med bay as her cheeks became very hot. Ever since the talk they had in his room she began to see Beast Boy differently. Right now he had a mind of an eleven year old but he acted so… mature. Before this accident it took the Doom Patrol to came back and for all of them to be captured for him to act mature. Then after he saved them he went back to being the childish changeling he was. But now he seemed mature for an eleven year old kid and for his present age. His room was even clean! She also saw how easy it was for him to act like everything was okay and began joking around. That would explain why he always seemed fine, smiling and laughing everyday. It was his defense mechanism. If nothing was serious, it wouldn't hurt him. It wouldn't become personal. He never got too personal with anyone on the team, except for when one of them needed him to be, and even then he seemed to be open as far as he allowed himself to be. Raven was beginning to know Beast Boy. The thought almost made her smile. Then she began to think of when he asked if they were dating. It surprised, and embarrassed her. Her stomach started to get butterflies and she, the calm and tough Raven, started fidgeting. She calmed down as soon as Beast Boy started to freak out. It was so cute and funny, just like the old Beast Boy, that she chuckled. Him calling Starfire warrior lady was pretty funny too. Part of her was glad that he had to go back to the med bay because this new version of Beast Boy seemed to bring out things in Raven that she didn't want brought out. She was finally at the med bay and noticed that everyone was in the med bay. She could feel their panic rising. Their panic being to increase when Raven and Beast Boy entered the room.

"What happened?" Robin asked in a stern voice. Starfire gasped and Cyborg went straight to Beast Boy. Beast Boy flinched back and fell off of the disc that Raven had him floating on.

"Ooofff!"

"I'm sorry man, are you alright?" Cyborg asked with concern. Raven flew to his side. Cyborg stepped back when Raven glared at him and he saw fear flash in Beast Boy's eyes.

"Are you alright?" Raven asked. Beast Boy looked up at her and smiled a goofy smile. Raven looked at him confusingly. He was hurt and scared yet he could still smile like that.

"I'm fine Mis- I mean Raven. And Mister Robot Man, it's okay. I'm not hurt, but can I get everybody's names and their relationship to Beast- me while I get hooked back up to the machines. It's weird to not know your guys' names. I'm sorry to freak you guys out. I didn't know that I was hurt really bad so I left the doctor's room. But anyway I think it would be best if you guys could distract me from the n-n-needles as I get hooked back up to the doctor stuff," Beast Boy faltered at the end of his statement yet he still had that goofy smile on his face. Raven stared at him in disbelief. Beast Boy never admitted his fear of needles in any way.

"Okay we'll do that but you got to cooperate with us, got it Beast Boy?" Raven broke the shocked silence, putting everyone's attention on Beast Boy. He nodded his head and smiled up at her. "Good, Cyborg come get him and start hooking him up. Robin you can start with the whole life describing thing to calm him down." Raven looked around the room making sure Robin and Cyborg got what she said. She thought she might have to repeat herself but then they started to move toward her and Beast Boy.

"Look Beast Boy, you were hurt in a mission trying to save Raven from falling construction. You got caught in the debris by accident. That's why you're hurt right now. I'm Robin-"

"Like Batman's sidekick Robin, sir!" Beast Boy yelled in excitement. This reminded Raven, of the first time the team met. Beast Boy was just as excited to see Robin and was so manner minded, until it came to her. But Beast Boy always seemed to act differently around her. He was more jumpy and wild, and always seemed to try too hard to be funny. It was almost like the guys on romantic-comedy movies who tried to get a girl to like them, but Beast Boy couldn't like her like that. They were complete opposites and it could never work between them.  _ Or could it? _ Right now was so not the best time for Raven's emotions to come out.

"Beast Boy, you don't have to call me sir, and yes I am that Robin," Robin said with a chuckle. Raven knew he was remembering, the exact same thing she remembered. He had this small smile that seemed to take some of the shock and worry off of his face. "I'm the leader of the team. I was appointed leader by you, actually. I probably work a little too much, according to you. I also have a little obsession with a villain named Slade that I put before the team, sometimes. There were times that I doubted you and times that I really didn't like your silly carefree attitude. Like when you gave Cyborg a virus I was a little mad. Although when you turned into a beast and all of the evidence pointed to you, I thought it was you when it wasn't. You forgave me, but not without some payback pranks. I've done a lot of wrong things to you and I haven't been the best leader in the world. But you're my little brother and I wish to protect and help you. I promise I'll help you get your memories back." Raven felt the roller coaster of emotions Robin was experiencing even though he hid them well. He was amused by some memories but angry and sad with others. Robin was angry with himself for letting this happen to Beast Boy, Raven didn't need to be an empath to notice that, but he was more determined to get them back. Raven stared at Robin for a while, admiring his pure determination to help Beast Boy. "Tomorrow some of your friends will come over to see what happened to you. Your family, the Doom Patrol, is on their way. They are extremely worried about you. I wanted to prepare you before anyone else starts talking and I forget about it." Robin composed himself back to the stoic leader he thought he was. Personally Raven didn't like when he did that but who was she to judge.

"What family? My uncle is the only 'family' I have. Plus how would  the Doom Patrol know me? I'm awestruck that I even know Raven the angel and  the Robin, the boy wonder. Beast- I mean I must be a lucky guy." Raven looked at Beast Boy with concern. He was smiling but she could feel his confusion and some of the shame he felt. Everyone seemed to go into shock again as they gawked at Beast Boy. "Umm, could we go back to the relationship descriptions? I can deal with the Doom Patrol later, but you guys are starting to freak me out with the staring," Beast Boy said nervously. He started to rub the back of his neck and looked down as a deep red blush came on his cheeks.  _ He's so cute when he does that. NO! Beast Boy is not cute! He's your annoying friend who needs help right now, so, stop thinking about him like that, Raven. _

"Uhh, no problem man," Cyborg managed to say. "I guess I'll go next. BB, that's my nickname for you, I'm Cyborg your best friend. We play pranks on each other and on the others. We play video games together all the time, even though I win most of the time. We fight about meat and tofu-"

"What's tofu?" Beast Boy asked puzzled by the new word. Cyborg stopped talking and gaped at Beast Boy in pure shock. Raven knew she was too. Beast Boy always had a fight about tofu with Cyborg. The fact that he didn't even know what it was suprised everyone. "S-s-sorry for interrupting you, Cyborg. You can go on."

"Umm, well tofu is a vegetarian dish that you ate little guy, another nickname I made for you but you don't like it," Cyborg explained. Beast Boy nodded with a sheepish smile on his face. "I work on my baby, the T-car, all the time and you would always ask me to drive it but I would say no. Most of the time when you touch any machinery, it breaks. It was one of the annoying things about you that I couldn't live without. You did annoy me a lot and we had some intense fights but our friendship always won in the end. Even when you became the beast. Which reminds me, besides Raven, I'm your personal doctor too. I know the most about your special D.N.A. It was hard to learn about your body type but it was worth having the first and best friend who thought I was the coolest thing in world." Cyborg smiled at Beast Boy with a sincere smile and Beast Boy smiled back at him but it was a small smile. Raven noticed how different their emotions were. Cyborg felt revere for his and Beast Boy's friendship, but Beast Boy seemed to feel sad. Raven looked for signs of Beast Boy's sadness but there wasn't any. She realized that Beast Boy's body may have made a habit of hiding the emotional pain Beast Boy felt all the time.

"You know Cyborg, Be-I'm lucky to have a best friend like you. I can't remember ever having a friend like you, and I'm sure the memories I lost don't contain a friend like you besides you. But I know that we're going to be best friends." Beast Boy assumed. Cyborg seemed to get teary eyed and looked away. Raven wanted to smile but didn't. She knew that Beast Boy and Cyborg's friendship was strong, but to see it be stronger than memory loss was a miracle that she only saw in her stories.

"I suppose then that it is my turn to explain mine and your relationship, correct?" Starfire asked in her caring voice. Raven noticed that Starfire's voice lacked its usual cheerfulness to it. She presumed that it must have been because of the tense and intimate atmosphere. Beast Boy looked at Starfire and signaled her to continue in a friendly manner. "Very well then, Friend Beast Boy you are like a little Borfrog, it's a term of endearment for a brother on my world, Tamaran  **(I totally made the word Borfrog up)** . You are silly and carefree but it does go over the hand sometimes. You put slime in my hair as a prank for Cyborg once. That was the only time I truly was mad at you. I cared about you because you always seemed to smile yet hide behind that smile. I was afraid of your beast, but soon realized that you meant no harm to us. You remind me of my little brother back home on Tamaran and I treat you as such." Starfire smiled at Beast Boy but he looked a little lost.

"I'm really sorry miss-I mean Starfire, but are you an alien?"

"Yes, and you and the rest of our friends are my family here on Earth. You guys have taught me many Earth customs and you seem to be the only one who tries my Tamaranean dishes." Starfire's smile seemed to grow after she said this. Beast Boy still seemed a little lost to Raven, but he smiled at Starfire with a sweet smile.

"You're sweet woman Starfire. In a weird way you remind me of my mom. She was really caring too." Starfire's eyes started to water when she heard this and Beast Boy started to apologize for this but Raven could sense Starfire's joy in her tears. Beast Boy never talked about his parents but Raven knew it must have been really nice to hear a comment like that from Beast Boy, and Raven would never admit it, but she was a little jealous of Starfire. "Now it's your turn Raven."

"What?"

"Well everyone told me about my relationship with them but you. I know we may not have been the best of friends but you were- I mean are my teammate and I would like to know what our relationship was like, please." Beast Boy looked at Raven with pleading eyes. Raven knew this was going to happen but she wasn't sure if she was ready for it. She and Beast Boy had a complicated relationship that she barely understood herself. How could an eleven year old understand it? But the look in Beast Boy's eyes told her she had to try and explain their relationship to him.

"Our relationship is complicated Beast Boy. At first I couldn't stand you because you always seemed to pester me with a stupid joke and you were always trying to get me to open up to everybody. After a while I realized that I needed to open up to you guys but I only did it bit by bit. Even though I did this you still pestered me. You always use to say that your mission in life was to get me to smile after you went into my mind with my mirror. We became friends after that incident but our relationship still remained the same except I would give you a little more sarcasm. Then Terra came and our relationship went back to the beginning. She broke your heart and betrayed the team but sacrificed herself in the end to save us. I tried my best to comfort you but I still kept my emotions hidden because of my prophesied fate. We became closer when you turned into the beast. We had a big fight before you changed but you still protected me from the other beast. I tried to comfort you again when you doubted yourself after the incident with the beast. It worked and we had a moment of understanding. Then we had a little disagreement with you calling me creepy and I went looking for comfort in an evil wizard named Malchoir. He broke my heart but thanks to you I was able to get it back. When my fate came upon us I feared for the worst but you celebrated my birthday with gusto and you and the team helped me defeat my devil father, Trigon. He was always inside of me. That was why I suppressed my emotions. You and the team are now teaching me to express my emotions that I kept bottled up for so long. But our relationship is still form of a love-hate friendship. During our vacation in Tokyo I felt that you were in great emotional pain, since I'm an empath. I tried to figure out what was wrong but you wouldn't tell me. Then you saved me from the construction and now here we are." Raven took a deep breath. She was definitely not use to talking so much. The silence following Raven's explanation made Raven blush. Maybe she said too much. Then Raven realized that Beast Boy didn't even interrupt her like he did with the others. She looked at Beast Boy but he had his head down and she couldn't sense what he was feeling at the moment. Everyone waited for Beast Boy to respond. It seemed like an eternity to Raven when Beast Boy responded.

"You don't talk a lot do you Raven? I'm sorry." This surprised Raven because the sadness radiated from his voice but she couldn't sense it from him and she was confused as to why Beast Boy said this. She was about to ask why but he kept talking before she could. "I probably made life harder for you all, especially you, Raven. I know I don't even deserve to be around people like you-  the Robin, a great and loyal best friend, a caring sister, and a magnificent angel. What's worse is that I can't remember the memories you guys remember but I know they're in there somewhere. I know I'm Beast Boy but I don't feel like him until I'm around you guys. I can't believe how much of a nuisance he-I was to you guys, yet you all seem to care so much about me. That is why I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't remember and that I hurt and annoyed you guys so much. I do remember and know that was and will never be my goal. My goal was and is to put a smile on your guys' faces, especially yours Raven." Beast Boy started to rub his neck and a small nervous smile appeared on his face but Raven still couldn't see his eyes. Everyone was silent for a while because of the solemn mood that seemed to surround Beast Boy's response. Finally he lifted his head and smiled. Raven released a breath even she didn't know she was holding. She could sense the happiness and gratefulness he felt. She didn't know why but sensing Beast Boy's emotions was relieving. "Wow I'm a great party pooper! Oh well, thanks guys for telling me about us. I feel much better and closer already!"

"Friend Beast Boy could you tell us more about your past?" Raven wasn't too surprised that Starfire would be the first one to clear the elephant in the room. Her naïve nature seemed to be the source for this characteristic.

"Uhh, not today Starfire. I'm sorry but I'm not ready for that. Plus, I have to rest for my upcoming guests!" Beast Boy smiled apologetically at Starfire. She nodded sadly but she understood. The Beast Boy the team knew didn't even like talking about his past. Why would this new Beast Boy be willing to share?

Ding-Dong!

Raven's stomach started to do back flips. She knew that Beast Boy said that he didn't know the Doom Patrol but she was still worried that seeing them would cause him to remember them and leave the Titans.

"That must be the Doom Patrol. Beast Boy try to get prepared to meet them. I know you must be tried but they will most likely want to see you." Robin immediately assumed his leader role.

"Don't worry Robin I'm fine. I can see them. I just can't believe that they came so fast and that we were in here for about four hours. I'm starving!" Beast Boy exclaimed. Raven looked at the med bay's clock and noticed that Beast Boy was right- they were in the med bay for about four hours.

Ding-Dong! Ding-Dong!

"Good, I'll go inform the Doom Patrol about the situation."

"I shall accompany you friend Robin!"

"I'm going to make sure BB's vitals are okay before the Doom Patrol comes in."

"I guess that leaves me to cook breakfast." Raven made sure that everyone heard her. She was a terrible cook. Her food almost looked and tasted as bad as some of Starfire's cooking.

"Nevermind, you can check BB's vitals Raven. I'll go cook breakfast," Cyborg ran to the kitchen before anyone could object or agree.

"Let's go Starfire," Robin ordered in a gentle voice. Robin and Starfire left the room heading towards the tower's entrance to greet the Doom Patrol. Raven was going through Beast Boy's stats but she kept noticing Beast Boy ogling her.

"What are you staring at?" Raven noticed that her voice came out a little sharper than she intended it to, but Beast Boy seemed to be unphased by the question. Actually he smiled brightly at her now.

"You're very pretty. You know that right?" Beast Boy said with that same bright smile. It wasn't meant as a joke or a pickup line (she could sense that), to Beast Boy it was simply fact. Raven blushed and put her hood up. "I'll take that as a no. That's really sad. I would've hoped a confident woman like you would know that. Oh well," Beast Boy sighed.

"For your information I'm a confident woman and beauty doesn't have anything to do with that." Raven was blushing even harder, because she was mad. No one should have this effect on her, especially Beast Boy!

"Yes it does!" Beast Boy argued, sounding like a little kid. Raven didn't want to encourage the argument but she did anyway.

"No it doesn't."

"Yeah, it does!"

"You're wrong like always Beast Boy."

"No I'm not Rae." Raven froze. Beast Boy said his special nickname for her. She turned around and looked at his face. He had an expression of a stubborn child but it reminded her of the Beast Boy she knew. She ended up staring at Beast Boy.

"D-d-don't call me Rae," Raven said in a small voice finally breaking the weird staring contest they just had. Beast Boy's expression changed from determined to confused concern. Raven was just surprised that he used her nickname. Raven didn't even recall telling her the nickname he gave her. He opened his mouth to say something but they both heard hurried footsteps come toward the med bay.

"Beast Boy!" Elasti-Girl came sprinting in the med bay towards Beast Boy. Raven saw Beast Boy's eyes expand in fear. Raven wanted to put a shield around him but Elasti-Girl got to him before Raven could think about a shield. "Oh my poor boy! Don't worry, we're going to help you in any way we can. Mommy's here now it's okay!" Elasti-Girl had Beast Boy in a tight hug. Raven felt the presence of the other Doom Patrol members enter the room. She looked over to Beast Boy who seemed a bit overwhelmed. "Beast Boy, are you okay honey?" Elasti-Girl actually looked at him now. Beast Boy's eyes were filled with fear. He looked around the room anxiously. Raven noticed how everyone seemed to be waiting for Beast Boy to respond. Well everyone except Elasti-Girl. "Honey, Garfield, are you okay? You don't have to be scared your family and friends are here with you. Mommy's here," Elasti-Girl said in a soothing voice. Raven sensed Elasti-Girl's motherly care but then she also felt anger. A deep anger filled with regret.

"You're not my mother. She died when I was five. So you can't be her so let me go, now please."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> RAVEN'S POV

"You're not my mother. She died when I was five. So you can't be her so let me go, now please." Beast Boy asked fearfully. Raven could feel how overwhelmed he was with Elasti-Girl's presence, but mentioning his parents also affected him. Although, his feelings weren't as strong as The Doom Patrol's. Their concerns and worries about Beast Boy were magnified to almost unbearable portions. She would definitely need to meditate after this.

"B-B-Beast Boy, honey what do you mean?" Elasti-Girl's her tone exuded grief. Right in front of her she was losing her only son. The bit that Elasti-Girl felt was enough for Raven to know that she would never be able to handle such a situation.

"Do you remember any of us, Squirt? Do you remember the pranks I taught you?" Robot-man asked hopefully, going towards Beast Boy. But he didn't notice how Beast Boy seemed to be hyperventilating. Raven tried to hone in on just Beast Boy's emotions but the Doom Patrol was too much.

"I-I-I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry." Beast Boy stuttered. Raven held herself from pushing the Doom Patrol out of the med bay.

"Please, friend Beast Boy needs space."

"Come on, dude. Rita has practically raised you!" Negative Man begged harshly. It was a surprise for Raven to see Negative Man so affected by the situation.

"Just because you guys were his first family doesn't mean you can treat him like this." Cyborg exclaimed. Raven knew he was trying to defend Beast Boy but it just seemed to make Beast Boy more agitated.

"You guys have to calm down Beast Boy is recuperating and he needs his rest. Come back to the common room-" Robin did try to pacify them but Mento was as stubborn as him about protecting your own.

"This is a Doom Patrol Matter. We can handle him plus you guys called us." Mento said forcefully. Raven could feel her anger rising

"I-I-I-I-I-I-I," Beast Boy could barely speak right now. He also seemed to be trembling, but Raven knew it wasn't from fear.

"Guys, please, he's scared." Rita was a caring woman, but she was too late. Everyone was overwhelmed and reacting in anger. Since everyone was angry now Raven finally could feel Beast Boy's emotions. She wished she could not feel them. Beast Boy was trying so hard to not transform into the Beast that it was giving him excruciating physical pain, and by extension her. Beast Boy was hyperventilating. His eyes were beginning to change to the Beast’s eyes. Beast Boy groaned and finally everyone heard him.

"Beast Boy! I'm Mento and you need to-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Raven roared in fury. She was tired of all the emotions and nobody was paying attention to Beast Boy. "Look, Doom Patrol, Beast Boy is 11 years old in his mind. We don't know everything so we called you guys. But if you guys want to fight and be unproductive, and not even pay attention to Beast Boy, then please leave. Now." Raven glared at each member of the Doom Patrol. _Beast Boy doesn't know how to defend himself yet so I'll do it for him._ Then Raven realized that she had step between everyone and Beast Boy. And he was gripping her wrist like a lifeline. _That's where my sudden rush of anger came from._ Raven remembered that Beast Boy was trying to hold back his transformation. Yet when she saw him he was just breathing harder but normal. His head was down and somehow she knew his eyes were closed. "Hey, Beast Boy look at me." Raven knelt down to his level. His eyes were closed shut in concentration. "Beast Boy, please." Raven called softly. She needed to know if he was all right. Raven gently touched his face with her free hand. He gripped it fiercely when Raven's hand made contact. He looked at her and growled. Raven felt everyone tense at Beast Boy's actions but she wasn't nervous. In fact she expected him to act a little worse. So a painful hand grip was good. "Beast Boy, it's me, Raven. You're safe." Raven kept telling Beast Boy this in a soft voice. Beast Boy slowly came too.

"R-R-R-Raven," He gasped. He looked into Raven's eyes with relief. Raven smiled at Beast Boy. She knew Beast Boy wouldn't hurt anyone, and would rather be in pain himself before putting those he cared about in danger. Beast Boy blushed a dark green, which Raven will never- EVER -admit but it was kind of endearing. Until he saw his viselike grip on her wrists. "Raven I'm so sorry." Beast Boy apologized profusely and Raven could feel his shame and worry. But it hurt to lose his touch and to see him back away from her. _Not now Raven._

"You seem to do well with your control Beast-" Raven cut Mento off with a demonic glare.

"Mento I would like to debrief you and your teammates in the common room please." Robin used his leader tone to move the Doom Patrol out of the med bay. Raven did have to admit, that part of Robin was extremely helpful, sometimes.

"Actually can everyone go there, please?" Beast Boy asked quietly. Raven was caught by surprise. Her Beast Boy - _Not yours-_ was usually loud and confident. This one was so small and afraid, but being alone seemed like an unusual request. He was sitting in his bed not looking at anyone, slumping in depression. Is this what Beast Boy always feels?

"Of course sweetie. Take your time, we'll be back." Elasti-girl tried to go towards Beast Boy to give him a motherly hug and kiss, but he shrank from her. Raven never saw Elasti-Girl so broken.

"Alright, let's go." Mento's solemn command guided everyone out of the Med Bay. Each person gave a bye or a feel better to Beast Boy but he didn't even respond.

"Friend Raven are you not coming?" Starfire asked innocently. _Why would I ever leave Beast Boy in a state like this?_

"This is payback for all of the times he didn't leave me alone."

"But-" Beast Boy and Starfire were shocked at Raven's response, but she expected it. Raven was not fond of leaving anyone alone. She knew all too well what can go through a person's mind when they are alone.

"I'm staying that's it. Plus someone should stay with him. It's only logical."

"I guess you would be right. I will tell Robin. But is it okay with friend Beast Boy?"

"S-S-S-Sure." Raven knew that Beast Boy didn't really want her there but she was stubborn. Raven knows Beast Boy needs her. Plus it was payback time.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love the healthy loving bond between a mother and her son!
> 
> BEAST BOY'S POV

Raven sat down, well she actually sat in the air, cross-legged next to Beast Boy's bed. Sadly her hood was up and she had closed her eyes. She was also chanting something. Something told Beast Boy that she was meditating.

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos," her quiet soothing voice was music to Beast Boy's ears. He had a lot of questions for her.  _ What just happened? Am I crazy? Why did she stay? Why did she defend me? Does she know what was happening to me?  _ More questions ran through Beast Boy's mind as he stared at Raven. "Stop staring." Beast Boy jumped. He didn't know that she noticed.

"I-I-I-I-I'm sorry." Beast Boy could feel his face heat up as a very small smile came to Raven's lips. She looked really pretty with her small smile. Beast Boy did want to be alone. There was a lot of things, wrong- no different, there was a lot of things that were different about him. He needed that journal. But for some odd reason he was content with watching Raven. Then she started chuckling.

"Are you purring?" Now Beast Boy's whole face was on fire. He would have turn into a mouse if his body didn't hurt so much. He couldn't control some of his animal instincts yet. Beast Boy looked down at his hands wishing to disappear. "It's okay. As long as you're not changing into huge monsters we're good."

"I can become big?" Beast Boy looked up at Raven. "Is that what I was holding back?"  _ Is that what I was dreaming about?  _ Beast Boy looked at Raven curiously. But Raven seemed confused. "What?" Raven kept opening and closing her mouth.

"Why does it matter what size you are?"

"I can't turn into big animals. It hurts too much, so I can't concentrate on the animal." Beast Boy was nervous. Whenever he told any of his owners this they wanted to 'train' him to be bigger. He knew Raven wouldn't hurt him but his fear was still there.

"It hurts to transform?" Beast Boy could hear Raven's surprise but there was something else in her voice. But he was too afraid to look at her. Or maybe he was ashamed, Garfield was jealous that Beast Boy could do what Garfield himself wished to do just to survive the nights. Garfield knows he's Beast Boy, but it was hard to see himself as Beast Boy.

"Y-Y-Yeah, but I get use to it after a while. The more I transform into the animal the less it hurts." That was a lie. It hurt no matter how many times he transformed into the animal, but only for a moment. Beast Boy was most vulnerable mid-transformation.

"Liar."

"What?" Beast Boy was shocked by Raven's harsh tone. He looked at her. He saw how angry she was. Her anger even hid her natural scent of lavender and books. Beast Boy shrank, fearing punishment. Raven somehow sensed that and backed away. But Beast Boy could tell she was still angry.

"I'm an empath, I can feel emotions. So it's easy for me to tell when someone is lying. Especially an 11 year-old." Raven stared at Beast Boy, one eyebrow raised in challenge. Beast Boy gulped. He could tell her the truth, but he knew that it would ruin, something. Suddenly Beast Boy became agitated.

"Why do you want to know?" Beast Boy replied defensively. "You're just going to treat me like, like, like an ANIMAL!" Beast Boy didn't know why but he was angry. Very angry. And his anger was making him transform but he didn't know what he was transforming into. Something was forcing his transformation. "What's happening?" Beast Boy's voice was deeper and his fangs kept growing.

"Beast Boy listen to me." Raven calmly approached him. He heard her but he was so angry. He needed to get out of here. These people were his friends, or they are Beast Boy's friends. Either way he didn't want to hurt them, especially Raven.

"Get away from me!" Beast Boy yelled in agony. He heard accelerated beeping and people running. Beast Boy could feel himself slipping away. Something growled inside his mind. Beast Boy fought off the growling, monster in his head, but he was scared and weak. _What's going on!? Whatever you are please stop! Let me out!_ _No. I can't._ All he felt was pain. Then something cool touched his hand and face. _Raven!_ _Meat!_ Beast Boy's surroundings slowly went into focus. It was easier to come back this time than it was the first. But the thing spoke this time and it sounded exactly like the beast in his dream. _10, breathe, 9, 8, breathe, 7, 6, breathe, 5, 4, breathe, 3, 2, breathe, 1._ Beast Boy’s breathing slowed and the anger left him. He stayed still for a few minutes, making sure he was stable. After a few more minutes he looked up. He was grateful for the violet and indigo eyes staring at him. They were his anchor.

"Garfield, are you ok?" He didn't even notice her talking but she must've been calling him for a while to use his name.

"I like the way you say my name." Raven's cheeks became a light pink and she hit him upside the head. "OW!" Beast Boy rubbed the back of his head and gave a little pout.

"He's just fine." Raven sneered. Beast boy gave a shy smile in return.

"Thank goodness!" the woman called Rita sighed in relief. Beast Boy jumped. He thought it was only him and Raven in the room. Not anymore. Everyone was in the med bay with now relieved faces. Except for Robin he was staring at Beast Boy like he was the most confusing puzzle in the world. Beast Boy squirmed in his bed. He might have been 11, or at least in his mind he was, but there was a thick tension in the room. Beast Boy got the feeling that everyone was scared of HIM.  _ Why? _

"I'll check your vitals BB." Cyborg broke the tension. But as he stepped towards Beast Boy, Rita stopped him.

"I can do it. And if you don't mind, I would like to do it alone." Beast Boy gulped. He did not like to make people mad, but he hated to make people cry. He could see her grief when he said that she was not his mother. He knew he would break her heart again, but he didn't know her at all. Not even a ghost of a feeling. He needed the journal he found in Beast- his room. But the leaders probably wouldn't let him out considering what just happened. Luckily no one has punished him yet, so that was a plus.  _ But how can I can I get the journal if I'm stuck in the Med Bay? I need it now. _ Beast Boy looked around the room for an answer. Then he saw that Raven was the closest to him.

"Journal." Beast Boy whispered. He knew only Raven could hear him. He trusted her, he didn't know why but he believed, without a shadow of a doubt that she was his friend. The other teens felt like his friends but he knew Raven as a friend maybe more. He could see Raven's confusion when she turned to him slightly and her eyes narrowed ( _ friends know how each other moves, right? _ ) "In my room." She turned away from him again and started to back away.

"Robin I think it's a good idea for Rita and Beast Boy to be alone right now." Raven stated as she left Beast Boy's side. When Raven left, Beast Boy felt a surge of uneasiness come over him. He knew she was just trying to get the journal, but with everyone else they make him feel distant from Beast Boy. When Raven was near Beast Boy was Beast Boy, and it honestly felt nice to be Beast Boy.

"I don't know. With what just happened someone should stay with them." Robin seemed to be saying something else to Raven but Beast Boy didn't know what it was.

"I agree." Mento also seemed to agree with Robin's subtext too. Beast Boy wondered what they were talking about but whatever it was he knew it was something bad. Beast Boy saw the flash of anger through Raven and Rita's eyes. Beast Boy knew what he had to do.

"I-I-I w-w-would like to be alone with R-R-Rita." The name felt foreign on Beast Boy's tongue. It felt weird to call the woman by her name. But Rita did show a small smile when Beast Boy said he wanted to spend time with her, so that was a plus. "I won't cause any trouble, I promise." He begged the alphas. They both looked at Beast Boy with wary.

"Fine." Robin was the first to cave. Beast Boy knew that Robin would've lasted longer if it weren't for Raven's glare. "Let's give them some privacy." With that everyone left, except for Rita. She checked his vitals quietly. It wasn't as uncomfortable as Beast Boy thought. She had a comforting presence. But her presence wasn't enough to quench his fear as she approached him with a needle.

"It's just some pain medicine. If you don't need it I won't put it in, but according to your vitals either you're in pain or, stressed." Rita gulped on her latter suggestion but she smiled softly at him.

"I'm sorry." Beast Boy apologized, he had a feeling she wouldn't hurt him but he didn't know. Plus he really hated needles. "But could you please not, I'm fine."

"You are still the same, Garfield." She reminisced as she put the needle down. Beast Boy looked at Rita.

"Is there a name I can call you besides Rita miss. I know that you're superhero name is Elasti-girl, is it ok if I call you that?" Rita looked at him in surprise. Beast Boy blushed.  _ Why does everyone keep staring like, what's the saying, like I've grown two heads? _

"Wow, I didn't believe him when he told me you were back to your days as an eleven year-old, but you are." Rita gasped and tried to hold back a sob. Beast Boy panicked. He didn't want her to cry, no one should cry over him.

"Please don't cry, Mrs. Rita! I-I-I'm fine, I-I'm sorry-"

"No baby, you're not." Suddenly Rita caressed Beast Boy's cheek. At first there was an anxiousness in Beast Boy that told him to run. But when he looked at her eyes, he knew that he was safe. Her eyes were soft and brimming with tears. She had a soft inviting smile. She would never hurt him. Then it hit Beast Boy, he was safe _._ The people here wouldn't hurt him, they were just as confused as him. But even so, they're doing all they could to help him. They cared about him even though he didn't know them. _I'm safe. They care._ _I'm not alone._ It was all too much. He started hyperventilating again. "Beast Boy are you alright?" Rita went closer to him in worry. Her big brown eyes showed compassion and comfort She looked just like his mom. He kind of wanted her to be.

"M-M-M-Mom!" Beast Boy sobbed and he hugged Rita tightly. She was surprised at first but that only lasted for a second. She hugged him back like she was shielding him from the world. Maybe she was. He felt her cry too and it made him cry more. No one hadn't cried for him since the accident. It felt good.

"Shhhh, it's alright now. You're safe. It's going to be okay." For the first time since he was five years old Beast Boy believed it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a foreign language in this chapter!
> 
> RAVEN'S POV

Raven quietly walked down the hall to Beast Boy's room. Beast Boy wanted her to get something, but now this gave her a chance to snoop around for more information on Beast Boy. Raven stopped in her tracks. She was about to do the exact thing Beast Boy did to her multiple times to get to know her. She wondered if that made her or him the hypocrite. But unlike Beast Boy he wondered and try to get to know her, she didn't. Now when they needed to know Beast Boy they didn't.

_ Blaming people isn’t going to get us anywhere!  _ Raven stepped back in surprise. Timid had never spoken with such a hard voice. Maybe it was because of Beast Boy. Ever since he went inside her mind her emotions were affected by him as well.

_ Or maybe it's you being affected.  _ Knowledge said matter-of-factly. Raven begin to blush.

_ No! I can't think about those things right now. Beast Boy needs me, as a friend.  _ Raven stated. But Raven couldn't deny them. She didn't know Beast Boy like he knew her, but that didn't mean that she felt something, strange for him. She really needed to meditate. But right now she wanted to get this journal that Beast Boy mentioned. Then Raven sensed her leader's presence.

"Robin." Raven turned to look at him. He stood about five feet away from her in his leader mode.

"Raven." One thing that Raven noticed about her and Robin's relationship was that they could say many things to each other without actually saying anything. She did have an attraction to Robin because of this but she soon realized that she didn't someone to read her mind. She needed someone to help her speak it. Jinx told her this when Jinx was having problems with her feelings for Kid Flash. At the time Raven was reluctant to accept the advice, but now Raven could see what Jinx meant. Robin kept his distance from her, even now, when he asked her what just happened. More like commanding her to tell him.

"Look, she was dying to talk to him. Plus the only way to believe the truth is to experience it." 

"You know that isn't what I meant." Raven did know what Robin meant, but she didn't know the answer to his question. Beast Boy was in control of the Beast as far as she knew, but now it seems like the Beast was taking over Beast Boy.

"I approached a sensitive subject with Beast Boy and his young mind reacted in anger. Luckily he could hold it back." Raven kept her own opinion quiet. She knew that Robin needed facts not opinions to assess the situation.

"But do you think-"

"Garfield may not know the Doom Patrol but Beast Boy does. He wouldn't let anything happen to those he cares about. I should know." Raven stated. She believed in Beast Boy's compassion for his friends. It was his strongest emotion. It made him, him.

"You're right sorry. I was thinking as a leader, not as a friend." Robin apologized. Raven knew that Robin was just stressed and when he was stressed he tended to become harsher. It was how he controlled things.

"I understand. With Mento and the other members of the Doom Patrol, you must feel overwhelmed." Robin nodded at Raven's observation. Having another alpha male in the tower always did make Robin stressed. The situation didn't help either. Raven turned to go to Beast Boy's room.

"Where are you going?" Robin asked curiously.

"Beast Boy wanted something from his room. I'm going to go get it it for him." It was best to stick to the truth with Robin. He could sniff out a lie like a bloodhound. "You should go and try to calm down the Doom Patrol and the rest of the team." She only had so much time to investigate Beast Boy's room. Standing there with Robin was only taking that precious time. She prayed to Azar that he bought the bait.

"I guess you're right. You'll be ok?" Robin asked in concern. Raven held back a chuckle.

_ Happy calm down.  _ Raven ordered.  _ I can't. Robin has no idea that Beast Boy cleaned his room!  _ Happy went into a fit of giggles.  _ Yeah! He should be worried about himself. He's got the death job, not us.  _ Now Brave was joining in the laughter too. Raven bought herself mentally back to the present. "I'll be fine."

"If you say so." Robin sighed in exhaustion before turning towards the main room. Raven turned back heading towards Beast Boy's room.

When Raven teleported through Beast Boy's room the memories of their last encounter ran through her mind.  _ I can't believe that was this morning. It seems so far away now.  _ But Raven did remember her discoveries this morning. His nightmares, his birthday, and he hid something under his pillow.  _ Don't try to deny him flirting with you.  _ Passion purred. Passion was a new, strong, emotion.  _ When I know the truth I'll consider things, but how can I know how he feels without knowing him. Plus in his mind he's only eleven. I would be taking advantage of him.  _ Raven chastised in defense.  _ Something tells me he wouldn't mind one bit.  _ Passion said lustfully. Raven blushed. She really wasn't ready to face those possibilities.  _ Just find the journal and then go and meditate. Maybe I should meditate now.  _ She didn't want to but her mind couldn't focus. She looked for a good spot to meditate in Beast Boy's room. Right in the middle of his room was enough space for her to levitate, but it was the view that convinced her to stay. It was the outlook of the city. It look so small but it was still the shiny Jump City she knew and loved. The setting sun cast a beautiful mix of colors that reflected off the skyscrapers of the city. The view was a beautiful but crazy mix of colors that almost seemed to reflect her mind. Raven started to levitate and closed her eyes to meditate.

About some time later Raven opened her eyes. She noticed how much calmer she was. Her emotions were being handled and for the first time since the accident she felt somewhat normal.  _ Now to get the journal. _ Raven lowered herself to the ground. As she lowered herself her eyes caught something on the bed post. She went toward what appeared to look like markings. She definitely didn't see markings. What caught her eyes were scratch marks. Little tiny ones that were barely noticeable. Raven touched the bed post. It felt sanded, recently sanded.  _ What are you hiding?  _ Raven quietly whispered. She felt uneasy about her discovery. Now the journal was a necessity.

Raven remembered that Beast Boy hid something in his bed while she came in. She lifted the blankets and pillows off the bed, with her powers of course. Something fell out. At first glance it looked like a book. Raven's eyes widened.  _ Beast Boy reads?  _ But as she went closer to it was a forest green hardcover journal. At least she could tell it was green. It had obviously been through a lot. The cover was bent at the corners and had scratches on it. But what was most disturbing was the dark stains on it.  _ This must be the journal Beast Boy was talking about. _ Raven inspected it more, contemplating the idea of opening it. She could learn everything now or she could wait. It would break his trust if she read it. But he would understand, he went inside her mind. She's just simply returning the favor.  _ Plus I came here to snoop anyway. _

Raven opened the journal. She expected illegible writing and horrible grammar. She definitely didn't expect a foreign language. The writing was legible, but it was hard and expressive.

_ Novemba 3, 2004 _

_ Mimi alikuwa mafunzo na Mento tena leo. Mimi bado hawezi kurejea katika wanyama wakubwa. Mento aliniambia kuwa kama mimi si kujifunza siwezi kulinda timu. Najua, ni tu machungu. Siwezi kusaidia kufikiri kuhusu, kwamba kama mimi naweza kurejea katika wanyama kubwa wakati wazazi wangu walikufa maji. Mimi inaweza kuwa na kuokolewa kwao. Siwezi kupoteza Doom Patrol. Tafadhali, Mungu, siwezi kupoteza yao. Labda I am kufikiri kuhusu hilo ngumu sana. Tu kulinda, tabasamu, na kuwa na furaha. _

Raven only understood the date and names. Part of her hoped someone else wrote it.  _ Maybe Beast Boy’s father?  _ If he wrote it, then the journal must have been a keepsake or something like her mirror, Robin’s old communicator, Starfire’s plants, or Cyborg’s football. Something to tie him to his past.  _ You know that the journal is not one of those things.  _ Knowledge chided within her. Raven ignored her and flipped to the middle.

_ May 12, 2006 _

_ Nilikwenda katika akili Raven leo. Mimi najua ni sauti weird lakini kwa kweli kilichotokea! Ilikuwa ni nzuri. Niliona Raven katika nyeupe, yeye kweli alifanya kuangalia kama malaika. Kulikuwa na rangi wengi matoleo tofauti ya yake. Kuna rangi ya kijani Raven, fedha rangi Raven, rangi nyekundu Raven. Kulikuwa na rangi zaidi. Ilikuwa weird mkutano wao. Akizungumza ya weird mimi lazima kweli kuwa kuandika kwa Kiingereza  But I do not like English. It is hard to learn. I know I know it but English is hard. Like, freind is a hard word. Freind does not look rite, friend? Yeah, friend. Raven called me friend. Cyborg too, she looked at me and said it, and blushed. There I think I am done for the day. _

Raven stilled, staring at the journal with wide eyes. Beast Boy knew another language. Granted she recognized the bad grammar and spelling as the Beast Boy she knew but still, he knew another language.  _ This means he probably knows another culture too. Another life. What the heck was Beast Boy hiding _ ?

Bring!

Raven's communicator vibrated at her side, jarring her out of her thoughts.

"What?" Raven opened it and snapped at the caller. She felt bad when she realized that it was Starfire.

"I am sorry friend Raven but I did not mean to upset you." Starfire said apologetically. Raven rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"You didn't upset me Star." Raven noticed that Star was in the building. "Why did you call me in the building Star?" Raven asked.

"Oh, Elasti-Girl came back from her visiting of Beast Boy and Cyborg made dinner. I did not know where you were." Starfire explained. Raven looked out the window and sure enough it was night. The clock on Beast Boy's dresser said 7:45.  _ How long have I been in here? _

"I'll be there in a few." Raven said nonchalantly.

"See you soon friend!" Starfire spoke cheerfully. Raven turned her communicator off. She looked back at the notebook. She needed answers and she would get them. Her anger was back.

Raven entered the main room, hood on. Cyborg and Robot-man were in the kitchen cooking meat with sad smiles on their faces. Probably thinking about how Beast Boy would probably be berating them about killing innocent animals. Starfire and Elasti-Girl were comforting each other with stories. Elasti-Girl looked better, sad but not as devastated as she was this morning. Robin and Mento were straight ahead 'discussing' something. It was steadily increasing in volume, adding tension in the room. Raven advanced toward them, specifically Mento.

"If you were a true leader you would accept the fact that he would be better with us." Mento said sternly. That stopped Raven in her tracks. Their discussion was about them taking Beast Boy. She was so scared about Beast Boy running from them that she forgot about the possibility of the Doom Patrol taking him away from them.

"If YOU were a true leader you could just tell us what we want to know!" Robin yelled back.

"Please don't yell, Beast Boy is sleeping." Elasti-Girl said calmly.

"No Rita! These kids are in way over their heads and they want to take care of MY son." Mento exclaimed.

"We understand sir-" Starfire also tried to pacify the situation but Raven felt Robin’s fury.

"WE KNOW! That's why we called you. But we are his friends that he hasn't run from." Robin was now in Mento's face. Mento stepped back in shock at Robin's personal jab. But Mento regained composure quickly.

"Yet, you still had to call us because you don't know anything about him." Mento sneered. This reminded Raven why she was here in the first place. Anger consumed her once again.

"Both of you need to be quiet." Black energy surrounded Robin and Mento's mouths. "Now Mento, tell us what we want to know." Raven let both of them go. Robin just shuddered and backed off but Mento became rigid. 

"I'm sorry, MISS but Beast Boy would be safer and more comfortable with us. We are more prepared for this type of situation." Mento barked.

"Miss." Raven growled. Raven dropped her hood.

"Mento." Robot Man warned.

"Babe, I think you should back down." Rita whispered. Mento still didn't listen.

"No. Beast Boy-"

"YOU CAN’T HAVE BEAST BOY!" Raven's demonic voice came forward and her four red demon eyes flashed at Mento. Mento finally sat down. He was a little paler than before which satisfied Raven. She took a deep breath and calmed down. "You will answer our questions, then when Beast Boy is awake we can let him decide where he wants to go." Mento only nodded at Raven's suggestion. Raven sighed. She hated to let her rage out but with an alpha male like Mento she had no choice. "Ok then. First, tell me why most of this is in a different language." She showed the Doom Patrol the journal. She heard a gasp from Rita. The rest of the members just stared at the journal like it was some ghost.

"He still uses that?" Raven would never think that she would hear Negative man's voice so haunted.

"That's not the point. Steve tell them." Rita's voice held the command that she carried in her movies and her fights. Mento sighed and bowed his head. He took off his mask. Raven knew whatever was coming out next was something she would wish she didn't hear.

"Let's eat first. Then I will tell you what we know." Raven stared at him confused.

"What do you mean? Aren't you guys family? In his file it says you guys raised BB for like 5 years." Cyborg said while he was preparing everything for dinner. Raven agreed. The reason they called them was because they thought the Doom Patrol would know more about Beast Boy. But, by the way Mento tensed and looked away from them, it seemed that was not true.

"I hacked into his files and changed some things around. I didn't want his past to follow him. We don't know everything about Beast Boy's past. We only knew him for about two years. But it was enough to know that what happened to him, should have never happen to any child." Mento's voice was soft and full of guilt. He sounded broken. What exactly happened to Beast Boy?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Entry 1: I was trained by Mento again today. I still can not turn in older animals. Mento told me that if I did not learn I can not protect the team. I know, it just hurts. I can not help thinking about, that if I could turn into the largest animals when my parents were drowned. I could have saved them. I can not lose Doom Patrol. Please, God, I can not lose them. Maybe I am thinking about it too hard. Just protect, smile, and be happy.
> 
> Entry 2: I went in Raven's mind today. I know it sounds weird but it really happened! It was a beautiful. I saw Raven in white, she really did look like an angel. There was color many different versions of her. There green color Raven, silver color Raven, red color Raven. There were more colors. It was weird meeting them. Speaking of weird, I should really be writing in English.
> 
> This was courtesy of Google translate. So I'm sorry if it's not correct, but I don't know Swahili.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Backstory Time!
> 
> MENTO'S POV

Everyone ate dinner silently. Mento didn't mind. It helped him prepare for the grueling conversation that was to come. The first one done was the teenager in the blue cloak, Raven. She grabbed Garfield's journal and sat on the floor meditating. The tall orange one, Starfire, joined Raven on the floor crossing her long legs. The other two members did the same. Mento would've smiled at the teenagers acting like kids waiting for storytime but Mento hated the story he had to tell. The Doom Patrol took the long couch in front of the teenagers.

"Now that we're all settled, tell us. What happened to Beast Boy?" Raven stated flatly. The other teens nodded. Rita put a hand on Mento’s arm, giving him an encouraging squeeze. He sighed, he knew this was going to be a long night.

"Everything started about five years ago, in California. The Doom Patrol had already formed and made a name for ourselves. We were living in Dayton Manor. Next to the Manor was this old manor that was unclaimed. Five years ago in the late fall someone moved into the manor. Of course we were curious. Whoever it was, they were very secretive about everything. They moved in with huge boxes holding everything and tarps covering them. Knowing that asking to look wasn't an option, Negative Man and I went on a covert mission to see if this new neighbor was a threat. Negative Man looked through most of the boxes and I scanned thoughts on the hill near the manor. It was only a quick check up. I didn't want to waste any time on our mysterious neighbor. Negative Man saw some science equipment, that wasn't human friendly and some furniture." Mento stood up and began pacing. He didn't want to see anyone's face.

"The minds I read were just plain movers until I focused on a man who was bigger in size and muscle then the movers. He was happily counting his bundles of cash. He was a greedy violent man. His thoughts were, 'Who knew that it would make me this rich!' A mover dropped a piece of furniture and the man went and hit the mover. He kept insulting and hitting the man. I was going to help but a tall thin man stopped the bigger man. This man's mind was more calculated than the other's. The tall man knew who we were and warned everyone to be careful. That had me worried. I should've looked more into it right then and there, but," Mento paused. In that moment, Mento was full of regret and anger. He still blamed himself for not seeing the torture Beast Boy was in. He probably always would.

Rita touched his shoulder gently. Bringing him out of his thoughts. He looked at the teenagers before him. He was worried about their reactions but he saw the need to know in their eyes. "My mind scan to see what they were talking about was interrupted by a sad unidentifiable roar from one of the tarp covered boxes. The big man hit the box harshly. 'Shut it you filthy mutt!' He yelled. At the time I thought they were just experimenting on some weird animal. I didn't want to stay and give them the chance to uncover our mission. I ended the covert mission there. I told the rest of the Patrol what I found. Of course they wanted to report it. But I was against going into the man's business. I didn't want to start something with a man that was impulsively violent and another man that was as cold as the Brain. Rita wouldn't have that though." Mento smiled at her. He was thankful that he had her in his life. She was his passion and his heart. She helped him see people's hearts, not just their minds. 

"She said that if we weren't going to report them, that we had to meet them. So the next day Rita and I went to the other manor. I was right about the violent men being the new owner of the manor. He was only dressed in a bathrobe and reeked of alcohol when he opened the door. I let Rita do the talking because all I could think of was how disgusting he was. He seemed to be a morally crooked man, just like his face. Rita nicely told him that we were neighbors and told him how to get to the manor. He just shrugged but did take a closer, more suggestive look at Rita. I didn't like it so I got straight to the point. I coldly asked him about the suspicious sound we heard yesterday. He immediately became stoic and told us to keep to ourselves and he would do the same. He slammed the door in our face, but not before I heard a woman call out Galtry. When we got to the manor I looked him up. He had a few misdemeanors but what was interesting was that he was the legal guardian of a boy named Garfield Mark Logan."

"Beast Boy." Robin whispered. Mento knew that the leader would try to know who his teammate was.

"That's correct. At the time though, all I found out was that Garfield's parents died when he was seven and he went into Galtry's custody when the police found him in America-"

"Wait, found him in America?" Cyborg asked. Mento didn't like to be interrupted but now he could understand the interruptions. They had many questions that needed to be answered. Still, Mento sent Cyborg a glare.

"Yes, his parents died in Africa, most people assumed that he did too. The police found him in an abandoned warehouse when they were trying to catch two criminals, Carl and Max Sallias. Garfield witnessed against the two in a deal that would keep him out of punishment. It was implied and stated by Carl and Max that Garfield participated in most of their illegal activities but because of his age and the deal he made, his record stayed clean. But there wasn't a single picture of this Garfield. That was all the information in his file at the time. This increased my suspicion and Rita's worry. We ordered Negative Man and Robot Man to stay while we investigated. Rita and I found nothing else about Galtry or Garfield. But when we came back Negative Man and Robot man told us something interesting." Mento looked to Negative Man and Robot Man. Mento was tired of retelling, or maybe he was tired of remembering the mistakes he made. Robot Man stood near the counter in the kitchen and Negative Man stood by the bay window in the main room near the couch. Mento expected Robot Man to speak because he was closer to Beast Boy. He was also the first one to tell them what had happened when they came to the manor after the investigation. He was astonished that Negative Man spoke first.

"It was around nine, I was in the main room relaxing while Robot Man was training. The intruder alarm didn't sound but I knew there was something in the building. I didn't think of anything of it, till I heard something scratch the window in the kitchen." Mento was further astonished by the emotion in Negative Man's voice. He wasn't one to show his emotions, but how could he besides his voice. "I got up to see what it was. When I got to the kitchen window I didn't find anything. But I did see the plate of tuna that Mento and Elasti-girl left. I thought it was just some hungry stray because it was still inside the manor. So I took the food out and left it by a tree near the edge of the Manor. I waited for the stray to come out. It did but what surprised me was what the stray was. It was a small frail, blood red a kitten." Negative-Man gave a dark chuckle. 

"It was the weirdest thing I ever saw. The kitten slowly stepped towards the food. His weary red eyes always on me. It hissed at me to go away but I stayed near the back door. It took about a minute for the cat to start eating the tuna. He ate the tuna like he hadn't eaten in days. Which was probably true. Robot Man came out looking for me and started talking loudly but quieted down when he saw the kitten. The cat noticed him and looked at us. It was a full thirty seconds before the cat bolted. We followed the cat but it seemed to have disappeared in thin air. Every few nights this would happen. The cat would break into the Manor around nine, eat, then disappear as quickly as it had come. Robot Man or I would always set food near the tree for it." Mento smiled when Negative Man started talking with his hands.

"One day the cat broke into the house of the Manor. I had forgot to leave food by the tree for the cat. We were on our way back from rounds, when I heard something in the kitchen. The red cat was there in the fridge trying to get some food. At first I was trying to hold in some laughter but I heard the others come in. Robot Man tried to help me get the kitten out of the house but the cat got scared instead. He ran out from the fridge and past me to get out. Well, he ran straight into Mento. Rita came in behind him wondering what the noise was about. She saw the red cat and tried to pick it up. The cat scratched her and backed away in fright. Mento said something about Galtry," Negative-Man spat Galtry's name out. Mento knew that Negative-Man's pessimistic view on life made him bitter. When he hated something, he hated it. 

"The cat was smart, he opened up the fridge and broke into the Manor, but I didn't expect him to know names. When the kitten heard Galtry's name it fled like a speeding bullet. Mento ordered us to catch the cat, but even a small malnourished kitten could be faster than us when we don't use our powers. Finally Elasti-girl caught it using her powers. But the cat did something I would never forget. It went from a red kitten to a red bird. It flew at of Rita's grip. That's when we decided to use our powers to catch the animal. Mento sent a blast on it and tried to use telepathy on him but he was too agile. He kept changing to small but fast and fierce things." Negative-Man was usually a calm and collected person, but now, he was excitable and his voice had this cheery quality to it. Beast Boy always had this effect on Negative Man. Beast Boy showed him the great side of life, the emotional side. Mento was glad to see Negative-Man like this. This story is probably the most he'll ever say in one setting. Negative-Man paused, reminiscing about Beast Boy's cunning and mischievous nature.

"He was a little rascal. He turned into a ram, a bug, and a little monkey." Robot Man chuckled.

"But we were so worried about catching him that we didn't even notice that he was bleeding." Negative Man said regretfully.

"I did. I always knew things about him that you guys yourselves couldn't see." Mento agreed with Rita. She probably took Garfield as her child the moment Mento found out that Garfield's parents were dead.

"Negative Man, Robot Man, and I cornered Beast Boy in our training room. He was a small red chimpanzee. He was breathing hard, but was ready to fight for an escape. We got ready for a fight too. Rita stopped us from even taking a step towards him. We saw the blood when she showed us the dark red liquid dripping from certain areas. We backed down. This surprised Beast Boy. He stood back, startled at our unresponsive reaction. I sent a message to his mind trying to calm down, but he growled at us even louder, and grabbed his head. I couldn't understand his mind at the time too. There were multiple animal noises in his head. Not one dominated the other. Rita held me back as she neared him. She cooed him and spoke to him in a soft voice. Finally the red chimp turned into a half-naked boy. A child, around the age of eleven. I could even count two or three ribs." Mento tried to be as detached as he could, because he could see how the memories were affecting his team but remembering also affected him. Mento could see how cold and strict he was with Beast Boy. Out of all the things Mento regretted, he regretted not showing Beast Boy how much he loved him. Rita carried on the story for him.

"When he turned into a boy he looked at us curiously. I coaxed him to come closer. He did, but it was like coaxing an abused animal. He even sniffed my hand before letting me touch him. I saw the bruises and needle points but what made me furious was the black barcode tattoo on his right hand." Rita was always protective of Beast Boy. She allowed Mento to train him but not as hard as the others. It was a mission in itself to separate her from Beast Boy when they first found him.

"I asked him his name but he looked so confused, as if he forgot his own name. We needed to help him. I told the boys to go get some food ready and a bath. I treated his wounds, with Mento watching. Beast Boy was animalistic. He never say anything, but he whimpered and growled. It broke my heart. Mento tried to bathe him alone but Beast Boy stuck to my side. He probably sensed my motherly instincts." Rita smiled sadly. Mento squeezed her hand. Rita's miscarriage was hard on both of them, but especially Rita. He understoond why she wanted Beast Boy so badly.

"We gave him a bath, food, and clothes. But we had to teach him everything. Sometimes it seemed like he knew but something was repressing the memories. After he ate properly, I tried asking his name again. This time I begged him to remember. But Mento was the one who persuaded him. Mento told Beast Boy that if he remembered his name he could stay. He must've understood what that meant because Beast Boy's whole demeanor changed. He scrunched his eyebrows in concentration and looked at the ground. He kept opening and closing his mouth. There were weird noises coming out of his mouth. He started hyperventilating but we couldn't understand what he was saying. Mento held me back but it was horrifying to watch him break and do nothing.  The silence was worse  because I didn't know what was going to happen next. Suddenly, Beast Boy stuttered his name, Garfield Mark Logan. Then he collapsed." Mento noticed how his team sighed in relief, most of the hard memories were over. However, the Teen Titans looked stressed out.

Starfire was covering her mouth in shock, Cyborg was clenching and unclenching his fists, Robin and Raven tried to seem calm and collected but Mento could see a vein about to explode from Robin and Raven's mind was a mess. The emotions in her were running rampant and his telepathic senses could detect the rage, passion, and care she had for Beast Boy screaming in her mind. He even saw a couple of lightbulbs starting to flicker and dishes crack. They wanted answers, and quickly.

"The reason why Beast Boy was red was because he relied completely and solely on his animal instincts to survive. He abandoned human knowledge, he abandoned humanity. The red signified a mental change in Beast Boy. There are different hormones in animals and humans. The hormones from the animals he used to survive reacted to the disease that most likely gave him his powers, turning him from green to red."

"That's why BB is green now, he's learning and being human." Cyborg gasped.

"How do you know this?" Robin asked. Mento heard Raven's mind scream at him. Also a cup shattered in the kitchen. _What made him into an animal?_

"Galtry was able to buy the Manor because of a man named Dr. Lucas. He was a chemical and biology scientist. He was researching the same disease that Garfield's parents were studying, sakutia. At the time, the disease was fatal for humans, but for animals it made them green and rabid. Mary and Craig Logan were Dr. Lucas's students but they fought against his treatment, or as he called it, trials, of the diseased subjects. When Lucas found out about Garfield he wanted to test him immediately. The deal between him and Galtry was mutually beneficial for both parties except Beast Boy."

"Let me guess, relative gets money if the kid is dead situation?" Robin spat. Mento could see the hatred for Galtry forming in his eyes.

"Yes. And Dr. Lucas wanted a subject that he couldn't be traced back to. In the file Beast Boy was eight when he went into Galtry's care. Dr. Lucas was with them when he was nine."

"What made him turned red?" Raven was practical growling at Mento, but he understood. Raven cared for Beast Boy as much, maybe even more than Rita did.

"I don't know. I tried to scan Beast Boy's thoughts when he was red but they were hazy and incomprehensible. When he became green again he became tight lipped about what happen to him from before. He knew, that we knew bad things happened to him, but he was reluctant to talk about those things. He acted like the past never happened. He quickly became the jokester, compassionate, and caring Beast Boy we all know today. After we found him that day we took him as our own. It was a long grueling process but he became part of the team and family." Mento became silent for a while. He couldn't remember Beast Boy ever crying in front of him. Mento heard him cry with Rita but that was when they first got him. Mento was proud of the boy for getting back up from the mess of his past and deciding to do the right thing. Whenever Mento read Garfield's mind he could sense the anger and emotions of his past but he always overcame them to put a smile on people's faces, even Mento himself. He would give Beast Boy some satisfaction and show him a small smile. Beast Boy would beam at those smiles.

"Why was the journal in Swahili?" Raven pulled Mento out of his thoughts and back to the situation at hand. Mento didn't pay attention to the individuals of the Teen Titans when they first met, but now sitting in their abode, he could see them. Robin was the tough strict leader but he was also a caring friend who had to make sure he had control. His girlfriend Starfire was also compassionate and caring but she was the opposite of Robin: bubbly, encouraging, and understanding. They reminded Mento of Rita and him. They balanced each other out. Cyborg was the best friend, the support. The strong man of the team. Then there was Raven, the dark, half demon, empath. Mento knew she was the calm collected one, usually. This recent situation has proved her to be fiercely close to Beast Boy. Mento could see that when Beast Boy's mind was in utter chaos, she was his anchor. Beast Boy and Raven made each other better. He wondered if the Beast Boy before the situation, his Beast Boy, had deeper feelings for Raven.

"Garfield accompanied his parents to Africa. he was only a year old at the time. He probably did learn English but his parents died when he was five. The most English he learned probably had been oral till he stayed with us. Even when he started returning green when he reverted to Swahili. He was probably teaching himself writing, or he wanted to keep his original language."

"So friend Beast Boy turns red when he relies more on animals, correct?" Star asked Mento politely.

"Yes." Rita replied sadly.

"He was practically born and raised in Africa? His parents died when he was five? Then he was probably kidnapped by criminals till he was eight?" Cyborg asked sadly.

"That's it." Robot Man retorted.

"At eight he was put under Galtry's care, which he gave Beast Boy to Dr. Lucas to be experimented on or killed by till he was eleven." Robin stated in controlled anger.

"Most likely." Mento stated.

"So Beast Boy's mind is in a state before he met you all?" Raven asked, keeping everyone on track.

"Yes." Mento stated.

"Do you think he will go through a red state again?" Raven asked curiously.

"Maybe, I actually think that Beast Boy was having problems with his primal side before the current situation. There seemed to be another presence in his mind when his vitals went haywire. This will most likely affect the red stage." Mento hoped that the teenagers were clever enough to catch his underlying question.

"In one of our fights with a villain named Adonis, there was a medical lab with an unknown chemical. Beast Boy was infected with the chemical and it woke up a primal beast inside of Beast Boy." Robin stated.

"He's not dangerous. Even though he was an animal, he took care of me and saved all of us from Adonis." Raven defended. Mento was glad that someone could and probably always see the good in him. "But you're right, it might affect his animal state."

"Something tells me that you guys can handle it." Mento smiled softly at Raven. Everyone looked at Mento in shock.

"What are you saying Steve?" Rita asked in surprise.

"I'm saying that we already had a chance to help Beast Boy, and we did. But his friends are his family now. It's their turn now. We can trust them with our son, family." Mento looked at his team, they looked sad and flabbergasted but he could see that Rita agreed, and that's all that mattered. "I'm sure they'll help him more than we ever could." He looked at each of the Titans. They were shocked as well but happy. Mento stared at Raven specifically. "We can trust you to help him, right?" Mento asked seriously.

"If you will be willing to help us." Raven stated with a slight smirk. Mento couldn't help but smirk back. His son had a good choice in women. Mento shook each Titans hand.

"We'll stay for a little while longer then we'll leave, I hope that's alright?" Mento asked commandingly.

"Of course sir." Robin stated in the same tone.

"We should all get some rest it's been a long day." Rita suggested softly. Everyone nodded or yawned in agreement but Mento felt a cold chill racing down his spine. Someone was utterly terrified. He looked at Raven, and sure enough she looked horrified. Then a piercing roar echoed through the tower.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't own Teen Titans, Doom Patrol, or Lavender's Blue! ;-)
> 
> RAVEN'S POV

Raven was rarely willing to admit that she was afraid, even to herself. But now, she couldn't even deny the ice cold terror that ran through her. She was absolutely terrified of what was going on with Beast Boy. The roar sounded aggressive but Raven could feel the fear behind it as she flew to the med bay. After what Mento told them, she was positive it was a nightmare, or a memory of his horrible past. She didn't even have time to process what the Doom Patrol had said. They didn't really know about his past either, just simple facts from the internet. But they trusted her and the Titans to figure it out. To figure Beast Boy out.

Raven was the first one at the med bay and she was shocked by what she found. Beast Boy was shifting in and out of Beast mode, his teeth protruded out of his mouth causing blood to make its way down his chin, his human arm grasped the bed like a lifeline, it probably was, while the shift in his other arm was going in and out. Beast Boy's breath was laboured and Raven couldn't tell if he was fighting the transformation or the nightmare in his mind. It was like seeing and hearing a grotesque werewolf transformation but the scene was never ending. Mento and Robin came up behind Raven and gasped.

"BEAST BOY!" Rita screamed. Beast Boy opened his eyes at them. Raven audibly gasp at his eyes. They were his eyes but they were blood red. Raven remembered what the Doom Patrol said about him turning red but she had a hard time understanding it and picturing it. Now she understood, his pure animal instincts were like her powers. They responded to his emotions. If he felt endangered they reacted.

"Get out." Beast Boy growled. He looked around but when Raven saw his eyes she realized that he didn't see them. His eyes were distant and clouded like he was trapped in his memory. _Maybe that's why he's stuck at a certain age right now, maybe it's not amnesia. That explains what was going on with him before this whole situation. He was stuck in the past. The question though is why, why was he stuck in the past?_ Raven's inner musings were cut short when she saw and heard Cyborg being thrown across the room. Robot Man was thrown to the other side. Rita ran to Cyborg's aid and Negative man to Robot Man's. Beast Boy was out of his bed and crouched in a corner ready to fight. He growled louder at everyone. He wasn't fully in Beast mode but his teeth were shaper, he seemed to be covered in either fur or hair, and his eyes were more animalistic than when they first came in. Raven also could've sworn that some of his fur hair was turning red.

"Beast Boy, we're only trying to help." Robin stated calmly as he approached him with a sedative. Raven winced in fear for her leader as he went forward. She wasn't surprised when Beast Boy scratched him. But she was surprised to see that Beast Boy got a part of Robin's mask. Raven knew Beast Boy was fast but usual when they trained Robin was always faster. Raven also would've never thought that Beast Boy could ever be intimidating but he certainly was.

"I can't get through to him in his mind. It's just loud growls and roars." Mento exclaimed. Beast Boy grabbed a canister of disinfecting wipes and threw it towards Mento. Mento attempted to dodge the throw but the wipes still hit him, hard, and Mento landed on his butt. Even Raven would have to admit in any other situation that would've been hilarious.

"NO!" Beast Boy screamed at Mento. Robin used the opportunity to try to put the sedative in Beast Boy. But Robin wasn't as fast as Beast Boy's animal reflexes. As soon as Robin was just a step close to Beast Boy, Beast Boy turned to Robin and literally pounced on him. Out of the corner of her eye Raven saw Starfire zoom towards Robin and Beast Boy. Raven grabbed her wrist and pulled her back

"Why are you holding me back? Our friends need our help!" Starfire looked at Raven like she was crazy. With her plan Raven was considering it.

"I have a plan but you and everybody else needs to stay back." Raven ordered sternly. Elasti-girl, Robot Man, and Negative Man nodded in agreement.

"You don't have to tell me twice." Cyborg replied trying to lift the mood. It would've worked if Raven didn't hear a bang that sounded like someone smashing into the metal cabinets. Beast Boy roared again. Raven looked pleadingly at Starfire. Starfire seeming to get the urgency quickly but hesitantly nodded. When Raven turned towards Robin and Beast Boy and wished that she enacted her plan sooner. Beast Boy had Robin up against the wall choking him and pinning the arm holding the syringe. Beast Boy kept glaring behind him as if he expected one of them to come at him. _Not us, but whoever is in the memory._ Knowledge reminded her.

"Beast Boy!" Robin gasped. Beast Boy just bared his teeth at Robin.

"NO! I'm tired of tests! NO MORE!" Beast Boy roared again. Raven couldn't take anymore. She stepped towards them.

"Raven, no." Robin gasped. Beast Boy's hold on his throat tighten. Raven paid no heed to Robin and continued to get closer to them. Beast Boy growled at her, his fur hair bristled. Raven just continued on.

"Lavender's blue, dilly dilly, lavender's green. When you are king, dilly dilly, I shall be queen." Raven began singing. She could feel everyone's eyes turn to her in surprise. This knowledge only increased the red hue on her face. Raven never ever sang. But it was the only thing she could think of to bring Beast Boy out of wherever he was in his mind. She hoped it would calm him down too. "Wh-wh-who told you so, dilly dilly, who told you so?" Raven stuttered. She absolutely hated all the attention this was getting her but it was working. Beast Boy's grip on Robin lessened. Beast Boy stared at her, then he shook his head. That reaction kept her going.

"Twas my own heart, dilly dilly, that told me so. Call up your men, dilly, dilly, set them to work. Some to the plough, dilly, dilly, some to the fork." She was really glad she remembered the song. It was coming to her as she sang. She actually heard Beast Boy humming it one day. It was after a fight with Slade and Beast Boy was injured badly. While Raven was healing him, through his uniform, she heard him faintly humming the song. As time went on she could always faintly hear the melody. Till one day she had to find out what the song was. She was not expecting it to be a lullaby, but she did like it. After a while, she started humming along. If anyone noticed anything they were smart enough to not mention it. "Some to make hay, dilly, dilly, some to cut corn. While you and I, dilly, dilly, keep ourselves warm." Beast Boy's eyes were clearing up, and Raven was only two steps away from him. But Raven could've sworn Beast Boy whispered Rita's name. She shook her head this time but didn't stop singing. Maybe if she sang a little more he would step out of his memories himself. _Please, wake up Beast Boy._ Raven thought. "Lavender's green, dilly, dilly, lavender's blue."

"If you love me, dilly dilly, I will love you." Beast Boy finished the song in a puzzled tone. He finally looked and saw Raven."R-R-Raven?" Beast Boy quickly glanced around the room. When he saw what he was doing to Robin he dropped him like he was hot and jumped into a corner. "I'm sorry, sorry, so sorry!" He kept apologizing over and over, but what pricked Raven's heart was the way he shivered in fright as he glanced at everyone. She slowly approached him . He flinched and tried to climb up the corner. Because of that he fell to the floor, but he didn't get up. He just cowered in the corner. "I'm sorry. Please." He whispered as he put his head down. Raven just kneeled before him.

"Beast Boy, look at me." Raven commanded quietly. Beast Boy just shook harder. "Beast Boy please." Raven pleaded. She knew what she was about to do did define her as crazy but she trusted Beast Boy. He would do the same, no he did do the same thing everyday. She was just repaying him. Raven slowly lifted her hand and caressed Beast Boy's face. She heard several people gasp and some took a step closer to them but Raven only had eyes for Beast Boy. His forest green eyes widen in awe and his shaking turned into labored breaths. "It's ok. It's ok." Raven didn't know why or how but tears started to fall from her eyes but there was a soft smile on her face. She could see Beast Boy's eyes start to water and he opened his mouth. "Don't apologize Beast Boy. You were scared and confused but it's ok. It's ok." Raven repeated Beast Boy started breathing even harder.

"But I-I-I-I hur-hur-hurt-"

"You did, but it's going to be ok." Raven didn't know why she was acting so different right now. She didn't cry, she didn't comfort, she didn't caress. But now Beast Boy pulled something out of her that she didn't even know existed. It might be a selfish thought but she's glad that he did. Right now Raven felt needed as Raven, not Trigon's Daughter, not a portal to hell, not a half demon, just Raven. All of the sudden Beast Boy wrapped himself around Raven. She heard people coming to her aid but she stopped them. Beast Boy was hugging her. She slowly hugged back as she faintly wondered if this temporary shock was what Beast Boy felt when she hugged him after the Malchior incident. Beast Boy sobbed into her shoulder loudly, but Raven didn't care. She didn't care about the people just staring at them, she didn't care about the gross bodily fluids that were coming from him and onto her. No, all she cared about was the massive amount of pain, fear, anger, and hurt that was slowly being masked by sweet relief. Raven sat there rocking with Beast Boy as he sobbed, carding her fingers through his soft wavy hair. She whispered the lullaby him through her tears saying "It's ok," in between. She stopped when she finally felt him stop sobbing and his slow breathing.

"Is friend Beast Boy ok?" Starfire asked in concern. Raven would've jumped but Beast Boy's peaceful sleeping face rendered her motionless and speechless. She didn't realize when, but Beast Boy wasn't a kid anymore. Gone was the round baby face. It filled into sharp edges and sturdy lines. Yet, as his head rested next to her heart she could feel the innocence and pure hope that he was usually saturated in, was now pouring out of him. It was possibly one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. _How can someone who has been through hell still be this beautifully pure. He really does look like a puppy._ Raven smiled softly at Beast Boy. _Wait what am I thinking!? Happy Passion stop-_

 _That was all you girl! And it was soooooo cute!_ Happy and Passion both squealed in delight. Raven just huffed in annoyance.

"He's sleeping, we should just put him back in bed and do the same for ourselves." Raven stated as calmly as she could.

"I'm down with that." Cyborg said quietly. He grabbed Beast Boy from Raven careful not to wake him. He only moved a little but was still asleep. When he was in bed and the med bay was cleaned up Raven noticed that it was almost 5 in the morning. She figured that he woke up at three again but if he did why was he transforming into the Beast, and why did it seem like their Beast Boy was in there as well?

"Are you alright Raven?" Rita gently laid a hand on Raven's shoulder, bringing Raven out of her musings.

"Yeah, just thinking." Rita just nodded and hummed in agreement.

"Where did you learn that song?" Raven admired Rita for being straightforward with her real question but it seemed that question was more deeper than where did Raven learn the song. The seriousness in her eyes and tone lead to this conclusion.

"Beast Boy would hum it while he was getting healed. I heard it and wanted to know what it was." Rita nodded and softly smiled.

"I use to sing that song to him when he went to bed or I was treating his wounds. I'm glad someone else can continue caring for him like I did. Goodnight Raven." Rita turned towards her and Mento's room. Raven could've sworn she heard Rita say that Raven would be a good daughter-in-law as she turned around, but Raven decided to ignore it. She focused on the fact that Beast Boy remembered the Doom Patrol's lullaby they sang to him. _He's still in there. I can go into his mind-_ Raven yawned. She decided that she would share her findings with the team later today. Right now meditation and rest was in order. Raven went to her room tired, exhausted, but hopeful. She was going to help Beast Boy. _I'm going to save you, Beast Boy, no matter what._


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter has heavy angst, I think. Either way, I should and do not own Teen Titans.
> 
>  
> 
> Italics- Thoughts  
> Italics and Underline- The BEAST!
> 
>  
> 
> Beast Boy POV

Beast Boy woke up gasping. He jumped out of his bed, more like tripped out. He had forgotten the medical things that he was attached to. That's when he remembered that he was in the med-bay. That was when Beast Boy realized that he didn't even know why he was in a panic. Beast Boy sat back up on the floor, trying to untangle himself.  _ First horrible memories I vividly remember, then dreams I can't even recall having. I hate this.  _ _ Accept me and I will help _ _.  _ Something growled within Beast Boy making him shiver.

"I don't even know WHAT you are! How can I trust you?" That's when this morning's events came to mind. "You were hurting them!"  _You did. You hide from the past and in turn that makes us fearful! I react to your emotions._ The Beast answered roughly. "SHUT UP! You don't even know what you're talking about." Beast Boy's voice started off strong but it faded. He wondered if the Beast was correct. But how do you face your past. They were just memories, right?

"Friend Beast Boy?" Beast Boy jumped. He didn't realize that anyone came in. He looked towards Starfire seeing pure concern, for him, in her eyes. "Are you all right? If you need someone to talk to I'll go get Rav-"

"No!" Beast Boy exclaimed but then he winced in fear. He was taught that it was wrong to talk back. He knew that Starfire wasn't the type to hurt him, but Beast Boy still expected some anger. He deserved it. That's why he didn't want Raven. If she was mad at him or saw what he could be, she could leave him. Then everyone else would follow. He didn't want that, he didn’t want to be alone again. He needed his friends, he needed Raven. He couldn't lose her, even though he didn't deserve her.

"All- all right then. I shall not contact Raven. I'm sorry to upset you so." Starfire looked like a kicked puppy. Beast Boy felt his heart sink in guilt. He expected anger, not guilt or sadness.  _ Maybe it’s because she’s an alien? _

"Don't be, please." Beast Boy stated. He looked down at his hands. "How come I'm not in cuffs or something?" Beast Boy asked in amazement. He knew that the people would keep him safe. But after what he just did, part of him understood why people caged him. Especially with the beast and the primal rage growing inside of him.

"How can you say that?!" Starfire exclaimed loudly. She also flew towards Beast Boy, entering his personal space. He tried to back away from her. "You are our friend, we trust you to not-"

"But I did. Like a caged animal." Beast Boy spat. Beast Boy didn't remember exactly what happened, but he did remember the aftermath. The looks of shock and fear, directed at him. The scratch marks and bruises on Robin, the Boy Wonder. He did that. Maybe he was a monster.

"Beast Boy." Starfire pleaded. Her lime green and emerald eyes shined with caring tears. Beast Boy didn't know why but he felt rage.

"NO! You all should hate me after what I did. Especially YOU! I hurt your leader, your alpha, YOUR MATE!" At this point Beast Boy's arms were moving with him while he talked. "I need to be locked up. I need to be punished! Why aren't you angry at me?!" Beast Boy panted and looked at Starfire confusingly. He didn't even feel the tears lightly coming down his face till Starfire gently wiped them off.

"Oh my little Borfrog ( **brother** ), what have they done to you?" Beast Boy looked at her in confusion. Starfire just smiled sadly. "You don't remember. But the first time you played a prank on me it was an accident. But you tried every way to apologize and show me how sorry you were. Beast Boy, there is danger in all of us. But we are family, we trust that the danger does not hurt, but protects." Starfire smiled at Beast Boy and began to pet his head. Beast Boy’s first instinct was to flinch but after awhile he just let her. He couldn't quite understand what she meant. He did want a family, but the risk to just jump and accept this family was scary.

"Thanks Star." Beast Boy mumbled. Starfire gasped and stopped her petting, which Beast Boy was enjoying.

"You remember my nickname." Starfire cried. And hugged Beast Boy tightly. Now Beast Boy was trembling and suffocating.

"I-I-I-I-I don't know. It just seemed easier then Starfire." Beast Boy gasped. Yet, he didn't want the hug to stop. It felt nice to be hugged that tight. It felt nice to be wanted.

"Oh, then I am sorry friend Beast Boy." Starfire apologized and let him go. Beast Boy nodded and tried to hid his blush from Starfire. He felt so embarrassed, but part of him was glad that she was smiling and hugging him. "I shall make us breakfast then!" Starfire said happily.

"Aren't you tired Starfire? And isn't everyone else asleep?" Beast Boy questioned Starfire, trying to see why she was in the Med Bay.

"I, I was worried. Friend Beast Boy, last night we found things about you that we did not know but we should have. I wanted to ask you." Starfire stopped in shame. Her head cast down and her hands clasped tightly. Beast Boy just stared at her in wonder. After what he did Starfire just worried about him and was ashamed for bringing it up. Beast Boy began to laugh hysterically. Starfire stared at him in confusion as he laughed. The confusion turned into concern as Beast Boy started crying.

"I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-sorry S-s-s-starfire. It's just when I was sick and first got this," Beast Boy pointed at himself, "I was training with my dad and I accidentally hurt him. I felt so bad, but my mom ran to me like I was the one who was hurt. You and Mrs. Rita remind me of her." Tears started to form in Starfire's eyes. But Beast Boy couldn't see them. He was looking out the window. The open sky gave him courage. "Starfire, I may not remember my time with you guys, but I know I would never blame you for not knowing. That is my past and my choice. Plus, I can't be the only one who came through sad times." Beast Boy looked at Starfire with a small convincing smile. Starfire just wiped her tears and flew towards Beast Boy. This time, gently hug him.

"No, friend Beast Boy, you did not." She said softly. Beast Boy just nodded. He could hear the slight skip in her heartbeat as she told him that. Beast Boy noticed how the first hug from Starfire made him feel warm. This one he felt cold and empty. "Now I shall go make us breakfast, it is time right?" Beast Boy looked at the clock. It read eight AM.

"Yeah it is." Beast Boy said off-handedly.

"Great! I shall make us some Furlogkin!" Starfire exclaimed cheerfully.

"Sounds great Star." Beast Boy just wanted her to leave. He wanted her to not know. He wanted her to forget how broken he really is. If she could forget then maybe he could forget too. She began to fly away, but stopped when she was at the door.

"Friend Beast Boy, what are mates?" Starfire looked at him in curiosity.

"Oh, yeah. They're like girl and guy people that get together like couples. It's the animal term." Beast Boy began to rub his hand behind his neck. Starfire processed Beast Boy's answer but then she began to blush.

"Oh how can you tell?" She asked innocently. Beast Boy just smiled sheepishly and laughed nervously.

"You smell like him. But not like you just hang around him. But like a part of him, if that makes sense. Mr. Mento and Mrs Rita, my mom and dad, had smelled the same way." Beast Boy's face burn. His animal instincts always told him things he didn't want or need to know. Starfire giggled, a light pink blush lighting her face.

"I see." She said with glee. "Thank you Beast Boy for informing." Starfire flew off most likely towards the kitchen. Beast Boy just shook his head.

"She's definitely an alien." Beast Boy laughed at his own joke. He sat in the quiet with nothing on his mind. Then the silence was interrupted by the deep growly voice. 

_ Is that why you forgot them? _ The Beast said angrily.

"What are you talking about?" Beast Boy asked the Beast curtly. 

_ You forgot them because they were getting too close. _ The Beast growled roughly.

"Memories can't push people away." Beast Boy knew that even if he forgot who he was all together, he would still feel close to the Titans and the Patrol. 

_ Then why did you forget them?! _ The Beast roared. 

"It was an accident! Rocks fell and I hit my head." Beast Boy was starting to get mad at the Beast. Especially since he seemed to think that him not remembering the Titans and the Doom Patrol was his fault. 

_ Really?! Such a specific set of memories was gone from a convenient accident _ _. _

"It wasn't my fault!" 

_ You wanted to forget something! What was it? _

"IT WASN'T-" 

_ WHAT WAS IT? _

"ME! OK!" There was silence on the Beast's end but Beast Boy knew he was still listening. "I wanted to forget myself." Beast Boy pulled his knees to his chest, ignoring the pain. He put his head to his chest and began to sob quietly.  _ I want to remember them. I want to go back to the times they talk about. I want to make them smile and laugh instead of hurting them but I don't, I don't-  _

_Someone's coming._ _Use your instincts._ Beast Boy did as the Beast said and he heard a mechanical buzzing coming towards the tower. 

"What's that?" Beast Boy got out of his bed and looked out the window. A blue weirdly shaped aircraft was coming towards the tower.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am a firm believer that if Jinx was good her and Raven would be best friends! And I still don't own TT or DC. Thank you all for the comments!
> 
> RAVEN'S POV

Raven always attempted to be aware. She wasn't obsessed with having to know everything like Robin was, and still is at times, but she did like to know enough to be prepared. Yet, there were a few times that she knew she could never prepare herself for: Terra's arrival and departure, her father, Slade, and Beast Boy. His determination to be her friend threw her off but now with the accident Raven was seeing things that she didn't know she wanted to see about him, about her, and about them. Raven also wasn't prepared for waking up in her room sensing another magical presence that felt oddly familiar.

"Even though there is a major lack of color, your dark taste is actual pretty good." Raven sat up and glared around her room. Her amethyst eyes eyes finally landed on pink cat eyes by her drawer.

"What are you doing here Jinx?" Raven asked sternly. Part of Raven was on her guard, not because Jinx was a reformed villain, but because she liked to cause mischief once in awhile, or tease Raven about Beast Boy. Jinx claimed that she had feelings for him. Raven only scoffed in response. If she felt warmness on her cheeks no one knew.  _ You are so in love with him! _ Happy squealed.  _ Yeah just get some balls Rae.  _ Brave laughed at a possible innuendo that Raven did not want to encourage.  _ But he might- _ Raven growled quieting the emotions in her head.  _ This is NOT the time. I'll deal with you all later. _

"You know, just because I understand you, it doesn't make it any less weird when you fight with your 'little voices.'" Jinx made air quotes with her hands mocking Beast Boy when he explained to Titans East his little adventure in Raven's mind. Raven just rolled her eyes.

"We still haven't gotten to why you are here." Raven questioned, again.

"We decided to come see if you guys need any help. Plus Pretty Robin practically begged Ms. Boss to see the Doom Patrol. If you ask me I think Ms. Boss just wanted a reason to come see the Big Guy." Jinx said with her trademark snark.

"His name is Cyborg." Raven didn't understand why people gave each other nicknames. "Who all came?" Raven got up to get ready for the hectic day she knew was coming.

"Just Ms. Boss, Pretty Robin, Wally, and me. Fish Boy and the Little Devils stayed behind to watch the tower." Jinx replied nonchalantly. Raven paused and looked at Jinx from where she was changing. "What?"

"Did you just called Kid Flash, Wally?" Raven started smirking. Jinx looked confused and was about to lash out at Raven but she beat her. "No nickname, not even his code name. Jinx, if I didn't know any better-" Raven didn't even get to finish. As soon as she came out dressed she was hit with one of her pillows.

"Not a word Rae! Or should I start calling you Miss. Angel?" Jinx mocked back, her smirk showing the joy in her revenge but it didn't hide the pink tint in her checks. Raven had trouble hiding her own blush as she glared at Jinx.

"No." Raven turned and exited out of her room. "Where are the others?" Raven asked. She knew Jinx probably used a teleportation spell.

"They're flying in. They wanted me to make sure Cyborg told you guys we were coming. We figured he would forget with everything happening." Raven nodded. She knew Cyborg probably told Robin but when one of the team is hurt, both of them tend to forget things.

"Thanks. I'll go open-" Raven was interrupted by a continuous beeping from Jinx. She groaned and reached for the Titans communicator on her waistline. Raven raised an eyebrow in mock curiosity while Jinx just scowled at her.

"Look Ms. Boss, I'm on it. I just-"

"Hey babe, while I wish that was the problem that really isn't. Can you ask them why there's a green eagle trying to stop us? Please don't go for, AW man! I thought you had him Bee!" Kid Flash cut off the transmission. Raven and Jinx looked at each other for a second then they ran to the landing dock. When they arrived at the landing dock Raven opened it for the Titans East and Jinx altered Cyborg of their problem. The dock opened up for the team, but Raven had a hard time not laughing at the site that welcomed her. The airship was smoking on one side with holes all over.  _ I didn't know that eagles could peck through solid titanium.  _ The green eagle causing the problem actually lead Speedy to shoot a net arrow at Bee, who was frantically trying to catch the green eagle. The smoking ship came closer but at an alarming rate. Yet the green eagle kept pecking at the ship and darting Speedy and Bee's grasps.

"What is he doing?" Raven didn't realize that Cyborg was on the roof with her. This brought her out of her amazement.

"Beast Boy. Beast Boy!" Raven called. The green eagle paused his pecking and looked at her. "Come here, idiot." Raven yelled trying and failing to mask the laughter in her voice. Beast Boy flew towards her, Bee following him at a safe distance. They safely landed by Raven seconds before the smoking airship’s rough landing on the deck. Beast Boy turned back into his human form.

"What's up Rae?" Beast Boy looked up innocently confused at Raven. Raven jaw dropped a little and her eyes widen.  _ He looks and sounds like our Beast Boy! Kinda cute.  _ This furthered prove her theory that he was remembering them but there was something wrong in his mind internally.

"What's up? What's up is that you tried to take down MY airship, with half of my team inside!" Bee yelled at Beast Boy. Raven attempted to step in front of Beast Boy to calm him down expecting him to cower in fear. But instead Beast Boy growled at Bee. Bee stepped back in surprise.

"Beast Boy?" Raven gasped. He looked back at her his eyes hard. But then they soften and a small smile lit up his face. Raven felt a sense of deja vu hit her. "Are you ok? What happened?" Raven tried to regain her composure, questioning Beast Boy bluntly.

"I didn't know who they were. I didn't want them to hurt you so I-'

"Attacked first." Raven finished for Beast Boy. Raven thought about that.  _ They must've taught him to attack first. But why didn't he attack us? _

"But we're allies green bean! You could've messed up my hair." Speedy had gotten out of the ship and stalked towards Beast Boy pointing at him in anger. Beast Boy took a step back and began to shiver. This seemed more like the Beast Boy she came to know in the past couple of days. The Beast Boy she felt compelled to protect, fiercely. Fortunately for Speedy, Kid Flash stopped him. Raven felt ready to show how much damage she could do to Speedy's precious hair.

"He doesn't know who we are Speedy." Kid Flash said calmly.

"Was I not supposed to? That's what they said to do." Beast Boy said sheepishly, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. Everyone on the roof: Cyborg next to Bee checking for injuries, Jinx next to her and Kid Flash, Speedy behind them; looked at Beast Boy in worry or concern, except for Raven. Part of her was surprised at first but mostly she expected an answer like the one he gave.

"Who's 'they' Beast Boy?" Raven inquired with indifference. She of all people knew how it felt when people stared at you like there was something wrong with you.

"His animal instincts." Mento gave an answer before Beast Boy could open his mouth. Everyone looked at the entrance of the roof where the Doom Patrol came from.

"Oh. My. You're Mento, Steve Dayton the leader, MENTO. A-a-and Rita Farr. The beautiful Elasti-girl. You're a lot prettier than I thought. And it's Negative-Man and Robot-Man. You guys are like one of the first superhero teams. You defeated the the first generation of the Crime Syndicate!" Speedy continued to ramble, excitedly flaying in front of the Doom Patrol. He reminded Raven of one of the nerdy fanboys that followed them around. She smirked knowing that Cyborg was most likely recording this to hold against Speedy. Somehow Raven didn't notice that Beast Boy came closer to her until he had lightly bumped her shoulder.

"Sorry" he mumbled and step back. Raven gave him a light hearted glare. Then it hit her. The reason why everything was familiar was because that's what they did. Beast Boy always stood next to Raven. He always gazed fiercely at enemies, but when he looked at her he would smile and make some corny joke. The little things that made him, him.

"You're cute." Rita patted Speedy's head quieting his rambling.

"You're touching me!" Speedy squealed, bringing Raven out of her musings. Raven began to chuckle, but she stopped when she heard Beast Boy laugh. Actually, everyone looked at Beast Boy, again. His laugh was a short loud burst of his normal laughter, but it died away as soon as he noticed everyone staring at him. Raven was more in shock that she actually missed his laugh. He started to rub his hand behind his neck and looked at the ground avoiding everyone's gaze.

"Mento, what were you talking about?" Raven turned towards the person she questioned, her face a mask of indifference. But in all actuality she wanted to hug Beast Boy.  _ I missed his laughter. And now I'm being sappy. Thanks Passion and Happy. _

_ Your Welcome!  _ They chorused. Raven had to restrain her eye-roll. She focused on Mento her straight gaze inquiring an answer.

"When we adopted him," Raven heard Beast Boy gasp and felt him move. She touched him gently and when he stepped back she knew he got the message. "He had a hard time with his animal instincts. He had to overcome them. I remember him describing them as voices, but when I read his mind, I only heard animal noises. He understands them and would listen to them when he became confused." Mento finished.

"It's my first instinct to rely on instinct." Beast Boy laughed nervously. Raven turned to him and nodded. Raven began thinking.  _ If his instincts are kicked in, what if his habits are too? _

"What are you guys doing here?" Robin asked going into leader mode.

"Cyborg told us what happened. We wanted to know if you needed anything?" Bee stated, hand on hip, her sass trying to dominant Robin's leadership. Robin paid no mind and instead he looked at Raven. She knew he was thinking along the lines that she was. Raven nodded. She trusted him to lead them.

"We actually do." Robin stated with a smirk. "Raven and Cyborg, show the Titans East their rooms, get them settle in, and get ready for training. Beast Boy, Starfire, and I will see the Doom Patrol off." Robin ordered. Raven and her team nodded. They were use to Robin giving them orders in daily activities. She could even see Beast Boy take up his normal mock soldier attitude by giving Robin a sloppy salute. But then Beast Boy froze in panic and fear, but when Robin smiled and nodded at him Beast Boy let out a breath of relief.  _ Something's different. It seems like part of him doesn't remember but some of him does. _

_ He might not be telling us everything.  _ Knowledge commented.  _ He didn't tell us everything before.  _ Raven nodded slightly at her emotion, she believed it wasn't too far fetched to think that Beast Boy was hiding things from them, again.

"You can't just tell me what to do, Boy Wonder!" Speedy yelled. Raven just rolled her eyes as Robin glared at Speedy.

"I didn't tell you to do anything." Robin growled. Raven just turned away looking at Cyborg. She wasn't interested in the oncoming fight between the former great sidekicks. She saw Cyborg talking to Bee.

"I hope you know how much he appreciates this. I think even in our current situation he has been dying to say something about you. Now he gets to talk to you." Raven said with a smirk. Cyborg glared at her a blush hidden in his dark complexion.

"Really? Well that's Okay sugar, I've been wanting to talk to you too." Bee laughed and smiled at Cyborg a light blush on her cheeks. Raven admire how straightforward Bee was with her emotions. Bee wasn't afraid to admit that she has feelings for Cyborg, but she was also confident in his feelings for her.  _ She's legit! _ Bravery exclaimed.  _ I wish I could be more like her. Maybe the others would like me more.  _ Timid sadly mumbled. Raven groaned. "Everything alright?" Bee asked with concerned.

"Yeah, I just need to go meditate. We have a long day ahead of us." Raven turned knowing that the rest of them will follow. "Bee, do any of you guys need more medical help?"

"Nah, we're good." Bee said confidently. Raven rolled her eyes as she felt Cyborg's heart swoon. Bee raised her eyebrows in question but Raven just shook her head.

"Look we still only have two guest rooms. So after the Doom Patrol leaves, Bee and Jinx will have to bunk together, and so will Speedy and Kid Flash." Raven explained.

"Really?! I have to bunk with Pretty Boy!" Kid Flash moaned.

"Just deal with it. I would be more worried about the training session coming up. You all know the rest of the layout." With a nod in acknowledgement Raven left them to go meditate.

Raven entered her room knowing something was off. She surveyed her dark room.  _ Beast Boy was right, I really do need some light-  _ Raven saw movement in the shadows. She turned towards it as the thing went under her bed. Raven used her powers and lifted the bed uncovering the thing. The thing was actually a mechanical flat silver bug, but the most interesting part was the red S on top of it.

"Slade." Raven growled as she lifted the bug and crushed it. Rage started to beat against Raven as she surveyed her room with more scrutiny than before. She slowly put her bed down. None of the shadows moved but she still felt uneasy. Then she heard the door swished open and a little scuttle towards it. Before she could get to it, a pink bubble surrounded it.

"I felt your magic and thought I might see what was going on." Jinx said offhandedly, but she was gazing venomously at the bug as it scurried around it's pink cage.

"There was another but I crushed." Raven pulled out the remains of the bug she destroyed. As she took a look at both of them she noticed that there weren't any cameras or audio transmitters on them. "They don't look like spy bugs."

"They're not. When Slade wanted to deliver something he would use toys similar to this one." Jinx said with disgust. She electrocuted the bug leaving it intact. "Cyborg can get the data off of this." Jinx explained.

"Later." Jinx eyes snapped to look at Raven in surprise. Raven breathed deeply. "Right now, there's a bigger priority. If either team found out now we would be divided. I rather get consequences for not telling them quickly, then getting beat because we're divided."  _ Beast Boy comes first. _

"If this is about your little puppy-" Jinx growled.

"It is." Raven interrupted passionately, ignoring the childish jab. "I know Slade is and will always be a number one threat. But Beast Boy is my friend, my family. I care about him. He will always come before Slade." Jinx stared at Raven for a second as Raven tried to focus on her breathing. Raven felt something she wasn't use to feeling before, she felt emotional. There were so many emotions she was feeling it was hard to say and pinpoint the major one.

"You think the current situation with Beast Boy has something to do with Slade." Jinx stated. Raven's eyes widen as she realized that part of her hoped it was Slade. That Slade did something to Beast Boy and not him intentionally forgetting them.

"Yes and no. Slade uses people's ambitions or fears against them." Raven saw how Jinx tensed at Raven's words but Raven pushed on. She needed to get this out of her head. "I think, Beast Boy said he fought a robot that looked like Slade. At first none of us believed him except for Robin. But after things have been quiet for so long even Robin dropped it. But I don't think Beast Boy did. He had been weird since then."

"Weird? He's a green human elf boy that turns into animals. How can that get any weirder?" Jinx asked mockingly.

"He was more," Raven paused thinking of the right word. She couldn't explain it. "His antics seemed more childish, yet he also seemed distant. And practically every emotion I felt from him felt, felt fake." Raven said quietly. The sad look on Jinx face made Raven aware that she heard her.

"You think Slade did or said something when he fought him?" Jinx asked softly. It was rare for Raven to see Jinx soft but it was also rare for her to show so much care for Beast Boy. Most people knew that her and Beast Boy were close. But Raven never showed just how close. She was afraid of how close they were herself. Raven nodded softly.

"Yeah. This message is either to throw it in our face or give us an ultimatum to save Beast Boy or catch Slade. I am not going to let anything happen to Beast Boy. Not anymore." Raven said passionately. She was tired of being emotional, she was tired of showing people a more weaker state of herself, but most of all she was tired of seeing those she cared about get hurt. "We'll train. I'll talk to Robin and Cyborg afterwards." Raven state determinedly.

"I'll go to." Jinx stated. Raven stared at Jinx in confusion. "I know what Slade does too." Jinx frowned. "I also know what happened now and I understand. I did the same thing." Raven nodded in understanding. Raven could feel, no matter how much Jinx tried to hide it, how much she cared for Kid Flash. "I guess I'll let you meditate." Jinx put the bug in a trunk in Raven's room. "There was nothing important magic wise in there right?" she asked. Raven just rolled her eyes and put the remnants of the bug she smashed in the trunk as well.

"Get out of my room, cat witch." Raven smirked.

"Whatever you say, goth girl." Jinx smirked back as she walked out of Raven's room. Raven shook her head. _We have a friend!_ Happy squealed. _A cool friend._ Bravery said smoothly. Raven snarled as she remembered why she came to her room in the first place. She went to her bed, surveyed her room one more time, and began to meditate.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a special POV at the end! And while goodbyes suck, things are going to get interesting...
> 
> Italics-Thoughts  
> Italics Underlined- Beast  
> Bold Italics-?
> 
> BEAST BOY'S POV

"We actually do." Robin stated with a smirk. "Raven and Cyborg, show the Titans East their rooms, get them settle in, and ready for training. Beast Boy, Starfire, and I will see the Doom Patrol off." Robin ordered. Beast Boy looked at Robin, his leader. He automatically responded to his command but not in a way he thought he would. With Galtry, Dr. Lucas, Max, and Carl he usually lowered his head and did what he had to do. With Robin he gave a mock salute. _What did I just do? Crap!_ _Relax. He's not going to hurt us._ The Beast was right. Robin simply gave a him a small genuine smile. Beast Boy relaxed. But he looked at Raven feeling her stare on him. She was staring at him like he was a complicated puzzle that she couldn't figure out. It felt kind of nice to have her look at him.

"You can't just tell me what to do, Boy Wonder!" Speedy yelled. Beast Boy directed his gaze at the commotion. Robin glared at the archer that looked like a red headed version of Robin. _Archer is rebellious pretty boy, noted._

"I didn't tell you to do anything." Robin growled. Beast Boy wanted to cower away from the fight fearing that it might turn into the ones that Carl and Max would get into. Beast Boy would always be caught in the crossfire. Robin looked at Beast Boy and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Do whatever you want." Robin said gruffly. "Either way we have to see the Doom Patrol off." Robin turned away from Speedy and Beast Boy heading towards the Doom Patrol.

"Yes! Mrs. Farr!" Speedy ran after the Doom Patrol. Beast Boy followed Robin. _This all feels familiar._ _It is._ Beast Boy walked in the back of the group not knowing where they were going but he really didn't care. Robot-Man and Negative-Man seemed content. They've been quiet and cautious with Beast Boy. He was afraid that they saw him as a monster but now they seemed content with him there. Robin and Mento were discussing something, their stoic faces carrying a spark of hope. Starfire was walking next to Robin nodding excitedly and kept looking back at Beast Boy with a smile on her face. Poor Rita was listening to a fanboy Speedy, but she seemed to find it amusing. Yet, amidst the peace and smiling faces a river of dread began to swirl in his stomach.

"You alright there, Squirt?" Robot-Man asked with concern. Beast Boy realized that he fell behind observing everyone.

"Yeah just thinking." Beast Boy replied offhandedly. He ran to catch up with them but he still stood in the back. Beast Boy caught Robot-Man's sad but quick look.

"Wow, who knew it only took some intense head trauma to get you to do that." Negative-Man snarked. Beast Boy let out a little chuckle.

"I'm just glad to see that everyone is a little bit happier." Negative-Man shook his head fondly and Robot-Man laughed. They went through the main room and went outside. There was a submarine opening near the shore. Beast Boy shuddered looking at it.

"Simple minded and so easy to read as always. I'm actually going to miss that." Negative-Man put a wrapped hand on Beast Boy's shoulder, taking his gaze from the submarine. "Take care kid. And try not to get hurt saving pretty girls, anymore." The sarcasm in Negative-Man's voice was evident, making Beast Boy blush.

"Got it, old man." Beast Boy mumbled as he rubbed his neck. All of the sudden Negative-Man gripped both of Beast Boy's shoulders.

"How did you-"

"Bits and pieces. But nicknames seem to just pop in my head." Beast Boy exclaimed. Negative-Man hugged Beast Boy. Negative-Man released Beast Boy before he could respond.

"Knew you couldn't forget." Beast Boy gave Negative-Man a small genuine smile. It was soon ruined when Robot-Man put Beast Boy in a playful headlock and gave him a noogie. Beast Boy resisted his instinct to shift and escape, but he couldn't stop shivering.

"You're still you kid!" Robot-Man yelled excitingly.

"Cliff! You're scaring him." Rita came over and began to gently rub Beast Boy's back. Just like his mom used to. Just like she did, he remembered.

"I'm good. I can take a hit from Cliffside." Beast Boy joked. Beast Boy didn't think that a man of steel could cry but he looked like he was about to. Instead he gave Beast Boy a bear hug. "Cliff, I would like to breathe." Beast Boy gasped.

"Oh sorry, Squirt." Robot-Man looked a bit sheepish.

"Mrs. Farr?" Beast Boy saw Speedy come towards them. Beast Boy also saw the flash of exasperation on her face. Robot-Man and Negative-Man chuckled.

"We got the fanboy Rita." Robot-Man towards the incoming Speedy.

"Say goodbye to the kid so we can leave this pigsty of teenage hormones." Negative-Man turned and followed Robot-Man before Rita could scold him.

"Ugh, boys." Rita said with mock disgust.

"How you dealt with all of us, I would never know." Beast Boy chuckled. Beast Boy felt Rita's gentle but questioning stare. "I remember a little. Like the time Cliff and I decided to put powder in Mento's helmet. Or the time Negative-Man wrapped me in his wrap because I wanted to know what it was like being an old man. Mento's advice about my instincts. And you singing the song Raven sang to me. I can't remember when you sang that to me but it, it reminded me of my mom. I don't know if I ever told you that." Beast Boy looked towards Rita. For some odd reason he felt like he needed to tell her how much he remembered and felt about her. "Mrs, no mom, because that's what you became for me. I may not remember everything but I know that's what you were and always will be. And I love you. And I'm sorry I forgot about that. I never-" Beast Boy didn't finish because he was hugged tightly by a crying Rita. Beast Boy hesitantly hugged back. He was confused, he didn't want to make Rita cry. He just wanted to tell her how he felt. He was about to apologize, but Rita pushed him from her, holding his shoulders. Beast Boy automatically looked at her eyes.

"Oh my lovely boy. You needed this. I always knew that this time of your life was hard for you, but you always worried about other people's happiness that you never really dealt with your pain, your sadness. Now it's time for you to worry about your happiness and face your past. And no matter what I will always, always be proud to call you my son. I love you Beast Boy." Beast Boy let the tears he were holding back fall as he hugged Rita. Beast Boy couldn't describe how it felt to hear someone say that he made them proud. Rita hugged him back and Beast Boy felt loved.

"Rita. We should get going." Mento was by the submarine waiting for Rita. Beast Boy separated himself from Rita's warm embrace. He wiped his eyes and started to head towards Robin but Rita put a hand behind his back and lead him to Mento.

"We will Steve. Just saying goodbye." Rita patted Mento's shoulder as she stretched into the submarine. She gave a wink to Speedy before she fully entered. There was an audible thud behind Beast Boy but what interested him more was the light chuckle coming from Mento.

"She always has that effect. I can't take her anywhere." The small smile on Mento's face held so much adoration that Beast Boy couldn't help but think about the person that made him feel that much adoration, Raven. He admire her ability to appear calm in any situation. Why she wasn't dating anyone he would never know. "Raven is a pretty girl but she has a hard time trusting people." Beast Boy blushed.

"I-I-I know. Or at least I remember that, I think. Either way it would be nice to see her smile more." Beast Boy mumbled and he heard Mento chuckle again.

"It would be. She's a great girl and she could help you." Beast Boy knew that Raven could help him. She smelt like a lake of emotions. As if they were going to her and coming from her. It was nice and he knew that if he asked her she would automatically help him. _It's too dangerous_ _._ And for some odd reason Beast Boy agreed with the Beast.

"Yeah, but I'll be fine." The words came out automatically.

"No you won't be." Beast Boy looked at Mento. His mouth opened to protest but Mento pushed on. "Not without them." Mento looked at Beast Boy his gaze kind but serious. Just like his dad's, before he told him to leave the boat. Beast Boy gulped. "Beast Boy I know you. You would die for your friends. But you forget that they are willing to do the same for you. And I trust them to take care of and help you through this situation." Mento laid a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder bringing him closer to him. "But I also need you to promise me that you'll let them help you. No matter how dangerous you think it is," Beast Boy gulped at that. "Or how you feel like a burden to them. You aren't. And I want to know that my son will be okay, without me. Now, promise me you'll let them help you." Beast Boy opened his mouth but nothing came out. He didn't know why but letting them help seemed like a horrible idea. Beast Boy looked at the ground when he heard Mento sigh. Beast Boy didn't want to disappoint Mento but he didn't want to endanger his friends either.

"Can I think about it?" Beast Boy asked quietly. "I'm, I'm not use to-"

"I understand." Beast Boy looked up to Mento, his gaze gentle and understanding. "That's all I can ask for." Beast Boy was surprised when Mento gave him a quick hug. "I'm proud of you and I know you will beat this again." Beast Boy was flabbergasted. He never imagined Mento leader of The Doom Patrol telling him that he was proud of him. "Take care of him."

"We will, sir." Robin stated surely. Beast Boy looked as they gave each other a tight handshake. Mento entered the submarine.

"Wait! Mento Sir, I-" The submarine was already submerged before Speedy got to the shoreline. "I wanted an autograph." Speedy sulked.

"You can get one another day." Robin chuckled. Speedy just pouted and stomped into the Tower.

"I don't know about that." Beast Boy whispered as he stared at the direction he knew the submarine was going. The dread was now a rushing waterfall. He felt like he was on the shore watching his parents sink. He couldn't move, couldn't breathe. All he could do was stare in fear and guilt as he watched his family die.

"Beast Boy." Robin laid a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder, jarring him back to reality.

"Huh?" Robin was staring at Beast Boy in concern.

"You alright?" Robin asked again. His voice had a kinder and more hopeful tint to it.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Beast Boy could see the disappoint in Robin's eyes. Plus he couldn't throw off the feeling of deja vu. He never really liked deja vu. "Or at least I will be, I think." Robin's demeanor quickly lifted at that answer.

"Yeah you will be." Robin gave a small smile and patted Beast Boy on the shoulder before grabbing Starfire's hand and walking into the T shaped tower. Beast Boy stared at them.

"I really hope you're right." Beast Boy went inside, turning away from the shore. The feeling of dread inside him ever growing.

 

**Somewhere else around the same time-**

" ** _Those bugs were crushed! You said that I would get my money! Well the bastard isn't dead yet! What-" The thin man with a crooked jaw and nose was pushed against the wall._ **

" ** _You insignificant fool." The deep smooth voice whispered in his ear vehemently. "I broke you out of jail and I just as easily could put you back in. Just like that stupid magician." The masked man pushed the crooked man closer to the wall. The crooked man yelped in pain. "And I had to set off the construction site myself. I hoped he would have forgotten everything. But those Titans are too dear to him. More than that girl was. That's what I could do. I could let the Titans find you. An ordinary human who hurt one of their own. I wonder how long you'll last." The crooked man crumpled to the floor as the taller more muscular masked man let him go._ **

" ** _I-I-I just want my money you psycho!" The man said with false bravado. The masked man chuckled darkly. Even the crooked man felt chills go down his spine._ **

" ** _Patience. You will get your money. I am just making sure that every obstacle in our way is simply, terminated."_ **


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Raven's emoticlones!
> 
> RAVEN'S POV

_We need to talk._ Raven stood in Nevermore. Specifically, in the middle of a barren tavern that closely resembled an open stadium in Nevermore. The vast night sky swirled above her, indicating the warring state of her mind.

 _Yes we do!_ A copy of Raven popped next to her. But this one had a deep violet cloak. Raven labeled her as Passion. She appeared shortly after the battle of Trigon. Raven deduced that the passion she had for her friends grew when they stood up for her and that created another emoticlone. _I can't believe you're not taking advantage of this situation. You could show him you care for him, that you like-_ Passion flung her arms at Raven accenting her point. But Raven stepped up to her silencing her.

 _We are not going to even finish that thought._ Raven ordered harshly. Her and Passion had been butting heads recently. Passion wanted to be expressed more. But Raven could feel the strength that Passion gave her power. Passion was too dangerous to express.

 _You can't avoid the truth forever, boss lady._ Raven scoffed at Passion's childish antics.

 _She's right Rae._ Bravery jumped in right beside Passion. Raven rolled her eyes. She knew that Bravery would side with Passion. Now all Raven had to do was wait for Happy to bounce in and add her opinion.

 _Don't call me that._ Raven couldn't understand how and why Bravery tried to act like Beast Boy. Of all her emoticlones, Raven thought Happy would be most like Beast Boy.

 _Whatever. We're here to ask why won't you just take Beast Boy!_ Bravery rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. Passion nodded in agreement. Raven rubbed her temples. How her own emotions didn't see the risk she did always gave her a headache.

 _Because it's not Beast Boy, Bravery._ A soft, calm voice answered. Everyone turned towards the voice. Knowledge, in her yellow cloak, had appeared behind Raven. _He's not in his normal mindset. If we 'take' him we would be taking a boy who's confused his past with his present._

 _Thank you, Knowledge._ Out of all her emoticlones Raven felt closest to Knowledge. Knowledge was the most sensible. Raven and her saw eye to eye most of the times. Raven heard someone shuffling one the floor. She investigated till she found the source of the noise. An orange cloaked emoticlone laid on the floor spread out face to the sky to the right of Raven. Raven raised an eyebrow at the clone.

 _Plus liking him is making things complicated._ Sloth, also known as laziness, drawled out. Raven was surprised she even came. She rarely came out because it took too much effort to do so, as she said. _Complications make things-_

 _Sloth's right! His lying is making it hard to help him._ Rude, a brown cloaked emoticlone, said obnoxiously. She had materialized by Sloth's left side. Raven wanted to scold her but Rude had a point. The arena trembled as Rage raised from the ground. It stopped shaking as soon as she fully appeared. Bravery began scooting closer to her while the rest of the Ravens tensed.

 _Why are we letting him lie to us anyway? I say we force him to tell the truth!_ Rage yelled her deep red cloak still moving with her anger. Raven jolted back. She still didn't fully trust Rage. Rage was a more demonic emotion.

 _N-n-n-no!_ Everyone jumped at the sputtered yell. Rage stepped back, eyes fading to two purple ones, when she felt a harsh tugged on her cloak. Raven saw Timid, the little gray emoticlone clinging to Rage's cloak. Once she realised what she was doing Timid ran behind Bravery. But she peeked her head out. _He might hate us. Plus we would just be like those monsters that hurt him._ Raven gulped. She hated to think about what Galtry, Dr. Lucas, and those thieves did to Beast Boy. His current reactions and scars already hinted excruciating details.

 _Wow guys way to bring the meeting down._ Happy phased behind everyone, her dark pink cloak flapping softly. She carried a smile but her usual cheery demeanor seemed strained. _I think Beast Boy needs all of us just the way we are. Basically, he needs Raven._ Raven couldn't help but let her mouth drop. Of all the emoticlones she didn't expect Happy to say that Raven needed to be, Raven.

 _What?_ All of her emoticlones and her, excluding Knowledge, chorused. Happy just sighed as if they were stupid.

 _Explain Happy._ Knowledge commanded in her neutral tone. Happy sighed again but nodded her head.

 _Well, he smiles when you do. That makes me happy. But he does need to tell us the truth and he's afraid of your anger. Not rage or torture, Rage. Just Raven's anger and disappointment. So he tells us the truth. Timid is getting bolder because she helps Raven understand Beast Boy when he's scared, at least when he gets scared now. Sloth and Rude have started interacting more. Knowledge is more attentive to the whole team. Passion is stronger than she's ever been. And Bravery is more protective, which is a good thing._ Happy finished, panting from her lack of air and how she pointed to each emoticlone when she was talking about them. Raven processed what Happy said.

 _So this situation is actually benefiting all of you?_ Raven asked curiously. There was a pause but after a while they all nodded.

 _Yes Raven it is._ Knowledge started explaining. Knowledge knew that Raven herself didn't really understand how they worked. _Before we all had different goals and different agendas. We still do but now there's something that needs all of us, Beast Boy._ Knowledge said Beast Boy's name softly and gently, like she cared about him. A part of Raven gaped at the idea and a part of her shivered. Raven knew she cared for Beast Boy, but how deep did that feeling go? Raven was reluctant to find out. So instead of showing her real thoughts she decided to address why she called the meeting anyway.

 _Then why are you guys being so loud!?_ Raven snarled. All of her emotions stepped back in fear or in shame, except for Passion.

 _Because you only listen to your 'reasonable emotions!' Not the rest of us, i.e. me._ Passion stepped towards Raven poking her in the chest. Raven growled and slapped her hand.

_Because if I'm focusing on how I feel-_

_We're not focusing on Beast Boy. Azar you're so selfish Passion._ Raven didn't reprimand Rude for interrupting but she did roll her eyes at Rude and nodded in agreement adversely. Passion yelled in frustration.

 _We can't help him if we're ignoring our feelings for him!_ Passion complained. _Because Raven likes,_ Raven growled, but Passion just sneered. _Sorry, 'cares' so much for Beast Boy, what we're going to learn about him, it won't just affect him, it will affect us too. It has been._ Passion looked at Raven soberly.

 _She's right._ Raven stared at Rage. Raven did have to admit it was a little weird to see Rage look so normal. Only thing that made her different from her and the other emoticlones were the chains on her. _I've always wanted to beat the little mucus stain to the ground, sorry demon tendencies._ Rage said nonchalantly. Bravery stepped towards Rage, snarling. And Raven made a mental note on that as a great reason for the chains.

 _Bravery. Rage._ Knowledge warned. They stared at each other hotly but after a while they both backed down.

 _But now I don't want to. I want to kill the men that touched our Beast Boy._ Rage's chains rattled as she shook with fury. Raven could feel her rage and part of her had to agree.

 _Raven, you have to admit, it might be the wisest decision to accept that you might see Beast Boy as more than a friend. Whether it affects your powers or not. It's definitely affecting us._ Raven observed each emoticlone. To her uprise they did look different, they felt different, stronger, but not in a bad way. Raven stared Knowledge down, but Knowledge's calm steady gaze gave Raven her answer that they weren't going to back down from this.

 _Look I'll think about it._ Happy squealed for joy, but the rest of the emoticlones nodded knowing that Raven was going to say something else. _But first, I need you to all calm down. I can't focus on Beast Boy if all of you are screaming at me._ Raven said sternly. While how she felt was semi-important, the truth of the matter was that no matter how she felt Beast Boy needed her.

 _Well then I believe this meeting is adjourned._ Sloth said leisurely. Her and Rude were the first to go. Then each of the emoticlones either popped or phased out of the arena. Raven was about to leave as well but she felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Passion. Raven sighed.

_What? I said I'll think about what you guys said._

_I know, just, just remember Raven, face the truth before it slams into you._ Passion said sincerely. Then she phased out. Raven stayed frozen looking at the empty space Passion left. Part of her couldn't help but think that what's the truth has been doing lately. Raven opened her eyes just as she heard a knock on her door.

"Raven? You ready to train?" Cyborg's deep voice asked. Raven got out of her meditating pose and walked to her door opening it open to Cyborg's surprised face.

"Yeah, just finished. Let's go."

Raven never hated training. In fact she liked it. Everyone stayed to their own tasks and objectives for the day, usually. Today was one of those days of training she loathed: combat training. Robin never liked to combat with teammates but now that some of the Titans East were here they could do combat training. Raven didn't like combat training because everyone sat around watching two people spar for three rounds. And the winner was called like any other spar, how many hits a person got in based of the count from everyone else. Fortunately Raven was paired with Jinx. Her and Jinx were next, going on their second spar.

"Raven how many?" Cyborg asked ready to calculate the total.

"Bee, 15 and Starfire, 20" Raven droned. _How my mind multi-tasks_.

"Rob, it's Bee 13.5 and Star 14.5." Robin nodded and went to the two panting girls. He grabbed Star's hand and raised it.

"Starfire-14.5" He announced proudly.

"Man! I thought I had her." Bumblebee gasped.

"Well you did do the butt kicking last round." Starfire smiled sweetly at Bumblebee.

"Thanks, Star." Bee smirked and Star nodded in affection as they got out of the square ring.

"Raven and Jinx you guys are up!" Robin called. Raven nodded and got into the ring.

"Don't tell me what to do Bird Brain." Jinx smirked as Robin scowled. He got out of the ring leaving Raven and Jinx facing each other. "Ready Goth Girl?" Jinx goaded.

"Try to keep up Kitty." Raven knew she was out of character but fighting Jinx was always fun for Raven. It increased her control and use of magic energy. So Raven let herself go a bit knowing that Jinx was the same way.

"Don't worry, I'm going to eat you up like breakfast Little Birdie." She snarked back.

"Ready," Both Jinx and Raven nodded. "SPAR!" Robin yelled. Jinx went for the first hit, shooting at Raven directly. Raven put up a shield blocking Jinx's attack. Which followed another, except Raven phased through the ring dodging it. She appeared to Jinx's left and hit her. But Jinx stayed upright and sent a curve bolt of magic to Raven's right. _Oh no she didn't!_ Bravery chided. Raven quickly put up a shield as twirled a barrage of bolts her way. But with Bravery's reflexes Raven caught the timing and let her shield down and shot a bolt straight at Jinx. Raven still did get hit by a couple of pink bolts but Raven's dark bolt of magic threw Jinx off horribly, sending her flying across the ring. Raven flew in the air giving her a better sight of Jinx. Raven sent a few bolts but Jinx only got hit by two before she put up a shield up. But it wasn't just a defensive shield it was a rebound shield. This caused Raven to get hit with one of her own magic bolts. Raven fell to the ring gasping as the air was knocked out of her. Raven still saw Jinx run towards her bolt ready for release. Raven rolled away at the last minute as Jinx stumbled. Raven took the opportunity and shot a few bolts. Jinx was knocked down but she flipped up and sent a bolt at Raven that went passed her shield but was stopped by her cloak but Raven still slid back. "STOP!" A whistle blew ending their match. Raven and Jinx powered down, panting.

"Dudes! It was obvious that Raven won!" Beast Boy said loudly. Raven did a double take. Beast Boy looked, like Beast Boy. The traces of the whole recent situation gone. "We knew it from the beginning! No offense to your mate Mr. Mini Flash but she can't be stronger than Raven." Beast Boy stated. Raven couldn't help the smile or blush that came over her face. Beast Boy didn't seem like the broken boy that he was. But she could see the little movements that hinted at his past. The flinches when people got to close, his language, and the way his hands kept squeezing or scratching his wrists. But the happiness and joy in his eyes was the same as before.

"I'm going to kill your puppy." Jinx panted with a smirk on her face.

"Oh yeah BB! I bet the beautiful, powerful sorceress Jinx beat Raven now and will beat her in the next round!" Kid Flash yelled proudly.

"Nah-uh! Raven's the most beautiful and powerful sorceress!"

"No, Jinx!"

"Raven!" Beast Boy and Kid Flash started going back and forth between each other like kids. Neither of them saw the beet red faces of the girls they were talking about.

"If you got Beast Boy, I got Kid Flash." Raven deadpanned. She could feel everyone else's stare on Jinx and her. Their stares seemed to add heat to the now sweltering gym.

"How can Raven, Miss Dark beat the Rose of sorcery itself!" Kid flash yelled. Raven did give him points for originality.

"Deal." Jinx squeaked. Raven heard a couple of dumbbells fly.

"Easy! Because Raven is an angel!" Now Raven felt a mirror shatter. It stopped both boys looking at the now broken mirror.

"Boys." Bumblebee chuckled but Raven had a feeling that she wasn't just laughing at Beast Boy and Kid Flash, but Jinx and her as well. Beast Boy and Kid Flash looked at her. "What about we announce the winner then you guys can fight?" The boys nodded and crossed their arms. Everyone except Raven and Jinx laughed at their childish antics.

"And the winner is," Robin said finishing his chuckles, "By one hit is, RAVEN!" Robin cheered.

"Oh Yeah! YOU GO RAE! Told ya!" Beast Boy cheered happily.

"My. Name. Is. Raven. Not. Rae." Raven seethed holding back her rage. This seemed to stop Beast Boy's wild cheering and was instantly replaced with paralyzing terror. Raven saw and felt the change in his persona. The ice cold fear ran down her spine.

"BB you alright?" Kid Flash asks putting a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder. Beast Boy flinches away.

"I-I-I'm fine. Right as rain." Beast Boy clears his throat. "Sorry Raven." He whispered but somehow the whisper echoed loudly in the gym making the whisper seem like a cry in Raven's ears. It made her feel horrible. She didn't mean to trigger Beast Boy. He was just so Beast Boy that she reacted like that automatically. The silence in the gym didn't help her anxiety. "So who's next?" Beast Boy shy smile and attempt of changing the topic reminded her so much of her Beast Boy. She couldn't understand what was going on his mind or hers.

"Well," Robin cleared his throat, "I was thinking that you and I could spar." Robin ordered. Raven and Jinx exited the ring as everyone murmured.

"Rob, I am not sure that's a good idea." Cyborg suggested humbly. Raven wanted to agree but she felt regret. Timid took over as a main emotion for once. Raven hid under her hood staying quiet. She felt like she had no right after causing him such fear.

"I-I-I agree Robin, sir. Not that you're not strong enough, I just, I just." Beast Boy stopped speaking his shivers turning to trembles.

"Beast Boy." Raven never thought Robin could be gentle but he slowly stepped towards Beast Boy his voice losing the harsh commanding tone. Robin sounded like a friend. "You don't have to fight anyone. Not if you don't want to. Do you want to?" Robin looked Beast Boy in the eyes. Raven could feel Robin's care for Beast Boy. It was so strong that it drowned out her own regret. Beast Boy nodded slowly. "Okay then, how about an obstacle course? I'll run it with you and we can train that way deal?" Robin asked lightly. Beast Boy whispered something but nobody, not even Robin who was a couple of feet away from him heard him. "What was that Beast Boy?" Beast Boy gulped.

"Is this a test?" He said timidly. He didn't even look at Robin's eyes.

"No, we just want to see what you can do." Robin stated. Beast Boy just nodded defeatedly.

"That's what they said too." Beast Boy mumbled. No one except Robin, the closest to him and Raven, using her connection with Robin, heard him. Rage flared up again. _When I find those rotten no good sons of a-_ Raven cut off Rage before she could get out of hand. Everyone headed outside to the obstacle course as Robin explained it to Beast Boy. The course was on the shore of the island and consisted of lasers, falling rock canyon, hidden blade mine, and Raven's bane of existence, also known as the crushing walls. Raven then remembered something and ran up to Robin. She tried to ignore the way Beast Boy flinched as she came up.

"Robin, I don't think this is a good idea. There's certain courses that need to be adjusted remember." Raven warned, knowing that Robin would read between the lines.

"I know that's why I made an easier one, and why I'm going through it with him." Robin smirked. _Sometimes I wanna kick him._ Raven rolled her eyes and flew behind them. That's when Raven notice that Beast Boy was keeping his distance from her, but it wasn't in fear. Usually fear was an easy emotion to detect but now it was like Raven couldn't feel anything from Beast Boy at all, except for fake emotions. _He's blocking me out! AGAIN! Well not this time._ They arrived at the entrance to the obstacle course on the right side of the T Tower. The course went in a full circle around the island. A hole opened up and a computer slid into view. "I'm just going to set us up Beast Boy so it'll be a couple of minutes." Robin and Cyborg went to the computer. Raven took her chance and faintly grabbed Beast Boy by the arm. He looked at her, his eyes a battlefield of emotions.

"Beast Boy, please, tell me what's wrong." Raven hoped that her voice didn't sound so desperate as it sounded to her. Beast Boy definitely didn't notice. He opened his mouth and closed it again and again. His hands twiddling furiously.

"Raven, if I tell you, you'll-"

"Do what I can to help you. That's what's going to happen." Raven's determination burned through her voice. Beast Boy sighed and let the wall in his mind fall down. Then Raven felt his fear, his anxiousness, his desperation, she felt Beast Boy.

"Raven I don't know why but I think some bad things are coming. He keeps telling me to change and run before I hurt someone. But part of me feels like I have already and-" Raven laid a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder, stopping him before he hyperventilated.

"Beast Boy calm down. If you don't want to do this training you don't have too." Raven knew that wasn't the main problem but she knew that it did cause some stress for him. But surprisingly Beast Boy sighed and shook his head.

"No. I have to do this. This will help bring back the Beast Boy you guys need. The one you want. I know that's what happened in the gym right?" Beast Boy looked at Raven but she didn't want to say that she didn't want this version of Beast Boy. She just wanted him to remember her. Raven looked at the ground in shame. " It's okay. I understand." Beast Boy laid a hand on her shoulder and his other hand grabbed her hand and began to rub it reverently. Raven looked at him, his eyes appeared older than she had ever seen them. _Is this the real Beast Boy?_ "You don't not want me, you just want your friend back. So no matter what I have to do, I will get him back. Plus the raging beast in my head wants him back too. Says he was stronger or something. Seems like he was. He could probably protect you better than I can. But remember beautiful, he could never deserve you." Beast Boy winked as he smiled sadly at Raven. His eyes were bright and determined, just how she remembered them. Raven was speechless. Her heart pounded like it wanted to be given to the man in front of her. The care he had for her was so firm and steady, like it was always there. Like it was simply fact. She could see what really brighten those eyes. It was never happiness. It was love. Love for his friends and family. Love for her. The truth slammed into her. Raven was near tears. Raven wanted to tell him that he didn't owe them anything. That he needed to let them pay him back. That now she had a bad feeling too. But Robin called him over to start the course. Beast Boy walked over towards them. "A penny for good luck." Beast Boy said over his shoulder. Raven was now gaping, willing her voice to come out but shock held it in its vice grip _. Beast Boy, please, don't go._


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, this is why I don't own DC or TT.
> 
> Italics-Thoughts  
> Italics Underlined-Beast
> 
> BEAST BOY'S POV

Beast Boy ran towards Robin, his face a dark brown from the hot blush. Raven was important to him before the accident, as far as he could tell, and now, she was his everything. When she was staring at him, for some reason he saw something else. He saw flashes of her sad, speechless, and in fear for them. He knew it was a flashback because she was covered in weird red markings that were no longer on her. Plus he didn't see the future. He just impulsively said something in hopes to make her feel better. He really hoped that one day a genuine smile would be aimed at him.

"You alright BB?" Cyborg asked as Beast Boy ran past him.

"Y-y-yeah." Beast Boy's blush grew as he heard Cyborg and Robin chuckle. The knowing look in their eyes told him that they knew what, or more precisely who, was on his mind.

"Let's go then." Robin walked towards the course opening. It looked like a plain field but Beast Boy somehow knew that there was concealed danger lurking. "You can turn into anything to pass the course, just focus on that." Robin ordered. Beast Boy nodded and got into a starting position like Robin. "If anything happens I'll be right here."

"Got it. And there's nothing else I have to do?" Beast Boy asked seriously. He wanted to do this right. He remembered how Dr. Lucas would either punish him or take a test again because he did it wrong. And Beast Boy would have to be poked again and again. Or how Max would beat him for not changing. Beast Boy subconsciously rubbed his side, remembering the pain that was received. Sometimes by a knife, which had left a constant reminder. The worse punishments were the ones where they starved him. A whole night turned into a day, which turned into two which-

"Beast Boy!" Robin yelled jarring Beast Boy back to the present. Beast Boy blinked and the past became a lingering memory.

"Sorry Robin." Beast Boy said nervously, rubbing his neck. Robin's hard gaze softened.

"We don't have to do this." He said again. Beast Boy heard the concern in his voice. That pushed Beast Boy harder to accomplish the stupid course.

"No. I can do this." Beast Boy got into a starting sprint position. _They need to see the recent Beast Boy. Not the one drowned with memories._ _Be careful._ The Beast warned _._ _If we remember, we might, do something we regret._ _I know._ Beast Boy knew that there was something wrong with him before the whole current situation. Something was wrong with his instincts and his mind. His recent lack of memory didn't help any. But he felt more, primitive. Beast Boy didn't know if it had something to do with the Beast that was in his head or something, deeper inside of him.

Beast Boy heard a horn blowing and he ran off. Robin sprinted ahead of him. Beast Boy wanted to sprint ahead too, but he figured it would be good to see what was ahead. He heard something coming out of the ground. A laser came towards Robin but he back flipped over it. Beast Boy thought it was totally unnecessary. Beast Boy felt one coming toward him and instinctively turned into a cheetah.  _ Funny, it barely hurts to shift. _ Beast Boy dodged a couple more and even had one of the other guns hit the other.  _ When could I do that? _ He thought as he looked back. After the laser field, as Beast Boy dubbed it, Robin and him ran around the corner. Robin began stepping in a weird pattern, but while he was walking a net shot out at him. Robin dodge the net but when he stepped back he was electrocuted. It wasn't as paralyzing as what Dr. Lucas did to Beast Boy but he could see that it still hurt. Robin continued on and Beast Boy followed as a spider monkey. While he was going through the course a net came at him. Beast Boy couldn't help but remember how Carl and Max captured him. He turned into a green human and froze in fear.

_ Garfield ran through the trees his breath heavy and heart pounding. He willed his body to turn into a lion or some other predator, but he was too exhausted. The smoke of the fire that burned the village behind him filled his lungs. _

_ "Come here you little freak!" One of the men taunted. Garfield dodged a bullet aimed for his shoulder. He looked back to see that the bigger man had the gun and they were only a few feet away. Garfield ran harder and faster but he didn't see the root that stuck out of the ground. He tumbled to the ground and hit his head on a rock. Garfield groaned in pain. He knew that if he didn't get up now the bad men would get him. But his body didn't want to move. Or maybe it was the moving trees that were causing him problems. Garfield willed himself up but all of the sudden a net came at him and- _

"Ow!" Beast Boy had stepped back in order to avoid the net in his memory. He stepped on an electronic step and the minor shock brought him to reality. He realized the net missed him by an inch and Robin was at the end of the field looking at Beast Boy with a mix of concern and shock.  _ I'm kind of getting tired of that look. _ He jumped up and turned into a spider monkey in mid-air.  _ Wow! I've gotten a lot better at this changing thing. _ Beast Boy sped through the rest of the obstacle.

"Nice job. Do you-" Beast Boy ran past Robin. Beast Boy knew that Robin would probably be annoyed with him but Beast Boy had to finish this. In the corner of his eye he saw Robin catch up with him. They came to a canyon with towers in it to jump across to the other side. Robin jumped on one but as soon as he did the tower started shaking and it descend downwards. Robin jumped on to another tower and it did the same thing. Beast Boy's first instinct was to fly but he had a feeling he would fail the test if he did that. So he changed into a wolf. It wasn't the most logical choice but it felt normal for Beast Boy. He went across the tavern jumping onto the towers. But as he was getting close to the end with only three towers to go he saw a pretty blonde girl there. She was in a long sleeved mid-riff t-shirt and khaki shorts. At first her face held a wide smile but then her face began to lose its happiness. Beast Boy shifted to his usual form, curiosity making him forget reality. Her  blue eyes showed a deep sadness and regret at first but then it was quickly turned to malice as her eyes shined yellow.

"Terra?" Beast Boy didn't know how but he knew her. He knew that she was mad at him and didn't want to do anything with him or the Titans. Something told him that it was his fault.

"You never understood!" Terra yelled as she lifted her hands and closed her fists. The rock tower Beast Boy stood on shook violently and began to descend downwards. Beast Boy quickly realized his predicament and shifted back to his wolf form and jumped to safety. He was glad he chose a wolf because he barely made it to the other tower and had to climb it as it began to descend. The wolf's claws had become sharper and gave him friction.  _ Something's wrong. Change into me. _ _ No. I can do this. Why does everyone assume I can't do this stupid obstacle course? _ Beast Boy made it to the other side but he was frustrated and angry. He began panting and he felt out of it. He felt wild. He saw something comes toward him and growled. When he looked up, he realized it was Robin and cowered in submission. Robin however wasn't angry but he seemed to be overly cautious. Beast Boy heard weird noises and shook his head. The noises became clearer as he recognized it as Robin's voice.

"What's wrong?" Robin's voice was authoritative and it rubbed Beast Boy the wrong way for some reason. He opened his mouth but Robin held up a hand to stop him. Beast Boy huffed in frustration. "And don't say nothing's wrong or ignore me." He commanded. Beast Boy glared at Robin and barked at him.  _ BEAST BOY! _ Beast Boy shifted to his usual form and grabbed his head.  _ What's wrong with me? I never got this sucked into an animal's behavior. _ Beast Boy breathed heavily trying to reign his instincts in. "Beast Boy?" Now Robin stared at Beast Boy in concern and caution.

"I'm ok. Just going a little wild." Beast Boy chuckled nervously. Robin didn't look convinced. "Let's finish this." Beast Boy walked past Robin hoping to leave whatever was going on with him behind. Robin stopped him with a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder.

"You know, you don't have to do this. This isn't a test and if it's about remembering, I rather that come with time." Robin's eyes were full of sincerity and concern. The anxiety from before came back to him.

"Something tells me we might not have time to wait." Beast Boy said ominously but he shook Robin's hand off ending the conversation. They walked in tense silence to the last obstacle, a cave.

"This is a bit different. It's pitch black but random stones will be thrown at you. The cave is only half a mile. Good luck." Robin ended tersely. He ran into the dark cave and easily disappeared from view. Beast Boy took a deep breath and ran in. Robin was right to say the cave was pitch black. Beast Boy couldn't even see his hand in front of his face. Beast Boy turned into a snake. Since they couldn't see anyway it would be easier to zoom through the obstacle. And it was at first. Beast Boy would be able to see the heat that the shooters produce when they shot the rocks and he was able to dodge them quickly. Yet, three quarters into the obstacle Beast Boy saw a different heat signature. This one was tall muscular and a bit warm but mostly cool. It was some type of robot. At first Beast Boy thought it was a part of the obstacle course and dodged the robot.  _ Threat. _ The Beast snarled in warning but that wasn't what stopped Beast Boy. The robot began say something in a deep smooth voice.

"You're just going to ignore me dear boy. After what happened with Robin." Beast Boy saw a flash of Robin in a weird black and red suit with a silver neck piece and belt with a S buckle. "Terra." This time Beast Boy saw the blond girl again but with a hard look in her eyes and dressed in a metallic suit similar to her regular clothes but with a S button on the chest. "And especially Raven." Raven with a defeated look on her face with all the markings came to mind again. "Perhaps you truly have-"

"Shut up Slade." Beast Boy said coldly as he shifted to himself. He didn't remember everything about the man named Slade but he knew that this man ruined the Titans lives enough. He hurt them, broke them, and played them. Beast Boy didn't hate much but he hated Slade with a burning passion.

"Ah, so you do remember." Beast Boy could sense the robot circling him.

"I remember enough to know that you shouldn't be here. Well at least your stupid robot look-a-like, coward." Beast Boy growled.

"Smarter than you look and act. Who knew?" Beast Boy shivered at Slade's calculating voice. But it wasn't in fear, it was pure rage. "You really are a mystery aren't you?" The robot leaned in close to Beast Boy whispering in his ear. Beast Boy whipped around and scratched at the robot's chest. The robot just backed up but the voice laughed. "Four-inches deep and I was at least two feet away. Impressive."

"What do you want Slade?" Beast Boy yelled. The robot chuckled again, grating Beast Boy's nerves even more. He was beginning to see red and every instinct in him growled and begged to fight the threat he faced.

"I want you. Specifically, I want you to kill your friends and join me." Beast Boy was stunned. Him? Slade wanted him? Slade was going to use him to hurt the Titans, his friends. To hurt Raven!

"NO!" Beast Boy roared and lunged at the robot. The robot dodged by jumping in the air. For a few apprehensive seconds the robot wasn't in Beast Boy's range of senses. Then he heard the robot come down right above him. Beast Boy rolled out of the way, landing in a crouch ready to strike. "Leave! You don't belong here!"

"Do you dear boy? You have so much potential and power to hunt and kill, yet you confine yourself to nothing more than a green clown." Slade drawled out.

"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!" Beast Boy cried out, rage consuming him. He launched forward as a gorilla and smashed the ground where the robot stood. A sense of deja vu hit Beast Boy when the robot punched him in the face.

"Relying on old tactics will get you nowhere." Beast Boy growled and shifted into a puma and pounced on the robot. He landed on the robot his vision turning red. Beast Boy's chest rumbled with a low threatening growl at the robot. The robot head butted Beast Boy away before he could crush the robot's throat with his teeth.  _ BEAST BOY! Calm down. Something's wrong with us.  _ _ NO! He's going to hurt them. I'm going to end him. _ Beast Boy shook off the effects of the head-butt and the conversation but the robot took advantage of Beast Boy's vulnerability and attacked. Beast Boy received a few jabs to the face, turning him into his usual self, before the robot really tired to take him out by punching his stomach. Beast Boy grunted and moaned in pain as he lay on the floor. 

"Is that all you got boy? No wonder why you lose the people you love. You're too pathetic to even-" The robot didn't get to finish for Beast Boy grabbed and crushed its throat. Except this Beast Boy's eyes and parts of his skin were red. He threw the robot across the cave and then he attacked the robot ripping it to shreds.  The Beast Boy that was slowly turning red began to rip the robot apart looking for food when a rock was shoot at it. Beast Boy growled and began attacking the rock shooters. His dagger teeth and claws were destroying the shooters. When he got to the exit of the cave the nearly red Beast Boy paused as he sniffed the air.  _ Food. Alive. KILL.  _ _ NO! I will not let you hurt anyone! _ _ Must kill. Don't want to be hurt. Don't want to be caged.  _ _ Then let me go. I will not- _ _ NO!  _ _ Let me OUT! _ _ NO! MUST HUNT! _ Beast Boy stumbled out of the cave his body convulsing between the red Beast Boy and the Beast. The growls and snarls between the two emanating from his mouth. Beast Boy's senses were on overdrive and fighting each other. This made the world a swirl of colors and sounds, which also made him volatile. So when he felt something close to him the Beast swung at it, trying to keep it away from him. Something else came near him and the red nature of Beast Boy tried to throw something at it but the Beast made him miss. The growls between the two continued to grow as he felt more things coming near him. He either swung at them or tried to throw things at them. They came at him and hit him, agitating his red nature more. He felt something trying to enter his mind. The Beast pushed it out and the red nature used this and took over. He tried to claw at the mind intruder. The Beast held the red nature back just enough so that whatever he attacked wouldn't die. But that didn't stop its cry of pain.

"AH!" Raven cried out in pain.  _ Raven? _ _  RAVEN! NO! _ In a flash, the red in Beast Boy's vision disappeared. He shifted to his normal self, except most of him was still red. He realized that everyone was staring at him in either caution, fear, or shock. Robin, Jinx, Starfire, and Cyborg had their defenses up, against him. Beast Boy cowered and began to whimper. But the scent of fresh blood with a hint of old parchment and lavender filled his nose. He turned and saw Raven. Her face and body showed caution as she cradled her bleeding arm. Yet her deep violet eyes showed something Beast Boy was always afraid of. They showed fear. He wanted to explain but he couldn't. Somehow he forgot how to speak and the words couldn't form in his mouth. And he was exhausted. His head wasn't just pounding, it felt battered. His body was crippling under him, black beginning to rim his vision. But he wanted to tell them, tell her something, anything. Finally his mouth and brain cooperated.

"R-R-R-Ra-Rav-Rave-Raven.." He called out. Beast Boy would've cringed at his broken voice but he didn't even have the energy to even care. "S-s-s-s-sorry. S-so sorry. S-Slade." And that was all he could say before he promptly fainted.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Violence, some torture, and minor character death. Sorry!
> 
> This is also why I don't own TT or DC
> 
>  
> 
> RAVEN'S POV

After Beast Boy fainted, an apprehensive silence filled the air. No one moved or made a sound. Raven stared at Beast Boy's unconscious form. He looked like the silly green teenager she knew Beast Boy as. Yet, she couldn't get the image of him being slowly overtaken by the fierce red aura, out of her head. It was strong, powerful, and furious. Raven didn't know what scared her more: the fact that the red aura reminded her of Trigon or watching Beast Boy fight it. As the aura began overtaking him it began to change Beast Boy's appearance. Soon she couldn't even recognize Beast Boy, he looked like a monster. The fact that Beast Boy was also trying to transform into the Beast didn't help. When Beast Boy attacked her she knew it was because the aura felt her trying to go inside Beast Boy's mind. The way his feral eyes targeted on her allowed terror to grip her heart and she couldn't dodge the attack. Unintentionally, Raven gripped her injured arm a little tighter and she hissed in pain.

"Cyborg!" Robin's called with a tone of authority. Raven pulled her gaze away from Beast Boy. She noticed that Cyborg was transfixed on Beast Boy as well. "Cyborg!" Robin yelled. Cyborg jumped, turning towards Robin his arm cannon still armed and ready. He finally saw Robin and powered down. "Take Raven to the Med Bay and check her arm." Cyborg opened his mouth but Robin turned towards Starfire. "Star, take Beast Boy there too. But put restraints on him." Another tense silence filled the air. Starfire nodded but her slow movements and trembling mouth expressed how she felt. Raven could practically taste Cyborg's worry and anger.

"No." Raven declared. Everyone stared at her. They were in shock of her commanding tone. Raven used this and continued on. "You are going to come with Jinx, Cyborg, and me to the med-bay. Starfire will stay and help the others figure out what happened." Raven didn't leave room for question. She briskly walked back to the tower. She heard Jinx appear behind her.

"Robin." Jinx called out. Raven turned around to see that Jinx was facing the others. "I would listen to Raven. We have something to tell you. Plus, the more we stand around looking like stupid fish, the worse things are going to get." Jinx turned back and walked towards Raven. In turn Raven stared at Jinx with an eyebrow raised. Jinx smirked. "Don't be so surprised Goth girl. I may have been a thief but I do keep my word."

"Well you of all people should know what they say about cats. They're too wild to be trusted." Raven gave a small smirk back. The light hearted air was ruined as Jinx caught sight of Raven's bleeding arm.

"I'll get the stuff. You should've been at the med bay five minutes ago." Jinx huffed as she stomped past Raven. She knew Jinx was trying to sound tough but Raven could feel the bit of concern Jinx hid. Raven held back a chuckle and nodded as she headed towards the med bay.

Raven was glad for the more comfortable silence that came over her as she walked to the medbay. She was still trying to go over how to tell Robin her ideas and theories. Actually, she was more worried about his reaction about the information she had about Slade, especially with what just happened. Raven entered the medbay and observed the recently cleaned room. It felt like the med-bay was becoming a second room for her. _And I'll probably be spending a lot more time here._ A feeling of dread came over Raven. But it left before she could analyze what it meant. She sighed in frustration. She hated when she felt that bad things were going to happen. When she felt like that, the things that happened weren't just bad. They were apocalyptic. But since she didn't see the future she couldn't prepare for it. Raven cut her sleeve and began wiping at the scratch. It had bleed a lot but Raven realized that it wasn't as deep as it seemed. The red Beast Boy was ready to kill her. He didn't even recognize her, but his body barely hurt her.

_What's going on Beast Boy? What were you doing?_

Raven heard the medbay doors open. She looked up and saw Cyborg gently carrying Beast Boy. Worry, fear, and guilt rolled off of him in waves. Cyborg laid Beast Boy on the bed but Cyborg didn't restrain him. Raven raised an eyebrow at Cyborg as he continued to get medical equipment out.

"Robin will give you an earful if you don't restrain him." With Cyborg right in front of her she could sense the anger in him.

"I'm not going to restrain somebody if they don't need to be. He wasn't really fighting us. It seemed like there was two people inside of Beast Boy." Raven gazed at Cyborg with admiration. She sometimes forgot how perceptive the mechanic of the team was."I believe in Beast Boy. There maybe monsters inside of him, but we all have them. None of us are locked up. We even let them come out, time from time. But the first time his monster came out it protected you. I know that's not what happened this time but I know that Beast Boy isn't a monster. I don't lock up innocent people."

"Cyborg." Raven said softly bringing him out of his thoughts. "I don't think he's as innocent as you think." Raven heard Cyborg's jaw drop, but Raven focused on how from even a few feet away there were some faintly visible scars that littered Beast Boy's skin. "In one way or another we all had to survive. Beast Boy probably had to survive more things than all of us but we've always saw him as a silly boy. He was and still is but now, we finally see that, that's not all there is to him." Raven walked to Beast Boy and observed his comatose state. Before the situation and she would watch him when he would fall asleep in the T-car. He would look so serene. yet at the same time he looked so childish. A small smile would sneak onto her face. Now as she observed him he looked older and worn down but the way a little drool slid out of his mouth was so him that she couldn't help let out a little chuckle. "How he manages to be in so much pain and still seem so, childish is beyond me."

"I could think of a reason, or maybe an angel." Cyborg smirked. Raven glared at him knowing what he was referring to. He just held up his hands in surrender. "Kidding." Raven rolled her eyes at Cyborg's childish antics. _Sometimes it really does seem like the only mature ones on the team are Robin and I._ "Let's check your arm." Cyborg came towards her and gingerly grabbed her arm to inspect it. "I could've sworn he went in deeper." Cyborg wondered aloud. "Did you heal some of it?"

"No. I thought he went deeper too but it just hit a vein that bleed a lot. You might be right about the two halves. I might have to go into his mind." Raven mused. Cyborg continued to inspect and clean her arm and only nodded his head. The medbay doors slid open interrupting Cyborg and Raven's thoughts. Robin stomped in with Jinx in a tight grasp. The destroyed and broken Slade bugs in a pink shield behind her.

"Explain." Robin growled. Raven raised an eyebrow at Robin, suppressing her anger. Even though she knew Robin would be anger at her for not explaining, she hated it when he tried to control things. Cyborg let go of Raven's arm and his eyes went between everyone, analyzing the situation. Raven just stared at Robin with indifferent and empty eyes as she began to heal her arm with her magic.

"How about you let go of me first?" Jinx asked sarcastically. She flinched at Robin's cold glare.

"Robin let her go." Raven ordered. Robin and Raven stared each other down. The rigid silence made Cyborg and Jinx squirm but Raven and Robin didn't move. Finally Robin let Jinx go. She began to rub her arm but she didn't make a sound as she stared at the two steaming Titans. No words were exchange for a few seconds. "This is why." Raven's voice was monotone but hard.

"That still isn't acceptable." Robin's eyes narrowed at Raven. Her face still showed the same stoic expression.

"We wouldn't have been able to predict what happened in the cave." Raven countered. She saw that he was angry about what just happened and believed she withheld information that could've prevented the situation. Robin growled wanting to yell but he knew there was no point. Raven even mentally gave him the hint that no matter what he said she believed that she did the right thing.

"We'll see about that." Robin grinded out.

"About that we shall see." Raven mimicked. Raven did have her occasional bouts of sarcasm towards Robin as well. In fact, sometimes his reaction was the best of all. Raven watched as Robin huffed, steam coming out of his ears, and stomped his foot. _Scratch that, I'm the only mature one on the team._

"Cyborg see what you can get- Why isn't Beast Boy restrained?" Robin stared at Beast Boy, but it wasn't with anger it was with concern and uncertainty. Raven searched his feelings and only found a bit of anger directed at her but most of it was directed at himself. Cyborg was working on the bug Jinx handed him, so he didn't seem to think about his answer.

"I'm not going to restrain someone who doesn't need to be restrained." Robin looked at Cyborg then back to Beast Boy.

"Make sure that you or Star is here when he wakes up." Robin ordered. Everyone in the room froze and looked at Robin in surprise. Robin didn't notice as he was near Beast Boy's bed looking at him, his thoughts far away from the present. Raven could sense the tension and seriousness Robin took on when he was trying to solve a mystery. But there was a sense of guilt there too. Cyborg slowly nodded and got back to working on the bug. Jinx watched behind his shoulder.

"J, I can't work if you're on top of me." Cyborg smirked. Jinx blushed and backed up.

"Well get smaller Tin Man." Jinx joked back Raven smiled at their antics. Even after his little tryst at the Hive, they stayed good friends. It helped release some of the tension in the air. Raven went next to Robin and watched Beast Boy with him.

"How's the arm?" Robin didn't look at her when he asked but she did feel his concern.

"Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as it looked. If anything, it really was just a scratch. I already healed most of it." Raven studied Robin. He was stiff and still but he narrowed his eyes at Raven's condition.

"I called in some help." Raven knew that Robin meat Batman and his old partners. Raven just nodded but part of her did feel relieved that Robin wasn't trying to do everything by himself. As they stared at Beast Boy in comfortable silence Raven found her courage to tell Robin her ideas.

"I want to go inside his mind." Robin finally looked at her. One of his eyebrows raised in curiosity. "Cyborg and I noticed that there seems to be an internal struggle within and it's coming out to the physical plane. When he tried to attack me, I thought he," Raven swallowed her fear. Oddly enough she wasn't afraid of him hurting her, she was I afraid of losing Beast Boy to the animal inside of him. "I thought it was going to kill me. But it didn't. Beast Boy would never let something like that happen. Something's going on inside his mind and I can help him through it." Raven heard the definitive determination in her voice. She fully intended on going into Beast Boy's mind, with or without Robin's permission. Robin looked back at Beast Boy his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Would it be safe?" Robin asked curiously. Raven thought about that. Going into someone's mind could be very unpredictable. Each mind was different. Some were ruled by memories, like Robin's. Others by emoticlones like her own. With Beast Boy Raven honestly didn't know how his mind would be organized. Yet one thing was true, especially for Beast Boy, the more unstable the mind the more dangerous the journey inside would be.

"If it was anyone else I would say most likely not. But with the state Beast Boy is in, it's unpredictable." Robin nodded as if he already knew her answer.

"Guys, I got something." Cyborg called.

"I'm coming." Robin stood up, finally breaking his and Raven's conversation. At least that was what she thought. "Don't go into his mind just yet. I want to talk with Star about this." Raven raised her eyebrow. Through their connection Raven felt his idea of going together and honestly she didn't even think about that. "And I think, I don't know..." Robin paused looking for the right word, but Raven knew what he was talking about and simply nodded. She knew that all of the Titans either had or developed a sense of intuition and she trusted them.

"Guys you really need to come see this. Now." Cyborg's voice deepened with anger and anguish. Raven and Robin hurried to his side. When they arrived Cyborg was showing a video on his arm. "There was a video attached to its data." In the center of the video was Slade. Rage and Timid rose in Raven. Yes, she did detest Slade for being the Devil's messenger, but she also knew that he was more malicious than her father. Slade's malicious intent made him their most dangerous enemy and Raven would always have a sense of worry when it came to him. She could feel everyone else's rage but Jinx was the only one that seemed to share her worry.

**_Hello Titans._ **

Slade's deep voice filled the med bay. It seemed to only aggravate everyone's anger.

**_I believe you know of the geneticist Dr. Lucas._ **

The camera turned towards a thin man with a bird nose that was gagged, bruised, and beaten. Raven heard herself gasp a bit at the sight. She was shocked to say the least. Rage was a bit jealous that she wasn't the one to cause the pain that she believed the doctor deserved. The camera turned back to Slade.

**_It took some, persuasion, but he gave me some very valuable information on one of your teammates. I wanted to share some of that information with you all._ **

The video fuzzed out to another video with the thin-nosed man again except he was perfectly fine. He was dressed in a lab coat with a black button down dress shirt. He was in some type of lab.

**_Video log 163 of subject 4537. Date September 12, 2003. Today we'll be looking at the subject's survival instincts._ **

Dr. Lucas's voice was haughty and cold. The way he said it and subject made her clench her fist.

**_I hypothesize that the subject's instinctual, more animalistic side will allow it to withstand more pain than the average human being. This will be tested through electric shock experiments. Every minute I will raise the current of the shock by .5 amps starting at a current of 1 amp with a constant voltage of 600 ohms. I will also be monitoring the affect the subject's pain will have on the dormant red energy inside of it. Let's begin._ **

Raven held her breath as the camera turned. The sight that greeted her when the camera turned made her sick, angry, but she was consumed by dread. A young restrained Beast Boy, with only a pair of white boxers laid on a metal table. Wires that were hooked up to electric generators were embedded into him. His hair was a bit past his ears and cascaded down his forehead in waves. He was trying to tug his wrist out of their restraints. His labored breathing was muffled but his cries seemed to fully reverberate off the walls, like howls. Raven was glad they didn't restrain him now.

**_Test 1. 500 ohms with a current of 1 amp._ ** Beast Boy's screams surrounded Raven. She didn't notice the slow tears falling down her face because all she felt was ice-cold anger and dread spreading down her spine. She was also sure that she heard a few pills bottles explode. The screams continued for another minute until it fizzed out to Slade's masked face. **_Test 2. Current has now been raised to 1.5 amps_ ** _._

**_I'm sure you would like to see the rest of the video Titans._ **

Slade's smooth drawl came on. Raven could hear the smirk he gave them behind his mask. Her fist clenched automatically.

**_But neither you nor I have the time for that. This is what I wanted you all to see._ **

The video fazed back to the electric shock test Beast Boy was undergoing. A gasp and vomit were stuck in Raven's throat at what she saw. Beast Boy was now clenching his fist, blood dripping from them. His eyes closed shut in concentration. He kept gnashing his teeth in pain, biting his lip so hard it bleed. There were many extensive and visible electrical burns on his skin, making his skin a mix of burnt black, rusty brown, blood red, and light green. Raven swore she saw a bit of blackened off-white in their too. What worried Raven the most though was that the red aura she saw before he fainted was consuming his body.

**_This is incredible! The subject has lasted till 10 amps and now the red energy is reacting to the electric shocks by sending the current back powering the machines._ **

The pure excitement and joy in Dr. Lucas's voice made Raven want to vomit. Then all of the sudden Beast Boy opened his eyes. The pure determination in them made Raven breathless. Yet, when he shifted something went wrong. Raven didn't see the aura at first but in the middle of the shift the red aura had completely consumed him. His eyes stopped being the hard determination she admired but the feral eyes of a predator, of a killer. Beast Boy shifted into a green and red electric eel. He seemed to absorb the rest of the electric shocks and shot the energy back at the machines. There was a blackout in the lab.

**_GO! Turn on the back up generator._ ** Raven heard people running out of the lab.

**_Amazing! The subject's ability caused it to withstand and shift its form past the normal human standard pain tolerance. This will be-_ **

Glass shattering interrupted Dr. Lucas's monologue. Something made the camera fall on its side, giving a twisted view of the laboratory. The still silence was like waiting for the inevitable punishment Raven would give Beast Boy when he was too annoying, thick with anticipation. Dr. Lucas's scream gave Raven a sick satisfaction. Then the lights came back on revealing what had taken place in the dark. The restraints on the metal table were torn broken. Glass littered the floor with chemicals splattered around. There was a now dented stainless steel table that was beside the table that carried Beast Boy. The new angle of the fallen camera did allow the Titans to see what made Dr. Lucas scream. On top of Dr. Lucas was Beast Boy who was shifting between a more animalistic red form and his normal green form. He was snarling at the doctor, sharp teeth protruding out, a thick red and green hand wrapped around the doctor's neck, choking him. Beast Boy brought his hand up, claws out, his eyes expressing the wild determination and need to kill. Dr. Lucas struggled to get free but Beast Boy picked up his head a bit and slammed it into the ground. Dr. Lucas's struggles stopped, the only thing that moved were his fearful eyes. Right before Beast Boy made another move, Beast Boy looked at something that made him freeze. The camera didn't catch what it was but Raven had an idea that Beast Boy probably saw himself in a reflection. He turned his head in such a way, like he didn't know what he was looking at. Raven saw a trace of fear in his eyes blooming as well. Dr. Lucas used Beast Boy's distracted state and grabbed something from his pocket. He injected it into Beast Boy's neck. Beast Boy let out an animalistic roar and tried to claw out what the doctor had injected. It was futile though because Beast Boy quickly turned back to his normal green state. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell to the floor seizing a bit before he passed out. Dr. Lucas's labored breathing was the only thing to be heard. The noise of other doctors coming was faintly heard pulling Dr. Lucas into reality. He slicked back his hair, composing himself. He walked towards the camera and picked it up to face him.

**_This experiment has proven that the red energy in the subject responds to the subject's state of physical pain. Because of this, the subject's pain tolerance is higher than most. Yet, is the red energy a last defense for the subject? Does it respond to other types of pain as well? How can I make the red energy a constant? Overall though, I deem this experiment as a success. Dr. Lucas signing off._ **

The screen fazed back to Slade.

**_My, it seems like your team pet has more potential than even I suspected._ **

Raven didn't know who but someone had growled and something else cracked.

**_This will be my only warning Titans. I will have the boy as my apprentice. And if you stand in my way, well._ **

The camera zoomed out showing the beaten Dr. Lucas next to Slade. Slade brought out a gun and shot him in the head.

**_You all should know that nothing will stop me from getting what I want. Goodbye Titans. I suspect that we'll be seeing each other soon._ **

The video ended turning to black. The room was still, like the calm before the storm. Robin and Cyborg left the room a few minutes after the video ended. They couldn't contain their fury, as they stomped out of the room. Raven felt their anger like she was in a sauna, their anger radiating heat. Part of it seemed like it was hers, except it was cold. Raven was frozen to the spot. She didn't feel anything, except for a vast emptiness. Not even her emoticlones were present in her mind. In her mind all she saw was the seizing Beast Boy. The burning of his skin. His whimpering pleas rang in her ears. The howls of pain seemed to echo around the room.

"Y-You okay?" Jinx asked softly. Raven was finally pulled at of her mind. She saw that Jinx was rubbing her arms looking down.

"I'm fine." Raven heard how cold and empty her voice sounded.

"You sure? Because I would like to get back on the floor. So would the half the room." Raven blinked and finally realized that half of the room was covered in her black energy and most of the electronics were fizzing up. Raven blinked again and the energy was gone. Everything fell back to normal, literally.

"You should probably go." Raven said quietly. Jinx nodded and walked past Raven. She stopped next to Raven and laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Being on your guy's bad side before, I know that whatever happens you guys will get through it. He will get through it. If anything, that's what that, that stupid video showed." Jinx practically ran from the room after her encouragement. Raven stared after her. After a while she shook her head and clenched her fist. _Jinx was right. I need to calm down. It was just a video. It was just Slade. We've dealt with him before._ Yet, when Raven looked at Beast Boy she knew that it wouldn't be anything like they've dealt with before. She went over to Beast Boy's bed. Through his newly shredded uniform Raven could see a small bit of burnt scar tissue among other scars. Raven inspected Beast Boy, looking at each scar, each tear of his uniform, each line of his upper body, till her eyes landed on his sharp angular face. "So, how long have you been up?"


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lot's of POVs. Lot's. But there's lots of fluff too!

**BEAST BOY'S POV -**

"So how long have you been up?" Raven's voice sounded strained and indifferent. Guilt settled inside Beast Boy. He knew that his past was bad, that's why he didn't want anyone else to know.

"Long enough to know that you dig my manly physique." Beast Boy said slyly. He knew that she would hurt him because of his joke but it would take her mind off of what she just saw. He quickly found out that he was right. He felt a hard bop in the middle of his forehead. "Ow!" Beast Boy gasped in pain, his eyes now opening to the bright lights of the med bay. Well, they would've been bright if Raven wasn't standing over him, glaring at him. "How can someone who looks just like an- "

"Finish that thought and I'll send you out of the window." Raven scowled. Beast Boy nodded. A small nervous smile appeared on his face.

"Sorry. Thought I would lift the tension." Beast Boy mumbled. Then he looked down and his smile disappeared. He stared at his wrists. "Why am I not restrained?" Beast Boy asked seriously. He didn't think it would be safe for Raven if he wasn't restrained. Especially if what he remembered before he passed out was correct. Well, what he kind of remembered. It was really fuzzy. But his senses seemed to remember what happened.

"It wasn't necessary." Raven replied smoothly. Beast Boy sniffed the air. He smelled her blood. It was spilt a few hours ago. There still was a hint of it on his hands.

"I hurt you." Beast Boy said plainly.

"It was a scratch." Raven stated. "I already healed it." Raven lifted her arm and the only traces left of his attack was her torn uniform, but it was still too much. Beast Boy shook his head in disagreement.

"That doesn't matter. I tried to hurt you." Even now Beast Boy couldn't quite comprehend it. How could he do that? How could he do that to his friend, his angel, to Raven? "I smelled your blood." He was appalled at himself. "I made you bleed." Beast Boy whispered softly.

"There are worse things than bleeding." Raven replied bluntly. Yet, when Beast Boy looked at her he could tell that the pain she implied was felt recently. Her usual scent of lavender and tea was tinted with the odor of anger and sadness.  _ Oh no. _

"Have I hurt you worse?" Beast Boy's heart began to pound. He couldn't bear the thought of hurting Raven. To see her cry and bleed. To see her afraid of him. That would break him.

"Honestly, yes." Beast Boy opened his mouth to apologize but Raven held her hand up, silencing him. "You are more impulsive than most people. So I know that you probably say many things that you don't mean. Still, you..." Raven paused and Beast Boy could see how her hands clenched and her normal composure seemed strained. She didn't even look him in the eye. "You are close to me. Closer than I ever thought you would or could be. Somehow, you know the exact words that cut deeper than any wound." Beast Boy's ears drooped in shame. "Yet, your actions show the truth." Raven said swiftly, a light pink dusted her cheeks. Beast Boy smiled at her, but then a recent memory came to mind.  _ Weird, after the small blackout I had I'm beginning to remember more. _ "What's wrong?" Raven's voice brought Beast Boy out of his thoughts.

"I never did say sorry did I." Beast Boy looked up at Raven. He was tired of looking up at her and sat up. She got close to help him because he started shaking. "I'm good." Beast Boy panted. The only reason Beast Boy was shaking though was because he didn't feel any pain at all. Something told Beast Boy that, that wasn't a good sign. _Something is wrong._ _We shouldn't be able to heal that fast._ _What's happening to me?_   He looked towards Raven, pulling his mind away from his drowning thoughts. He realized how close she was. She was only a few inches away from the bed. He could reach out and touch her. So he did. Touching her, feeling her soft skin helped him focus on the matter at hand. He ignored her slight gasp and held her dainty hand in his calloused in one. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Raven asked truly surprised. He could notice the small sparkle in her eyes. He realized that she hoped he remembered everything.  _ Wow. Such a tiny thing can make her as enchanting as the moon. _ Beast Boy pulled his gaze off Raven's beautiful eyes.

"I don't remember everything. And most of what I do remember is a bit fuzzy. Stuff like how we came together, Robin's betrayal, Cyborg's team absence, Starfire's sister, and certain missions with the Doom Patrol. But, there's a few things I remember clearly. Two that come to mind. Malchior, which I know I apologized for. But I didn't for the incident on the airplane back to Jump City." Raven opened her mouth but Beast Boy gave her a serious look, silencing her. 

"I know you'll say that what I said was only the truth but that still doesn't change the fact that my words hurt you. I can't tell you why I lied to you but I can tell you why I said what I said." Beast Boy breathed deeply. He actually did know why he lied to her but he couldn't tell her right now. It was already hard enough to tell her why he got so angry. Sometime recently something, something he can't remember for the life of him, made him lose control. Something got into his mind and released something else, that he had kept at bay for a long time. Something that Beast Boy himself knew was a monster, a killer. His past triggered the monster. Maybe that's why he avoided it.

He felt a light squeeze on his hand bringing him out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Raven's stoic face. Yet, her soft violet eyes encouraged him to continue. "I wish I could say I won't do it again. If anything, I'm probably going to be more volatile, more angry, and more wild in the days coming." Beast Boy looked at her hand trying to calm his pounding heart. He was scared of what was to come. He knew the monster inside of him would hurt, or kill her if it wanted to. Beast Boy felt many growls in his mind but they were faint as he stared at her hand. It was full of gentle curves with long lithe fingers covered in smooth skin that shone like moonlight against his forest green skin.  _ Even her hand is a beautiful masterpiece. _ "But that day I wanted you to get away from me. I needed you to get away from me. You scare me." He felt more than saw her look away in shame.

"Sorry." She mumbled as she tried to pull her hand away. He held onto it tighter.

"You know, you're always jumping to conclusions." Beast Boy chuckled. A spark of defiance lit in her eyes but she stopped trying to leave his grip. "Raven you being half demon or 'creepy' never actually bothered me. That's just who you are. What scared me that day was how close you were getting to me. I remember and, know that I don't-" Beast Boy paused looking for the right words. "I don't even tell myself how not okay I am. It's easier to be the funny guy, the happy kid if I'm okay. But when I look at you I get scared. I see your knowing gaze and I, I'm afraid that you see what I hide from myself. What's worst is that when I'm with you I don't want to hide those things." He gazed at Raven. Her face in a state of shock. "Raven, the way you're scared of your feelings controlling you. That's how scared I am about the way I feel about you. The way I want to tell you what I haven't even told myself." Raven stared at Beast Boy for a few seconds before reacting at all.

"Oh." Her face began to gather another cute blush. At first Beast Boy only smiled in return but the more he stared the more he felt himself getting drawn closer to her.

"Raven, I know you see an immature boy with an eleven year old mind. Especially before this whole situation, but I want you to know that the woman I see in front of me, has been and will always be the best thing in my life." Raven's blush grew as she kept gaping for an answer. Beast Boy lifted himself closer to her face. He could smell her lavender soap, old books, and the herbal green tea she always drank. Completely her, completely intoxicating. Beast Boy leaned in more, closing his eyes to enjoy her scent.

"Sss -st -STOP!" Raven yelled frantically. Beast Boy opened his eyes to a sudden chill encompassing him before he was flung to the wall. He landed with a hard crash against a few medical supplies and the wall. Beast Boy sat on the floor dazed as Raven ran out of the room.

"What just happened?"

****

**BUMBLE BEE'S POV** -

The others weren't done when Bee, Speedy, Kid Flash, and Starfire were done examining the scene. They were examining the scene for three hours. This gave Bee an ominous feeling.

"KF, go check on the others. Be quick about it." Bee ordered the blue eyed red head.

"Roger that." He gave Bee a mock salute and left.

"Excuse me, friend Bee. Why could I not check on my team?" Starfire asked a bit hotly. Bee looked up at the tall alien. She knew Starfire would want to check up on them but Raven seemed to only want certain people.

"You could sugar, but I don't think it's the best idea." Bee gave Starfire a more commanding look when she began to protest. Starfire immediately stopped her protests but her downcast face gave Bee a sense of guilt. Starfire looked like a child whose puppy died. "Look, if you want, go cook them something. They might be hungry." Starfire perked up but there was still a trace of worry in her eyes.

"That does sound most logical, friend Bee! I shall make some forlopnuk. In Tamera, forlopnuk was a dish that mothers made for sick children. I will just have to find Groffnut tongue." Starfire said with glee. Bee heard Speedy gag at the dish. Bee couldn't smack him because she did agree that whatever Starfire wanted to make didn't sound appealing. She hastily grabbed Starfire's hand.

"I think that some good ole' jambalaya would do. I can show you how to make it." Bee said hesitantly. Starfire smiled brighter, joy lighting her eyes.

"What is in this Jumbalie?" Starfire asked curiously. Bee let out a little chuckle at Starfire's curious face.

"It's a soup like dish with a little spice and chicken. I make it all the time." Starfire gleamed at Bee's explanation.

"That does sound well Friend Bee! Boyfriend Robin has been teaching me more traditional Earth cooking. This will be a good learning experience." They both began to fly to the kitchen.

"Bee." Kid Flash appeared in front of them. While Starfire was startled by his sudden appearance, Bee was startled by the grave look on his face. "I didn't want to go inside, but I did hear recorded screams as I ran by. When I ran up the building I saw them looking at Cyborg's arm. None of them looked happy." Bee could tell that Kid Flash wasn't telling her something. The way he stood still and how dark his eyes were, almost scared her.

"I should- "

"No." Bee ordered Starfire harshly. Her ominous feeling had grown and she knew that finding out whatever happened right away wasn't ideal. "Let's go make some food for them. If they need to, they will tell us what's going on." She glared at each person making sure they understood. Everyone nodded, Starfire a bit reluctantly but she was the first one to follow Bumble Bee to the kitchen.

As they went towards the kitchen, Bee began telling Starfire the ingredients to the jambalaya. On their way they saw Cyborg stomping to the garage, a stoic look on his face. Bee thought Starfire could have super speed as well. Before she could even blink Star was already in Cyborg's face interrogating him.

"Friend Cyborg! Is everything alright? Is friend Raven okay? Is friend Beast Boy well? Where is boyfriend Robin? You and everyone have been away for a long time and- "

"Not now Star." Cyborg pushed Starfire away and walked past the others coldly. His usually deep soothing voice sounded sharp and robotic. Even his walk was more stiff. When he pushed past Bee, she looked up at his guarded eyes. She knew he needed a bit of alone time. She quickly turned back around. Bee figured that whatever they saw must've been horrible if it caused Cyborg to want to turn off the human in him. Bee saw Starfire start to fly towards her friend. Bee flew in front of Star blocking her path. This made Starfire furious and her eyes lit up menacingly.

"Friend Bee, you have tried to stop me from seeing my friends when they are in a state of distress and I have had enough. I will see Cyborg and -"

"And what?" Bee said coldly. She was not afraid of Starfire. Bee stepped closer to her, making Starfire backdown. "Are you going to ask him what's wrong and hug it out? Well I'm sorry sugar, but sometimes that isn't how things can be fixed on Earth. Sometimes people need some space to figure stuff out." Bee ranted. Starfire immediately deflated but Bee held her ground. She could see how Cyborg shutting off his emotions would scream for people to check up on him, but she also saw his pleading look and his trust wasn't something she was willing to break. "Look, Cyborg needs his space right now. So let's make the jambalaya. After that we can check on your teammates with some food that they'll probably need. It'll probably help their morale. Right?"

"You are correct again, friend Bee." Starfire said gloomily. Bee backed down confident that her job was done.

"Good, let's go to the kitchen." Starfire nodded and flew towards the main room and kitchen. Bee did stop near Speedy when Starfire was out of earshot. "Report to Robin." She ordered him. Speedy only nodded. Bee raised an eyebrow at Speedy's direct obedience.

"Since the speedster went to see his Kitty Cat, it's either contain the super emotional super alien, or talk to Wonder Boy. I'll take my chances with the human." Speedy said nonchalantly.

"You mean the one who won't mess up your little ego and pretty face." Bee smirked. She snickered as she left a flabbergasted Speedy behind her.

"Friend Bee, you are a genius!" Starfire yelled as she tackled BumbleBee in a hug. "This soup of Jumbalie will most definitely raise spirits." Bee chuckled at Starfire's cute wording.

"Yeah it will. But first let's taste it." Before Bee and Star could even get to the pot they both saw Raven dash into the main room like a mad woman. She leaned next to the door breathing heavily.

"Friend Raven is everything alright? Is Friend Beast Boy okay?" Starfire flew slowly to the empath but she froze when a cup shattered at Beast Boy's name. Bee saw the blush crawling up Raven's face and suddenly it all made sense.

"Trust me Star, I think everything probably went great, maybe she even had a romantic time?" Bee teased as she got a bowl of Jambalaya. Another shattering glass and Raven's death glare confirmed Bee's suspicion. Bee really tried to hold in her laughter but a couple of chuckles escaped her mouth. "I'm goin' go see if Sparky is hungry. I'll give you two some girl time." Bee winked as she pasted the two girls, a smirk on her face. She was glad to see that some happy times were still able to happen despite the horrible things happening to them. Bee couldn't imagine the pain they were going through. To see a teammate, a friend, a family member go through pain that they hid from you was probably unbearable. Bee knew that if it was her she would be livid.  Yet, knowing Cyborg she knew that he was feeling guilty. He had a leader's heart. He would blame himself for not knowing Beat Boy's past and letting it consume him. 

Bumble Bee was near the garage when she heard the cursing and slamming. She walked in quietly and watched as Cyborg was still cursing, throwing tools everywhere looking for something. Bee even had to duck and dodge some tools he threw. Bee deduced, from his grumbles, that he was looking for an 8 inch bolt that was right next to a tool he moved to the side harshly. "You know Sparky," Bee said loudly to get his attention. "If you let your feelings consume you," Bee walked slowly to him, putting down his food down, and moved closer to him as he moved out of her way. "You'll miss what's right in front of you." She moved the tools on top of the bolt and held the bolt she assumed he was looking for. Cyborg stared at it for a few seconds, then he let out a dark chuckle. He grabbed the bolt fervently and observed it in his hand.

"That's exactly what I did to him isn't it?" Cyborg asked quietly. Bee just sat on the dented tool table waiting for him to speak. Bee admire Cyborg's willingness to face his emotions. All he needed was a small push to start and a rock to lean on. She was happy to do both. After all when nobody supported her, he did. When she had it all together, he still stood by her, awaiting her orders and waiting to protect her. She could do this for him. "I paid attention to how much we laughed and had fun. I never saw the pain, the heartache. I even told him some of mine. I told him how I was a varsity football player before I became like this. All he did was ask if I wanted to through some actual pigskin now that I knew him and turned into a little fat pig." Cyborg chuckled a sad smile adorning his face. As soon as the smile came it was soon replaced by a dark somber look. "I never even thought to ask him about the scars." Bee saw how Cyborg was drowning in something that haunted him. She knew if he didn't get out now he never would. She put her small hand on his strong jaw, gently directing his face to look at hers.

"What did you see?" Bumble Bee was glad that her voice was strong and resonated to him. His human eye cleared up seeing her.

"They were testing to see how much pain he could handle." He growled. "They treated him like an animal hoping he would become one. Hoping that he would become a monster." Bee held down a gulp. She was actually afraid of the wrath she saw in Cyborg's face. She knew that Cyborg would do anything for his friends, but the fury in his eyes told Bee that Cyborg would even kill for his friends. "They tested him through electric shock. They raised the current of the shock by .5 amps every minute for ten minutes." Bee couldn't hold back her gasp as she saw Cyborg's face contort in anger and horror. She could even picture the screams of pain and his burnt skin in her mind. It made Bee want to vomit and punch something at the same time. "Exactly, how I felt." Cyborg chuckled darkly. "The icing on the cake was that the information was from Slade." Bee's eyes widen in shock. "After the Brotherhood of Evil incident, Beast Boy said he fought a Slade Bot. I'm guessing that's when Slade directed his gaze on Beast Boy as an apprentice." Cyborg grounded out. Bee began to caress Cyborg's face, trying to loosen up the tensing muscles. "He saw that Beast Boy hid something sinister in him. The potential for a monster from the pain he hid. Slade, of all people saw that." Cyborg grinded out. Water began to spill from his human eye. Bee heard Cyborg's cry of  _ I didn't. _ She let Cyborg drown in his anger and self pity while she collected her thoughts, wiping his tears. If Slade was involved then it wasn't just about defeating the bad guy. Slade had a way of making people defeat themselves. She heard about Robin, Terra, and Raven. Bumble Bee knew that Slade had an obsession with tearing the Titans apart from the inside out. Now he was trying to use one of the youngest members of the Titans to do this. Even she felt a little furious. She grabbed his face roughly, forcing him to look at her.

"This is good." Cyborg eyes widen in shock and anger but Bee continued on. "This means that now you know that someone is trying to hurt our teammate, our friend, our brother. You know that someone is trying to make him something he could be but we know he's not. Slade is trying to take Beast Boy away from us, away from you. So now that we know, we are going stop him. Or are you just content on wallowing in self -pity about what you didn't know before? Because if you are, well, you aren't the man I thought you were." Bee looked pointedly at Cyborg waiting for his answer. He gazed at Bee. His gaze held determination and adoration. He pulled her in a hug, his head meeting her stomach.

"I will get Beast Boy back." Bee heard Cyborg say against her stomach. His warm breath making her stomach do somersaults and her body heat up. But she controlled herself and hit him on the back of his head. "OW!" Cyborg cried, rubbing his head.

"Good. Couldn't do it without cha' Sparky. Now eat your Jambalaya and go talk to your friend. I think he broke Raven." Bee pushed Cyborg away and turned around to grab his bowl of food. "And thank Star for the food. I did do most of the cooking but I let her help so she wasn't attacking you guys with questions." She turned around to find Cyborg towering over her like the gentle giant he was. His eyes were soft and grateful. "What's up?" Bee asked knowing that her blush was evident on her cheeks.

"You being here, it means a lot to me." Cyborg grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it lightly. "Thank you." Now he was blushing as he scratched the back of his neck. Bee knew that her blush was all over her face but she couldn't help her smile.

"You know Sparky, keep being all romantic and I might consider stayin' for a bit." She kissed his cheek quickly and began sauntering out of his garage. "Try finding your own stuff from now own." Bee winked at Cyborg, her playful side showing.

"Yes Ma'am." Cyborg gave her a mock salute and a flirtatious wink. The best thing though was his smile. No matter how much metal covered his body, no matter how much metal was put inside him, Bumble Bee knew that as long as he carried that smile, Cyborg would be the most human of them all.

 

**JINX'S POV** -

Jinx practically ran out of the med bay. Her run turned into a full on sprint when she reached the stairs going to the roof. She slammed the door open as she desperately inhaled the fresh air. Her legs ached, her heart raced, her breathing was ragged and loud, but nothing was distracting her from the sight of Beast Boy's electrocuted body withering and seizing. Jinx felt the bile come back up her throat. She knew Slade was crazy and ruthless but to show that to Beast Boy's friends was, cruel. Jinx used to want to be just like him but after today her heart and her mind both agreed that being the big bad villain meant losing something more precious: humanity. Jinx slid down the wall of the roof access. She looked out to the blue horizon. It was a great contrast to the red, black, and green in her mind. She was also scared, but not of Slade. She was scared of the green funny Titan. She always saw him as Slade called him, the Titan's pet. He wasn't a serious problem like Raven or Robin. Now though, Jinx could see what truly was in Beast Boy. Underneath the layer of fun and comic relief lay a beast with the power to withstand death, with the power to kill. Something that could make someone unstoppable. A shiver ran down Jinx's spine.

"I would ask if you're cold, but seeing as how it's so sunny and warm I'm guessing that's not it." Kid Flash appeared next to Jinx. His casual smirk on his face. "But if you are cold I could heat things up." Jinx still didn't look at him. She was still overwhelmed with the images from the video running in her mind. "Jinx?" Kid Flash's voice took on a delicate tone. It grated Jinx's nerves.

"Can you just leave me alone?" Jinx asked harshly. She knew that later she might regret how she was acting. But right now, Jinx just wanted to forget everything and he was in her way of doing that.

"Well I would, but bad luck follows you everywhere. Someone's gotta watch out for you." Kid Flash joked.

"Maybe you're my bad luck." Jinx smirked. She couldn't help it. When Kid Flash was around, her sass and tolerance level peaked. It was actually thrilling.

"There she is." Jinx finally looked towards Kid Flash. One of her eyebrows raised in question. "For a second there, you were about as gloomy as the pretty goth queen in the med bay." Jinx punched his calf. "OW!" He cried in pain. Jinx just rolled her eyes.

"You shouldn't be flirting in a time like this and stop looking down on me." Jinx crossed her arms defiantly. Kid Flash just chuckled and sat down beside her. Jinx looked back at the horizon. Everything was quiet for a while. She wondered how Raven was doing. She knew Beast Boy was awake when she ran out. Jinx felt his energy signals spike. Jinx did worry a little because he had hurt Raven before, but Jinx knew that her friend could handle herself. Plus, she probably needed alone time with Beast Boy. Jinx heard loud chewing coming from beside her. She noticed that Kid Flash was eating a candy bar that he definitely hadn't brought with him.

"I thought heroes didn't steal." Jinx smirked again.

"From friends it's simply called 'borrowing'." Kid Flash said with food in his mouth. Jinx just rolled her eyes again but she couldn't help the small smile that came to her face. She heard him gulp the last of the candy bar. "So, what's up?" Jinx looked at Kid Flash. He was already staring at her, his blue eyes serious but open. Jinx squirmed a bit. She never felt comfortable with how open she felt with him. That never stopped them from having these kind of discussions. Jinx reluctantly looked away from Kid Flash. She couldn't look him in the eye.

"Wally, remember when you told me you saw something different in me." Jinx blushed saying Kid Flash's real name but she needed him to pay attention to what she was saying. "I know what it was. You saw a girl that couldn't be cruel. You saw a girl that couldn't make people watch their friends being tortured. Sure I was a thief and all, but it didn't make me part of the big leagues. In fact I was just a little girl with a big dream. An idiot girl that couldn't see what her dream really entailed." Jinx held her legs to her chest tightly. She felt small and weak. Jinx felt vulnerable. She hated it but at the same time part of her was glad. It meant she was still human. "You were right." Jinx heard Wally's jaw drop. "Don't make such a big deal about it. You're still a slow idiot." Jinx smirked at him. But Jinx looked away quickly. "About me being too good to be a villain. I can't be that cruel. But I still can't call myself a hero like you guys. I'm still the odd one out." Jinx finished sadly.

"Wow. Never thought you'd even think I was right. But, that's not what I saw." Jinx looked at Wally in surprise. He wasn't looking at her but he had a small blush. "I didn't just see a girl that couldn't be cruel. I saw a girl who had the strength and determination to do and be anything she wanted to be." Now Jinx blushed. She'd never met anyone like Wally. He was always running at his own pace. Doing what he wanted when he wanted. Honestly she didn't know whether to pound him down or adore him for his bravery. "And I saw a spilt second of the video. Beast Boy was being electrocuted. Even I wasn't fast enough to get the image out of my mind." Jinx's eyes widen as Wally's eyes darken. There was a hollow feeling in her chest as she watched his face lose its childish smirk. "No human would let that happen, or share it so easily." Wally grabbed Jinx's shoulder's, making her face him. His eyes were boring into hers. "You are not Slade, and while you may have wanted to be him, you didn't see that. You were still human, you just wanted to be the best." Jinx's heart began to pound. She didn't know he knew her like that. Wally's face soften, his features becoming youthful again. It didn't help Jinx's racing heart. 

"And I never said you were a hero. Not that you can't become one. I just knew and still know that you're different. You are more different than any other hero or villain. You have the capability to change the world. At least my world." Kid Flash's face was tomato red but his eyes had stayed on Jinx's. Her face was just as red and she wanted to look away but Jinx wasn't one to back down.  _ His eyes are like the sea: blue, open, deep, shining. I love the sea. _ They stared into each other's eyes and Jinx felt everything on her mind fall away. "Do you got any food? I'm kinda hungry." Kid Flash said seriously. Jinx's eyes glowed in rage as she blasted him. He dodged the blast enough to not be hit head on.

"Idiot!" She marched towards the door of the roof. She just heard Kid Flash laugh and he stopped right in front of her.

"Glad you're back." Kid Flash giggled and kissed her cheek. He ran off before Jinx could react. She couldn't though because she was frozen to her spot, eyes bugging out. Jinx wanted to be mad but instead she just shook her head, a small smile on her face.

"I still don't like you!" Jinx yelled. Kid Flash's laugh echoed in the air.

 

**ROBIN'S POV** -

_ One, two, three, right hook. Kick left. One, two, three, left hook. Kick right. _ Robin punched the bag in front of him mercilessly. He tried focusing on his rhythm and combinations. It didn't stop Beast Boy's screams and Slade's cold voice ringing in his ears. He punched harder and faster, trying to get rid of the noises but they kept taunting him. Robin lost his rhythm, letting the bag hit him. He huffed in frustration as he tumbled to the wall.  _ I will have him as my apprentice. See you soon Titans. _ Slade's voice haunted Robin's mind. Full of rage and adrenaline Robin punched the wall next to him. Though part of him was satisfied with the loud crack from the wall he still felt so much anger.

"I really hope you guys have insurance." Robin heard Speedy joke. He looked up to the entrance of the gym and saw Speedy leaning casually against the door frame.

"I'll take care of it." Robin grounded out. Robin grabbed the nearest water bottle and gulped a few drinks. His right hand began throbbing. Robin took off his glove and saw that punching the wall had probably cracked a few bones and definitely left a nice bruise. Speedy whistled.

"Whew, that's a nice shiner." Robin didn't even give him an eye roll. He was still angry and it didn't go away. Part of him didn't want it to.

"Report." Robin commanded. Speedy glared at Robin, his stance changing into a more challenging one.

"I told you wonder boy. You don't- "

"Speedy! The report. Now." Robin seethed stepping up towards Speedy, his hands clenched ready for another fight. Robin hoped that Speedy would fight. Then if Robin beat Speedy senseless he would at least have an excuse. But Robin could see that Speedy knew when it was time to rebel and when it was time to just do what you were told.

"We found pieces of Slade's robot scattered in the cave. Some bitten into. Your guns in the cave are destroyed as well. While looking through the pieces Wally and I noticed that the same tech for the guns was used for the robot. So the signature was the same. We figured that's why it was undetected." Speedy reported. With a yell Robin threw the water bottle in his hand at a nearby mirror. The mirror shattered and Speedy stepped back in fear.

"Why does this always happen? Every single freaking time we fight Slade he's always a few steps ahead!" Robin yelled. He strided past Speedy brutally and went to his office.  _ Not this time. He's not going to win. I'm not going to let it happen. Whatever it takes. _

Robin slammed his fist down in frustration. His computer had come into another blocked site of Dr. Lucas's information. So far Robin was only able to gather only a little information about the red energy that Dr. Lucas referred to in the video, his early life, and his arrest by the Doom Patrol. All of his research, legal and illegal, seemed to have disappeared. He wasn't even close to getting anything to save Beast Boy. "Why!?" Robin yelled at nobody in particular and slammed his fist down again. His burner phone rang and Robin swiftly answered it.

"What do you have?" Robin asked curtly.

"Wow. I get that you're going through a tough time right now but- "

"Barbara, I'm sorry for being rude but I really don't have time to worry about manners." Robin said with frustration. He was trying not to vent out his frustration on his best friend who was willing to take her time helping him. But he was just so angry.

"Is everything alright Dick?" Barbara Gordon's voice was soft with concern which made Robin feel guilty but it also seemed to add a bit of fuel to his anger.

"Not really, but whatever info you have for me should help." Robin said hoping to change the subject. There was silence until Barbara sighed.

"Well, none of it's good. We kept tabs on the guys you asked for and two of them recently escaped their state prisons, Doctor Mathias Lucas and Galtry Logan." Barbara said dejectedly. Robin blew out of his nose and his fists tightened.

"The doctor is dead." Robin grinded out.

"How- "

"Trust me." Robin didn't even want to think or explain about what he saw to anybody.

"Okay, um well, I did find information about his research." Robin stilled hoping for good news. "It seems like he was obsessed with finding out about this substance dubbed, the Red Energy. I even bent a few rules and I found out that some of his research even lead him to some occult that worshipped the devil and offered women to him to have children. Other than that -"

"Wait!" Robin heard Barbara huff on the other end but he needed to make sure that the occult wasn't tied to Raven's demonic past. "The occult do you know any important names?"

"Well," There was a pause as Robin heard Barbara type. "It does keep talking about a place called azar, and some text from the occult name the devil, Trigon. The Red Energy is a supposed to be what granted Trigon eternal life and was said to be an energy source that fed off of pain and anger. Any host under the influence of the Red Energy either died from the sheer force of the energy or became an uncontrollable monster. Even Trigon couldn't control them. So he tried to kill all the monsters to absorb the energy himself. Some of it escaped into Earth. Wow! This Dr. Lucas guy totally said that the occult stuff was bologna one minute but in a rare, like I could go to jail for life rare, article he claims that there maybe some truth to the myth. Wonder what happened?"

"Me too." Robin rubbed his chin. If this thing they were dealing with was demonic, Raven would definitely have to deal with it. But, with the threat of her father looming over it she couldn't do it alone.

"You think this occult stuff is true." Most people would think Barbara was asking if he believed the occult theory but Robin knew she was making an observation.

"Yeah, I got someone with close ties to the occult." Robin rubbed his nose in frustration and relief. He was relieved that he finally had information that lead somewhere but it frustrated him that it also gave him more to worry about. Was the energy inside Beast Boy part of a demonic monster? Did Slade know this? Did Beast Boy know? Many more questions swirled in his head. "Thanks for your help Babs." Robin forced out of his mouth.

"We're here if you need us." Barbara said softly. Robin knew Bruce, Alfred, and Barbara would be willing to help him. Robin just wanted to keep this between his friends.

"Thanks, bye." Robin said with monotone.

"Bye." Barbara hung up on Robin leaving him to his thoughts. He was only sure of two things. They would definitely have to go inside Beast Boy's mind and he was still unbelievable angry. He huffed in resentment. He should've been happy. They now had a lead. But did they really? Were they playing into Slade's hands? Robin looked at his own swollen hand. Robin decided he needed to train some more. He opened the door to his office looking at his swollen hand deciding what to do with it when he bumped into someone. He helped steady them, using his injured hand but he swallowed the pain down.

"Oh Boyfriend Robin! I am sorry. I did not mean to do the bumping into with you. I have come to deliver some Jumbalie." Robin couldn't help the small smile that lit his face at Starfire's sweet voice.

"Jambalaya, Star. And no thanks. I'll eat later." Robin patted her shoulder and was about to move past her when she gingerly grabbed his injured hand.

"Boyfriend Robin what has happened?" The worry in her eyes did wonders to him. It made him happy, sad, and angry all at the same time. His anger though was encompassing all of his other emotions. He really wanted to; no, he needed to hit something.

"It's nothing." Robin snapped. He pulled his hand roughly out of Starfire's gentle hold. "Don't worry." Robin walked past Starfire hoping that she would leave him be. He didn't want her to see his anger again. He froze when he heard a starbolt come at him. It missed him by inches but Robin turned around to see a livid Starfire glowing in front of him.

"Why must everyone tell me not to worry?" Starfire yelled. She was still in power mode but Robin knew that it wasn't  _ likely _ that she would hurt him. "Everyone is keeping things from me! People tell me not to worry about my friends when they are clearly in distress! How can I not worry the more? Especially when it seems that I can do nothing?" Starfire had slowly powered down. By the end of her speech she looked broken. Robin did the only thing he could think of. He pulled her towards him and hugged her tightly. She slid down to her knees and Robin followed suit. Starfire began to cry on his shoulder. "Boyfriend Robin why am I so angry and sad and other horrible emotions?" Robin's eyes bulged. He was so focused on how he was feeling and the need to know what was going to happen that he didn't see how his team was feeling. How they were probably just as frustrated, angry, sad, and in need to know just like him.

"Star," He moved her so that she was staring straight at him. "What you are feeling isn't horrible. In fact I feel the same way." Robin gulped. No matter the situation it was always hard for him to talk about his real feelings. Yet, when he looked at Starfire's open and sad emerald eyes, Robin knew that no matter how hard, he would do anything to make her smile. "I am so angry. I'm angry that Beast Boy didn't tell us anything about his past. I'm angry that I didn't even care to investigate it myself. I'm angry that Slade of all people, is trying to break us again. I'm angry that only thing I can do is find things out that help us but don't help Beast Boy. I'm angry that every time Beast Boy sees me, there's a tinge of fear and distrust there. I'm so angry that I punched a freaking wall! And I still feel like I need to punch something till, till this whole situation just disappears!" Robin panted. He turned away from Starfire. He didn't know if he really wanted to see her reaction. Robin knew that he wasn't the one in the relationship to lay his emotions out clearly. He did feel better, less angry, but he still wasn't use to laying out his heart to someone. He wasn't use to being vulnerable, but what scared him more was how easy it was to be vulnerable with Starfire.

"Richard," Robin looked at Starfire. They rarely used their real names. Only in times of great passion when they're alone. When he told her his first name and nickname she simply said she liked Richard better and continued to kiss him. Except, it was more feverently, more intimate. Robin appreciated the fact that she only used his name every once in awhile. Yet, every time she used his real name, Robin was filled with lustful want. She had a fervent and sweet voice that called, sometimes moaned, his name. This time wasn't any different. Robin's eyes snapped to Starfire's eyes as her hand came to gently caress his face. "You do not need to worry. You are not alone in this. Together we have defeated Slade, Trigon, and the Brotherhood of Evil. Together we shall save our friend." Starfire said gently. Robin stared at Starfire's eyes. They were shining with care, admiration, and love. Robin felt his heart swell and soar. He dipped her head and kissed her forehead lightly. He let his injured hand caress her face. She gently lead it to her lips and kissed his palm. Robin smiled lightly.

"Koriandr, thank you." Robin whispered. He was elated with her bright smile. "I hate to ruin the moment but I need to talk to Raven." Robin sighed.

"Why is that Boyfriend Robin?" Starfire's head tilted in confusion. Robin chuckled. He didn't know how Starfire could make him feel so happy, even when Slade, his arch nemesis, was after their friend.

"Because we need to go inside Beast Boy's mind."


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mindscapes are awesome.
> 
>  
> 
> RAVEN'S POV

Raven sat on her bed finishing her tea and jumbalaya. She went through the recent events in her mind.

When Raven had entered the main room she quickly dismissed Starfire's concern by telling her that Beast Boy was awake and Robin was in distress. Another cup shattered when Raven mentioned Beast Boy. Starfire tried to get Raven to stay and talk but Raven didn't even know where to start. Starfire's pleading look didn't even phase her. Raven simply told Starfire that she should give some food to Robin and Beast Boy. There was a loud bang from the microwave. Starfire ran to it, trying to figure out what happened. Raven used Starfire's distraction to grab a small bowl of jambalaya and some tea. It was difficult to concentrate on those menial tasks. Raven looked back at a frantic Starfire over the burning microwave before she went through the doors. She wished she could talk to Starfire, it probably could've help, but it was easier to focus on basic needs such as food and meditation. Focusing on Beast Boy-

BOOM!

Raven looked and saw that one of her pillows had exploded and some of the pillow's stuffing landed in her jambalaya. Raven huffed in annoyance. Ever since the incident her powers were uncontrollable when it came to him. Raven finished her tea and used her mirror to enter her mind.

_OMG! He was going to kiss us! Congratulations!_ Happy tackled Raven once she entered her mind.

_Happy, OFF!_ Raven commanded. _And that's not-_

_He so was._ Rude phased in next to them. Raven threw a glare at her. _Sorry._ Rude winced. Raven didn't know if she winced because she was truly sorry or if it was because she was out of character.

_What are you going to do? What should we do? How do we act around him? Are we taking this out of proportion? Why can't I freaking calm down?!_ Bravery jumped in and began flailing about. She had almost hit Raven twice during her rant. Raven gritted her teeth in anger.

_BRAVERY!_ Raven yelled. Bravery froze. The other emoticlones were now gathered around her. _Look, what happened was-_

_Beautiful! Exciting! Azar! He was so handsome and romantic and-_

_Unexpected._ Raven slapped her hand over Passion's mouth. _But we need to calm down and forget about it._

_That is physically impossible._ Knowledge chimed in a dreamy voice.

_What do you mean?_ Raven asked sternly. She refused to have the stupid incident ruin her life.

_He was different._ Sloth drawled. _But it was him._

_He was getting too close!_ Rage yelled breathlessly. _If we forget, he'll get that close again and, and why am I not angry at him?_ Rage whispered. Raven gapped. Rage was usually her loudest emotion.

_Because he was sincere and he didn't lie. He was straightforward._ Timid said wistfully. Raven's eye twitched.

_None of that matters! What matters is how things are randomly combusting. You guys are out of control and it's affecting my powers. So I don't care what you all have to do, just forget about the whole incident so everything can go back to normal!_ Raven glared at each one till they backed down except for Knowledge and Passion. _What?_

_We can't ignore this._ Raven froze at Knowledge's harsh voice. _This isn't just a hug or a touch. It was an attempt to get closer to us in a more intimate, personal way. Honestly, none of us, not even you, know how to deal with that._ Raven stiffened at Knowledge's words. Passion said nothing but her and the other emoticlones nodded in agreement.

_We're out of control because for once the situation wasn't a situation we, or you, could control._ Passion eyes burned Raven. Raven stared at all of them warily.

_You're right._ Raven sighed reluctantly. Beast Boy in general was something she didn't know how to handle, but she knew him. She knew he had been and still is hurting. _But I also know that he needs me. If I'm too emotionally unstable to help him then I failed him._ Raven glared at each emoticlones. _I refuse to let that happen. Even if I have to disregard my feelings for him._ All of her emoticlones stared at her silently. The silence was uncomfortable but she was grateful for it.

_We understand._ Knowledge came towards Raven. _But you must understand that the matters of the heart can rule the mind._ All the emoticlones nodded in agreement. _And this isn't just advice for your mind. If you want to help him you must understand that his emotions may rule his mind more-_

_More than himself._ Raven finished. While her meditations were usually to help calm her down and rejuvenate her powers, sometimes her meditations helped her figure things out. _I'll keep that in mind. Thank you._ Knowledge nodded in return. _And I understand the confusion over Beast Boy-_

_But he needs us, so we need to behave._ Rude muttered harshly. _We get it bossy. We'll behave._ Rude vanished before Raven could stop her.

_Yepper doos!_ Happy chirped.

_Yeah! We can't look like a coward now!_ Bravery yelled with renewed enthusiasm.

_W-w-we can't fail him._ Timid gave Raven a tiny smile.

_Failure is not an option._ Rage growled. Sloth just nodded along with each of them. Raven grew suspicious of the emoticlones. Rarely were they all in agreement. It was even rarer that they were in agreement with her.

_Raven,_ Passion gazed at Raven in sympathy. _We know that you don't trust us. But trust that we care for Beast Boy as much as you do. We'll do anything to help him._ Raven stared at Passion. The sincerity in her eyes was overwhelming. Raven wanted to say something but she heard a solid knock on her door bringing her out of her meditation. Raven glared at her door as the heavy knock continued.

"Raven. You, Bee, and I need to talk." Robin's voice flittered through the thick door. Raven sighed as she cleaned up her room and floated to the door. It seemed that her emotions did calm down since she was now able to multitask.

"What?" Raven asked dryly when her door slid open. It revealed Robin in the process of knocking and Bee standing with her arms crossed behind him. She seemed as lost as her.

"A friend of mine found some information about Dr. Lucas's research. She found something that, changes things." Robin said as he put his clenching fist down. Raven felt his doubt and uncertainty grow. She figured that he was holding back information and was debating on whether to reveal it or not.

"How Robin?" Raven stated. She hated it when Robin withheld information.

"Well, Dr. Lucas was studying this thing called red energy. The energy was a source of power that when injected into things it was either self destructive or volatile. Either way, it was extremely powerfully. Dr. Lucas might have put some of that into Beast Boy." Robin explained.

"So you're sayin' that the little guy has some foreign substance in him that may be causing him to act like this?" Raven glanced at Bee. Raven felt her curiosity but there was also an undercurrent of worry too.

"In a sense, yes." He stated. He turned his body to face both Bee and Raven more directly.

"Well, let me and Sparky examine him for the chemicals and-"

"It might not have been just chemicals." This time Robin looked down. Raven could feel anger consuming him. He breathed deeply and looked back up at them. "Dr. Lucas was looking into the origins of the red energy he had in possession. It turns out that the red energy was mentioned in religious occult text as an uncontrollable power." Raven's stomach began to fill with dread.

"So you're sayin' that we might be dealing with some more mystical stuff here?" Bee asked in surprise.

"Possibly. Somehow he harnessed it in chemical form. All he had to do was look for a host that could harness it without dying. The host also had to be controllable." Raven knew Robin was try to dodge the real issue.

"Robin what exactly did the occult say about the red energy?" Raven seethed. Robin and Bee's flash of fear helped ground Raven.

"According to the occult the red energy was a source of power feeding off of pain and anger." Robin sighed and Raven knew what he was going to say next. "It was a source of power coveted by the demon Trigon." Raven felt her breath disappear, but she didn't have time to process anything before Robin continued. "But the power was uncontrollable for Trigon and energy from the power escaped to Earth taking hosts. But none of them lasted."

"Till Beast Boy." Raven whispered. Robin nodded. Raven felt her hands tremble. She thought she left her father's rule but he still had to come back into her life. Her demonic heritage now put one of her friends in danger. Raven clenched her hands to keep them from trembling.

"Who's this Trigon guy?" Bee asked loudly. She looked between a scared Raven and a worried Robin. "I'm guessing he's pretty important."

"He was my demon father that tried to bring the apocalypse, using me as a portal." Raven growled. Bee mouthed oh. They all stood in silence, each of them lost in their own thoughts. Raven was grateful for the silence. It gave her time to calm down. She was scared, angry, and most of all, she was worried. If there was demonic energy in Beast Boy, it was probably tearing his mind apart.

"So if this is some magic stuff how do we fix it?" Bee asked keeping the meeting on topic.

"Raven is going to take us inside Beast Boy's mind while you and your team watch Jump city." Robin stated nonchalantly. Raven gave him a surprised look.

"What?" Bee yelled and Raven asked incredulously. Robin huffed exasperatedly.

"Look, Raven can go into people's mind. From my experience with demon power, it seemed like it had a lot to do with the mind. So you," Robin pointed to Raven. "Are going to take all of us into his mind." Robin held up his hand, stopping the protest on Raven's lips. "I can't let you go through this alone. It would be extremely dangerous for both him and you if you went alone. I can't risk that. All of us are going. That's it." Raven heard the finality in Robin's voice. She couldn't change his mind now. Not even Starfire could change his mind. Raven nodded solemnly. "Good. Now Bee, I need you and some of your team to stay and watch Jump City while we're under. I can't risk leaving the city defenseless." Raven could feel how desperate Robin was for Bee to do this, but he stood tall and stared her straight in the eye as Bee contemplated her answer.

"Yeah we can. I might send Speedy back though. I like us to be split up evenly." Bee stated. Raven felt and saw Robin relax.

"That's fine. Thanks for doing this." Robin gave Bee a tiny smile.

"No problem. We came here to help." Bee slapped Robin's shoulder. Raven smirked seeing him wince. The smirk left her face when she remembered her job.

"I need to talk to Beast Boy about this." Robin and Bee looked at her. "The process is easier with a willing participant. Plus, this will be a major invasion of privacy." Robin nodded in understanding.

"Bee and I can brief the others in the common room while you do that." Raven nodded and headed towards the medbay. She could feel Starfire's natural happiness when she came to the door. Raven was surprised to find Beast Boy's emotions muted. She walked in on Starfire explaining some Tamaranean dish. Raven didn't know how Beast Boy, who hated meat could stand listening to her explanations of the hunt and cooking processes. _Maybe because it's alien._

"Hello friend Raven!" Starfire waved at Raven, a large smile on her face. Raven couldn't help the small twitch of her lips. When she saw Beast Boy, her lips went into a frown. He was smiling at her but it didn't reach his eyes. His eyes were distant as well. "I was just describing the dish frugnot from my home planet."

"It's, an interesting dish." Beast Boy said hesitantly. Raven could sense an edge in his voice but she didn't know what it was from.

"Robin is briefing everyone else on our next move. He wants you there." Starfire opened her mouth to vocalize her concern for Beast Boy. "I'm going to stay with Beast Boy and scan him." When Raven looked at Beast Boy he avoided her gaze. Raven felt her heart squeeze at Beast Boy's action but she controlled herself to not show it.

"Very well then. I shall leave you two alone. Take care friend Beast Boy." Starfire flew out the room. Without Starfire, the medbay drowned in an awkward silence. Raven took a deep breath and went closer to Beast Boy's bed. He tensed when she reached her hand out. Raven's heart broke when she saw him pull away.

"I-I'm not going to hurt you." Raven tried to keep her emotions blank but she couldn't help the break in her voice. Beast Boy looked up at her, his eyes soft and gentle. Just like they were before the accident.

"Afraid of you Rae, " Raven glared at Beast Boy while a small smirk appeared on his face. "Never." Beast Boy said sarcastically but Raven could feel the sincerity he held. The awkwardness was still in the air but it was manageable.

"Don't call me Rae." Raven said sternly. "But you should be afraid." Raven whispered quietly. Beast Boy simply nodded but she knew that he hadn't heard her. The way his eyes harden, it seemed as if he was lost in thought, which bothered her. She couldn't sense his emotions clearly and that bothered her greatly as well. Raven cleared her throat, making him jump. "I need to scan you with magic." Raven focused on the procedure at hand. Starting from his legs, Raven began moving her hands up his body. Raven was baffled by his uninjured body. The only injury she found was the one on his head, but even that was significantly better.

"Soooooo, what's up Doc?" Beast Boy joked, jarring Raven out of her thoughts. She looked at him her eyes narrow.

"How?" Raven growled. She knew that the only way he would tell the truth was if she intimidated him. Instead of joking or any other of his nervous habits he usually did when he was intimidated, he froze. Raven could feel a battle rage within him.

"I'm good, right? That's all you need to know." Beast Boy looked away from Raven. Raven's eyes widen in shock but she was determined to know the truth.

"If you don't tell us what is increasing your heal factor we'll have to test and examine you to see what's going on inside of you." Raven warned. Beast Boy looked back at her. Except now his eyes were cold.

"Just like that doctor, Rae." Raven step back when Beast Boy spat his nickname for her. "He wanted to know so badly and look at what he was willing to do to get the information he so desperately wanted. Is that how badly you want the information because I'm not going to ever tell you. So the only way you can get the information is to do exactly what he did." Raven felt Beast Boy's words hit her like a punch. Then something whispered in her mind.

_What if he saw the end of the video? What if he saw that the information was the reason the doctor died?_ Raven silently thanked Knowledge for keeping her steady.

"One, you know that we would never do that to you." Raven said harshly stepping towards Beast Boy. Raven began entering his personal space and he leaned into the bed slightly but the hard look was still in his eyes. "And two, no matter what you think, you should know and have seen that we're hard to get rid of." Beast Boy's eyes widen a bit. "We will find out whatever we need to know to help you. We are not going to leave you, Beast Boy. Not when you need us." Raven was standing right in front of Beast Boy, her eyes boring into his. Now his emotions were stronger to Raven: regret, anger, worry, fear. Yet when she looked into his eyes, they were even more distant. His heart monitor began to beat rapidly. "Beast Boy, calm-"

"DON'T SAY THAT!" Beast Boy yelled loudly, tears spilling slowly from his eyes. "I don't need your guys help. I controlled whatever is happening to me before. I can do it again." Beast Boy's clenched hands went to his head as he closed his eyes. "I can do this. Just get back. Get back. Get back." Beast Boy whispered over and over. Raven was shell shocked. She wondered if that's how he controlled the energy inside him all this time. She wondered how she never noticed. Raven watched as Beast Boy's heart monitor slowed from its rapid beeping to a slower more rhythmic pace that matched his breathing.

"Beast Boy." Raven called to him in a loud clear monotone voice. His eyes shot to her. Raven controlled herself to not step back when she saw the residing red in Beast Boy's eyes. "Slade gave you something that triggered a demonic energy inside of you." Beast Boy tilted his head in confusion.

"Demonic?" He mumbled.

"Yes." Raven stated firmly. "What's inside of you is dangerous, especially now. Whatever Slade used to activate it may have made it more volatile and powerful." Raven let her information sink in.

"How did it get into me?" Beast Boy asked warily.

"We believe that somehow Dr. Lucas was able to inject you with it. Most hosts would either die or become so enraged that they were uncontrollable." Raven informed Beast Boy. He was looking at his hands in shame.

"Except for me." Beast Boy growled. Raven nodded. She understood the shame in being someone's object. They were submersed in silence, only the heart monitor beeped loudly. Raven stared at Beast Boy. He was breathing deeply and Raven could sense how he was trying to control the rage and shame. Raven never thought that she would feel as connected to him as she did now. Raven decided to break the comfortable silence before she lost her nerve.

"Yes." Raven took a deep breath. "That is why Robin and I suggest to use my magic to go inside your mind with-"

"Wait! You want to go inside my demon infected, unstable mind?" Beast Boy asked. Raven nodded. She knew that he was not going to let her speak. "Are you all insane!? That will not happen. It can't happen. You'll get hurt. I know I don't remember much but I remember what happened when you went into Robin's mind. Whatever happens in here," Beast Boy pointed to his head. "Can hurt you in real life. I'm not going to let you-" Raven stopped him with a raise of her hand.

"Robin ordered this. He wants everyone to go to be safe." Raven would've smirked at how Beast Boy's eyes widen comically. Except, the worry and fear he felt almost crippled her. "Going inside your mind is the only way we know how to help you now." Raven hated that it was the only thing she could do to help. It was the most intrusive thing she could do to a person.

"All of you guys. You all will see everything in my mind, including my past. " Beast Boy whispered in fear. Raven could feel his fear overwhelming him. "I-I-I can't. You'll, no, all of you guys, will see. No, no, no." Beast Boy started hyperventilating.

"Beast Boy!" Raven grabbed his shoulders making him look at her. Raven could see that Beast Boy wasn't struggling with the energy inside of him but the fear of being exposed. "Beast Boy, you have to calm down. Breathe with me." Raven exaggerated her breaths but Beast Boy was still breathing quick shallow breaths. Then Raven took Beast Boy's hand and put it on her chest as she leaned close enough to feel his breath. Raven was internally screaming at so much physical contact but Beast Boy's gasps for air reminded her that it was only for medical purposes. "Beast Boy, breath with me." Raven exaggerated her breaths this time counting the beats of each breath. It was working. His breath slowed down and he responded to her by squeezing her hand tightly. But his eyes were still wide with fear.

"Robin said that going into my mind is a must." Beast Boy whispered. Raven nodded, she was afraid that their close proximity would affect her ability to speak. Her throat became dry and it was hard to focus on the conversation. "Raven," Beast Boy's forest green eyes bore into hers with desperation. "I need you to promise me two things." Raven nodded again. "Promise me, at the first sign of danger you guys will get out of there." Raven didn't see anything wrong with that promise. Honestly, it was a natural habit of hers to leave a mind at the first sign of danger. "And that whatever you guys see in my mind, you'll act as if you never ever seen it." Raven's stomach filled with dread. She knew that they all had pains but they all had to address it at one point. Beast Boy was content on never addressing his own pain. From what Raven knew, pain was like anger. The more it built up, the worse the explosion. She could understand Beast Boy's request but she didn't agree with it.

"Beast Boy-" Raven started to explain her disagreement but Beast Boy stopped her.

"No!" Beast Boy's gaze landed on her. It was hard and determined. "Whatever you all see, I'm fine. Just find out about the energy and get out. Please." Beast Boy begged. Raven stared at him debating whether to accept the terms or not to. She had a feeling that letting Beast Boy hide from his own pain would come back and haunt them.

_It already is._ Raven thought solemnly but Beast Boy was desperately begging her. She could feel it consuming him as he hoped that they would treat him the same. Act as if nothing was wrong. Raven sighed reluctantly. She needed him to be as cooperate as possible to enter with all of them. "Fine." Raven could sense his imminent relief. "I will inform Robin of your conditions." Raven realized that they were still in the same intimate position they were in when she was helping him calm down. Raven shoved Beast Boy away from her and backed away quickly. She tried to act indifferent but she felt a warm blush grow on her cheeks. "But for now get some rest." Raven ordered.

"But Raaaaaaaven, I'm not tired." Beast Boy whined. Then he yawned loudly making Raven roll her eyes.

"Stop being stubborn and rest." Raven began to walk out of the medbay before Beast Boy gently grabbed her hand. She turned to look at him. He was nervous and Raven knew what he was going to talk about.

"Um, thanks for calming me back down." He nervously rubbed tiny circles in Raven's hand as he breathed deeply. She refused to acknowledge how good it felt. "And I'm sorry about before. I just, I don't know what happened. But I know it was uncomfortable and I don't want things to change because of some weird situation. Are we good?" Raven froze knowing that what she would say could make or break their relationship.

"I didn't know you knew a word as big as uncomfortable. Good job." Raven internally winced at her natural sarcastic response but Beast Boy gave a quick smirk.

"What can I say? I'm just full of surprises." Beast Boy chuckled and Raven couldn't help but give him a quick tiny smile. Everything was just like before. Although, Raven noticed that they were still holding hands. She slipped her hand out of the hold. She couldn't stop clenching her fist though. She missed his warmth. Raven cleared her throat.

"I need to go get ready for tomorrow." Raven created a portal from the medbay to the main room. She entered it quickly, not looking back at Beast Boy. When she entered the main room everyone was eating more jambalaya and laughing.

"How is he?" Robin asked, noticing her first.

"He's up for it. On two conditions. One, we will leave at the first sign of danger." Robin nodded in agreement. Raven took a deep breath, readying herself. She knew that they would agree with her about the second condition. "Two, whatever we see in his mind stays there. He only wants us to get information about the red energy and leave." Everyone was quiet much to Raven's surprise. It bothered her a little bit.

"Friend Raven, is something wrong?" Starfire gazed at Raven in concerned. Raven debated telling them what she thought, but decided not to.

_Maybe I'm just overthinking things. Beast Boy is just asking for privacy. I of all people should understand that._ "Nothing, just thinking about what I need to do to get ready." Raven shook her head clearing her thoughts but her anxiousness didn't leave. "Cyborg," Cyborg looked at Raven. "I'll need the journal tomorrow." Cyborg nodded. "Good. I'm going to bed. Goodnight." She turned back going to her room. The apprehensive feeling in her stomach steadily growing.

The next morning Raven had a quick meditation session, rejuvenating her powers. She looked around her room knowing that the moment she stepped out the door everything would change. She faced the door and hastily grabbed her mirror on her way out.

When Raven arrived at the medbay Robin was already there. Robin and Beast Boy were in a companionable silence looking at each other. Robin's eyes were filled with determination and concern. Raven believed that in these small moments Robin showed everyone the true leader he really was.

"Are you ready?" Robin asked when he saw her.

"I'm ready. I just need the journal." Raven answered in a solid voice. Robin nodded in understanding. "Are you ready?" Raven observed Beast Boy. He seemed relax but he kept clenching and unclenching his fists.

"I'm good. Ready. Totally ready. Totally ready to be opened in my mind." Beast Boy rambled. Raven went towards him and gently laid a hand on his shoulder.

"Thank you for letting us do this. I wish there was another way to help you but this is it." Raven's voice was soft and sincere. She wanted him to know that he was safe. Beast Boy nodded and muttered thanks. "Don't thank me yet. Cyborg has to give you a sedative to allow us to go deep into your mind." Raven felt Beast Boy's increase of dread. "You will be safe. I promise." Raven felt the weight of her words affect her voice. Her voice was thick and full of emotion. Beast Boy only took a deep breath and nodded at her words. They stared at each other. Raven noticed that his dark forest green eyes had tiny flecks of sky blue in them. _Had his eyes always had that beautiful blue in them?_ The medbay doors slid open making Raven jump back.

"Were we interrupting something?" Cyborg chuckled as he came in, Starfire gliding in behind him with a cheerful smile on her face. Robin smirked at Raven and Beast Boy.

"If you weren't I-" Raven covered Robin and Cyborg's mouths with her magic.

"If you two would like to see tomorrow, I suggest that we start helping Beast Boy, now." Raven threatened menacingly. They both nodded and Raven slowly made her magic disappear. "Cyborg, I need you to give Beast Boy a sedative that will make him unconscious for a while."

"Got it. And here's the journal." Cyborg tossed Raven the journal and she caught the tattered old green book. She brought out her mirror and started chanting the spell to meld the mirror with the journal. She felt the two items begin to meld together smoothly. Until, she was distracted by something grabbing her wrist tightly. She looked down and saw that Beast Boy had grabbed her wrist in fear as Cyborg approached him with the sedative. Raven blushed but decided to say nothing, because she felt his need for an anchor not because she enjoyed it. She closed her eyes and continued to meld the mirror with the journal, until she felt the magic end. When Raven opened her eyes the mirror was a dark green with animal markings on it and the journal was gone. Raven noticed that the pressure on her wrist was gone as well. Raven looked down and saw that Beast Boy had let go of her, the sedative already working. He looked young and vulnerable. Raven breathed deeply and pulled her eyes away to look at the others. "Ready?" She asked for the last time. They each looked at each other, their determination palpable to Raven.

"Yes." Robin answered. Cyborg and Starfire nodded subtle.

"Okay, grab hands." They did as Raven commanded. "Now, I don't know what we're going to face in his mind. So you have do what I say. Do not go anywhere alone. If you find yourself in danger run. Do not fight anything that attacks you or presents itself as a threat. It might affect Beast Boy physically. Plus the only powers that will work will be mine." Raven sighed, closing her eyes signaling them to get ready. "Azarath Metrion Zinthos," Raven began chanting. A white light surrounded them all. Raven felt her magic pull them into the mirror. Then something began blocking her. Raven growled as she pushed the force back. The force was strong and angry. Raven was automatically reminded of Trigon, but there was a difference. This force was raw emotion. No being behind it. _Not yet._ Raven's mind supplied. Raven pushed harder, willing them in. Something must've helped her. For when she pushed this time the force fell away completely with ease, making her lose control of the others as they fell into Beast Boy's mind.

"Oof!" Raven landed hard on a grassy terrain. She stood up slowly. As she dusted herself off she investigated where she was. She was surrounded by tall dry grass. The land reminded her of the pictures she seen of African plains.

"Friend Raven!" Raven heard Starfire's voice and looked around for her. Raven found her just a few feet away. She was waving happily. Then Raven spotted a green speck with what appeared as shining eyes in the grass.

"Starfire!" Raven yelled as she ran towards her. Right before Raven could reach Starfire the green mountain lion pounced. Yet, it didn't pounce at Starfire. It tackled a red cheetah that had lounged itself towards Starfire from the right. Raven still maintained a defensive posture as she saw the green mountain lion and red cheetah fight. The green mountain lion fought with strength and would quickly overpower the red cheetah but the red cheetah kept dodging the kill shot with its speed.

"Friend Raven should we not help our friend?" Starfire asked, concern pouring out of her voice. Raven stayed in front of her watching the fight intently.

"We don't need to." As soon as Raven said that the mountain lion grabbed the cheetah's throat in its jaw and biting down hard, it snapped the cheetah's neck. The green mountain lion held the red cheetah in its mouth till the cheetah vanished in red smoke. The green mountain lion huffed in what Raven felt as annoyance.

"Oh friend Beast Boy! That was a most marvelous fight!" Starfire yelled cheerfully. The green mountain lion's ears perk. Raven could sense the mountain lion's anger and fear. It slowly turned towards Raven and Starfire. It began to stalk towards them. "Friend Beast Boy?" Starfire inquired quizzically. Raven noticed that the green mountain lion had shining ice blue eyes, not Beast Boy's forest green eyes. It gained more speed and Raven quickly read its intentions.

"Starfire, I don't think that's Beast Boy." Raven put up a shield as the green mountain lion pounced.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two POVs, for the ultimate experience in the mind of Beast Boy!
> 
>  
> 
> RAVEN'S POV-

The green mountain lion landed directly in front of the shield. Raven kept it up as the lion paced around the shield. It stopped in front of Raven. Its piercing blue eyes glaring at her. It shifted into Beast Boy's human form except he was shirtless and barefoot with torn pants. Then he walked past Raven's shield. Raven's panic rose.

"You shouldn't be here." This Beast Boy had a deeper voice. It reminded Raven of the time Beast Boy found his primal side. _It's kind of se- NOT NOW!_

"Who or what are you?" Raven asked preparing herself to fight. Hostility was rolling off of the Beast Boy look-alike.

"Leave. Now." The look-alike growled. Raven felt intimidated but she wasn't going to back down.

"No. Who are you?" Raven growled back. Raven glared into the look-a-like's sky blue eyes. Even though they weren't Beast Boy's forest green eyes, for some reason it was still really hard for her not to get lost in the harsh sky blue eyes of the look-alike.

"Friends, I do not understand the hostility towards one another." Starfire's concerned voice broke Raven and the look-alike's stare down. The look-alike glared at Starfire and bared his teeth at her.

"Leave." The Beast Boy look-alike stepped towards Starfire but Raven stepped in front of him abruptly.

"NO!" Raven yelled angrily. "We are here to help Beast Boy and gather information about the red energy inside of him." Raven seethed. "Now are you going to tell us who you are and help us or not? Either way we are staying." Raven glared up at the look-alike. _When was Beast Boy taller than me?_ His eyes were wide and there was something under the shock in his eyes. Something akin to admiration.

"Please friend Beast Boy, we would like to understand the secrets you keep in your mind." Starfire pleaded. The look-alike looked at Raven and Starfire both. Finally he bent his head and sighed in defeat.

"I'm not your Beast Boy, but a part of him." When the look-alike looked at them his eyes were softer and the hostility was pulled back, a bit. Raven observed the look-alike and saw how there was a transparent edge to his skin like her emoticlones but he seemed to radiate more than one emotion. That was unlike her emoticlones.

"I do not understand. How are you part of our friend when you are whole?" Starfire asked the look-alike. He just chuckled and shook his head.

"Like Raven, Beast Boy's mind works easier if it separates the parts he uses." Starfire, still confused looked at Raven for clarity.

"This Beast Boy is a certain aspect of Beast Boy's mind. Most likely this is a part that holds certain animal instincts and characteristics he uses." Raven looked over at the look-alike for clarification and he nodded slightly for her to continue. "He's whole because we're in his head and this is how Beast Boy sees this part of himself." Raven finished her explanation observing the look-alike once more. He looked a lot like Beast Boy but their mannerisms were totally different. The look-alike didn't seem to smile at all. His features were sharper than Beast Boy's. The look-alike stood with his arms crossed and tense. As if he was ready to run or fight at a moment's notice.

"Do you like what you see?" The look-alike smirked, his fang poking out dangerously. Raven narrowed her eyes in irritation but then she saw all his scars. They were the exact same as Beast Boys with more claw marks and bite marks. His hands were scarred and calloused the most.

"You're the hunter part of him." Raven stated. The look-alike chuckled once more.

"Not really. That's the side you know as the Beast. The primal instinct to hunt and protect. I'm survival. I'm the Changeling." A roar made the look-alike, Changeling, turn away from the girls. Raven covered her ears as the roar echoed through the land. Changeling bared his teeth as a low growl emitted from his chest.

"What was that?" Starfire questioned meekly after the roar was done.

"Later. We need to find the others and get you guys out of here. Let's go." Changeling ordered as he began to walk away. Raven and Starfire looked back at where the roar emanated from. "Now." Changeling harshly commanded. Starfire looked aghast at Changeling's tone and Raven couldn't help but bristle at Changeling's command.

"We are trying to help you!" Raven yelled back.

"Yes part of friend Beast Boy." Starfire said calmly. Raven knew she wanted to prevent any more confrontation. "So please stop ordering us and-"

"We don't have time!" Changeling roared. Raven could see that Starfire was intimidated but Raven herself was furious, "Now, let's go." Changeling said with a final tone. He began to walk away from Raven and Starfire.

"No. You will make time and explain to us what is going on or we are not moving." Raven ordered back. Changeling froze. Then before Raven could blink, Changeling was in front of her, his piercing eyes glaring down at her. Raven thought that Beast Boy could never be scary but the cold pure anger in the Changeling's made her shudder.

"Here's the facts, Raven. None of your guys powers work here but your magical energy is still sensible to any animal. And it smells intoxicating, especially to the red energy influenced ones. I advised Beast Boy to keep you guys out of his mind but he didn't. The idiots, Gar and Garfield begged to have you guys come help. Why he listens to those two I will never know." Changeling sneered. Raven wanted to put Changeling back on track but his eyes became more feral and his ears became more pointed. He looked like a cat ready to pounce. "So now you are vulnerable and in danger. So I'm going to get the others and have all of you leave before the red energy rips each one of your throats." Changeling paused observing Raven's face. Raven tried to hide her fear using anger but she couldn't. She had put all of her friends in danger again and now they were powerless and separated. Raven bit her lip and clenched her hands to hide her trembles. But she knew he saw them when she saw how his eyes soften. Changeling stepped back away from here but gently gripped her shoulder. Raven was surprised by how reassuring that one touch was. "Look, nothing bad will happen to you guys. You all will get out of here, no matter what it takes." The sincerity in his voice and eyes made Raven's heart skip a beat. They stared at each other and Raven realized that the Changeling would die for them if need be.

"Don't." Raven whispered. They both blushed. Raven blushed out of shocked embarrassment. _I know that I don't want him hurt but he's not even Beast Boy! Why do I care?_ His warm hand slipped from her shoulder and he looked towards Starfire, breaking their moment and her thinking.

"We need to find Cyborg and Robin." Changeling cleared his throat "Since we are all part of Beast Boy's mind I can sense who they're with and find them that way. Will you follow me?" Changeling asked looking back at Raven. Raven saw that all of his earlier hostility seemed to disappear from his eyes each time he looked at her.

"Yes we shall." Starfire said with determination. Raven nodded her approval afraid to say anything else.

"Good, stay close." Changeling ordered before he changed into a green tiger. He strolled onward as Raven and Starfire ran to catch up with him. Raven stopped when she heard another roar further away but just as fierce. _I hope that the other two are safe._

 

 

**ROBIN'S POV-**

"Oof!" Robin groaned in pain as he landed on solid dirt. Robin slowly got up, stretching every tight muscle. He observed the surrounding area and figured that he somehow landed in a rainforest. "Titans, Roll Call!" Robin ordered, hoping for anyone to answer. When no one did he called louder. "Titans, ROLL CALL!" Robin's yell echoed back to him increasing his worry. "Starfire! Raven! Cyborg!"

"I'm right here Rob." Cyborg's bulky frame crashed through some of the foliage of the rainforest behind Robin. When Robin turned around he could see that his usually bright robotic features seemed to be more dull.

"You okay?" Robin asked as he observed Cyborg more.

"Yeah. I can't locate Star or Raven though." Cyborg began to rub his head in worry. "Just like Raven said, my tech doesn't work here. Wherever here is." Cyborg muttered.

"I think it's a rainforest." Robin remarked as he continued to look around.

"I-i-it is." A small voice stuttered behind them. Robin and Cyborg turned around ready to fight but it was just a frightened, small boy, with sandy blonde hair and blue eyes. He was wearing a white t-shirt with blue denim shorts. They quickly put away their weapons as the boy stumbled and fell backwards when he saw Robin and Cyborg turn. "Hey, hey it's okay." Robin said calmly as the boy began to whimper. Robin lowered to the boy's height slowly but he kept his distance. "We're not going to hurt you. You just scared us."

"I scared you?" The boy whispered in awe. "But you're the fearless boy wonder Robin. And Cyborg is so big he can crush fear." Robin and Cyborg stared at the kid in confusion. Cyborg got closer to the kid and knelt down to his height. The kid trembled but he didn't leave.

"How do you know us kid?" Cyborg asked gently. Robin went closer when he saw the kid's eyes widen in realization.

"He never told you guys. But he doesn't really like remembering things like that." The boy mumbled quietly. Robin had to strain his ears to hear the boy but the boy's answer just confused him further.

"Do you mean Beast Boy?" Cyborg asked slowly. Robin noticed that Cyborg was coming up with the answer in his mind but Robin had no clue what it was. The boy nodded.

"I'm him when he was a kid." The boy began playing with his hands nervously. Robin stared in shock at the boy. Mento told them that Beast Boy was human but Robin still couldn't see it. Now he was staring at the human child Beast Boy. Robin had a hard time connecting the shy fearful human child with the outgoing silly green changeling but the nervous mannerisms were the same.

"A shy human kid. You're his fear self aren't you?" Cyborg brought Robin out of his amazement. Robin looked at Cyborg liked he lost his mind. He didn't know or understand what Cyborg was talking about. But the boy did, because he smiled brightly at Cyborg.

"Mostly. Changeling also calls me the stupid human part." The boy said sadly. Robin would've felt bad for the boy but he was totally confused.

"So there's more of you guys?" Cyborg asked. The boy nodded fiercely.

"Yeah. There's Gar, Changeling, Buddy, Beast, and me, Garfield." The boy said excitedly. "You would see them, like," Garfield bit his lip in concentration. "Gar is Brave. He likes dogs. Buddy is Happy. He is the monkey guy. Beast is Rage but good rage. He's like an overprotective teddy bear. And Changeling is, um, I guess Changeling is like Raven. He acts mean and cold but he does nice things a lot, so he's just misunderstood. It might be, because he likes cats. I'm Timid but not as bad." Garfield finished his ramble blushing but he was standing proud and Robin couldn't help the small smile that came on his face. "We're all different from those guys though."

"I figured kiddo." Cyborg chuckled.

"What are you guys talking about?" Robin finally asked.

"Grass Stain and I were pulled into Raven's mind. To control her emotions, she separated them into different aspects or people in her mind. I'm guessing Beast Boy did the same thing." Cyborg explained.

"Beast Boy needs to control his emotions?" Robin asked in disbelief.

"Yes and no." Garfield piped up. "Beast Boy has a lot of voices in his head. We are like a small speaker of each animal parts." Robin stared at Garfield as he struggled with his words. "Um, like I talk to small animals and I know a lot about-" A loud roar coming from the north shook the forest. Robin and Cyborg jumped up in surprise as Garfield began trembling again. "No." He whispered.

"What is it?" Cyborg asked softly. Garfield just looked back at Robin and Cyborg with fearful eyes. He ran towards them and grabbed their hands and pulled them away from the source of the roar.

"We need to go." Garfield said with urgency. Tears swam in his eyes. Robin and Cyborg stayed in place. "We have to go now! Please." Garfield begged as he continued to pull on Robin and Cyborg. Robin knelt to Garfield's height and held him by his shoulder so he could look at him.

"We can't leave till you explain what is going on." Robin said bluntly. Garfield was on the verge of breaking down. "Garfield, take a deep breath." Robin ordered. It took a while but Garfield breathed in deeply as Robin held his shoulders. "We can help you. But you need tell us what that thing was." Garfield gulped down more sobs and took another deep breathe.

"I-i-it's Red. That's what we call it. He came after Changeling. Red is not just scary, he's terrifying. He kills and is always so angry." Robin let go of Garfield's shoulders a bit when a flash of red went through Garfield's blue eyes. "He wants all of us like that. He is a monster. We locked him up, but now he escaped and is trying to take control. The Beast is fighting Red but, but," Garfield started biting his lip harder as tears fell down his cheeks.

"What is it?" Cyborg kneeled next to Robin and motioned for Robin to let Garfield go. Robin did knowing that since Cyborg and Beast Boy were closer friends he would be able to get through to Beast Boy easier. "Hey, everything's gonna be alright."

"No it isn't." Garfield whispered. "He wants you guys. He wants your blood." Garfield began heaving. "He smells you guys. It's my fault. My fault." Garfield's breath began to become labored and he crumpled to the ground.

"Garfield!" Robin yelled as he caught Garfield before he hit the floor, but Garfield's breathing didn't slow down. Cyborg came to help by rubbing Garfield's back. Robin tried but he felt something watching them. Robin passed over the hysteric Garfield to a confused Cyborg, but Robin stood up tensing up to face whatever opponent that was watching them. It didn't take long for Robin to find out who the predator was. A red jaguar jumped out at Robin from his right. Robin ducked but rolled under the jaguar to kick it away from Cyborg and Garfield. Robin's kick landed in the jaguar's stomach and Robin used the jaguar's weight to throw it away from them. Robin heard Garfield's strangled scream but Robin kept his eyes on the red jaguar. The red jaguar got up slowly and faced Robin. Robin held his ground and growled at the jaguar. Before Robin or the jaguar could move, a green wolf with a streak of light tan fur burst through the trees and jumped at the jaguar's throat. The jaguar tried to claw the wolf away but the wolf just sunk his teeth further in the jaguar's throat. Robin watched as the jaguar began to fade away. Robin held in his confusion and shock. He looked at Cyborg whose mouth dropped. When the jaguar disappeared the wolf shifted into his human form. This Beast Boy looked like the Beast Boy Robin knew but his hair was a sandy blonde.

"Well, that was intense." The green teenager said lightly. "But I was pretty awesome right? Did I do good?" The green teenager looked eagerly at Robin and for once Robin was speechless.

"G-G-Gar!" Garfield stuttered as he jumped out of Cyborg's arms and tackled the blonde haired and green skinned teenager. The teenager, Gar, caught him without even moving a step back. Robin was impressed but not surprised. He knew Beast Boy held a strength that he rarely put on display.

"Hey there Garfield! Why are you, huh?" Gar looked away from Garfield and to the side intently. Then he quickly looked back. "I think there was a mouse in the forest. Why are you in the jungle Garfield? When did Rob and Cy show up? Did you tell them everything? Where's Rae and Star? Hey guys!" Gar was bouncing up and down as he talked making Robin dizzy. Robin felt really bad for Garfield but he seemed used to Gar's excitable personality.

"I saw them fall but I didn't see Raven and Starfire. I told them what I know and now I feel that Raven and Starfire might be with Changeling." When Garfield said Changeling, Robin noticed a quick change in Gar's demeanor. His eyes got darker and his mouth turned to a snarl but then he went back to smiling brightly, with a chipper attitude that didn't seem as real to Robin as before.

"Oh well, we better go after them, right?" Gar told Garfield. Garfield nodded enthusiastically. "We need everyone to fix our head." Gar lifted Garfield on his shoulders and came up to Robin and Cyborg. Robin saw Cyborg shake himself out of his shock.

"Why do you need all of us?" Cyborg asked curiously. Cyborg was still staring between Garfield and Gar. "I really can't get over the fact that you were a blonde. It explains so much." Garfield chuckled at Cyborg but Robin saw Gar's quick grimace. Garfield turned quickly and began walking away from Cyborg and Robin.

"Well, my looks can be deceiving but the mind always shows a person's true colors." Gar said cheerfully but again Robin felt that it was fake cheerfulness. "But questions later. We need to get going so follow me! We're following the leader, the leader, the leader. We're following the leader wherever he may go! Come on guys sing along!" Cyborg started following after Gar and Garfield but Robin grabbed his arm. Cyborg rose an eyebrow at Robin.

"I don't trust Gar." Robin whispered. He didn't want the person in question to hear him and honestly, Robin was afraid of Cyborg's reaction. Robin knew what he was telling Cyborg, that he didn't trust a part of Beast Boy's mind. He didn't trust Beast Boy. Robin was beginning to wonder if he should. Cyborg looked back at Gar then back at Robin and nodded.

"I get it." Robin held in his shock but barely. "Gar is a part of Beast Boy, but just a part. So technically we're only getting part of a story through his eyes. There seems to be something big that we're missing. I have a feeling that Raven might have been right to worry."

"You guys coming? It'll be deeeeee-sastrous if you guys got left behind." Gar and Garfield's head popped through the canopy. Robin held in his fright but Cyborg jumped in shock.

"Yeah we're coming." Robin said roughly. Garfield nodded in excitement and Gar joined in.

"Good. Now that cold hearted cat can stuff it." Garfield laughed at Gar's seemingly fun tease but Robin knew that there was intense malice hidden in Gar's words. Robin gulped roughly. He thought Raven was just overanalyzing everything but she was right. Beast Boy's mind was split and hiding things that were dark and evil. Robin's heart sank because he knew that whatever Beast Boy was hiding, it had the potential to break the team.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's multiple POVs to see each character in Beast Boy's mind. Yeah?

**ROBIN'S POV**

Robin observed the forest around him. It was dark. Trees and even some bushes, towered over him. Worst of all, he swore he heard voices whisper in the forest. The forest was hiding something.

"You alright there Rob?" Gar yelled in curious concern. Little Garfield was walking next to Cyborg, chatting away about pranks and jokes. Cyborg looked like he was listening but Robin saw the tense way he held himself. Robin knew he heard the voices too. "Robieeeeee, you there?" Gar sang right in front of him. Robin jumped a bit, but composed himself quickly.

"Yeah." Robin said with worry. Then he heard a woman cry and began to run to her. Except he tripped on something and fell to the ground. Robin looked up to see that Gar tripped him. "Wha?" Robin replied breathlessly. Robin saw Cyborg's gaze switch between the source of the cry and Robin. Garfield was covering his ears and trembling.

"Gotcha!" Gar yelled cheerfully. Gar pulled Robin up and close to him. "Ignore what you hear and keep walking." Gar whispered coldly. Yet, when he pulled away from Robin there was a sweet smile on his face. "Now let's skedaddle and catch up with the others." Robin was consumed by a sudden rage at Gar. Robin grabbed Gar's arm and roughly pulled them till their noses were touching.

"I am sick of this cheery facade. Tell me-" Robin's growl was interrupted by a gunshot. He let go of Gar and ran towards it. Leaves and twigs hit him as he ran, but he didn't care. He needed to stop whoever shot the gun. The woman cried again. Robin started to see what looked like an African village. Robin could see that some of the huts were on fire and everything was either brown or red. When he cleared the foliage in his way Robin was in time to see a sobbing woman jump at a burly brown haired man. The man shot the woman in the stomach. Robin froze. As the woman fell back, Robin saw his mother fall from the rope. He was powerless, scared, and he hated it. A warm energy seemed to fill him. Everything was turning red and Robin didn't care. He felt powerful. He felt angry. The animalistic rage growing in him gave him power to move again. Robin launched himself at the shooter with a roar. Except something tackled Robin to the side. Robin and his threat were thrown into a tree. It hurt but it barely registered in his mind. Robin faced his threat ready to fight.

"Rob!" It called. Robin's red vision began to clear but then he remembered the woman who was shot, his mother. He growled and attacked the teen in front of him.

"He has to pay!" Robin yelled. The teen was prepared for this and dodged him.

"Robin! Snap out of it! NOW!" This time the teen attacked Robin. He pinned Robin to the ground and held tightly, bruising Robin's skin. His teeth were bared and his green eyes held a contained fury. Robin 's red vision cleared as a shiver of fear passed through him. He shook his head as Gar's sandy blonde hair and striking green skin appeared in his view. Gar must've realized that Robin was calming down since his face was human again but there was an apprehensive look in his eyes.

"I'm good Gar. I'm back." Robin said with a calm and weary voice. Gar stared at him for a few seconds then he put his head back and sighed in relief.

"Thank God! That cat would've killed me." Gar got off of Robin. Robin was still trying to clear his head. It felt like something invaded his thoughts and feelings. He could feel traces of that brutal rage but he couldn't understand what happened. "You okay?" Robin looked at Gar. His hand was out and a gentle smile was on his face but there was worry in his eyes. Robin now saw how Gar was a part of Beast Boy, for in that moment, he looked exactly like Beast Boy.

"Yeah, thanks." Robin grabbed Gar's hand and pulled himself up. When Robin was finish dusting himself off he glared at Gar. "What just happened?" Robin asked sternly.

"There's nothing that I can say or do that would make you magically forget what just happened, huh?" Gar was rubbing his neck. Robin's glare intensified and Gar cringed. "Figured I try." Gar took a deep breath and sat on a tree root that suddenly appeared. "You might want to sit down for this." Robin raised an eyebrow and ignored the shifting ground behind him. "Okay then. Look Rob, all of you guys are in my mind, well Beast Boy's mind. Our current state isn't at its best. In fact, I've never seen it this bad." Gar chuckled but Robin didn't like how dark it sounded. "Our own mind is hurting us. And now that you guys are in it, it has new chew toys." Robin felt his mouth go dry. Gar didn't notice. He seemed like he was on some angry rant. "That red thing has been trying to consume us and take over ever since it escaped."

"Escape?" Robin questioned quietly. Robin sat down as Gar nodded.

"It was locked away in a deep cave. We didn't know how to get rid of it, all we know was that the more human we were and the more we hung around friends and family, it would be quiet. We could forget it was there. We did forget. Then it almost escaped when we were fighting Rae's crazy dad but the Beast held it back. He's the only one that can. But even he can't destroy it. If we just kept the memories that trigger it at bay, it would be quiet. Now, those memories are all that we remember. I can't remember my family, my friends, my pack."

"But you said you did remember us." Robin didn't know how the parts of mind worked, but he did remember Beast Boy saying he remembered them a little bit.

"Only names. I don't have the memories. I don't have any current memories either. That little runt took them so he could fulfill his want. Everyone just ignores me." Gar whispered sadly. Robin couldn't help but squirm at seeing Gar looking so depressed. He never thought any part of Beast Boy could be depressed. Then he went back to being angry. "Then that red energy tries to take over. Trying to seduce itself onto us, promising power and safety." Gar spat.

"You don't want that?" Robin asked calmly. He remembered the draw to power, to rage.

"Hell no. I hate power. I want control over my mind. I want to live a normal life. And I was so close to that too. Even that stupid cat was finally accepting it but that thing had to come and remind us why that's never freaking possible and it destroyed the only safe place in here! Now we can't even change that much because it makes our mind more vulnerable." Gar growled baring his sharp teeth. "I could barely save you guys from that cheetah without losing my mind a bit! Now it's going after you guys." Robin couldn't stop his eyebrow raise in confusion. "It's some form of rage. It latches onto that and creates more to feed on it. Then it causes destruction and death wherever it goes. We've been fighting it off so it probably sees you guys as another avenue to escape." He explained offhandedly.

"And you guys are powerless against it?" Robin wondered. He thought they were they only ones that were powerless. He hated being powerless but part of him figured that since it was Beast Boy's mind they would be safe. _Obviously not._

"Yep. But have we ever been powerful?" Gar scoffed. Robin felt something cold enter his stomach when he saw the dark look on Gar's face. "We couldn't save the Chief and his wife, my parents, now you guys. I can't believe that cat was right."

"Who's the cat?" Robin questioned. Gar opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Instead Robin saw a confused look grow on his face.

"It can't be." He whispered.

"What is it?" Robin prepared himself for a fight but then Gar had a growing grin. He jumped up and pulled Robin after him.

"Come on! I knew she could do it!" Gar yelled happily. Robin was utterly confused as a metal door appeared in front of them but he glanced at Gar and was relieved to see a genuine smile on his face.

**CYBORG'S POV**

Robin ran towards the gunshot and Cyborg was going to go after him but Gar held his hand out.

"Take care of Garfield." Gar ordered, then he ran after Robin. Cyborg stood looking at the path both Robin and Gar went down. Cyborg didn't look at Garfield till he heard a whimper come from the little boy. Garfield was trembling in a small ball, resting on his hind legs.

"You alright there buddy?" Cyborg approached the small boy hesitantly. Cyborg heard him mumble something along the lines of go away but he wasn't sure. "Garfield?" Suddenly Garfield swiped a clawed hand at Cyborg. Cyborg fell backwards with a loud thunk. Cyborg didn't even have time to get up before Garfield pounced on him. Cyborg could barely hold Garfield back as he tried to maul and claw him with newly sharp teeth and claws. Cyborg saw that his eyes were red and bloodshot. It was scarier to see the red energy affect a human little boy version of Beast Boy than it was to see the actual Beast Boy affected by it. "Garfield! Snap out of it!" Garfield paused and Cyborg didn't take any time to flip him off and hold him down. Suddenly Garfield's eyes turned back to the sky blue they were before. At first, Cyborg noted that Garfield looked like he was in a haze, still not completely there. Soon after, his eyes widen and he began to whimper and tremble in Cyborg's grip.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Let me go, please! Please!" Garfield cried, his eyes shut and brimming with tears. Cyborg was shocked with the sudden change and let go of Garfield. He quickly scooted away from Cyborg and went back into his curled position from before, the stream of apologies spewing forth from his lips.

"Garfield, calm down." Cyborg said gently. He just wanted the kid to stop crying, but Garfield covered his ears, the stream growing into whimpers, and his eyes were shut tight. Cyborg was at a lost. Then suddenly he remembered the situation with Mad Mod. Cyborg observed Garfield tentatively. It was different than Beast Boy being hypnotized to brainlessness but it could work. Cyborg took a deep breath, scooted closer to Garfield, moved his tense and shaking hand, and gave Garfield a wet willy. Instantly, Garfield froze. Cyborg sat there, with his wet robotic finger still in Garfield's ear, worried. The boy froze like a statute. Then his head turned slowly towards Cyborg. Cyborg quickly took out his finger and smiled sheepishly back at Garfield. "Gotcha!" Cyborg laughed nervously. Soon Garfield joined in with a small chuckle. Their laughter grew into true laughs of joy. After their laughter died down, Cyborg wiped the tears of joy from his eyes.

"So you're not mad?" Garfield asked shyly. Cyborg looked back down at Garfield. They were both sitting on the ground next to each other, legs out in front of them. He wasn't looking at Cyborg but he was digging the dirt on the other side of him. Garfield may be more human and a little boy but Cyborg couldn't help his smile. Garfield was just like Beast Boy. _Guess some things really never change._

"Nah." Cyborg finally replied nonchalantly, but Garfield still didn't lose his cautious mood.

"Scared?" This time Garfield seemed to tighten in on himself.

"Of you green bean?" Cyborg noticed how Garfield smiled and opened up a bit at the nickname. Garfield still nodded. "Of course not!" From his peripheral, Cyborg saw Garfield finally look up at him. "I would be scared of a rabid kitten before I was scared of you." Cyborg smirked at Garfield.

"Really?!" He beamed, but then quickly he composed himself and become more serious, his chest popping out. "I mean you should be. I'm scary." Garfield then made what Cyborg believed was supposed to be a scary face. Cyborg chuckled at Garfield's attempt to look scary and ruffled his hair.

"Sure you are kid." They sat in a comfortable silence. Cyborg realized that the depths of the forest began to look less ominous and the voices he heard stop. "Where are we?"

"My playground." Cyborg gazed down at Garfield in confusion. "Well, it is it now. Ever since we hit our head, the tower was destroyed and I hid here. The other guys call it the forest of memoir or something. I call it the haunted forest. This is where we put the memories we didn't like." Cyborg understood why Garfield would see this place as haunting.

"So if you don't like this place why did you hide here?" Cyborg wondered aloud. Garfield shook his head vigorously.

"I didn't say I don't like it here. They others don't. They hate it. I like it. I mean it's scary and it makes me want to help Red but I get to see mom and dad again. When I forgot about you guys I came here. I just want to spend time with them again, you know?" Garfield gave Cyborg a pleading stare. Cyborg swallowed down his sadness because yes, he did get it. Oh boy, did he get it. The desperation to go through hell just to get that sense of normalcy. The only difference he could see between him and Garfield was that it was home for Garfield. Then Cyborg began to think about Beast Boy. He rarely saw him do anything alone. He was always with someone. Pestering them, trying to make them laugh, getting their attention anyway he could. Cyborg glanced at Garfield again. He was humming some tune and moving random body parts to the tune. _He really hasn't changed at all. He's still a kid looking for a home._

"You know Gar-"

"OMG!" Garfield jumped up in excitement almost giving Cyborg a heart attack. Garfield beamed at Cyborg. "She fixed it! She fixed it! We can go home!" Garfield was jumping up and down, joy coming off of him like a kid on Christmas.

"Awesome?" Cyborg wished he could join in the enthusiasm but he was still lost since the forest only looked a little different but he didn't see anything leading to this 'home. "Now where do we go?"

"Follow me!" Garfield grabbed Cyborg's hand and began pulling. It was cute to see Garfield struggle to pull him. Then Garfield turned back to Cyborg with an angry pout on his face. "Okay, okay." Garfield smiled and began pulling again, but this time Cyborg allowed him to.

**STARFIRE'S POV**

Starfire, Raven, and Changeling were going deeper into the forest. It reminded her of the main hunting ground her people hunted in but the hunters could also get lost in it or they became hunted by the forest itself.

"Stay close, and don't believe the things you hear." Changeling said in his rough voice. His voice deeply bothered Starfire. The deepness and roughness of the Changeling's voice sounded like a warrior’s, not the brotherly, fun-loving friend she knew. "Starfire!" Starfire looked up at Changeling, his cold ice blue eyes glaring at her. "Don't lag behind. Keep moving." With that, Changeling turned back around and kept going. Raven approached Starfire as she slowly walked behind Changeling. Starfire could see the concern lacing Raven's features.

"You okay?" Starfire couldn't help but give a small smile. It touched her deeply when Raven attempted to comfort her. Starfire considered lying to Raven and saying she was fine, but these chances between them were few and far inbetween.

"It greatly distresses me how unlike friend Beast Boy the Changeling is, yet he claims to be that. I do not feel safe following such a guide in an environment that reminds me of the Gutamic forest." Starfire ranted. The Changeling didn't respond to her rant even though he was only a few feet ahead of them. Yet, Starfire knew he was listening in. She felt bad at first, but the way he kept up his tense posture reminded her why she was distressed.

"Well, he is only a part of Beast Boy." Starfire saw that Raven wasn't looking at her anymore, she was observing him. "I don't know his exact function, but if I learned anything from this experience, it's that Beast Boy has a lot parts of himself we don't usually see." Raven said stiffly. Starfire stared back at Changeling then she saw it. The way he clenched his fist repeatedly, the way he turned his head slightly when he heard a noise, the way he would look at Raven with admiration and care. Those actions were what connected him and Beast Boy. "What is the Gutamic forest?" Raven's monotone voice broke Starfire's thoughts.

"Oh! I am sorry, friend Raven. The Gutamic forest was the main hunting ground that my people used. They had to be careful though. For the forest would try to hunt than as well." Starfire replied. Raven nodded in understanding. Suddenly Starfire heard Changeling yelp. He had tripped and landed in what she hoped was a pile of mud. She really did try to stifle her giggle. Then she heard a strained laugh. It was light and youthful. Just like Beast Boy's laugh, if he was hurt. Changeling got up and sighed. He wiped the brown stuff off his face and Starfire was glad that whatever it was did not smell like fecal matter.

"Ha-ha Buddy. Good one. You can come out now." Channeling said investigating the area with his eyes. Starfire followed in pursuit. Then she saw something deep in the foliage, a swish of a green tail.

"Friends, I believe I have-AHH!" Starfire squeaked and fell back on her butt in surprise. A green monkey human hybrid appeared, wearing a torn Doom patrol uniform. He was upside down, hanging from a tree branch, with a funny look on his face. It angered Starfire that the newcomer would do something so childish, but a part of her was relieved too. That's how she knew Beast Boy. In fact this half monkey looked just like her friend and so Starfire assumed he was. "Friend Beast Boy!" She quickly got up and hugged him tightly. "I am so glad you are okay! We have had a tiring time in your mind and I was afraid that we would not be able to help you."

"Starfire." Starfire turned to look at Changeling who actually looked sad. "That's not Beast Boy."

"I, Buddy." The monkey hybrid said in a voice that sounded damaged. Then Starfire saw the biggest difference between her Beast Boy and this one was the scar on the look-alike's throat and edge of his right cheek. It looked like claw marks. Starfire gasped as the look-alike pulled the collar off of his black and purple suit to show that the scars were left by something that wanted him dead. Changeling cleared his throat.

"Um, not that this is fun and all," Changeling came in between the girls and Buddy. "But I'm guessing you came to find me about something more important than pushing people on the ground." Starfire noticed that the look-alike, Buddy, blushed but he still nodded. He pointed in the direction they were going.

"Reds." Buddy said somberly. Starfire didn't like how Changeling growled and his eyes become feral.

"That was definitely more important than your stupid jokes!" Starfire couldn't help but step towards Buddy when he flinched at Changeling's yell. "Don't move." Changeling' ordered Starfire and Raven.

"I'm coming." Raven stated. Starfire felt that spark of something unexplainable whenever Beast Boy and Raven stared down. The stare only lasted for a second, but the spark was still there. Changeling nodded and turned to leave. Before Raven left she turned back to Starfire. "Will you be alright?" Again Starfire was touched by Raven's concern. Buddy answered first though.

"I protect." He moved himself in front of Starfire, chest puffed out. Before Starfire could protest, Raven nodded and turned around to leave. Starfire and Buddy stood in silence, looking at the way Raven and Changeling went. Starfire noticed that Buddy's demeanor seemed to be disheartened, worried. He gave a deep sigh and then his demeanor change back. Starfire even questioned if she pictured the sadden Buddy. He faced her, his face contorted weirdly. Starfire couldn't understand why he would do that.

"Are you all right? Are you in pain?" Starfire watched as Buddy pouted then he quickly began pacing. Starfire started following him. She knew he was thinking about something but she was utterly confused. "Is there something I can do for you part of Friend Beast Boy?" Buddy stopped pacing suddenly and Starfire almost smacked into him.

"If I get Beast Boy, you smile?" Starfire began to feel giddy and hopeful.

"Oh yes!" Starfire yelled happily. Then Buddy pointed at himself.

"He me. With Gar and little Gar too. But he mostly me." Buddy had a smile on his face, but Starfire could see how he rubbed his hands up and down his arms. _He is in pain._

"If it hurts to talk you do not have to." Starfire didn't want any part of Beast Boy to hurt.

"You want me to talk." Buddy croaked. Starfire held in her pity. She did not know how Beast Boy's mind works but she did know he did not like pity. None of them did.

"It would be nice to get a better understanding of Friend Beast Boy's-

"I am Beast Boy!" Buddy yelled. Then he grunted and doubled over. Starfire caught him quickly.

"You should not talk, friend." Starfire didn't know exactly what to call him so she settled on her standard greeting. "It is not good to force your body." Starfire gently sat him down as he began to control his breathing. Starfire watched him catch his breath. It did unsettle her a bit that Buddy looked just like her Beast Boy. If it weren't for the monkey aspects, she would believe him when he said he was Beast Boy. Buddy's breathing became normal again. He looked at Starfire and gave a grateful smile. "Are you all right, friend? Did you, as they saw, have wind knock out on you?" His smile became sillier as he nodded and made a farting noise with his right hand and left armpit. Starfire chuckled, remembering the first time Beast Boy showed her that. She had been feeling homesick and when he saw her. He became determined to make her smile again that day. Then she began thinking about what Buddy was saying. "Friend Buddy," He looked at her in surprise, soon the surprise was taken over with a smile. Starfire realized that this part of Beast Boy was the one she always saw. The part of him that wanted people to smile. "You do not have to hurt yourself to make me smile. I will smile when you are being you." Buddy's smile dropped and he began biting his lip.

"You don't like Changeling. He doesn't make you smile. I can. I give what you want." He croaked happily. Starfire's heart squeezed as she realized that this was Beast Boy. The boy who would ignore his own pain to make people smile, the boy who begged her for days to forgive him for a prank gone wrong, her little brother that somehow knew exactly when she needed company to remind her of the joys of this home. She hugged Buddy tightly.

"Silly friend Buddy. I want you to be you. You do not have to hurt to make me smile. I cannot smile if you are in pain." She felt him hug back and bury his head in her neck. She felt his tears and it pushed some out of her own eyes. "I am sorry that I did not see you." They sat like that for a few more minutes. Then Buddy began to pull away but he didn't let go of her.

"You too." He whispered. Starfire tilted her head, trying to get what he said. He chuckled then winced in pain. Starfire tried not to feel as though he deserved the the little sting for laughing at her. "You can be you. You can be sad too. I always be there to make you smile." Starfire began to cry, but not from sadness but in joy. She hugged him tightly again.

"Thank you friend Buddy." He nodded against her shoulder. Then he jolted upwards, or at least tried to. Starfire was holding him too tight. Buddy began tapping her arms. She let go of him wiping her eyes. "What is it?"

"We got to go." He said. Starfire watched as the scar on his neck began to heal rapidly.

"What is-" She didn't have time to question anything before he grabbed her and pulled her towards the direction Raven and Changeling went.

"Trust me. I'm taking you to the others Star!" He yelled excitedly. "I'm going to get Beast Boy back for you." He said with determination. Starfire smiled with joy.

"I know you will."

**Raven's POV**

"So are you going to tell me why he looked so much like Beast Boy?' Raven asked with an accusing tone. She didn't want to, but they had been walking to the tower for what seemed to her to be a good three minutes and he was ignoring her. Everytime she tried to say something he would run and she had to run too. Or he would make his presence more hostile, silencing her. Now they were near a damaged replica of the Titans' Tower. "Or you can explain why the Tower looks like the remains of a war zone?"

"It is." His deep voice held a heaviness to it, like he had been carrying the weight of the world for far too long. "Before the accident, we all used the Tower as a safe haven. A happy place. Practically all of us stayed there. Until one day we were fighting Slade and something he said triggered all of us to go out and look back in the forest of memories. When we looked back the red monsters would attack and they made us watch certain memories over and over. Trying to make us like them. I gathered the rest of what you would call emoticlones and we hid in the Tower. They found us, but our memories of you guys were too strong. Buddy was too strong." Raven felt the tiredness from before become regret and anger. "Buddy was a huge part of Beast Boy. Probably the biggest. Right before the head injury though, he began to back out. Not believing that he was doing his part, Gar took over, but he's an idiot. He wanted to act like everything was normal when he was probably the most messed up of all of us." They were at the Tower entrance and they stopped. Raven shivered at how uninviting the Tower looked. Windows were broken, letting the darkness of the inside out and there were many dents in the frame, giving the Tower extra sharp edges. Changeling sniffed the air. "They were here. Be alert." He ordered. Raven wondered how it was so easy for him to shut off his emotions and go back to the hostile hunter. Beast Boy was never like that. "He doesn't shut them off." He said suddenly. Raven held in a jump. She didn't expect him to know what she was thinking.

"How did you know?" She asked warily.

"Your eyes darken when you're thinking about yours or anyone else's emotions." He said simply. "And it's not shutting off emotions, it's compartmentalizing them."

"Compartmentalizing. That's the biggest word you ever said. Good to know that you're not that stupid." Raven quipped sarcastically. She was trying to hide how his wit and small observation of her wooed her. He opened his mouth to say something but then he tilted his head to the side. Raven stayed quiet. She didn't want to distract him, or bring attention to her blush. Because the more she thought about, she realized that he was always observing her. When she had a hard night there would be a perfect tea made for her in the morning. One day, the book she always wanted was on her bed. She did think about those instances, but she never thought it was Beast Boy. She wondered if he always watched her so closely. She knew it should freak her out but instead it made her feel safe. She blamed that on the fact that they were in a lowly lit tower with a possible threat. They continued walking. She saw claw marks on the wall and what appeared as dark spots on the wall. Yet, when she got closer to the wall she could smell rust. _Blood._ What was worse was that she could feel the volatile raging energy she felt when Beast Boy turned red.

"What happened here?" Raven whispered. She reached out to touch the wall when something grabbed her wrist. She turned towards the person prepared to fight but Changeling's glowing blue eyes reminded her of the guide she followed.

"Don't touch anything." He whispered harshly. Raven nodded and Changeling let go of her wrist. She watched as he scanned the area. He sighed and sat against the wall, the tiredness seeping into him.

"We became vulnerable with Gar in control. The red monsters began attacking, with the Red Beast as their Alpha. The Beast could fight them, but we had to get a deep sense of protection or anger to fuel him. It was war. It brought memories into the Tower and we couldn't escape them. Then the injury happened. There was a crack and we all ended up separated throughout the vast memories in our head. I think the fear of not knowing anything made us fall back to little Garfield as the controlling part. Little Garfield and I were used ever since we were five till we were eleven. Now he uses us subconsciously, so when we had to take control it was easy. I found Buddy injured and I was actually afraid we would lose that part of ourselves. They prayed on him, knowing that he was the strongest. That he was Beast Boy." Changeling looked away and Raven felt a deep dejection in him.

"How many of you are there and what are your purposes?" Raven asked as she sat down crossed legged on the floor. She looked at him before she really sat down. He gave a small nod. When she was cross legged and comfortable Changeling sighed.

"There's five of us. We are not like your emoticlones that are one emotion that need to be expressed or control. We're worse. We're pure wants." For once, Raven was lost. She didn't understand how wants could be worse than emotions. "Animals are motivated by basic essential wants. They want to mate, eat, procreate, compete, survive. Throw in human experience in that and now the mind has memories to think about, to drive it. So we were created for the wants that drive Beast Boy. Little Garfield is the want for a family. He's the only one of us that actually likes to look back at our memories. Gar is the want to be normal. He and I don't get along. He has the tendency to be selfish." Changeling growled. Something Changeling said made Raven do a double take. She couldn't put her finger on it but it made her began to analyze both Beast Boy and him differently. He didn't notice her internal change and kept going. "Buddy is the want to make people smile. It was Beast Boy's main want."

"So he looks the most like him." Raven figured. Changeling nodded.

"Yep. He's the want that could drive and overdrive all of us, but for the most part he works well with all of us. Even Beast, whose the want to be more primal. Beast carries the more primal urges, so he's the least human. I'm the want to survive." _That's it!_ Raven thought.

"No you're not." She said curiously. "You're the want to protect. The subconscious want that controls everything." She stated more confidently. Changeling gave another chuckle but this time it was lighter.

"Was I that obvious?" He asked mockingly, but Raven considered it.

"No you weren't. I just recognize the want to protect. I guess you could say it's my main want." She said thoughtfully. Raven went deep into thought. She wanted to protect her friends, and protect the world, from herself. It also protected her from getting hurt. Just like Beast Boy's constant joking would protect others from seeing his pain, his weakness. He was like her. Beast Boy was like her. Raven observed Changeling again. She could see Beast Boy let the pain build up till where he had to fight them so that they wouldn't overflow. But he was also determined to protect others, to make them smile. She wondered how she integrated in those wants. Again Raven blushed a fiery red. How that thought entered her mind without any help from the other emotions scared her.

"What's up?" Raven squeaked at Changeling's sudden question. This only made her burn more. Changeling laughed.

"Stop that." Raven growled, but her blushed increased. Changeling stifled his laughter but Raven could feel his mirth overflowing.

"Sorry, I could smell you heating up. What were you thinking about?" Raven looked at him and began debating asking him her question. Her feelings were just as torn about it as her. "Raven," Changeling's voice brought her out of her thoughts. "I know you are debating over something and most things you debate with yourself over are important. So just spit it out."

"How do I play in?" Raven asked without thinking. Changeling stilled, barely breathing. She was scared of the answer but he said to spit it out.

"You, you are the only thing we agree on. You made things more complicated and more simple. You are something that we didn't expect but can't picture ourselves without. You are the only want that we'll gladly live and die for." He said quietly. Raven stared into the blue eyes of Changeling, yet she saw the forest green of Beast Boy's eyes. Raven was burning up but she was also deeply moved. He wanted her in his life. She was one of his pure wants, a need. This whole experience made her realize that she never really knew Beast Boy. She saw her opposite, the immature teen, the silly hero, but those were only parts of him. Just like she had so many hidden emotions, he did as well. And she wanted to know all of them. Her blush left, leaving her with a cool clear headed calm.

"I want to know you." Raven stated. Changeling blinked in confusion. "I want to know every part of Beast Boy. You, Buddy, Gar, Little Garfield, and Beast. I want to know every memory and every pain. You have seen what I've done hiding myself. It was you, and the team, who convinced me that I was safe. That I could be me. I want to do the same for you. We all do."

"But the red monster inside of me," Changeling gaped.

"Cannot be worse than my father. You were willing to lose your life to help me. Let me do the same for. Let us do the same for you." Raven wanted to touch Changeling but it didn't feel right knowing that he wasn't Beast Boy. So she touched the wall instead. A white light flashed as soon as she made contact with the wall. She covered her eyes but as soon as she covered them the light was gone. She opened them again and was surprised to see them in a lit hallway, no trace of the battle had occurred. "What?" Raven asked. Soon she heard a hearty laugh from Changeling.

"I can't believe it!" He yelled. Raven was shocked. The hostile that seemed to be apart of him was gone. Instead there was an abundance of joy, awe, and hope. He looked down at her with shining sky blue eyes that made her go brain dead. He picked her up and hugged her. She was stunned into silence. "You did it." He said feverently. He pulled away from her and the joy in his eyes was the joy that she felt in him when Terra told him yes to their date. The joy in his eyes was like the joy Robin had when he looked at Starfire. The joy in his eyes was what she came to know as Beast Boy. "Miujiza yangu **(My miracle).** " He whispered as his hand ghosted across her face. Raven realized that whatever he said was moment making. _We're having a moment. Don't ruin it!_ Her emoticlones screamed. She didn't want to. She could wonder what he said later. They leaned in, she closed her eyes, and then, air. She felt air as Changeling pushed her back. When she opened her eyes, she was staring into ice blue eyes. Not the forest green she knew. She didn't have time to be embarrassed though, because right then a loud thunk echoed down the hall. "The others are here." Changeling walked away, stiff and tense, not like Beast Boy. Yet, Raven saw the red tips of his ears. _But it's still a part of him._


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final BB mindscape chapter! Note: Beast Boy says the last line! Thank you everyone for the Kudos and Comments. I hope you all enjoy and leave more! 
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own DC or TT
> 
>  
> 
> RAVEN'S POV

Raven, Cyborg, Robin, and Starfire sat on the couch in a replica of their living room waiting for one of the Beast Boy replicas to speak to them.

"Hey guys. Sorry for the mess." The one that looked most like Beast Boy, except for his more apelike appearance, said sheepishly. "So I guess we should quit monkeying around and get down to business." He laughed. It ended in a nervous chuckle when none of the others except the human little boy laughed. Raven stared at the monkey, one eyebrow raised. "Wow, tough crowd." He murmured.

"Please get on with it Buddy, they need to leave." Changeling said exasperatedly. The blonde Beast Boy, which still threw off Raven's eyes, growled at Changeling.

"Always straight to the point, right killjoy?" The blonde one spat. Changeling growled back and clenched his fist.

"Guys, guys, we can't show them the show before dinner." The monkey said nervously. Raven noticed that the human boy was gazing at her in awe. She looked back at him curiously. The boy blushed and looked at the floor.

_CUTE!_ Multiple of her emoticlones yelled. _Not now._ Raven ordered.

"Let me introduce us! Collectively we're all known as the Beastie Boys!"

"That is so not what we're called." Raven heard Changeling mumble in embarrassment.

"So is!" The monkey like Beast Boy grinned. "Anyway, I'm Buddy, the awesomely funny one." Raven watched as the monkey pulled a funny face. Raven eyes rolled but she felt relieved. Raven definitely recognized this side of him. "This little guy here is Garfield." Buddy pulled the blonde human boy in front of him.

"H-hi." Garfield stuttered. No one was prepared for Starfire's ear-splitting squeal. Raven covered her ears and closed her eyes in pain. When she opened her eyes again, Starfire was practically smothering the little boy.

"You are the most cute, little one!" She yelled happily. When the ringing in her ears stopped she heard Changeling's low chuckle.

"Star I think he needs to breathe." Robin said gently.

"Oh! My apologies." Starfire let Garfield go and he fell to the ground. He turned onto his back and took exaggerated breathes. Raven couldn't help her chuckle. "I did not expect human Beast Boy to be the most cute." Raven looked at a beaming Starfire.

"Hey! I'm still pretty cute." The blonde Beast Boy smirked and Garfield giggled. "I would've been more of a looker if I was human." He grumbled. Raven noticed how Buddy and Changeling tensed at the blonde's bitter statement.

"This is, Gar." Buddy motioned to the blonde Beast Boy. Gar smiled and gave a deep bow. His eyes reminded Raven of the night she was talking to Beast Boy in Tokyo, fake and distant. "Finally," Raven looked back at Buddy. "We have Changeling." Changeling leaned crossed arm against the wall and nodded. His atmosphere wasn't hostile anymore, just stand-offish. Yet, the beaming smiles from Buddy and Garfield, and Gar's scowl spoke volumes about him. "There's Beast too. He'll probably be joining us soon."

"What?!" Robin, and to Raven's surprise Gar yelled.

"We need him to send them out of here." Changeling said bluntly, giving Gar a pointed look. Gar glared back at Changeling with a hate so intense that it made Raven shivered. It only lasted for a second though.

"Why do we need to get out in such a hurry?" Cyborg questioned.

"Because we're vulnerable." Robin answered shocking everyone except for Gar. He seemed to try to shut up Robin with his eyes. Raven wondered why he even tried. "The red energy is attracted to Raven and anything carrying traces of her power. i.e. us. Worst of all, it can affect us too. It almost consumed me." Robin told everyone. For a few seconds there was silence, then chaos broke out.

"What!?" Most people yelled in fear and worry. Changeling didn't yell. Instead, he tackled Gar and pinned him to the ground.

"You moron! Is this what you wanted? Now our friends are at stake because of what you wanted! You selfish snake." Changeling growled at Gar, teeth bared and claws out. Then Gar head butted Changeling and flipped him over.

"I wanted them to save us! All you do is hide and run, coward. My way accomplished something you and that furry ape couldn't!" Gar roared back. All the anger and hate they had for each other was making Raven nauseous. Changeling kneed Gar and pushed him off. Changeling stood and towered over Gar.

"Yeah she helped us. But now it knows where she is. If we ran away like I said none of them would be in this mess!" Changeling roared. Gar gave an upper cut to Changeling's chin, making Changeling stagger back. Gar got up and pushed Changeling into the wall.

"Oh, stop acting like some hero. You just don't want to face the past. Well guess what, neither do I! But we need them to make us normal." Gar pushed Changeling into the wall harder. "Can you get that through your thick skull?!" Gar yelled. Raven clenched her fist as the swirling negative emotions made the room spin a bit. Somehow Changeling pushed himself off the wall and forced Gar away from him. Gar tumbled backward but still stood with minimum swaying. He froze when Changeling stalked towards him. Changeling grabbed Gar's throat and lifted him in the air. Gar was wheezing but hate still shone in his eyes as he literally clawed at Changeling's hand. It didn't lessen Changeling's hold. Raven closed her eyes as bile rose in her throat, the sight of the two replica's willing to kill each other making her sick.

"You are too selfish to realize that-"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" A child's loud yell made Raven open her eyes. Everyone looked at the little boy that was sitting next to Raven. Raven's eyes widen. She didn't even realize when Garfield began sitting next her. What was more surprising was the small hand on her thigh and the burning glare he gave Changeling and Gar. "You guys are making Rae-Rae sick." Raven cringed at the childish nickname. She heard a laugh behind her. She turned around expecting to see Beast Boy but it was just Buddy.

"Good one Garfield! I'll have to remember that one." He laughed.

"If you ever use that name, I'll throw you out a window and into hell." Raven said matter-of-factly. Buddy gulped.

"Noted." Buddy bit his lip for a second. "But at least I'll get a great tan if I go hell or I'll be able to roast some marshmallows." Raven's eyes widen and she had to stifle the giggle that came over her. She covered her mouth and made it look like she coughed. Everyone bought it except Changeling. He had let go of Gar and was still tense but he was softly smiling at her. Buddy began talking again. "Anyway, Rob's right. You guys aren't safe here, but I guess while we wait we for Beast to arrive we can answer any questions you guys have."

"Buddy," Changeling said warily. Even Gar looked worried.

"They came this far, they have the right to know." Buddy said softly. Both Gar and Changeling stood back and nodded. Buddy took a deep breath."So, what do you guys wanna know?" He said nervously, his hand rubbing the back of his neck. Raven looked at the others but they were all looking at her. Robin nodded her way and Raven gulped. They wanted her to go first. She looked at each replica. Garfield sat beside her playing with her cape. Gar was sulking on the left side of the wall facing them. Buddy stood in front of them, hand rubbing his neck and his foot tapping to the melody Changeling was humming. Finally she looked at Changeling. He was the only one looking at her. His blue eyes trained on her, except now, they were more green. His eyes almost distracted her from the situation at hand.

"What happened the first time the red energy entered?" Raven asked, settling on the basics she needed to know.

"Ask killjoy." Gar sneered. Changeling breathed deeply, but not in anger but shame.

"We were all there Gar." Buddy chastised.

"But it was him and little Garfield that were in charge. We were practically forgotten. Granted, being a science experiment does put a downer on the hope of ever being normal, and there's nothing funny about a cage is there?" Gar smirked, but it was dark and his eyes were an icy blue. Raven felt his anger at being casted aside. He reminded her of Rage. Neither of them didn't like to be casted aside. But she could see and relate to the longing to be normal in him.

"Well, it was because we were caggin' raggin'." Buddy said with a small smirk. It was a horrible joke but Raven couldn't help but smile. Beast Boy knew he was annoying, and would use that to his advantage. Raven would never tell him, but she did enjoy his banter and silly jokes, sometimes. Gar glared at him but Raven heard Changeling chuckle. Now his eyes were more of a forest green and with the light smile on his face, Raven's stomach did somersaults.

"Good one Buddy." Changeling praised. Buddy gave a goofy smile in return. It set Raven's mind at ease. They never really lost their Beast Boy. He was just lost in himself. "But Gar is right." The atmosphere grew tense again. Raven felt the shock and confusion grow as everyone looked between Changeling and Gar. "I know it's hard to believe, but I agree with him. It was my fault that the red energy consumed us in the first place." He walked towards the Titans and sat on the table in front of them. Raven watched as he wringed his hands nervously. "When we were with Dr. Lucas," Raven heard Garfield and Buddy whimper. Garfield even clinged to her leg tightly. Raven began carding her fingers through his soft blonde locks, hoping that it would comfort him. His whimpers lessened. "Survival was the priority. That meant I was in charge. When Dr. Lucas injected us with the red energy I was drawn to its power."

"We all were." Garfield whispered beside her. He was practically wrapped up in Raven's cloak but his whispered seemed to echo around her.

"Well Buddy wasn't." Changeling said. He looked fondly at Buddy who kept clenching his fist like he was in pain. When he noticed Changeling looking at him he attempted a smile. It was more of a grimace. "He knew it was different. Not just a primal instinct or something good. He knew it wasn't something we needed. But at the time, Beast didn't exist so the times it came into power we were strong. The only thing we had to do was resist its urges. It was so hard to resist the need to take, ravage, and kill, but each time we used it we were left alone. So I let it stay. One day, it was so bad, we couldn't take it." Raven saw Changeling's hands tremble as his voice shook. Garfield began to whimper again. "I, I let the red energy consume us. All that was left was the want to kill. We don't remember much from that time because we weren't human. They collared us and examined us like the rabid animal we were. They tried to get us to kill and maybe we did." Raven held in her gasp. She saw he each look-a-like avoided their eyes. Raven noticed how Changeling's trembling hands gripped the edge of the table for dear life. "One day there was a woman. I can't remember much about her but, she wasn't like the other people that came into my," Changeling paused.

"Cage." Gar said softly. Raven stared at the boy. He was a flurry of emotions earlier. Now he seemed vacant and lifeless.

"Yeah." Raven looked back at Changeling. "She came in, trembling but it was like she knew she was going to die and was okay with that. We looked into her eyes." Changeling stopped again. His eyes distant and Raven felt him began to sink into his memories.

"She had mama's eyes." Garfield said with regret. "They were calm and peaceful, like your eyes." Garfield smiled up at Raven. She couldn't help the blush that appeared on her cheeks. Then Garfield looked back at the ground, sorrow radiating from him and the other Beast Boys. "Just like they were before she told us to fly away from the boat. I remembered what momma said before her and daddy fell." Raven automatically wiped the tears that fell from Garfield's eyes. He gave a shuddering breath and continued. "She told me if I trained I could be a hero."

"Animals survive, monsters kill, heroes save." Gar said with an empty voice. "We were a monster. Something our mother would've abhor. If she saw us at the moment she would've been disappointed with her, little hero." Raven noticed how each replica either froze or choked when Gar said little hero. "With that memory we pushed through the red haze and ran." Gar said roughly.

"When we meet the Doom Patrol we started to remember who we were! What we wanted." Garfield said with excitement. Raven felt the atmosphere lighten up a bit. Changeling cleared his throat.

"Yeah. We realized that happier memories weakened the red energy's influence and power. So that's all we created. We let Buddy take the reins because he was the most willing to forget what happened and start over." Everyone looked at Buddy. He was gazing straight ahead, eyes glazed over. "Buddy." Changeling called with an authoritative voice. He jumped and looked around frantically.

"Huh? What happened?" He glanced at everyone in honest confusion.

"See. That's why he was perfect for the job and he showed that till recent events." Changeling gestured to Buddy. Raven remembered how Beast Boy would space out like Buddy. She always thought it was because his head was in the clouds. Now she really wondered if it was that, or he was drowning in memories.

"Yep. Anymore questions?" Buddy interject happily. Raven looked at the others. Starfire was crying silently, her hand over her mouth. Cyborg was gazing at the ground. Raven didn't need her powers to tell that he was a mess of emotions. Robin looked calm but Raven could tell he was concealing his emotions.

"How many people did you kill?" Robin interrogated. Buddy froze, Gar gaped, and Garfield buried his face into Raven's cloak.

"Does it matter?" Changeling replied bluntly, trying to avoid the question. Robin stared at Changeling and he stared back. Neither were going to back down.

"Only time, five people." A deep raspy voice said behind Raven. Everyone turned around to see the Beast at the hallway entrance. Raven heard their gasps of shock, even Changeling gasped. He looked battle worn and bloody but Raven wasn't scared. The soft gaze of his eyes made her heart full with peace. "Energy made great and wild weapon. Doctor both proud and fearful." Raven approached the Beast and stopped a few feet away from him.

"Are you alright?" She felt obligated to help him but she didn't know how without much of her powers.

" _If you all leave I'll be less worried. The energy is growing more aggressive_." Raven saw that the Beast's mouth didn't move but somehow she still heard his voice.

"You are telepathic." Raven stated. The Beast's chest rumbled in what Raven guessed was amusement.

" _I_ _n this setting and only with you."_ Raven lifted her eyebrow in curiosity. She didn't think Beast Boy's mind was capable of such advance communication. "  _I_ _t's not. You are."_ The Beast grinned and somehow the sight of him grinning really amused her.

"Raven," Robin said warily. "What's going on?" Raven turned back to everyone.

"He wants us to leave. My presence is making the red energy more aggressive." Raven said curtly. She tried not to sound bitter, but it hurt her to know that even when she tried to help, she could only make things worse.

"It's not you." Gar said quickly and he pulled her closer to him. Raven looked at him in surprise. His worry that she thought it was her fault was so genuine it lit his blue green eyes. "It's the memories. The memories trigger feelings in us that it can feed upon. Feelings like anger, sadness, pain, desperation. The memories and feelings are resurfacing and, it's not something we know how to deal with. So this whole energy thing is not your fault. It's mine, well ours." He said sincerely. Raven admired how he at least admitted that he was to blame. Raven observed each aspect of Beast Boy's mind. Garfield was letting Starfire pet him as he told the others funny stories about his time in Africa. Buddy was squatting on the couch telling Beast about Garfield's nickname for her. The Beast nodded along with Buddy's story but kept throwing glances her way. Changeling was looking out the window, almost like he was keeping watch. Finally Gar stood in front of her staring at her with a blush on his cheeks. Raven wondered how his mind could be so mature and complex, yet he always acted like he was just a silly kid.

"This is great and all," Buddy's voice interrupted Raven's thoughts. "But I think they should make like a tree and leave." Buddy beamed. _That is the Beast Boy I know._

"Yeah." Gar chuckled. The replicas of Beast Boy, Raven refused to call them the Beastie Boys, gathered together and faced Raven and the rest of the team.

"But what about the Red Energy?" Starfire asked in concern.

"We'll deal with it. You guys go." Changeling ordered. Cyborg approached Changeling and laid a hand on his shoulder. Raven saw Changeling flinch, but he quickly relaxed when he looked into Cyborg's eyes.

"No can do grass stain. We ain't leavin' you to do this alone."

"Cyborg's right." Robin came forward. He stood tall and commanding but there was still a friendliness in his stance. "We're a team, and we're not going to let you do this alone. So tell us what we can do to get rid of this thing." Robin ordered. The replicas stared at them then at each other, each gaping but not saying anything. Raven felt the regret and sadness radiating from each one.

"You can't get rid of it can you?" Raven asked warily.

"No." Changeling said sadly.

"We just needed you guys to fix our mind to get our memories back." Gar said regretfully. "The red energy has been inside us for so long. There's no way to get rid of it." The despair that washed over them all almost suffocated Raven. It broke her heart. Beast Boy never gave up on her, Terra, or anyone. But when it came to himself, he gave up a long time ago.

"No." Robin declared loudly. "There's got to be a way. We're the Titans. We always find a way." Robin put a hand on Gar's shoulder in encouragement. Raven couldn't help but notice that the only replica that believed him was little Garfield.

"Yeah." Gar grimaced. "Anyway we'll figure all this out in the real world with one Beast Boy. You guys can only handle so much awesomeness." Gar said as he wiggled his eyebrows. Raven, Robin, and Cyborg rolled their eyes.

"You are most hilarious friend Gar." Starfire giggled. Robin shook his head but there was a small smile on his face.

"Let's go home guys." Robin looked at Raven, letting her know that she could take lead.

"Same process but it will be easier with their help." Raven said pointing at the Beastie Boys. Raven almost shuddered as she thought that. They all nodded and surrounded the team. The team connected their hands and Raven began chanting her mantra. She felt the energy around her absorb them as the energy from the Beastie Boys pushed them forward. It rushed around them pulsating under her skin. Raven didn't have any complications so the landing into reality was a lot smoother. After the energy dissipated to a small vibrations in her hands she blinked her eyes open. The others were doing the same.

"So how was the trip?" Jinx smooth voice seemed to echo in Raven's ears. She was going to answer when she heard something more interesting.

"Crap. I'm screwed."


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fight! Fight! FIGHT!
> 
> Italics- Thoughts  
> Italics Underlined- Beast
> 
> Disclaimer: Seriously, I can't own DC or TT
> 
>  
> 
> BEAST BOY'S POV

“Crap. I’m screwed.” Beast Boy opened his eyes as realization came rushing back to him. All he could think of was that they knew. They knew everything. “They freaking know. Whyyyyyy?” He whined. He threw a sore arm over his eyes, hoping if he covered his eyes the knowledge would just disappear. “Ow.” The soreness of his body made the fact that the Titans knew about his past all too real.

“Beast Boy?” Robin’s voice drifted in his ears, making them perk up but he didn’t look at him. He didn’t want to see any of them. He didn’t want to see the pity, the shock, the hurt, the anger. He could smell it and that was becoming overwhelming for him.

“Are you alright friend Beast Boy?” Starfire’s concern rang in his ears breaking his resolve, but he held on.

“Yeah. Peachy.” Beast Boy’s voice came out rough. He still hadn’t removed his arm though. Robin began talking slowly but Beast Boy wasn’t listening. Too much was happening, and too much was going through his head. He was very overwhelmed. Beast Boy was trying to calm himself down, but it wasn’t helping. He felt so many emotions and so many instincts were calling out to him. It was getting hard to focus. There were weird visions going through his head too. It was getting hard to sort them all. Beast Boy began to hyperventilate as the thought of running screamed in his mind. He wanted to get out.

“Beast Boy!” Cyborg’s worried call boomed in his head, pausing any activity there.

“Huh?” Beast Boy gasped out. his body and his mind became more aware. The team had surrounded his bed. It made Beast Boy feel even more suffocated.

“Beast Boy.” Raven’s voice was hard, demanding. He couldn’t help the flinch. “Calm down.” Her voice soften and Beast Boy felt her cool touch on his arm. He felt something go through him, leaving a soothing feeling in his body, allowing his mind to settle. “We need to talk.” Then his mind began to run again. Beast Boy was a talker. He knew that he could talk someone’s ear off. It was an easy way to annoy or distract villains. But he never liked talking about his feelings or past. They were too serious, too messy, too real.

“Nope!” He said childishly as he finally removed his arm from his eyes. He began to blink the tears away, the light was just bright. The tears weren't from his feelings. He hated not telling them about his past. Always wearing a mask so they would not find out, but them knowing it now, felt wrong. He didn't plan for it to go this way. He didn't want them to find out like this.

“No?” Robin asked incredulously. Beast Boy sighed and sat up. He finally looked at his teammates. They were surrounding him. Cyborg and Starfire on his left, Raven and Robin on his right. Cyborg and Starfire stared at him, concern in their eyes. Robin's stare was hard and Beast Boy could tell he was holding back his anger. Raven’s stare bothered Beast Boy. It seemed like she was looking for something.

“Yep, I said no. There’s nothing to talk about. Zilch, zero, nada. And that’s the bear naked truth.” Beast Boy joked with a fake cheery tone. No one laughed. Robin glared at him, so he glared back. Beast Boy could feel the tension in the room grow as the hair on the back of his neck stood. His instincts ready to fight.

“Dude!” Cyborg yelled dramatically. Beast Boy covered his ears as his best friend’s loud voice boomed in his ears. “We just found out everything about your past and went inside your head! We have to-”

“You have to keep your word!” Beast Boy said angrily. Beast Boy jumped out of the hospital bed and stood in front of Cyborg. Everyone jumped or stepped back. Beast Boy glared at everyone. “I told you we wouldn’t talk about anything after you came out. I’m fixed and perfectly fine. You guys got the information you needed, so it’s a win win. Now keep your part of the deal.” No one said anything. In fact, Cyborg looked down in shame and Robin looked away angrily. Beast Boy didn’t care. He just wanted to leave the whole thing behind him and forget it ever happened. “As far as I see, I’m free to go.” He turned around and began to walk out. But a moonlight gray hand was placed in front of his chest. Beast Boy turned to see Raven on his left giving him a forceful but blank stare. Beast Boy stared back with a determined stare of his own. She did not back down. She stayed stoic and hard. All of a sudden, a primal want to mate with Raven coursed through him. It enhanced her smell and her hard look was a challenge. Beast Boy knew he had to get out, before he did something really stupid, like kiss her senseless. “Not now.” Beast Boy’s voice came out a little deeper and raspier. He pushed her aside and walked out of the room. As soon as Beast Boy left the med bay he was instantly greeted by Jinx.

“Well, well, the little green puppy is finally awake.” Jinx drawled. Beast Boy contained a growl as he clenched his fists.

“Not now.” Beast Boy tried to walk past her, but she put a pink wall of energy in front of him. Beast Boy gritted his teeth in fury. “Jinx, let me leave.” Beast Boy warned with a throaty growl.

“Look here dog boy, I would love nothing more than to watch you stomp away like a little child, but I can’t let you. As a favor for a friend.” Jinx smirked. _Why did they become friends?_ Beast Boy thought bitterly when he caught Jinx’s quick look to Raven. A wave of rage passed through Beast Boy and he was tired of holding it in. _If they don’t want to leave me alone I’ll just make them._ Beast Boy punched Jinx’s wall of energy. The wall shattered and Jinx fell back to the floor with a hard thud. She groaned in pain as Beast Boy panted in anger.

“Jinx!” Kid Flash cried as he zoomed to Jinx’s side. At that cry, Beast Boy realized what he had done. Jinx had hit the wall hard, her head taking most of the hit, her nose was bleeding profusely. Beast Boy knew that when a telepath of some sort, bleed through their nose, that usually wasn’t a good sign. He looked at his team in the Med Bay doorway. They all had looks of shock but Raven and Robin looked at him knowingly. Beast Boy could not say anything though. Kid Flash zoomed to Beast Boy. “What is your problem Beast Boy?!?” Kid Flash yelled.

“I-I-I’m sorry.” Beast Boy stuttered as he backed away. _It wasn’t supposed to go like this. They weren’t supposed to find out. I didn’t want to hurt anybody._ “I didn’t mean to hurt her. I just, I just-” _I just wanted things to go back to normal._ _ You hated the way you were when everything was normal. It was a lie. _ _No, it wasn’t, well not really. It was mostly me, I think._

“YOU JUST WHAT?!?” Kid Flash yelled. Beast Boy cowered in fear. All of his anger from before was gone. Now he was scared, confused, and just trying not to break down. So Beast Boy did the only thing he could, he ran. He turned into a mouse and ran back towards his room. He heard people call him but he didn’t care, he had to get away. He got to the door of his room and quickly turned human to open the door. When he was in his room, he closed his eyes and let out a sigh of relief. Until he opened them again. Standing in front of him in his clean ( _What the heck?!?)_ room was Raven.

“What the heck Rae?!?” Beast Boy jumped and put a hand over his racing heart. “I know you’re creepy but it’s a good creepy. Appearing in people’s rooms is stalker creepy.” Raven simply stared at Beast Boy with an exasperated look in her violet eyes. Beast Boy avoided her eyes, knowing that he would get lost in them. He blushed as he remembered the last time he got lost in them. He practically confessed to her. His 11 year old self was so honest and so willing to please that it told Raven what he had been trying to hide. Yet, the shocked look in her eyes with that warm pink hue on her skin made her so beautiful. Her smell so intoxicating.

“Why are you running?” Raven asked bluntly, pulling Beast Boy back to reality. He bit his lip debating whether or not to tell her. He decided to do what he would normally do.

“Mice don’t run Rae. They scurry. I was a mouse so I wasn’t running anywhere.” Beast Boy joked. He expected Raven to glare, yell, or throw him out of his window. Part of him was hoping she would get mad. So he didn't expect her sly smirk.

“Wow, it's so easy to tell now.” She stated. Beast Boy was utterly confused.

“To tell what?” Beast Boy tried not to blush as she observed him. “You like what you see, Rae?” Beast Boy couldn’t keep that comment to himself. Now, he really did expect a righteous fury to consume Raven and she would throw him out the window. Again, none of that happened. Her eye twitched. Then her face morphed into confusion.

“Who are you Beast Boy?” Raven asked sternly.

“Uhhhh, Beast Boy.” Beast Boy said slowly. He wondered if something happened to Raven. _Did she hit head?_ Raven’s frustrated sigh told Beast Boy that something else was bothering her.

“No. Who are you really?” Raven asked angrily. Beast Boy gulped, now fully understanding what she meant.

“Rav-” He began to groan but Raven’s harsh glare stopped him.

“Before all of this I was pretty sure you were a dumb immature teenage boy who couldn’t tell a joke to save his life.” _Ouch, Rae. Pulling all the stops aren’t you._ Beast Boy thought dejectedly as he pouted. Raven just continued her rant. “Then you turn into this tortured soul of an eleven year old that I know nothing about.” Beast Boy froze when he saw hurt flash in Raven’s demeanor. He didn’t think that them not knowing his past would hurt them. Raven regained her composure and glared back at Beast Boy. “Then I see inside your head.” Beast Boy gulped. “You literally have a forest of issues in your head! With some of the weirdest and most infuriating characters I’ve ever met! And you have the audacity to tell me to talk about my feelings and issues. When the only thing your instincts agree on is to run from yours. Explain and stop calling me Rae.” Raven ordered. She was glaring at Beast Boy with her arms crossed. Beast Boy was shocked that she would talk that much and show so much emotion, to him no less. Usually her natural smell wasn’t covered by the pheromones of emotion but now anger rolled off of her in waves. After overcoming his shock, Beast Boy copied Raven’s stance.

“You done?” Raven’s eyes narrowed. “Good. Now look here RAE,” Beast Boy loved how Raven’s eye twitched in anger. He decided to push her more, he began walking towards her. “I’ve already told you, I’m not talking about anything you guys found out in my mind. I’ll take care of my mind. You guys take care of Slade. And, stop, getting, into, my business.” They were nose to nose, glaring at each other. Raven refused to back down. Beast Boy refused to back down as well. The wind blew in from his open window, moving her hair slightly. A strand landed in front of her face, distracting Beast Boy. All of his anger blew away with the wind. He remembered how no matter what, even now, Raven was constant. She was alway trying to be in a constant balance and he needed that. He needed her, he loved her. Beast Boy gently moved the hair that blew on her face back behind her ear. He didn’t even notice his ungloved hands until he felt her smooth cool skin. Her eyes widen as Beast Boy began caressing her cheek. He barely noticed, amazed by how her smooth cool skin felt on his calloused hand. He wanted to touch her everywhere and never stop. He began rubbing his thumb in small gentle circles against the apple of her cheek.

“Beast Boy.” Raven gasped. That made something shiver inside of Beast Boy. The primal urge of want was back. He began to stare at her thin almond shaped lips. He was glad Raven never wore make-up. It would hinder her natural smell, and taste. Beast Boy leaned towards Raven’s mouth, intending to take it captive with his. “Garfield.” That froze Beast Boy. It was his name. She said his name, but not how he ever imagined her saying it. It was a whisper, a plea, to stop. He finally felt how she trembled underneath his fingertips. He noticed how wide her eyes were. She was vulnerable and terrified, practically frozen in fear. And all Beast Boy could think about was how delicious she would taste. Guilt filled every part of Beast Boy. He jumped back from her. He realized that everything in his room was covered in black and white energy that was lifting things a few feet off the ground.

“I-I-I, I'm” Raven just stood there as Beast Boy stammered. He stopped and stared at her, she stared back gaping. Beast Boy didn't let her say anything. “I’m gonna go.” Beast Boy said quickly before he turned into a raven and flew out of the window, into the open blue sky. He heard a crash after he left the room. He flew faster, hoping that the farther he got, the faster everything would disappear. He knew that was a futile hope but he was free in the sky. He was free to hope in the hopeless and imagine the impossible. The open sky was limitless.

Beast Boy flew for a while, till his mind was clear and settled. He even remembered what they all saw in his head. It was foggy and weird but the memories felt right. He wondered if his team preferred a certain part of him or all of him. He also knew what was going on now. He had to get rid of the red energy in him before it took over and hurt his friends. The sky seemed to darken to an orange red as if it was a divine warning. Beast Boy turned his head away as dread filled him again. Beast Boy caught a glimmer of some black metal on the coast hidden amongst the trees. Beast Boy knew he needed to avoid it but his curiosity got the best of him. He went towards the shiny metal thing that seemed to resemble a person. As he got closer, he saw the red S on the thing’s face.

_SLADE!_ _He started this! We beat him it's over._ _Gladly._ All the rage and fury he had before came back tenfold. Beast Boy dove for the robot. It started to shoot at Beast Boy, but as a raven, his agility was better and he was able to dodge the shots. Right before he hit the robot with his beak he turned into the Beast and smashed the robot to the ground. Beast Boy couldn't rejoice in his victory. Shots came from his left, so he jumped into a tree to avoid them. He made it in time to see the shots go by. As four more robots came over, he silently jumped to another tree. It was easy to hide since light was quickly dwindling. The robots converged under his previous tree, looking for him. Beast Boy held in his growl of rage. He stalked near the robots. One must've sensed him, because it began turning to him. Beast Boy refused to let them get the jump on him. He pounced on the robots, only injuring one and destroying another one. They began shooting at him. It hurt, but all Beast Boy could think of was that he had to finish them all. He grabbed the one he injured and swung it around. The other two robots were faster and stronger. One of them broke the robot, surprising Beast Boy. This gave the other one an opening to punch him. Beast Boy slammed into a tree, breaking it in half. The other one that broke the damaged robot came over and kicked him into another tree. Beast Boy groaned in pain. He heard the robot he damaged start to reassemble itself as the other two robots rushed towards him, a syringe in their hands. A plan to get rid of them all came into his mind. As the two approached him, his left hand grabbed a piece of the broken tree. 

_Just one more second._ They were right next to him ready to grab him, the third robot armed and aiming at him. _Now!_ Beast Boy stabbed one of the oncoming robots in the neck and pulled it in front of him. The second oncoming robot plunged the syringe into the robot Beast Boy stabbed. Whatever liquid was in the syringe made the robot seize and spark before it went limp in Beast Boy’s arms. The fixed robot began to shoot at Beast Boy’s back. He grunted in pain but focused on the two robots in front of him. He punched through the robot in his arms and pulled the other robot with the syringe closer. Beast Boy turned around, the shots now going into the two robots in his arms. He barreled into the third robot, smashing them all into a tree. They all fell when the tree broke with a cracking snap. Beast Boy quickly got off the robots and broke a part of the tree off to make a long stake. With a loud roar, he drove the stake through each head of the robots. There was an eerie silence as the robots fizzled and died out. Panting for air, Beast Boy turned back to his human form.

“I know you're here. Come out.” Beast Boy growled. A slow clap began in the shadows in front of Beast Boy. Slade slowly came out of the shadows as if he was apart of them. _I hate it when he does that._ _You hate his existence._ _That too._

“Again, you have managed to impress me, Beast Boy.” Slade said smoothly. His hands were behind his back, making Beast Boy tense up even more. Beast Boy growled at Slade. He wasn’t usually so animalistic but Slade always seemed to bring that side out of him. “Now, now Beast Boy.” Slade chided mockingly as he brought a portable screen with him. “You can’t be too rash.” The screen fizzed to show Rita strung on a table, electric currents passing through her, Mento unmasked and sedated, Robot Man turned off and hanging over a furnace, and Negative Man’s essence in a tube separated from his body. Beast Boy gasped in horror.

“You’re killing them.” Beast Boy snarled.

“Insurance for your corporation.” Slade stated plainly. Slade’s lack of care pushed Beast Boy over the edge. He turned into a bear and lunged towards Slade. Slade quickly moved to the side and elbowed Beast Boy in the back hard. The pain from the hit forced Beast Boy back to his human state. Beast Boy hit the ground face first. “It seems you still need to learn who your superior is.” Beast Boy stumbled up to a standing position, his body shaking and leaning against a tree as he faced Slade.

“I was never too bright.” Beast Boy smirked weakly. He spat at Slade, his spit hitting the black side of his mask. Slade quickly punched Beast Boy with his left hand, knocking Beast Boy back to the ground. Beast Boy couldn’t even react. Slade slammed his foot down on his back as he flicked the spit off his mask. Beast Boy grimaced in pain as Slade clutched a fistfull of his hair, pulling him up. Beast Boy blearily stared at the video screen.

“Well boy, you better start learning because their fate is in my hands.” As if someone was listening in, Rita and Negative Man started screaming in pain as they were electrocuted, and Metal Man was lowered.

“S-s-stop.” Beast Boy gasped.

“If I see fit, they will die.” All of the sudden everything in the video stopped. Beast Boy felt relief surged through him, but it was short-lived as pain coursed through Beast Boy again as Slade pulled him up so that Slade could whisper in his ear. “Now you have a decision, Pet. You come to me and they live. Or go to your team, tell them all about our little meeting and try to fight me. We’ll see how long they last.” Beast Boy could only stare at his barely breathing adoptive family. His heart was breaking but he held in the whimpers and tears. Slade dropped his hold on Beast Boy’s hair and the video. Beast Boy heard Slade reach for something on his belt. He dropped something in front of Beast Boy. It was a small cylindrical device with a button on it. “When you make your decision press the button. Don’t keep me waiting.” Then just like that, Slade was gone. Beast Boy laid there on the ground, his thoughts racing.

_It’s all my fault. They’re captured and it’s my fault. I should’ve told them to stay. I should’ve remembered. I should’ve told the guys everything. It’s my fault._ Beast Boy whimpered as he slowly sat up against a tree.  _What now?_ The Beast asked quietly. Beast Boy picked up the video with his left hand and the device with his right hand. He stared desolately at the objects. “I don’t know.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Decision time. And it's with 3 POVs! Yeah! Note: Is finally caught up with the FF.net version!
> 
> Disclaimer: Too poor to own DC or TT

**RAVEN’S POV** -

“Raven!” Raven heard someone calling her, but they seemed far away. Actually, everything seemed far away. The green walls of Beast Boy’s bedroom, the window he flew out of, even her mind felt far away. Nothing was connecting. The only thing Raven felt was an empty coldness.

“Raven?” A familiar feminine voice laced with concern almost reached Raven but she was still too deep in her own mind. Everything was coming back to her slowly. Her anger at Beast Boy. The way he tried to play everything off. Talking about how much she knew him but at the same time she didn't know him. His anger and passion ignited the same feelings in her. The warm presence he had, standing in front of her. His rough skin tenderly caressing her face. She remembered being angry one minute and petrified the next. Making a whisper so hard to speak. The way he leaned in-

“RAVEN!” Starfire yelled into Raven’s ear. Raven jumped, and so did everything in her power’s grip. Another crash reverberated through the tower. Raven glared at Starfire.

“What?” She gritted out. Starfire stepped back in fear but Raven was anything but mad. Everything began to connect in her mind. Her face began to burn as she realized that Beast Boy was going to kiss her. Her Beast Boy, was going to kiss her. All her emotions began to run wild. They were screaming at her and each other, or just screaming in general. Her head was beginning to throb, but worse, her body was trembling from the rush of emotion. Her shaky legs made the ground seem as unstable as her mind. She tried to move, but she ended up on the floor.

“Raven!” Starfire got down to Raven’s eye level but Raven didn’t look at her. She was trying to remember how to breathe. “Oh, please tell me what is the matter!” Starfire grabbed Raven’s shoulders and turned towards her. Raven saw how worried Starfire was and tried to speak, but she could barely move.

“B-B-Beast Boy.” The stutter came out as a whisper but it was all Raven could manage. Her heart began racing to the vibration in her body.

“I could not understand you, Raven.” Starfire’s concern grew into curiosity which Raven felt, making her more flustered.

“You don’t have to understand me.” Raven gritted as her face grew red. Starfire’s face fell. Raven glanced at Starfire’s face and guilt crept in. “Sorry, Starfire.” Raven sighed. “It’s just, it’s just,” Raven kept opening her mouth hoping that words would come out but nothing was. Raven took a deep breath, trying to level herself.

“Raven,” Starfire put a hand on Raven’s shoulder. Raven looked up to see Starfire smiling. “I know that you are the most concern about your emotions. So I will let you figure out these emotions.” Raven sighed and relaxed. “I also know that you, have difficulty expressing your emotions. So you do not have to.” Raven gave Starfire a small smile. They may be opposites, but Raven was glad that Starfire understood her.

“Thanks Starfire.” Raven sighed. Starfire smiled back. “I'll try to calm down.” Raven saw how Beast Boy’s previously clean room was a mess from her powers. “And stop the surges.”

“Please do.” Raven turned to see Bee and Jinx smirking at them from the door. “Sparky is tired of fixing the electrical system.”

“But please do tell us what happened. We don’t have the slightest idea.” Jinx’s smirk grew, making Raven heat up again as she clenched her fists.

“Do not play dumb.” Raven seethed. Jinx began to cackle while Bumblebee giggled.

“Yeah, Jin. Don’t play dumb. It’s obvious what happened.” Bumblebee floated between Raven and Jinx, confusing them both. Raven was sure that she probably made Beast Boy look like he hurt her.

“It is?” Starfire asked. Bumblebee nodded and smirked back at Raven.

“Of course sugar. Why, Raven was redder than a cherry in a cherry pie when we came in. And the only thing that makes you go that kind of red, well, it’s very sweet and makes for a wonderful dessert too.” Bumblebee winked at Raven.

“I don't know what you're talking about.” Raven growled, ignoring the cracking mirror behind her.

“Ohh, that's seven years bad luck.” Jinx smirked beside Raven. Raven flashed her demons eyes at Jinx. Everyone stepped back from Raven. Jinx and Bumblebee put their hands up. “It was just a joke.”

“Yeah suga. No need for the hostility.” Bumblebee insisted. Raven took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She knew that she was getting too emotional, but she could not stop her emotions. They just kept getting out of hand every mention of the, whatever happened. Another crack in the mirror made her flinch.

“Sorry. I need to meditate.” Raven walked out of the room, not giving any of the girls another glance. She was caught off guard when Bumblebee stopped her.

“Raven, we're here for you.” Bumblebee squeezed Raven’s wrist. Her deep brown eyes bore into Raven’s eyes. The small fire of passion, sincerity, and honesty filled Raven. Raven gave Bumblebee a small smile and nod before she left them.

Raven took a deep sigh as she sat on her bed, her meditation candles and incense set up around her. When she closed her eyes, she was immediately surrounded by emoticlones in her mindscape.

 _What do we do?!?_ Brave yelled in Raven’s face. Passion took her place gripping Raven’s shoulders.

 _We were so close! Why did you make him stop?_ She shook Raven with each word. Raven didn't have time to reply. Happy tackled them in a hug.

 _He was going to kiss us! Yeah!_ She shrieked in Raven’s ear. Raven’s eyebrow began to twitch.

 _Ohhhhh, boss lady is angry. Maybe we should've kissed him._ Rude said slyly, her eyebrows wiggling. Raven and Rage growled at Rude.

 _We were supposed to be angry at him! Not wanting to taste his alluring dark green, warm, soft looking, delectable lips._ Rage finished off wistfully. Raven was a bit bothered by Rage’s description of Beast Boy’s lips. What disturbed her more was how she agreed. Happy finally let go of Raven to fantasize with Passion. Raven rolled her eyes.

 _Do you think he will think we're good kissers?_ Timid appeared right in front of Raven, startling her but Timid didn't notice. _I mean we haven't really kissed someone other than Malchior who was paper. Are we good kissers?_ The rest of the emoticlones finally quieted, listening to Timid’s point. Raven sighed in relief. She finally felt like she could breathe.

 _Doesn't change the fact that he approached us._ Knowledge remarked from beside her. Raven opened her mouth, but she wasn't fast enough to stop the large squeal from all of the emoticlones. They went back to their wild fantasies, awkward questions, and girly shrills.

 _Will all of you, shut up?_ Raven ordered harshly. The emoticlones froze, fear and shock on their faces. _Did you all forget that we just found out that we barely know Beast Boy?_ Raven glared at each emoticlone. _We only know what he shows us. So how can we trust him with our heart? Are we even ready for that?_ Raven stopped glaring at the emoticlones and began pacing. _Him kissing me changes our relationship. And that's all it seems to be doing! One minute I can tolerate his immature childish antics and jokes. Somehow, we became friends. Then the next minute I'm angry at him for the secrets he's hiding. When I find out just some of those secrets, I feel like I can relate to him. He's passionate, protective, broken. Now he wants to go back to being an immature childish boy with surface problems. He wants me to forget everything I have learned. Then kiss me? What the heck? Do we just change our relationship but forget him?_ Raven stopped and began panting. Silence rang around her. She looked up at the emoticlones. They all looked away from her, even Knowledge. Raven deflated. She realized that she didn't have an answer. No emoticlones or spell she knew could help her. Finally Timid spoke up.

 _Talk to him._ Timid looked up, matching Raven’s stare. _We're trying to solve something with only half of the problem. We need him. Beast Boy was nice and brave enough to stay to figure us out._ Timid gestured to all of them. _Let's do the same for him._ Raven smiled and nodded, remembering how Beast Boy was determined to stay in Nevermore. Then he was willing to have tea with her. He stayed when she wanted them to leave and their relationship got better. She needed to do the same.

 _Okay. I'll do that._ The emoticlones smiled and began chattering amongst themselves. _But you all have to behave._ They all agreed and Raven felt confident enough to leave.

Raven was surprised to see that it was so late in the evening. She blew out the candles and her incense. While she was putting the stuff away, she decided to test her powers by sensing where everyone was. Robin's soft ruby red aura mixed with Starfire’s light purple pink aura in his room. Raven smiled at the peace from both. Cyborg’s gentle blue aura contrasted Bumble Bee’s bright yellow aura in the garage. How the auras were lighting up back and forth, Raven would guess that they were flirting. Jinx’s aggressively hot pink aura seemed softer than usual, more at peace. She must be sleeping. Kid Flash’s on the other hand was different. His normally dusky sunset aura was more like a small fire next to Jinx’s aura in the medbay. Raven smiled softly at those two. It was amazing how their relationship has lasted. She hoped that they never grew tired of trying to make it work. Raven yawned, starting to feel the drain from entering Beast Boy's mind. As she laid down she began to search for Beast Boy's hopeful green aura. When she found it in his room, she fell asleep. She was too tired to notice the darkness that began to suffocate the green aura.

 ****

**CYBORG’S POV** -

Cyborg was always an early riser. Early morning football practices helped make it a permanent habit. He was glad too. It helped give him some alone time, even with the Titans. The kitchen was his in the early mornings. That was why he screamed, like a man, when he saw someone in the kitchen that resembled Beast Boy.

“Dude, you just lost so many cool points.” Beast Boy said with a smirk, as he flipped bacon in a pan. Cyborg stared at Beast Boy. By the Star Planet theme song he was humming, Cyborg knew the person in front of him was Beast Boy. But the Beast Boy he knew wouldn't be cooking eggs, bacon, and, well waffles were normal, but definitely not the eggs and bacon. “Uh, dude, why are you staring at me like that?” Beast Boy put the bacon strips next to a few eggs on a nearby plate. There was stacks of waffles on another plate. Everything smelled delicious. Cyborg knew Beast Boy could cook, but only gooey hippie food. “Dude! Cyborg. Cy!” Beast Boy called. His hands waving in Cyborg’s face. Cyborg shook his head.

“What?”

“You've been staring at me for like ever. It's getting kinda freaky.” Beast Boy said as he raised an eyebrow at Cyborg. In reply, Cyborg frantically gestured at Beast Boy.

“Freaky? That is freaky.” Cyborg yelled as he pointed at the bacon and eggs. “Last time you did something like this,” Cyborg raised an eyebrow at Beast Boy. “BB, you goin Beast Mode on us?” Beast Boy stared blankly at Cyborg. Cyborg stared right back. Suddenly, they both busted out laughing.

“I, so, gotta, remember, that one!” Beast Boy gasped between laughs. Cyborg’s laughter settled into a true smile as he watched his friend laugh. He missed Beast Boy's laugh. Beast Boy quieted down and turned away from Cyborg. He began to grab the plates of food. “Don't worry. I don't plan on going Beast mode.” Cyborg nodded but he was looking at Beast Boy's suit. It covered every scar he had. Even the thick gloves went past his wrist, so they didn't have a chance to slide up. Cyborg jumped when a plate slid right in front of him. “This stuff is for you.” Beast Boy was scratching his neck with a sheepish grin on his face. Cyborg felt a pang in his chest. He really missed Beast Boy. “A thank you. You know for dealing with the,” Beast Boy bit his lip. Cyborg could see Beast Boy's eyes darken a bit before he closed them. “The stuff. I know it must have sucked.” Beast Boy gave a hollow chuckle, finally opening his eyes again. “But it's totally over now! No more memory loss or tragic backstory for me.” Cyborg gaped at Beast Boy. He was back to his silly antics once again. Gesturing as much as he could while he talked and pouring half a bottle of syrup onto his waffle. “Just plain old Beast Boy eating a sweeeeeeeeet waffle!” Beast Boy rubbed his hands together and licked his lips. He began humming the waffle song they had created as he cut his waffle. Cyborg stared all the while. He wondered how Beast Boy could just pretend like nothing happened. Then Cyborg thought about it. That's kinda how Beast Boy dealt with a lot things. Stuff would happen and he would just move on to the next thing. He rarely dealt with things. It really bothered Cyborg. He could understand ignoring the problem, if it didn't involve demon energy consuming you. Worst of all, one question kept ringing in his head.

“Garfield.” Cyborg said quietly. He had to know. Beast Boy dropped his fork, eyes wide. “I have to know something.” Beast Boy looked up at Cyborg with dark eyes, his mouth opened, but Cyborg lifted his hand. “It's not about what I saw in your mind, per say.” Beast Boy relaxed, somewhat. “It's just, why didn't you tell us, man? I'm your best friend, right?” Cyborg stared at Beast Boy with pleading eyes, wanting an answer but scared of it as well. Beast Boy looked away from him, biting his lip. They were consumed in a tense silence. Cyborg stayed still while Beast Boy fidgeted. Finally Beast Boy answered.

“For a lot of reasons I guess.” Beast Boy picked up his fork and began playing with it. “There's the fact that I didn't want to deal with it, I was afraid of how you guys would react, I didn't know where to start, and so many other things.” Beast Boy was still playing with the fork, avoiding Cyborg’s eyes. Cyborg began to fidget too. He was worried that Beast Boy didn't see him as friend like he saw Beast Boy as a friend, a brother. “Honestly though, I was scared. I lost my parents, went into bad environments, and forgot how to be apart of a family. With you guys, it was so easy and so effortless, especially with you.” Beast Boy stopped playing with the fork and finally looked at Cyborg. “You became my best friend in a matter of minutes. My brother in a matter of days. I was scared if I told you, you would leave. I never had a brother, and I didn't want to lose, that.” Cyborg eyes watered as he heard Beast Boy choke on his last word. Beast Boy looked away from Cyborg, playing with the fork again, and gnawing on his lip. Cyborg saw the little boy he meet in the mind forest. The boy desperate for a family. “So I thought it would be okay if I didn’t tell you. We would be normal, well, as normal as us two can be.” They both gave a low chuckle. Cyborg watched Beast Boy become unnaturally still and quiet. “I am so sorry.” Beast Boy whispered. “I'm sorry I let it consume me and affect you guys. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'm sorry that you guys found out. I'm sorry that I'm still so scared that I, I, I can't.” Beast Boy was trembling, his watery eyes sealed shut. Cyborg couldn't take it anymore. He got up, walked to Beast Boy, and pulled him into a hug. Cyborg knew that as bros, they didn't do too much touchy-feely stuff, but Cyborg knew that this wasn't a normal situation.

“I can't promise you that I will always be here. But I can promise that I will try. I can also promise, that whatever you are going through and have been through, it's not strong enough to take my little brother away from me.” Beast Boy wrapped his arms around Cyborg, bending his face into Cyborg’s chest as much as he could. Cyborg smiled. He may not have gotten a whole story, but he got what he needed. Beast Boy was his little brother, nothing could change that.

For Cyborg they broke apart too soon, but he could see that Beast Boy got what he needed. He was wiping his eyes harshly and scrunching his nose in disgust, but he was smiling all the while. Beast Boy glanced back at Cyborg and began giggling.

“What?” Cyborg smirked. He knew a horrible joke was coming when a glint of mischief lit in Beast Boy’s eyes.

“It’s, just that, the wizard finally gave you a heart, tin man!” Cyborg smiled at Beast Boy’s corny joke,

“And it has been proven that the green bean scarecrow has a brain.” Cyborg nudged Beast Boy’s shoulder with his elbow. Beast Boy retaliated by sticking his tongue out. Cyborg laughed, truly, joyfully. Everything wasn’t okay, but he had his little brother back, and that's all that mattered.

“What’s so funny?” Bee strutted into the main room, a wide beautiful smile on her face.

“This green bean kid, thinks he’s funny.” Cyborg said playfully, pointing at Beast Boy.

“Whatever tin can man! You know I’m hilarious.” Beast Boy mocked as he skipped up the stairs. Cyborg rolled his eyes as Bee gave a cute chuckle. Beast Boy was near the door when he turned towards Bee. “Hey, Bee,” Bee turned to look at Beast Boy. “How long are you guys staying?”

“However long I feel like it.” Bee cocked her hip, and Cyborg grinded his teeth to keep his jaw from dropping at the perfect view he had of Bee’s backside. “Why?”

“Just wondering.” Then Beast Boy skipped out of the main room. Cyborg barely noticed.

“Didn’t your mama teach you that it’s rude to stare?” Bee asked coyly as she turned slowly.

“Well forgive mam, but I had to enjoy the view.” Cyborg smirked up at Bee. Bee hummed lowly as she leaned towards him.

“We having breakfast together?” Bee nodded to the breakfast. Cyborg opened his mouth to reply that it was his and Beast Boy’s, but when he looked at the food he noticed that Beast Boy had cooked more than enough for everyone. Worst of all, Beast Boy hadn’t eaten a thing. “Something wrong with breakfast Sparky?” Bee asked humorously but it was laced with concern.

“He didn’t eat.”  Cyborg mumbled. A sense of deja vu fell over Cyborg as he remembered Raven's birthday. A shiver went down his spine.

“What?” Bee asked fully of confusion and concern.

“Something’s wrong with Beast Boy. He always eats, but he didn’t even take a bite of a waffle.” Cyborg began to gnaw at his lip.

“Maybe he had something before you came in. He probably didn’t want his tofu to smell like meat. Now let’s eat.” Bee patted Cyborg’s chest as she headed to get food.

“I guess.” Cyborg could believe that. Beast Boy has done that before, but his gut was telling him that something was wrong. His stomach rumbled for food. “Maybe I’m just hungry.”

 ****

**JINX’S POV** -

“Wally, I’m fine.” Jinx said, again. This would be her billionth time saying it since yesterday.

“Just checking.” Kid Flash raised his hands in surrender. “Better safe than sorry.” He mumbled.

“Well keep it up and you will be sorry.” Jinx growled. Kid Flash just smirked.

“Is that a threat, Kitty Cat?” Kid Flash’s eyebrows wiggled and Jinx held in her desire to laugh.

“Now that is a bold accusation, Carrot Top. I think that would just be your bad luck.” Jinx hit his arm chuckling. Kid Flash joined her.

“Really? You guys have to be so sickly sweet this early in the morning?” Jinx looked to see Beast Boy standing in front of them, his face twisted in exaggerated disgust. “Ew.” Jinx rolled her eyes at Beast Boy’s immaturity. She had to admit, she didn’t mind the younger Beast Boy’s quieter nature.

“Do you gotta be so rude?” Kid Flash’s bitter remark even took Jinx by surprise. It also made her feel, nice. No one had stuck up for her like that before. Well, Kyd Wykkyd kind of did before Angel came along. “Or are you coming back for another fight?” Jinx bit her lip to keep from smiling. To hear a hero stick up for her like that, twice, it made her heart do mini somersaults. Beast Boy bit his lip and looked away. Kid Flash was unperturbed. He stood up straighter and crossed his arms.

“Yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to hurt you Jinx. I had lost control.” Beast Boy still hadn’t looked at her. Jinx tried to ignore the pang of anger and hurt at that. She knew that he didn’t like her but could he at least glance at her when he apologizes. “But now you know.” Jinx got whiplash from how fast she turned her head to face Beast Boy. Jinx gasped when she saw Beast Boy’s face. His contours created deep shadows, his features sharp, his eyes were dark and stormy. It scared her.

“Excuse-” Jinx put her hand in front of Kid Flash’s chest. Something was wrong with Beast Boy.

“Now I know what?” Jinx asked Beast Boy warily.

“A bit of what I can do. And I hope that she’s right about you. You will do anything, to protect those you care about." Beast Boy stepped closer to Jinx and gripped her shoulder as he passed. "You will do anything, to win.” Jinx eyes widen, realizing what he meant. The thick silence still surrounded her after Beast Boy left.

“Jinx!” Jinx jumped at Kid Flash’s frantic call. She looked into his light blue eyes. “You alright?”

“I forgot something in my room! Get us breakfast.” With that Jinx left Kid Flash, chasing after Beast Boy’s energy signature. She followed it till she got to the entrance of the gym.

“Starfire, I just wanted to say sorry for hurting your feelings a few days ago. But I did mean everything I said about you reminding me about my mom.” Beast Boy’s sincere voice didn’t help Jinx relax.

“Oh friend Beast Boy,” Jinx figured that the slight wheeze came from Beast Boy because of the alien’s tight hugs. Jinx was glad that she hasn’t been the recipient of one of those. “I was captured by the Gordanians because I wanted to protect my people and my family. I will do the same for you.” Jinx would deny that she was moved by the Titans dedication to each other, but it was one of the things she admired about them.

“Thanks Star, but it won’t come to that. I promise.” A shiver went down Jinx’s spine, but she didn’t have time to react. She jumped up and latched herself to the ceiling. Starfire came out of the gym soon after. Jinx bit her lip, her powers straining her body, but she held on. She mentally groaned when Starfire stopped and began looking around curiously. Soon, Starfire shook her head and flew off. Jinx let out a sigh and let go of the ceiling. She landed silently. One of things Jinx did like about being with the Titans was that her powers seemed to have grown more since joining. She felt stronger and more in control.

“What did you need to talk about?” Robin’s strict voice brought Jinx back to the matter at hand.

“I wanted to apologize for the trouble I caused. So sorry for not telling you about my past, but I also have to remind you that I don’t even know your name, Rob.” Jinx’s eyebrows rose. She didn’t expect Beast Boy to be so, challenging. To stand up to Robin took guts.

“Well, not knowing my name doesn’t turn me into a raging animal.” Jinx covered her mouth to stop her whistle. She was impressed by the pure savageness of these two comments. A tense silence filled the air. Jinx could feel the aggressive energy of both swirling around in the air. Eventual someone sighed.

“Fine, I’m sorry Robin! I messed up okay!” Jinx wasn’t surprised that it was Beast Boy who bent first. She was a little surprised by how long he lasted against the Robin Glare though. That thing could melt icebergs. “I should’ve told you guys, but you have to understand I did what I thought was best! I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I just wanted to keep everyone safe. I didn’t think Slade of all people would even see me as, as someone with,”

“Potential.” Robin’s voice was harsh and cold. Jinx flinched involuntarily. She wondered how much Robin hated Slade.

“But I didn’t know he saw me like that. I didn’t know that my secrets would put us in the position we are now. I thought I could handle this myself. I didn’t want this. I just, I just.” Beast Boy’s harsh breathing echoed. Jinx began biting her lip. She was anxious for Beast Boy as well.

“Beast Boy.” Another shiver ran down Jinx’s spine. Robin’s commanding call really did have power. “Do you care about this team?”

“You know I do.” Jinx felt just as confused as Beast Boy sounded.

“You want to keep them safe? You want to stop Slade?” Jinx figured that Beast Boy was probably nodding along to Robin’s interrogation. “Then don’t keep secrets like that from us!” Robin’s passionate yell made Jinx jump. “You saw what happened when I was Red X! How did you feel when you found out that you knew less about your teammate than you thought?”

“Betrayed.” Jinx strained her ears to hear Beast Boy’s whisper.

“Well that was only a smidge of how we felt. Imagine watching your teammate, your friend, suffer with no way to help or no knowledge of the problem. Imagine facing your friend, but seeing that they have no clue who you are. Instead they fear you and tremble around you, expecting a punishment. Can you imagine that?” Jinx heart was beating rapidly. Robin wasn’t angry, he was hurt. This was a whole new side to Robin that she didn’t even believe he had.

“No I can’t.” Beast Boy whispered again. “But can you imagine what it feels like to look in the mirror and be scared of what you see? Wondering if today is the day you lose everything? To see everyone stare at you like some sideshow freak? Do you wonder if you really do have what it takes to be hero? I know what I did was wrong! But, you guys, this team is all I have. I have no family, no home, and I would like to have no past. Without you all, I’m a freak with nowhere to belong. I didn’t want to risk losing this. I know I hurt and betrayed you guys, and you will never know how guilty and scared I feel about how you all found out. But now, I’m asking you, what do I do now?” Jinx’s hand was clamped over her mouth, her watery eyes shut tightly.

If anyone had told her that her and the green freak of the Teen Titans had anything in common, she would’ve punched the living daylights out of that person. But here she was, almost brought to tears by how much she understood. She remembered how kids would tease her and throw things at her, to watch her do witchy stuff. She could clearly hear the adults whispers. Every single time she looked in the mirror, she believed them all. All she was, was a freak of nature, bad luck. How she reasoned that since she never had good luck, she could just take it from others, that was all she was good for. Worst of all, when her powers made her lose everything, she wondered if that would happen again. Even now with the Titans East. Part of her was waiting for the other shoe to drop, to lose everything. She understood Beast Boy, and while she thought he was an idiot for putting them all in this mess, she couldn’t say that she wouldn’t have done the same thing.

“We’re going to get through this as a team.” Robin’s voice sounded strained, emotional. “You are not in this alone. We’ll figure out a way to stop the red energy in you. We will stop Slade. We’ve done it before and we will do it again. I promise you, Beast Boy, I’m not going to lose you to yourself or Slade. I promise.” Jinx almost rolled her eyes at how cliche Robin was, but even she felt a bit more hopeful. “Just talk to us okay?”

“Okay.” Then Jinx’s hope went down the drain with Beast Boy’s strained voice. “Thanks Rob.”

“Anything for a friend.” Jinx waited. She knew she would have confirmation soon. She heard Beast Boy turn and begin to walk to the entrance. Jinx bit her lip. She didn’t have her confirmation yet.

“Rob,” Beast Boy had stopped right near the doorway. “When you said we would stop Slade, what if it took, took taking his or anyone’s life?” Jinx froze. There was her confirmation.

“If I have learned anything with you guys, it is that our job is to protect life. No matter how much I hate Slade, no matter how much I know he’s evil, we have to do everything by the law. No man is worth losing your humanity over.” Jinx scoffed at the answer. She understood the hero mentality, but she knew that villains had no conviction. They didn’t care about humanity and law.

“Goody two shoes.” Jinx mumbled.

“What was that Jinx?” Jinx jumped at Robin’s voice. She turned to see Robin look at her suspiciously.

“None of your business Traffic Light!” Jinx stated defiantly. Robin just continued to stare at her. “Breakfast is ready! Your girlfriend was wondering where you were.” Jinx mentally patted her back. She still was good at lying at the drop of a hat.

“So why did you come to get me?” Jinx played along, tsking at Robin’s question.

“You know, if I wanted to be interrogated I would have stolen something.” Robin’s stare turned into a glare. Jinx put her hands up in surrender. “Jeez Traffic Light, I was just joking. I was going to see Raven and so I thought why not kill two birds with one stone.” Jinx would’ve flinched at the horrible pun, but Robin’s eye roll was worth it.

“Thanks.” Robin grumbled as he walked past Jinx. Jinx smirked and stuck her tongue out behind his back. After a few seconds later she ran to see where Beast Boy had gone off to. She turned to go to his room, when she slid to a stop to see Beast Boy leaning against the door to his room.

“Thought I smelled a cat, or would it be a rat?” Beast Boy said nonchalantly.

“I need to talk to you.” Jinx didn’t like beating around the bush. He nodded towards his room and went inside it. Jinx gulped. Last time she was here, she remembered the mess Beast Boy’s room was. She just hope it wasn’t as horrifying as she remembered. Beast Boy poked his head out before she could even see his room.

“Don’t worry, it’s clean.” Jinx scoffed in disbelief. So her jaw dropped at the clean room she entered. “Told ya.” Jinx observed the leaf green walls with dark purple accents. It was nice. Until she saw the yellow Titans communicator on a drawer next to a thin black videopad, reminding her why she was here. She went towards the communicator and picked it up gently.

“Did you mean what you said today?” Jinx asked softly. She didn’t want to talk about this. She didn’t want it to be true. Worst of all she was scared of the answer. Beast Boy sighed and gave a dark chuckle.

“Normally I would joke with you, but I don’t have that time. Yeah, I meant it.” Jinx squeezed the communicator tightly as she gritted her teeth. For once, she hated that she was right. She turned to Beast Boy roughly.

“Say it! You better be man enough to tell me what you want me to do.” Jinx wanted him to say it, maybe he would realize how stupid it was. Instead he just sighed and went to the drawer. He opened the drawer and began to look for something.

“Slade made an offer, me or the Doom Patrol.” Jinx gasped. It didn’t make sense, they were here a few days ago safe and sound. “So I’m going to him.”

“No.” Jinx didn’t want Beast Boy to go. She didn’t want to fight him. He wasn’t a friend, but she couldn’t imagine the pained looks on Raven and Kid Flash’s face when they had to fight their friend. “You heard what Robin said! You guys have to get through this together! You guys are the Teen Titans, damn it!” Jinx was angry. He wasn’t going to ask her to do this if there was a better option.

“Don’t you think I know that!” Beast Boy turned to yell at her. Jinx almost fell when she stepped back. “I know if I told them that we would try to find Slade, ready for a fight. But look at that!” Beast Boy pointed at the videopad. Jinx glanced at it. Beast Boy held his finger out. Jinx held her breath as she approached the videopad. She touched it. The screen instantly brighten and in the middle of the screen was each member of the Doom Patrol in some form of a death trap designed for each member. Rita was strung out on a table, electric currents passing through her. Jinx was glad and horrified at the muted screams she was making. Mento was unmasked and sedated. His pale and sweaty skin gave Jinx chills. Robot Man was turned off and hanging over a furnace. Worst of all, there was an almost transparent essence in a tube next to a tube holding Negative Man’s limp body.

“They’re dying.” Jinx said breathlessly. She quickly touched the screen, darkening it once more. “You have to go to him.” Jinx said sadly. She hated to admit defeat, but she knew that for Beast Boy, he had to save their lives. Beast Boy nodded.

“He’s going to try to get me to go savage. He’ll most likely succeed and if he does, this time will be different.” Jinx looked at Beast Boy.

“How?” There was sense of resolve in Beast Boy’s stance that scared Jinx.

“The first time I turned red, I fought it. This time I might not, and if that happens, if the red energy totally takes over, I could, no I will kill Slade.” Jinx eyes widen. Of all the Titans, she never imagined that Beast Boy would or could kill someone. But his hard, distant, and cold eyes told Jinx he would kill Slade if he had to. Beast Boy’s eyes soften and he looked at Jinx pleadingly. “If that happens, take this,” Beast Boy grabbed her hand and put a syringe in her hand. “And plunge it into me.” Jinx examined the syringe. It was huge and full of liquid with a cap on the needle. “It’s the same chemical that vets use to put animals down, except this has enough for ten horses.” Jinx eyes widened and her hand began to tremble.

“I, I, can’t do that. No I, I can’t. I quit that life!” Jinx was freaking out. This was a possibility in Beast Boy’s mind and he wanted her to kill him. “I’m trying to be a hero. Someone,” Jinx looked at the communicator in her hand. It weighed heavily now.

“I know.” Beast Boy took the communicator out of her hand and put it back on top of the drawer. “But I also know that out of all of these people, you have the logic to assess the situation. You won't see me as a friend in need of saving.” Beast Boy’s eyes bore into Jinx’s. “I’m only asking you to use this if necessary. You can tell the others if you want.” Beast Boy closed her hand around the syringe. “But please keep this. I need to know that you guys have some way to protect yourselves against me.” Jinx nodded absent mindedly. “I’m so sorry to do this to you Jinx.” Jinx gave a dark laugh.

“You seem to be saying that a lot lately.” She said, with an empty voice.

“I know.” Beast Boy sighed. He put an envelope, that she hadn’t notice, on the drawer. He looked back at Jinx. “For Raven.” She nodded again. Beast Boy turned away from Jinx. “And Jinx, thanks for being a Titan.” Beast Boy transformed into an eagle, a black device in his talons, and fly out the room. Jinx fell to her knees, and for the first time in years, she cried.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING!!! This chapter contains death and other terrible things. Tissues might be needed. Also, I really do love Beast Boy and the other Titans. But on the bright side, it’s my longest chapter yet! Thank you to all that left kudos!

**Raven’s POV**

  
One of the things Raven hated about her powers was the ability to tell that something horrible was going to happen, but she never really knew what was wrong. The moment she realized she overslept, she knew it wasn’t going to be a good day. She meditated and even her emotions couldn’t figure out what the feeling of dread was showing her. She gave up and got ready for the day. When she went to the kitchen, she was surprised to see mostly everyone enjoying a breakfast of delicious smelling eggs, bacon, and waffles. She also noticed that she wasn’t the only one with the feeling of dread. Cyborg and Robin were stabbing there food and not talking at all, both in deep thought across from each other. Starfire and Bumblebee sat next to their men and were chatting with each other amicably, trying to ignore the men’s somber moods. Kid Flash’s head whipped up from his incessant eating, and he began looking for something.  
“Oh, friend Raven! You have risen! You simply must try this feast of break that friend Beast Boy has made for us.” Starfire said with cheer. Raven felt her eyes widen.

  
“Beast Boy made all of this?” Starfire nodded with cheer. Raven felt the dread grow.

  
“Yeah, he made it this morning for me, but he said when he realized that he made too much even for me, he made some for everyone.” Cyborg’s voice was full of suspicion and he still didn’t look up from his food.

  
“He made it for you to apologize, or to make you happy?” Raven asked slowly. She didn’t want to know the answer. She didn’t want to accept that Beast Boy would do something that stupid. When Cyborg’s fork clanked loudly against his plate, Raven’s stomach sank to the floor. She didn’t have time to process that though. Kid Flash was immediately in her face afterward.

  
“Did you see Jinx?” Raven blinked and backed away from Kid Flash, his worry overwhelming.

  
“No.” Raven stated harshly. Jinx was the least of her worries.

  
“What do you mean you haven’t seen Jinx?” Robin’s suspicious tone worried Raven. “She said she was getting you for breakfast, three hours ago.” Kid Flash nodded in agreement, looking back to Raven. Raven glanced between the two boys. She wanted to say she trusted Jinx, but experience had taught her to be more cautious.

  
“I haven’t seen her.” Robin’s eyes narrowed as Kid Flash bit his lip. Raven hated the contrasting vibes she had gotten from the two boys.

  
“She was acting weird earlier.” Robin mumbled to himself. Kid Flash whipped his head towards Robin. Raven internally groaned at the rise of Kid Flash’s anger.

  
“So? Beast Boy’s been acting weird all week!” Kid Flash gestured wildly at Robin. Robin gave a Kid Flash a blank stare.

  
“And the fact that neither of them are here is a bad sign.” Robin stated with a harsh voice, but Raven could sense the fear and sadness he held. Raven stared at Kid Flash though. His emotions were all over the place. His hands began to fist, Robin noticed and became more tense. Raven felt their anger rise, beating out their fear and sadness. Raven started to step forward but Bumblebee beat her to it. She flew in between Robin and Kid Flash.

  
“Let’s all calm down.” Bumblebee placed her hands out, giving her a bigger presence. Raven was thankful for Bumblebee’s more balanced emotions but Raven could still sense the inkling of dread in her. “They both have communicators, so we’ll just contact them through that.” Everyone became silent and Raven could feel everyone’s emotions settle a bit. Robin began nodding.

  
“Okay, Cyborg call them.” Robin walked towards Cyborg. Bumblebee held Kid Flash in a stare down. Raven couldn’t tell how or exactly what they were communicating, but she could feel the warning in Bumblebee’s stare. Although, the defiance that Kid Flash carried was stronger.

  
“Already, on it.” At the same time Cyborg said that, whatever conversation Kid Flash and Bumblebee were having was over. Kid Flash narrowed his eyes and zoomed to Cyborg’s side. Bumblebee sighed. Raven sympathized with her. She knew that to be a leader of a boy like Wally, had to be a true test of patience.

  
“Innocent till proven guilty.” Raven stated as she flew next to Bumblebee. Bumblebee glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. “We need to always remember that we try people as if they are innocent, until proven guilty.” Bumblebee gave Raven a small nod. Raven could feel the unease in Bumblebee settle. She just wished she could relieve herself.

  
“Rob, they’re not answering.” Raven and Bumblebee focused back on Cyborg. They flew towards him as he began pressing things on the screen of his arm. “J, BB, come in. Guys come in.” There was no answer. Raven watched as Cyborg called the two again, but no answer.

  
“Where are they?” Robin practically growled. Raven and Starfire sent waves of ease and comfort, respectively, to him. Raven knew, it wasn’t helping.

  
“They’re in the same place. A couple of min-” Before Cyborg could finish Kid Flash was gone. Raven’s hood and hair was blown back from her face. She couldn’t help the huff of annoyance that escaped her mouth. She wasn’t the only one. She looked to see her team irritated by the food that was blown in their face and hair. Bumblebee was the only person that was unperturbed. Soon there was ringing on Cyborg’s arm. Everyone grouped around Cyborg once more.

“What do you think you’re doing Wally?” Cyborg's yell died down at the somber look on Kid Flash’s face.

  
“Look.” The camera turned and Raven saw a battle ground. Trees were bent and broken all over. Some were singed and Raven knew that was from Jinx. That’s when she saw it.

“Go by the signed tree to your left.” Raven looked at Robin. His face fully expressed the dread she felt. The camera went closer and Kid Flash’s gasp was as audible as Starfire’s.

“Guys, there’s, there’s, a trail of it towards the coordinates.” Raven, closed her eyes, trying to center herself. She could feel Kid Flash’s fear and despair.

“Wally.” Robin and Bumblebee warned, but he was already moving. It didn’t take long for him to get to the coordinates.

“JINX!” Kid Flash’s gut wrenching cry broke her heart, and almost crippled her on the spot. The transmission ended and everything started.

“Cyborg, Star, get the med bay ready! Raven go to Beast Boy’s room and see if you can get anything.” Robin orders rang loudly, inciting everyone, but Raven, to move. Cyborg and Starfire gave a quick nod and left to the med bay. Raven tried to go, but she began to topple as soon as she moved. She could feel Kid Flash as he approached. The weight of loss, desperation, terror, and anger smothered Raven. There was a red orange haze all around her. She felt someone hold her up.

“You go, Robin.” Bumblebee’s voice was neutral, helping Raven clear some of the haze she saw. The only thing was ow the haze grew. Raven began chanting her mantra, trying to stay grounded. It was working, until Kid Flash came zooming in. It completely caught her off guard. But it also got rid of the haze. She looked up to see Bumblebee stare after the speeding Kid Flash.

“Go to him. I’ll be there in a few.” Raven pushed herself out of Bumblebee’s grip. Bumblebee nodded and quickly flew off. Raven took a deep breath. She knew that she had to use her powers to figure out what happened to Jinx and help her. She had to concentrate. As she walked towards the medbay, she chanted her mantra. The waves of panic and fear hit her but she was able to stand her ground. When the medbay doors slid open, Bumblebee was standing next to Kid Flash, her hand on his shoulder as he stared helplessly at a battered Jinx. Cyborg was standing next to Jinx’s bed scanning the monitors. Starfire was flying around, getting whatever Cyborg needed. “Want me to start?” Cyborg nodded but he didn’t look at Raven.

“From what I can tell, she has a lot of bruises. The blood is from a stab wound on her side and a pretty big gash on the right side of her head. Her left wrist appears to be broken too.” Raven nodded along with Cyborg’s data. From what Raven could see, she could make the same conclusions. Raven also knew that the gash might have a nice bruise with it. Raven noticed that one of her cattails was loose, letting her thick pink hair poof out. It was great blackmail material, that made Raven want to cry. Raven bit her lip, some of her worry breaking through. Jinx’s breathing was shallow and the wound on her side was still bleeding. For once, Raven was glad that Jinx liked fighting. Raven rounded the bed and composed herself. She focused on healing Jinx and finding out what happened. She gently put her hands on Jinx’s temples and began chanting.

  
“Azarath, metrion, zinthos.”Jinx groaned but Raven continued. Soon flashes entered her mind. She went after Beast Boy, keeping him from leaving. She followed him to a clearing. She hid herself from Slade and his robots. They found her. Beast Boy protected her, but she couldn’t let Beast Boy have all the fun. She fought the robots but they fought like Slade. She wasn’t a much. They were more durable too, her blasts barely leaving a dent. She was close to destroying one by frying its mother board, but she was too close to it. The robot pushed her back enough till she tripped, losing her concentration. That’s when the robot smacked her against a tree. Raven and Jinx winced, but Raven went back to chanting louder. She was back in the clearing. The hit made her dizzy and disoriented. It was enough to let Slade come over and grab her hair. She fought him and tried to blast him, but then he hit her across the face, sending her sprawling to the ground. Slade stepped on her wrist. Jinx screamed in pain but Raven held on to the memory by gritting her teeth. Her hair was grabbed again and now she was looking up to see a beaten Beast Boy looking at her desperately, regretfully, and constrained by two robots. There was a knife at her throat. She said something but Slade pulled her head harder. Beast Boy yelled and gave up. They put a collar on him and tears ran down her cheeks. That’s when a burning pain entered her abdomen. Jinx screamed once more and Raven let go of the memory, sending her flying backwards to the wall.

  
“Raven!” Starfire’s cry relieved Raven as pain overwhelmed her. Starfire was by her side instantly. “Are you alright?” Raven closed her eyes, trying not let her tears fall, but it was so hard to say anything. It was getting hard to breathe. Everything she feared, everything she prayed didn’t happen was happening. Raven was not alright, she was petrified.

  
“He, he has him. Slade has Beast Boy.”

 

**Beast Boy’s POV**

  
“What?” Beast Boy groaned as he woke up on the cold metal floor. His vision, in one eye he noted, cleared to reveal solid metal bars surrounding him. Beast Boy shot up and went to go to the bars. The moment he touched the bars, something on his neck sent electric shocks down his body. Beast Boy writhed in pain and fell on his knees. Even after the electric current stopped passing through him, he felt his body twitch and he was still burning.

“Patient can take a shock of 7 Milliamps.” Slade’s smooth voice echoed around the room. The loud growl that Beast Boy made was cut short by another shock, sending him to the cold metal floor of the cage. “I think the doctor would’ve been proud to learn that the standard has grown to 7.35.” Beast Boy panted and everything in his head roared to fight. He grunted to just get everything in his head to be quiet. It worked, somewhat. “You have need to learn how to control yourself, pet.”

“Why don’t you come down here and I’ll show you just how much control I have?” Beast Boy growled. Another shock went through him, This time Beast Boy expected it so he was able to stay on his knees, but it still made him yell in pain.  
“It will take a lot to break you, but I will enjoy every second of it.” Beast Boy heard Slade sneer. Then there was a loud pop. Beast Boy knew he would be alone like this for a while. He observed where he was being held. It was some sort of dark testing room. He knew if all the lights were on there would be a glass window near the top on one of the walls, speakers in each corner, and a sliding door on another wall. Although, the hot bright light above him made the darkness around him too dark to really see anything. The only thing he could clearly see was the metal surrounding him, his clothes, and a water bowl. Beast Boy glared at the huge bowl, fighting the urge to kick it. He walked to it, reasoning that it was poisoned so if he kicked it he would be doing himself a favor. But as soon as he drew his leg back he knew that was probably the only water he would get for a while. And he got another shock, sending him to the floor.

“So you’re still watching me, psycho?” Another shock was his response. This one laid him out on the floor. It was then he could see his reflection in the roof of the cage. “Seriously? A mirror as a roof? Weirdos.” Beast Boy muttered to himself, but he knew why it was there. The glaring branded red S on his chest enforced everything Beast Boy feared to be true. He was no longer in control. Slade was his master. He was Slade’s pet. The mirror was to help him realize that his self-conscious mind was only going to last for a while. It was a scare tactic. “A stupid scare tactic.” Beast Boy muttered again, but he still looked away from the mirror. Laying on the floor, Beast Boy could finally feel just how sore he was. He looked back at the mirror, to observe his body. There were a few bruises on his chest and stomach. The worse of his bruises were his busted lip and the black eye on the right side of his face. Beast Boy licked the blood off of his busted lip. The metallic taste of blood disgusted him, but it also reminded him of what happened. “Jinx!” Beast Boy sat up, pain tingled him a bit, but the anxiety of seeing Jinx stabbed before he was knocked out was coursing through Beast Boy. Beast Boy’s body trembled as his hands shook. “You, you-” Another shock had Beast Boy writhing mid-sentence. This time, amidst his panting he heard sliding doors. The silent footsteps and the smell of death filtered through to Beast Boy. Slade stepped into the light, the sharp light accenting his commanding posture and the intimidating atmosphere that normally surrounded him. Beast Boy growled lowly. “You killed her.”

“No, I simply gave the others a believable messenger. You think they would’ve believe her if she went back unscathed.” Slade’s deep uninterested voice grated on Beast Boy’s nerves.

“Why do you care if they believe her? Sending her back unscathed and letting my team worry about her seems just like the under-handed, snake-like thing you would do.” Beast Boy spat at Slade. Slade just wiped the spit off.

“It would be. Glad to know that there is some semblance of a brain in that head of yours.” Beast Boy shifted into a tiger and jumped at Slade, but another shock sent him to the ground, this one worse than the others. Beast Boy couldn’t even scream as he shifted back to his human form. Once the shock stopped, Beast Boy was gasping for air as his body trembled in pain. Slade tsked at him, gaining his attention. In Slade’s hand was a black remote. “That collar has the ability to shift with you. So no matter what you are, you’re still in my control. I told you to remember your place, pet.” Beast Boy wanted to say something, but all that came out was a small growl. Slade gave Beast Boy a smug look. “I want your team to know that I have you. I want them to use every little thing they can think of to find you. I want them to hope they found you, but realize and despair over the fact that they haven’t. And that’s when they’ll find them.” Beast Boy knew he was buying into Slade’s bait, but he had to know.

“Find what?” He sneered. The atmosphere around Slade grew darker and more menacing. A shiver ran up Beast Boy’s spine.

“The bodies.”

 

  
**Raven’s POV**

Everyone was in the medbay, all the attention on Raven. She held the cup of tea Starfire graciously made her, in her hands, willing it to warm her up. Looking into other people’s memories always left her wornout and cold, but seeing Beast Boy willingly being collared made her insides feel frozen.

“Raven.” Robin called forcefully, but there was a gentleness to it. For once, Raven was glad to have seen Robin’s memories. It made him more empathetic in situations like this. “What did you see?” Raven sighed and determined in herself to get this over with. _Just like ripping off a band-aid._

“I’ll tell you but don’t interrupt.” Raven glared at each person. They nodded firmly. Raven looked down at the her cup. “Beast Boy was going to give himself up to Slade. I didn’t see why, but Jinx knows.” Raven had her suspicions on why he told Jinx and not anyone else, but she wanted to confirm it with Jinx.

_You don’t want to face the reasons why he told her_. Knowledge faintly said in her head. Raven shook her head, trying to stay focus. “She followed after him. Slade was there and she tried to figure something out, but they noticed her. There was a fight and she ended up being held hostage for Beast Boy to cooperate. He, he did.” Raven couldn’t say that they put a collar on him.

_You won’t._ “And to shove it in his face,” Raven’s grip on her cup tighten as it began to bubble. “Slade stabbed Jinx.” Raven heard Bumblebee and Starfire gasp, Starfire more than Bumblebee. But she felt the rage in all the boys grow.

“And you didn’t see why.” Robin was stating her facts but Raven still nodded.

“I did.” Everyone turned to see Jinx looking at them all wearly. Kid Flash was by her side in an instant.

“You’re awake.” Kid Flash began to caress Jinx’s face and she leaned into his touch. In that moment, Raven knew that they weren’t Kid Flash and Jinx. They were Wally and Aline. Raven never told anyone Jinx’s real name, she just heard Kid Flash whisper it to her while she was asleep on one of the teams’ sleepover days. It was beautiful to see how much love was in that one whisper. Raven could see that love in Wally’s eyes now. “You’ve been asleep for a couple of hours and gave us quite the scare.” Jinx gave a low chuckle.

“Comes with the bad luck thing.” Jinx said wearily, but there was a smile on her face. Robin cleared his throat, getting their attention.

“You know why Beast Boy left.” Robin stated. Jinx nodded and closed her eyes.

“He, he told me because he knew I would understand the most and,” Jinx gritted her teeth and tears began to spill from her eyes. Kid Flash quickly went around to comfort Jinx but she pushed him away. Raven could feel her regret.

“Are you in pain friend Jinx?” Starfire asked in concern. Jinx shook her head. Raven could see it all now. The fear, regret, and utter despair in Jinx.

“He told you because you were his contingency plan.” Everyone looked at Robin. He held out his hand, and in it was a long syringe filled with liquid. Raven’s stomach drop. She whipped her back to Jinx to see her sobbing.

“Ye-ye-yeah. I told him to wait, to tell you guys. But Slade, he, he has the Doom Patrol. He was going to kill them! Probably already has. Beast Boy thought he had no choice. I went after the idiot to stop him, but I, I.” Jinx’s breathing was getting erratic and her tears weren’t stopping. Kid Flash took her into a hug and she clung to him crying. “I’m sorry! So sorry. I don’t, I can’t.” Jinx’s muffled cries echoed in the room. Kid Flash began rubbing her back and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. Raven quickly left the room. Seeing Jinx break down didn't help her. It just reminded her how hopeless the situation was becoming. She went to the main room, knowing that the others would follow. She was able to take a few breaths before the door slid open again and Robin walked through. Raven finally observed Robin since he got back from Beast Boy’s room. His hands were tightly clenched on a black flat pad. His shoulders were taut and every move he made was rigid. What Raven really noticed was the lack of shock.

“You knew.” Rage grew in Raven as Robin nodded.

“I found the syringe and this,” Robin lifted the tablet up. “In his room. I suspected that Beast Boy would give Jinx the last option. Their relationship was barely a friendly one on the best of days.” Despite his rambling, Raven noticed how Robin called the syringe the last option. It lessened her anger. “The pad isn't working but from what Jinx said,” Robin didn't finish but Raven nodded. She understood what he thought.

“Slade threatened Beast Boy with the Doom Patrol as hostages, and now that he has Beast Boy the evidence was destroyed.” Raven saw Robin nod. She hated how it seemed more rigid and his aura became more foreboding.

“And now that he has Beast Boy, what is he going to do with the Doom Patrol?” Robin narrowed his eyes at Raven. She didn't have answer for Robin, but she knew whatever Slade had planned for the Doom Patrol, it wasn't over.

 

 

**Beast Boy’s POV**

  
“AHHH!” Beast Boy screamed as another shock kept him awake. He had been alone for hours now. No one had spoke to him, answered his questions, or gave him anything to eat. But he knew someone was there, because every time he began to fall asleep he was shocked awake. “I can’t even get a minute of sleep.” Beast Boy muttered to himself. He heard the sliding doors open once again but this time, someone was being dragged in and instead of Slade it was one of his robots. The black and red robot came in with a gagged and bound Galtry behind it. The bars of the cage slid up. Beast Boy knew he was going to get shocked, but he had to try to escape. He shifted into a wolf and jumped, but another shock made him fall midair and shift back into his human form. Despite his pain he could hear a screen come on.

“I was hoping you would have learned by now, pet.” Beast Boy smirked at the dissapointment in Slade’s voice.

“What can I say, I’m a slow learner.” Beast Boy panted. He looked up at the screen on the robot’s chest. Slade didn’t look angry and that scared Beast Boy.

“For their sakes, I hope you’re not.” The screen widen to so Cliff above the furnace. Beast Boy didn’t see any of the other Doom Patrol members.

“You have me. My life for theirs. That was the deal!” Beast Boy yelled at the screen. Slade chuckled.

“I told you their life was in my hands. I never said I would let them go.” Beast Boy growled at Slade and shifted into a mountain lion. Before he could even pounce the shock came. Beast Boy shifted back into human form and screamed, in pain and anger. “I don’t have all day for your rebellion so I’ll only explain this once. Kill him,” The robot threw Galtry into the cage. Beast Boy glanced at him but his attention went back to the screen quickly. “or I will kill your friend.” Cliff began to be lowered into the molten metal in the furnace.

“Cliff!” Beast Boy made to move but the bars were back in place.

“I suggest you chose quickly.” Slade’s mocking voice grated on Beast Boy’s ears. Beast Boy turned to Galtry. The man had lost weight since he last saw him four or five years ago. He was trembling, black eyes looking for an escape. Beast Boy wanted to scoff at how the tables turned, but a glance back at the screen made the sweet feeling of revenge cut short. Cliff was only feet away from the liquid, worst of all he was being turned on.

“What?” Beast Boy heard Cliff’s voice from the screen. Cliff looked in his direction.

“Little buddy?” Cliff was still out of it. Then he yelled and looked down. Beast Boy knew he realized his predicament when he heard the chains rattle and Cliff’s grunts.

“If you break free, the only place you can go is into a 40 feet vat of 1668 °C (3034 °F) liquid titanium.” Cliff stopped moving and glared in Slade’s direction. “Your chance of freedom relies on your, little buddy.” Another shiver went down Beast Boy’s spine, but it wasn’t in fear. Cliff didn’t look at Beast Boy though, he kept glaring at Slade.

“What does he have to do?” Cliff’s gruff voice held no trace of fear, but of worry and Beast Boy felt tears come to his eyes. In Cliff’s dire situation, he was more worried about Beast Boy than himself.

“He has to kill Galtry Logan.” Cliff looked back at Beast Boy, who averted his eyes. Beast Boy heard Cliff begin to curse.

“You damn bastard! You can’t make him do that! He’s just a kid and-” Cliff began screaming. Beast Boy looked up to see Cliff’s metal toes in the liquid metal.

“Cliff!” Beast Boy screamed.

“Choose.” Slade came into view but Beast Boy could still hear Cliff’s screams. Beast Boy went to Galtry. The man was whimpering in a corner, his restraints tight. Beast Boy growled, wondering how he could’ve ever been afraid of this pathetic excuse for a human. Beast Boy straddled Galtry and raised his fist. There was a hesitation, a small voice telling him not to. To stay human, but Cliff’s screams were louder. The rush of anger from a thousand beatings, a hundred attempts at his life, and the millions of insults hurled at him came rushing into Beast Boy. His fist came down to Galtry’s face. The rush of anger and the payback was exhilarating. Beast Boy punched Galtry again and again. He didn’t see Galtry or the cage. He saw every hurt, every insult, every time he had to do some test for Lucas. He saw it all. He was going to make this man, this monster, pay.

“Garfield!” Beast Boy stopped hitting Galtry. Cliff’s gruff voice called him back, but Beast Boy didn’t want to go back. In anger he could kill Galtry. If he focused off of that anger for a second, the little voice would be back. “Garfield, don’t let him win.” Beast Boy looked back at the screen, Slade was still in view, but Beast Boy focused behind him to Cliff. Cliff was just above the metal and Beast Boy could hear his labored breathing. But his eyes were focused on Beast Boy begging him to not let Slade win. Beast Boy looked down at Galtry. His face was bloody and there were teeth missing, his right eye swollen, and his nose broken. Beast Boy looked at his fist. It was full of blood. Beast Boy began panting. He knew he had to kill Galtry. He had to, he could. But with Cliff begging him not to, and the little voice in him getting stronger, sounding like the Titans, he couldn’t. Beast Boy let go of Galtry.

“You’ve made your decision.” Slade stated. Beast Boy focused on Clint and nodded.

“I’m not your pet. I’m not going to kill him. I’m a wild, untamable animal. You will never control me!” Beast Boy stated firmly. He was glad to see Cliff’s proud gaze, before he fell into the vat. “Cliff!” Beat Boy’s scream matched Cliff’s screams of pain. Beast Boy watched as the liquid metal slowly melted and overtook Cliff. A coldness entered Beast Boy’s body. Cliff was gone. He was aware of the cage bars sliding open and something coming in, but he was in a daze. The only thing on his mind was the image of Cliff as he screamed and struggled to save himself from melting.

“We'll do this again, and I hope-” A primal roar came out of Beast Boy as he shifted into the Beast and rounded to face the robot, his vision red. The shock was still faster, and more painful. Beast Boy shifted into human form, the shock still going. He couldn’t breathe but his body kept seizing in pain. It felt like Beast Boy had been shocked forever, till a foot came onto his stomach, knocking any wind he had left. The shock stopped and The foot came down on Beast Boy harder. He was struggling to breathe and his body wasn’t moving. He could only stare at the screen the robot put in front of him. “Listen, pet, and listen well. I gave you a chance to save your friend, you didn’t take it. If you listen to me, obey me, you could have saved him. This is your fault.” Slade glared at Beast Boy through the screen and Beast Boy glared back as much as he could. “You will learn your place, or watch everyone you love die, again.” Beast Boy’s eyes widened. The foot came off of him and the screen left his vision. He heard the robot drag the unconscious Galtry away, the bars sliding up, and the sliding door open and close. Beast Boy just laid on the cold metal floor staring at the mirror at the top of his cage. He couldn’t see much of a difference from the little boy that watched his parents drown and the teenager who just watched his friend die. They were weak and pathetic. _Some little hero._ Beast Boy heard the little voice saying it wasn't his fault. That it was Slade who put him in that position. It was Slade to drop him in the vat. Beast Boy looked away from the mirror. While that was the facts, and the voice was so comforting, a part of Beast Boy believed Slade. This was all his fault.


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I separated it into 2 Chapters! WARNING!!! This chapter also contains death and other terrible things. Tissues might be needed. I swear, I really do love Beast Boy and the other Titans. Thank you to all that left kudos!

**Raven’s POV**

“What is taking so long?” Negative-Man slammed his hands onto the table. Raven turned to him, slowly. “It has been a week and we have no leads. None! He praised you guys like you all were some elite team and I thought so too when I saw you in action, but now, an amatuer PI would do better than you all.” Everyone, except her and Robin, were left gaping at the outburst. Raven was only surprised that it didn’t happen earlier in the week.

“Negative-Man,” Robin sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “We are trying-”

“Try harder!” Raven noticed Robin’s harsh breathing and his fisting hands. Everyone was still looking at the irate Negative-Man.

“Well it’s a little hard to get a lead from a close-up video and this is Slade.” Robin said as he turned slowly to face Negative-Man. Starfire began glancing between the two warily. Raven shared her caution and stepped forward just a bit.

“I don’t care if it is freaking Doomsday! That psycho killed my best friend and has my little brother. We need to find them, now.” Raven flinched at Robin’s growl.

“We’re trying, but Slade has resources everywhere so it's hard to pinpoint his exact-”

“I don’t want to hear your excuses!” Negative-man yelled at Robin. Raven could hear the snap on Robin’s control.

“AND I HATE BEING INTERRUPTED!” Robin roared. In that moment, Raven could feel all the anger and frustration Robin was feeling. He was practically drowning in it. “You don’t think I’m trying my best to find him! I know what it was like being in Slade’s control.” Robin growled again, but Raven could feel his fear. She understood it and part of her wondered if Beast Boy was still Beast Boy. Robin glanced at her, almost like he heard what she was thinking. “I’m scared too.” She looked away from him. She always connected with him easier ever since her mind link with him. 

_ To find him when he went crazy. To help him see truth.  _ Knowledge quipped. Raven whipped her head up and looked to Negative-Man.

“I need you to come with me.” Raven ordered. Negative- Man stepped back, hands up, before he could say anything though, Robin spoke up.

“What for?” She looked back at Robin. The moment their eyes met, she could tell he knew her plan. “That’s too dangerous. We had more information at that time.” He advised. Raven nodded.

“It’s dangerous and it will take a lot of power. But it’s the best thing we have. Going everywhere and anywhere isn’t helping us.” Raven argued. Robin bit his lip. She knew he wanted to do it, but he was also seeing the cons and the what ifs, that were possible to happen.

“What are you two birdies talking about?” Jinx quipped. Raven and Robin jumped. They looked to the others gathered in the main room. The tense anger died down but now confusion settled in its place. Raven looked back to Robin.

“We could get their opinion.” Raven offered. She was close to winning him over. If the others were on her side, he would have to let her do it. Robin glanced at them but shook his head.

“They wouldn’t understand.” Robin said bluntly. She heard a few scoffs at that and held up her hand to silence them. A few grumbles, mainly from Kid Flash and Negative-Man, were left but all was silent.

“Then let me make them understand.” Raven wasn’t going to let this idea drop.

“But after seeing what’s in there, you know it’s not safe.” Robin wasn’t backing down either. Raven rounded her shoulders, keeping Rage in check. Ever since Beast Boy left, she had been more irritable or sluggish. It was hard to keep a balance.

“I know that, but you said it yourself. You know what it’s like under Slade. He will break Beast Boy and make him do things that he will regret for the rest of his life if we don’t find him. I would rather prevent that, wouldn’t you?” She implored. She knew it worked when guilt settled in him. It hurt to feel all his guilt but she needed to win.

“What?” Negative-Man went back to being full of rage. Honestly, Raven didn’t think Negative-Man was an emotional person. Yet this week, he was always either mad, not talking to anyone or scary determined. While she understood why he was like that, it still irritated her. “You had something that could’ve find him a long time ago and didn’t use it.” The accusation in his tone poked the bear Raven was trying to  hold back.

“How dare you think I would do something like that?” Raven heard something crack she didn’t care. She wanted to choke the unhelpful and irritating attitude out of  Negative-Man. “I didn’t want to mind link with Beast Boy because mind linking is a very strenuous process. If I do it without his consent I could break his mind. Plus, I have no idea where he is physically and most importantly mentally. If I do it, I could give the red energy enough energy to overtake him, or give another avenue for the red energy to come out of. Now, do you really want me filled with that kind of rage?” Raven’s eyes flashed at Negative-Man. His gulp echoed in her ears, calming her down. “Mind linking with him, when he is not near, in an unstable state, and is not aware of it, has the potential to be more dangerous than helpful. But if done right, it can give us a solid lead.” Raven stated. It was the only chance they had. 

“The amount of energy to do that could kill you, couldn't it?” Raven, and everybody else was shocked when Bumblebee spoke up. “I'm just guessin’ that's why Robin is freaking out.” Raven bit her lip. The amount of energy needed to do a wide search and a mind link would probably kill her, but that was in a worse case scenario. 

_ Which they should probably know.  _ Rude commented sarcastically. Raven mentally toll her eyes.

“The energy needed to do everything has a small chance of damaging me.” Raven worded carefully.

“Plus the fact that whatever happens to Beast Boy happens to her when they're linked.” Robin chimed. Raven resisted the urge to shoot him a glare.

“There is that too.” Everyone went silent, even Negative-Man. Raven waited with baited breath.

“Is there a way we could assist you?” Starfire was the first to speak. Raven wanted to tell Starfire no, but Starfire's determined gaze made her rethink her answer. She could use Starfire and Jinx’s energy as a boost. Their powers and natural need for energy made them strong in that area.

“You and Jinx can. Your powers make great natural sources for energy.” Starfire nodded and Jinx began to stand. They ignored the  apprehensive stares of their boyfriends. “But it will still be dangerous and I can't guarantee your safety.”

“I understand.” Starfire flew towards Raven. “But on Earth I have learned that safety of oneself is a small price to pay for a friend.” Starfire laid a hand on Raven's shoulder and the subtle warmth of care seeped into Raven. She was glad Starfire was on board.

“And it's about time things started getting dangerous. You guys have been a drag.” Jinx smirked as she walked towards Raven. Kid Flash stopped her. Raven watched as his eyes pleaded with her not to go. 

“You just got of the med bay, Jinx. I don't think you should do this.” Kid Flash reached for Jinx’s hand. She moved it from him. Raven almost winced at the pain that caused Kid Flash.

“Good thing I didn't ask for your opinion.” Jinx walked around Kid Flash but he sped in front of her. “Wally.” Jinx growled. This time Kid Flash took her hands and went on his knees.

“Please Jinx, don't do this. I'll do it for you!” Raven felt a tug in her heart but she couldn't comfort him.

“I would let you join Kid Flash, but the speed force is a different type of energy. It's more kinetic than mystical.” Raven explained. Jinx gestured to her.

“See! I'm perfect for this job.” She pushed Kid Flash off of her but he quickly stood and pulled her into his arms, her back facing him. He put his face in the crook of her neck.

“I can't lose you, Aline.” Raven's eyes widened a bit at Kid Flash’s soft vulnerable tone. Although part of her was also scared for him. She didn't know how Jinx would react. To her surprise, Jinx turned around and hugged Kid Flash back.

“I know, but I have to do this.” They separated and gazed at each other. Kid Flash gave Jinx a lingering kiss on her forehead. It reminded Raven of those cheesy romance novels she secretly loved. The pure obvious love between the two characters in those stories was, kind of beautiful.

_ It's very beautiful, thank you very much. _ Passion said vehemently. Raven shook her head and refocused.

“Now that everyone is on board, Negative-Man, Starfire, and Jinx follow me.” Raven turned and walked to her room. The sooner she did this the sooner they could find Beast Boy. She was getting the pages of the spells in her book when she heard them come in.

“So what's the plan? A Witches of Eastwick thing?” Jinx joked. Raven rolled her eyes but stopped what she was doing to look at them, specifically Negative-Man.

“Negative-Man, you told us the exact details you remembered from the video. Now, I need you to tell me the exact mental state Beast Boy was in.” Raven and Negative-Man stared at each other.

“Mental state?” Negative-Man scoffed.

“Yes, his mental state.” Raven snarled. “I need to know exactly how he was feeling. If he was lucid or not. And if there is anything you can predict. That's what I need.” Negative-Man sighed and sat down on the bed. He put his head in his hands.

“It was not good. Well, actually when I first saw him, he was angry and fighting Slade with his dumb remarks, as usual. Then I learned that he gave himself up, believing that Slade would let us go. God, that idiot. He really thought Slade was going to free us. He was so angry, but so heartbroken too. What was worse was the shocks. He was wearing a shock collar. Slade was proud to show how he had control of the collar, of Beast Boy’s pain. I don’t think Beast Boy had any sleep for a while and he was branded.” Negative-Man gripped his head tighter. Raven didn't know whether the grief she felt was his or her own. “Branded and collared like some animal. That's what Slade kept calling him too. An animal or his pet.” Raven felt the spit as Negative-Man talked. He was stewing in anger but she needed him to keep going.

“What did this do to Beast Boy?” Negative-Man looked up at her. He stared at her a bit then looked back down.

“He never minded being called an animal.” Negative-Man chuckled darkly. “He accepted that part of him. It was the pet thing that got under my skin.” Negative-Man fisted his hands. “It got under his. He hated it. I could see that he hated being collared. He hated the fear inside of him. At the first offer of, the deal, Beast Boy took it. He began to beat Galtry. All the years of anger and hate he kept inside, were unleashed. He used that to fuel him, to let go of his humanity. He was turning red.” Negative-Man’s voice held a touch of fer. Raven remembered how seeing Beast Boy turn red, was more frightening than she liked to admit. “Cliff told him to stop. He did, and the horror at what he done flashed through his eyes. But there was still a war raging in him. The red, the rage, was fighting the shame and guilt. Cliff brought him back. Yet, when, when, when Cl,” Negative-Man paused, choking on his words. Raven bit her lip. She hated seeing people in pain, but she was glad that the desire to help Beast Boy burned brighter than his grief. “When Cliff died, I heard him howl in anger, despair, and guilt.” Negative-Man looked up. Raven was paralyzed by his apprehension. “I know that kid blames himself for not saving his parents. What happened with Cliff, he will never forgive himself for. If that happens again, if he has to choose taking a life over saving one of us, he will give up his humanity. He’ll be Slade’s pet.”

 

**Beast Boy's POV**

Beast Boy paced on all fours in the empty cage. He was falling asleep, and he didn't want to be shocked. He quickly learned that Slade shocked him every time he fell asleep. And in the, well he didn't exactly know how long he he had been in the cage, it may have been hours or days, either way he wasn’t allowed to sleep. Every time he did, Slade shocked him and now he could smell something burning when he was shocked. A loud rumbling made Beast Boy whine. Nor had he eaten. He regretted not eating with Robin, or was it Cyborg? It was a lifetime ago since he last saw his family, at least it felt like a lifetime.  _ Do they even care about me?  _ Beast Boy shook his head.

“N-” A shock coursed through Beast Boy and he landed on the floor with a hard thud. Beast Boy began seeing red and smelled burning flesh. Despite the pain of being electrocuted, the smell of blood and burning flesh increased his hunger. Red flashes of hunting and killing prey ran through Beast Boy's mind. 

_ Snap out of it! _ The Beast’s roar helped Beast Boy's vision return to its natural hazy and watery state. The shock continued a little while after that. When it was done, Beast Boy threw up bile outside of his cage. This time blood came out as well. Beast Boy mentally shrugged and laid down on the cool metal floor. A while back Slade started shocking him when he started to talk. Granted, he had started singing to keep himself occupied.

_ I guess I'm just that annoying. _ Raven's face flashed into mind. It lifted his spirits a bit, while also making him feel convicted.  _ Thanks Beast. I was, I was close to losing it. _

_Aren't we lost already?_ The Beast offered sarcastically. Beast Boy smirked and nodded. No one was talking to him, and he was fine with that, for the first few whatevers. Then he reverted to talking to himself and the Beast, which was also him. Beast Boy knew he was hanging by a thread, but at least he was still hanging. _We just have to wait a little longer. Slade took our freedom, our sleep, our food, and our voice. Don't let him take your humanity._ Beast Boy knew that the Beast was trying to help, but it just reminded him of Cliff’s death which was his fault, so was Jinx’s.

_ You're right, I can't let Slade win. But what if I deserve this. _ Beast Boy looked up at the mirror, it was blurry and the reflection kept moving, but he saw that even in a weird moving reflection, the green and slightly red blob was out of place.  _ What if me trying to be something I'm not caused the people I loved to be harmed?  _

_ What are you trying to be? _ The Beast asked warily. Beast Boy mentally sighed but sat up slowly. Beast Boy ran his hand through his hair, trying to avoid saying what he was beginning to believe. He didn't want to say that Slade was right, maybe he was just an animal. As he brought his hand back down, he saw his clawed hand was blood red. 

_ No, no, no!  _ Beast Boy began scratching at the red furiously,  his heart pounding. The red wasn't coming off. He was becoming the one thing his parents, the Doom Patrol, the Titans, and Cliff didn't want him to be. He kept scratching despite the burning pain and the voice in his head.

_ STOP! _ Beast Boy froze at the Beast’s roar. He blinked away his bleary vision. The blood red color on his hand was replaced with actual blood oozing out of his hand. 

_ Is it any different? _ Beast Boy examined his bloody hand.  _ You know I always miss that vein.  _ Beast Boy stared at the the intact vein and fingered it gently with a claw. Beast Boy began to dig his claw deep into the vein  but it suddenly retracted itself.  _ You’re such a killjoy Beast. Ha! You’re a killjoy of suicide!  _ Beast Boy began to laugh hysterically, until another shock went through him. When this shock ended, he was laying in his own blood, bile, and he was pretty sure he smelled pee. He should've cared but his pee and crap were everywhere around the cage. And he began peeing when the shocks happened awhile back. Although, thanks to his low water intake, it wasn't a lot. All of a sudden the sliding doors opened. Beast Boy shot up using the bars as support and heard robots shuffle in.

“Wh-” A shock went through him and he went to his knees. His grip tightened on the bars denting them slightly, and his vision was red. 

**_I found you._** Raven's voice echoed in the room. He looked around to see her in front of the light of the open door. The shuffling and cleaning of the robots were something he barely noticed. He scrambled to Raven and reached out to her.

“Ra-” There was another shock and he went to the ground again. The unusual gasp from Raven made his heart flutter. When the shock ended he looked up to see that she was still there. He didn't smell her but through the red haze, she was the clearest thing he saw. He knew it was most likely a hallucination, since this Raven looked close to tears. Still, it was enough for him. A loud roar rang in his head and both Beast Boy and Raven doubled over. He felt an animalistic rage come over him. 

**_You have to fight it._** Raven ordered. Beast Boy focused on her voice. Letting its soothing sound carry him back. **_Don't let Slade win. Don't let the pain blind you. We'll be there soon._** Beast Boy's vision and pain cleared some. He looked up to see vivid violet pools gazing at him with determination. **_We will save you._**

_ Out of all my hallucinations, you are the best. Does that mean I'm going to die? _ Beast Boy knew he should be scared, but a small smile came on his face.  _ If you were the last thing I saw, I wouldn't mind. Definitely not. _ Raven's eyes grew and she was gaping. Beast Boy reached out to touch her, until a fist was slammed into his stomach. All the air left Beast Boy, and Raven disappeared from view. In her place stood Slade looking down at him. Beast Boy was mad that a shiver of fear went through him and he stayed down. 

“Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?” Slade’s deep voice was the last thing he wanted to hear but fear of the little gray remote in Slade’s hand made him stay silent. “Get up.” Slade ordered. Beast Boy did, slowly. He was afraid to outright defy Slade and receive punishment, but there were other ways to defy him. Beast Boy was nearing a full standing position, when Slade pushed the little remote. A quick but horrible shock, sent Beast Boy back to the ground. Slade grabbed Beast Boy's hair and pulled his face against the bars. “You will do what I say when I say it, or suffer the consequences.” Slade shook the remote in Beast Boy's line of sight. Beast Boy hated the automatic whimper and tremble that came out of him when he saw that stupid remote. He could tell that Slade noticed his reaction. There was a gleam to his eye. Beast Boy would've bet the rest of his life on Slade smirking underneath his mask. “Now let's try this again, stand up.” Slade let go of Beast Boy and Beast Boy took a second to glower at Slade. A quick painful shock went through Beast Boy and he stood up quickly. “Kneel.” Beast Boy looked down and kneeled to the ground. “Good.” Beast Boy began to growl but a shock cut him off. “Resume your position, pet.” Slade didn't wait for the shock to end. Beast Boy couldn't do it fast enough and was shocked again. This time Beast Boy let out a scream, almost roar, of pain. His vision was turning red, but Raven's words kept him gripping his sanity. “Resume your position!” Slade yelled. This time, with a growing red vision, Beast Boy went to a kneeling position. The shocks ended as soon as he was in position. Beast Boy panted in relief, but he could feel that his teeth were sharper and he was still fighting the red haze. “Stay.” Beast Boy didn't move as the cage slid open. Robots came in and cleaned up around him, but he didn't move. Slade came in and tilted his head up. Beast Boy wasn't focused on Slade. The red haze was so strong and he was so tired. If it weren't for Raven's words, Beast Boy knew he would be gone.

_ Keep fighting, for Raven and the Titans. _ Beast Boy nodded, forgetting that Slade was watching him.

“Almost, you just need a push.” Slade let go of Beast Boy's head and it dropped down. “Bring them in.” Beast Boy didn't react at Slade's command. 

_ It's not my command. _ Beast Boy heard the robots go out and soon he heard them dragging things in. The first thing smelled so good that saliva dripped out of his mouth and the pain of hunger came back tenfold. So caught up in his hunger, he missed Slade’s dark chuckle. The second thing dragged in was groaning and smelt familiar. The third thing, Beast Boy automatically recognized the smell and muffled cries. Beast Boy's head whipped up, out of his haze.

“R-” Another shock made Beast Boy yelp. Rita’s cries intensified.

“Resume your position.” Slade ordered and Beast Boy obeyed automatically. He was done getting shocked. He hadn't been shocked this much in a while. The pain helped weaken his mind to the red energy. The moaning dinner that was thrown into his cage wasn't helping. “Sit.” Beast Boy sat on his hind legs like a dog, still not looking up. 

“What the hell have you done to him, you bastard?” Rita’s rage filled voice almost made Beast Boy look up, but he glanced at the remote Slade moved forward.

“I’m training him. Stand.” Beast Boy stood but he couldn't bring himself to look at Rita and Mento now that he recognized them. He knew that they would hate him for what he did to Cliff. “Look up.” Beast Boy let out a whine, but a shock went through him and his head moved up. He saw Rita pull against her restraints towards him.

“Garfield!” Beast Boy let out another whine and a shock went through him.

“As you can see there-”

“You sick twisted psycho!” Rita yelled at Slade. Slade narrowed his eyes at her but she was unfazed. “What did you do?” She seethed. Beast Boy watched as Mento acted like he was still groggy. 

“Where?” He said slowly, keeping up the act. Slade’s chuckle got everyone's attention but Beast Boy didn't move.

“Well, Steve __ and Rita Dayton , I gave Garfield a choice, kill Galtry or I kill Cliff. You can see which he chose. Beast Boy looked away when their stares came to him. A shock went through him and Beast Boy looked forward again but avoided Mento and Rita's gaze. “Now I am training him to make the right decision.”

“You're killing him.” Mento snarled. Slade simply nodded.

“Animals always need to be broken.” Slade looked towards Beast Boy. “Shift into a jaguar.” Beast Boy did, and soon regretted it. The smell of the meat behind him was driving him mad. He began to turn to the live prey, when a shock went through him. With a pained roar he looked forward. For once he was grateful for the shock. It reminded him of the issue at hand. “Pet, I'm giving you the same choice,” Slade brought out a gun and walked behind Rita. Beast Boy felt his hackles raise. “Kill the man behind you or I'll kill her.” Slade put the gun to Rita's head. This time Beast Boy didn't hesitate. He turned and pounced on Galtry. His high pitched scream hurt his ears but that wasn't what stopped him.

“Garfield no!” Mento and Rita screamed in horror. Beast Boy turned back to them, the red haze filling most of his vision. He was tired, hungry, and hurting but, they wanted him he sane. He couldn't hurt them more than he already had.

“Do what you're best at Beast Boy and fight.” Mento commanded. It encouraged Beast Boy. Despite what he did Mento saw him as a Doom Patrol member.

“Please honey,” Rita begged. Beast Boy looked at her. Tears were pouring out of her eyes and she was trying so hard to get to him. Beast Boy made a little whine. “You are not an-” A shock sent him bending forward. “Garfield!” Beast Boy looked back up to Slade. Slade jammed the back of the gun into Rita’s head.

“Kill him.” Slade nodded to the prey behind him. In a split second, Beast Boy saw Rita getting shot and felt the guilt and hate that would come with that. He was faced with a choice. Beast Boy turned and looked at the prey, eyes red. It was small and bounded. It shivered pathetically as he approached it. He heard yells and screams of something calling him, but he was so tired, and so hungry. His mouth salivated as he growled at the prey. The spike of fear made its smell intoxicating. Beast Boy fully red pounced at the prey and bit into it’s throat. It quickly stopped moving and the taste of blood spread into his mouth. It was delicious. 

The red jaguar began ripping at the prey, eating as much as he could. He heard more yelling, interrupting his eating. He turned to see three threats looking at him. He felt most threatened by the one with one eye and pounced at that one. A sharp sting that went through all of his body elicited a howl of pain from him and he shifted into a more normal state. The one eyed threat came at him and grabbed his collar.

“You belong to me, pet.” The threat had a deep voice that made raised his hackles and cower in fear. A small grey remote was in his line of sight and he began to tremble. Then the one-eyed threat threw him to the ground. He whimpered but still stood and, bending his legs and making sure he was lower than the more powerful animal, the alpha. “Kill them.” He faced to where the alpha was pointing. There were two threats, a male and a female that were noticeable mates. They were bound and smelled of anger and sadness, not fear. Another shock came through him. “Now!” The alpha roared. After getting over the pain, he tackled the male. The female screamed and he heard something in the male crack. The male was still alive and gasping in pain, which served to make him more excited. He bit the male’s shoulder, but not damaging it, and the male went back to screaming. He needed to quieten the male. He needed to kill it. He lifted his hand, intending to rip its throat out, but he glanced down at the male’s odd purple covering. A flash of violet eyes crossed through his mind making him hesitate. A force protecting the male pushed him back and freed the male and its mate. The force made him dazed and he couldn’t kill the threats as they escaped. Sounds began ringing and the stinging was back but worse. He began to convulsive as the pain went on. He even tried to claw at the collar on his neck causing him pain. He only deepened the wounds already there. It was pure agony. 

He could smell the scent of death that accompanied the alpha. Everything stopped, the sounds, the daze, and most importantly the pain. His body sagged, but the alpha grabbed his collar and threw him in the cage. He realized that the smell of anger that was coming from the alpha was at him. The alpha approached him and grabbed his bleeding neck.

“Listen pet! I am your master and you will do what I say, when I say it.” The alpha, now Master seethed. He, Pet, began whimpering. Master dropped him. He looked up at Master. “Now, eat.” Master pointed to the dead prey. Pet jumped at the carcass and began ravaging it. He was so hungry and the fresh meat was so good. He glanced at his reflection on one of the cage’s bars. He was red all over, his hands covered in blood, and a chunk of meat hang from his mouth, he looked like a monster, but he didn't care. He couldn't. This was what he was, a monster pet. He dug his head into the guts of the prey. He heard Master leave with one comment. “Good pet.”


End file.
